Hey Baby, Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

Keep striking out with the ladies? Can’t find the right way to break the ice?

Maybe it’s because you keep telling them your best buddy’s a helicopter pilot.

According to a mass speed-dating study in Scotland, that is one of the least effective pick-up lines one can use, and mass speed-dating studies never lie.

University of Hertfordshire Psychology Professor Richard Wiseman said the study, in which 100 people aged 22-45 went on five three-minute dates and then said who they’d like to see again, showed that the ladies are likely to make decisions about potential mates after just 30 seconds, the BBC reports.

Of course, the experts admitted that looks were a major factor in the participants’ decisions, but they insisted that the pick-up line was a critical factor in the daters’ successes with the opposite sex.

Fortunately for those of us who might be a few sandwiches short of a verbal picnic, the study shows that your questions don’t have to be profound — or even all that interesting.

One of the most successful pick-up lines was “What’s your favorite pizza topping?”

Take that, Shakespeare.

But soliciting opinions on any old thing isn’t going to work.

“It was a disaster when the participants spoke about films, I could just hear people arguing,” Dr. Wiseman said.

Dr. Wiseman says the study illustrated the differences between the ways men and women communicate. The guys — particularly the unsuccessful ones — tended to ask closed questions that could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

Even worse, some didn’t ask questions at all. One unfortunate dater laid this one on a lucky lad or lady: “I have a PhD in computing.”

"It's very difficult to respond to (that) in an interesting or creative way," he said.

He can say that again.

Delivering in Rain, Sleet, Snow and Inexplicable Time Vacuums

DELAND, Fla. (AP) — Talk about lost in the mail. A postcard sent from a Stetson home to a man in Riverside, Calif., was returned this week with a "return to sender" stamp — and its 1956 postmark.

Mack McCormick, 59, did not send the postcard, but he lives in the home where the postcard originated. It was delivered to his mailbox Monday.

"The card apparently has been in the twilight zone for 50 years," McCormick said. "It's not wrinkled or anything."

He used the Internet to track down the author of the note, George Hitz, 64, who now lives in Sudbury, Mass.

"I had to keep asking questions and pull it out of Mack," Hitz said. "It wasn't obvious to me that he lived in our house."

Hitz, a former ham radio operator included his age on the postcard and information about a radio contact he made in February 1956 with someone he called "Chief Operator Dave." No street address was included for Dave, which may explain why the postcard was not delivered, postal officials said.

It is unlikely the postcard spent the last 50 years in a DeLand post office, said Joseph Breckenridge, U.S. Postal Service spokesman for Central and North Florida. The local post office has not been in the same location that long, and maintenance workers would have found it if it was trapped in a sorting machine, Breckenridge said.

The card may have been sent to California and was rediscovered recently by someone who dropped it back in the mail, Breckenridge said.

Hitz said he is not interested in getting his old postcard back. McCormick plans to frame it.

Thanks to Out There reader Shannon O.

This Week's Insane Turkey Fiasco Courtesy of ...

SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP) — A wild turkey shattered the calm — and a window — at the St. Joseph County Library when it crashed through the window, toppling rows of books until a custodian captured the disoriented bird.

"I've heard of deer going through houses, but never turkeys going into a library," library branch manager Judy Falzon said after Friday's excitement at the branch on South Bend's west side.

Falzon was preparing to open the library shortly before 9 a.m. EDT when the bird crashed through a window, shattering the glass pane. She and custodian Irvin Cygirt watched as the bird hopped around, hit another stack of books and then flew onto a cabinet.

Cygirt eventually put on leather gloves and caught the bird, took it outside and released it.

"I picked it up and threw it in the air," Cygirt said. "It took off. I was glad to see that; I thought it was a goner."

The birds were reintroduced to the area in 1997 when 21 turkeys were released near Potato Creek State Park, about 12 miles southwest of South Bend. Since then, as many as 75 have been spotted wandering the area, said park naturalist Tim Cordell.

He said the bird might have been looking for females and lost its way.

"Its radar must've been off to be in the city in the first place," Cygirt said.

The library opened about 90 minutes late so employees could clean up the bird's mess.

Thanks to Out There reader Greg M.

Just Recite the %$#@!&* Thing!

RENO, Nev. (AP) — A federal judge gave a ninth-grader permission Thursday to recite a poem at a state competition that his school objected to, claiming it contained profanity.

The words "hell" and "damn" in W.H. Auden's "The More Loving One," do not constitute offensive language that could disrupt the school's educational priorities, said U.S. District Judge Brian Sandoval.

He issued a temporary restraining order sought by Jacob Behymer-Smith, 14, after school administrators at the Coral Academy of Science told him he could not use the poem in future competitions.

The teen intends to recite it April 22 during Poetry Out Loud, a contest sponsored by the National Endowment of the Arts and the Poetry Foundation.

In granting the injunction, Sandoval said there was "a total absence of any evidence" that the school's prohibition was legal under the U.S. Constitution and that the teen likely would be able to prove his First Amendment rights were being violated.

Academy attorney John Ohlson said Sandoval's ruling was not unexpected. He had argued the issue was not about free speech, but the schools' ability to set educational standards.

Behymer-Smith selected his poem from an anthology of preapproved works by contest sponsors.

A day after he recited the poem at a district contest April 5, academy human resources dean Steven West reprimanded his English teacher and others for the performance. West then told the teen to select another poem because the Auden work contained profanity, according to court documents.

In a hearing Wednesday, the teen told the judge he's practiced the poem twice a day for two months, and that forcing him to choose another would be unfair.

And You Thought You Were Sneaky Stealing Third

LORAIN, Ohio (AP) — Stolen bases are to be expected at a baseball field, but stolen bleachers? Aluminum thieves made off with $4,000 worth of bleachers — enough seating for 100 people — from youth diamonds at P.C. Campana Park.

The bleachers began disappearing over several days last week. The thefts began with small-end plates and cross sections and escalated to larger pieces, Lorain Youth Baseball president Chuck Camera said.

Theft of copper, aluminum and other metals is on the rise as prices soar, police say.

In Springfield in western Ohio, metal thieves hit about 70 homes and businesses in five months. In other parts of the country, thieves stole air conditioners from an apartment complex, downspouts from a church and cables for a tourist trolley.

Dave Carter, operations manager for All American Recycling in Lorain, has offered a $2,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the bleacher thieves.

Aluminum is selling for about 50 cents per pound, Carter said.

Ohio law requires scrap yards to maintain a book of transactions that includes a description and the address of those who bring in metals.

Lorain police Lt. Jim Rohner said they will cite local scrap yards that do not comply with state requirements for keeping records.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.

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