Tanorexia | Paying for Piven | Your Grrrs
The new "disease" about to sweep the nation is Orexiaorexia.
The birth of the term "tanorexia," which describes people who can't get enough skin coloring and spend way too much time either at tanning booths, in the sun or rubbing orange-tinged creams all over their bodies, had journalists everywhere frothing at their keyboards.
But tanorexia and its skin-damaging effects are the least of our problems.
Free Video: See a "Tanorexia" report on Studio B with Shepard Smith
Our biggest Grrrs will come when some unoriginal news copywriter starts putting an "orexia" or "orexic" at the end of every addictive condition, much like the suffix "-gate" is added to every scandal.
No longer will Watergate, Memogate, Monicagate or Paulagate dominate the teleprompter.
We news consumers will now be subjected to words like "colarexic" for kids who drink too much cola. "Shoporexic" will replace the equally unoriginal shopaholic and "pokerexia" will describe those who can't stop playing Texas hold'em.
"Textorexia" describes the constant text messaging that occurs on cell phones, two-way pagers and Blackberries.
"DIYorexics" are people who are addicted to "Extreme Makeover" and other home improvement shows.
"Videorexia" will refer to PlayStation 2 and Xbox addicts, as well as MTV junkies.
"Travelexia" describes people who take more than two vacations every year.
"Weborexics" are people who are constantly online.
"Grrr-exics" are people who are addicted to the Grrr! column, previously known as Grrr-pies.
The weird part about using tanorexia and tanorexic to describe people who tan too much is that anorexics are people who don't eat enough. Wouldn't it be better to describe chronic tanners with "tanoholic"?
Oh well, "orexic" and "orexia" will become so customary that eventually anorexia will lose its cachet and go the way of alcoholism. It will become anorexism.
Displaced Aggression at ICM Agency
There is a newly unemployed agent's assistant in Hollywood, after an e-mail sent to Defamer.com was traced back to his work computer.
You see, hotshot ICM agents Jim Osbourne and Brian Bunin apparently lost "Entourage" star Jeremy Piven (search) to rival agency CAA. Now, to most people, this means absolutely nothing, but in the world of competitive Hollywood, especially at the agencies, this means everything.
It means that 10 percent of all Piven's income will line some other shark's pockets.
In the real world, however, the hotshot agents who lost such a high-profile client as Piven would have been the ones to get the ax. After all, when you get to that level of representation, one has to assume that Piven fired his agents at ICM for others at CAA for some deficiency in service, right?
Imagine you're a client delivery specialist at a service-oriented company, and your high-profile client terminated services with your company for the services of another one. Chances are the reason was because you failed at keeping the client happy.
Chances are, you'd be fired.
But in Hollywood, it's the agent's assistant, who may or may not have leaked the internal memo to Defamer, who gets the ax. It's displaced aggression at its finest, and believe me, just ask Mrs. Grrr!, I know about displaced aggression.
According to the New York Post's "Page Six" column, the assistant was fired because he or she forwarded an internal e-mail that announced Piven's departure to Defamer.com, which then posted the memo on its Web site.
While that is a fireable offense on the part of the assistant, how does ICM prove that the assistant was the one who actually forwarded the memo? After all, couldn't someone at the office who was looking to get rid of the assistant have moseyed over to the computer, opened the company e-mail and forwarded it to Defamer?
Of course.
But let's assume that the assistant was the one who actually forwarded the memo. While it turned out to be not a very good career move, what is worse? Forwarding an internal memo, or losing an Emmy-nominated client on one of TV's hottest shows?
Grrr! to blaming the little guy.
Full disclosure: A broadcast agent at ICM agency once passed on the Grrr! guy. Although he was devastated by the rejection, life did go on.
By the way, Grrring seems silly in light of the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all who have been affected.
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Mike Straka is the director of operations and special projects for FOXNews.com, and covers entertainment and features on the Sunday program "FOX Magazine." He also writes the weekly Grrr! Column and hosts "The Real Deal" video segments on FOXNews.com.
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