Fortunately, You're a Pervert

I'm seeing embarrassed, rosy cheeks in your future.

A fundraiser hosted by a Brooklyn politician mistakenly received a box of X-rated fortune cookies, according to The Associated Press.

Many guests "were stunned, to say the least," Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz told the AP Friday as some 350 cookies stuffed with "the most graphically lurid" predictions got mixed up with about 1,750 cookies headed to the Chinese New Year event.

Intended to generate money so poor kids can go to summer camp, the annual event was attended by around 700 guests Tuesday evening.

Markowitz said about 80 guests remained when the dirty cookies arrived. He was on the restaurant's second floor when one guest "yelled to me from the first floor: 'Marty, did you order these cookies? Did you see what's inside them? I think you better get your butt down here!'"

Several guests then had to read some of the pervy "fortunes" to Markowitz, who didn't have his glasses.

"I'm sure they were meant for a raunchy bachelor party," he told the AP. "They were not cutesy. Triple X to say the least."

One thousand, four hundred cookies were indeed delivered correctly with 10 slogans about Brooklyn that Markowitz's office had given the restaurant, he said.

The correct cookies contained such innocent contents as: "Brooklyn — it's like an everything bagel," "Brooklyn — it's more than a freak'in tree" and "Brooklyn — The 10th Planet."

— Thanks to Out There readers Derek H. and Tony L.

Hey, My Pancake Is All Holy!

Mike Thompson was cooking up pancakes for his family when the pattern on one of the flapjacks took on a shocking resemblance to the face of Jesus, according to Cleveland TV station WEWS.

Without hesitation, Thompson and his wife decided to put the "holy" pancake up on eBay for auction.

"I think the grilled cheese sandwich sold for $28,000, and the pierogi sold for a couple of thousand, so I figured start it off on eBay for $500. It's a pretty good deal," Thompson said.

While critics decry the holy cake as a scam, it's back up for sale on eBay after being yanked over a listing infraction with the bidding opening at $15,000.

— Thanks to Out There reader Shannon O.

— Click in the video box above or click here to see video on the holy pancake.

The Verdict Is In: This Guy's Disgusting

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — That oh-so-new smell in the new Dane County Courthouse is a little diluted Monday after a defendant urinated in front of a judge.

Miguel Hernandez was appearing in front of Judge Diane Nicks in her new sixth-floor courtroom Sunday. He was facing a charge of throwing a bodily substance around the jail.

The judge sentenced Hernandez to three years in prison and two years of extended supervision, along with alcohol and drug assessments.

Apparently upset with the sentence, Hernandez began urinating as he sat in his chair, soaking his pants, the chair and the carpet.

The judge had to move to another courtroom while her carpet got a shampoo.

— Thanks to Out There reader Molly R.

B.O. Drove Me to a Life of Crime!

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Police didn't have to do much to sniff out this theft suspect.

Felix Cabrera, 34, of Tampa, was charged with stealing a tractor-trailer carrying more than $1.9 million in perfume and cologne.

Cabrera took the vehicle from a Fort Pierce truck stop after the driver left the keys in the ignition, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office. The items were being driven from New York to Fort Lauderdale.

Authorities spotted the truck headed south on the turnpike near Boynton Beach about 10 a.m. Wednesday. Cabrera pulled over, ran from the truck and swam across a canal before being apprehended, police said.

He was charged with grand theft and resisting arrest.

— Thanks to Out There reader Shannon O.

Hmmmm, Maybe the Bathrooms Are Gold Plated...

VALPARAISO, Ind. (AP) — A house erroneously valued at $400 million is being blamed for budget shortfalls and possible layoffs in municipalities and school districts in northwest Indiana.

An outside user of Porter County's computer system may have triggered the mess by accidentally changing the value of the Valparaiso house, said Sharon Lippens, director of the county's information technologies and service department. The house had been valued at $121,900 before the glitch.

County Treasurer Jim Murphy said the home usually carried about $1,500 in property taxes; this year, it was billed $8 million.

The homeowner, Dennis Charnetzky, declined to comment about the situation to The Associated Press on Friday.

Lippens said her agency identified the mistake and told the county auditor's office how to correct it. But the $400 million value ended up on documents that were used to calculate tax rates.

Most local officials did not learn about the mistake until Tuesday, when 18 government-taxing units were asked to return a total of $3.1 million of tax money. The city of Valparaiso and the Valparaiso Community School Corp. were asked to return $2.7 million. As a result, the school system has a $200,000 budget shortfall, and the city loses $900,000.

Officials struggled to figure out how the mistake got into the system and how it could have been prevented. City leaders said Thursday the error could cause layoffs and cost-cutting measures.

Lippens said the outside user changed the property value, most likely while trying to access another program while using the county's enhanced access system, which charges users a fee for access to public records that are not otherwise available on the Internet.

Lippens said the user probably tried to access a real estate record display by pressing R-E-D, but accidentally typed R-E-R, which brought up an assessment program written in 1995. The program is no longer in use, and technology officials did not know it could be accessed.

The county treasurer said his office spotted the $400 million error after it caused an improper billing, but apparently it wasn't corrected elsewhere.

"It didn't get fixed all the way," Murphy said.

— Thanks to Out There reader Jim B.

— Click in the photo box above to see a pic of the most expensive one-story house EVER!

Look Honey, Merman Santa Claus Came!

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) — Talk about a good day for beachcombing.

Thousands of tennis shoes, aluminum briefcases and toys washed onto the beach of a Dutch island Friday, drawing crowds of treasure-hunting residents.

The booty came from a load of containers that was swept from the P&O Nedlloyd ship Mondriaan, which got caught in a storm Thursday night about 9 miles off the coast of Terschelling in the North Sea, coast guard officials said.

"We now believe 58 containers were washed overboard. Nine landed intact on the beach and two others are stuck in the breakers, which means many others may have sunk or are still drifting around," spokesman Kees Koning said.

The containers had no hazardous materials, and carried such items as frozen hamburgers and corned beef, he said. Axe handles, baseball hats and hammers also reportedly landed ashore.

P&O Nedlloyd declined to comment on the incident. The Mondriaan was traveling from Southhampton, England, to Hamburg, Germany.

Police were summoned to safeguard the nine unopened containers but did not try to prevent people from taking the odd pair of sneakers or toy.

"It's human nature, right?" Koning said.

— Click in the photo box above to see a pic of merman Santa Claus' booty.

Oops, Sorry, I Told All the Neighbors You Were Satan

BELLA VISTA, Ark. (AP) — A woman hung a sign on a neighbor's door warning people that the man who lived there was a sex offender. But there was a problem: She had the wrong house.

Carolyn Hansen told sheriff's investigators she had been told by her daughter that a sex offender who moved to the neighborhood lived in the home.

"Don't play here. Child molester lives here," said a sign on the house, according to a police report.

Hansen acknowledged she posted that sign, as well as one in nearby park that read: "There is a child molester here. Keep children out of the park."

The signs were removed after someone called the sheriff's office, but a deputy saw Hansen posting similar fliers again, the report said.

After Hansen learned she had the wrong address, she apologized to the man who lives in the house. He declined to press charges, said Benton County sheriff's investigator Barb Shrum.

Some sex offenders' names, addresses and photographs are posted on the Arkansas Crime Information Center's Web site. The registry showed that a sex offender moved near the park.

Even if Hansen had the correct address, authorities said, those postings can't be used to target convicts.

"The whole point of this is to be able to keep your family and your neighborhood safe from these people, but you can't harass them," Shrum said.

Compiled by's Andrew Hard.

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