First there was the Golden Gate. Bridge, that is.
And that was fine, you know?
But then Richard Nixon's cronies came along and bam! — Watergate (search) became not just a Washington hotel where an historic break-in took place, but the term "gate" became forever linked to scandal, both inside the Beltway and out.
And it Grrrs me to no end.
Enough with the gates. Filegate. Monicagate. Memogate. Rathergate. Kobegate. Chandragate — OK, we get it. Now enough. All of you J-school grads who paid so much money for your fancy wall frames need to put all your book smarts to good use and come up with something else.
Or how about just calling a scandal a scandal? Let's tell it like it is. Call 'em as we see 'em.
Here's hoping that with "Memogate" we've seen the last of the co-called "gates" scandals in the annals of big media.
Golden Globe Grrrs
If that's the case this year, you might as well rent a good movie or have your TiVo queue stacked with your favorite shows, because if Sunday night's Golden Globes telecast is any indication, this year's Academy Awards are going to be a real snoozer.
I've got two words for anybody who missed the show: Bo-Ring.
It all started with the red carpet arrivals and co-host Lisa Ling beginning each interview with the words "I'm here with," as if we needed a reminder. Thank goodness for "Access Hollywood"'s Nancy O'Dell, whose professional and relaxed interview style was a breath of fresh air amidst such voiceover teases as "Stay tuned for more glitz, more glamour and more bling bling."
Wow. I could hardly wait.
The speeches were the most Grrring — from beautiful Teri Hatcher crediting the success of "Desperate Housewives" to "strong women" to the great actress Hillary Swank praising Clint Eastwood's brilliance and guidance at the helm of "Million Dollar Baby" so much that I had to fast-forward through her speech before I threw up.
Jamie Foxx's acceptance speech was a highlight, as well as Robin Williams' Hollywood Foreign Press chops-busting performance after winning a Lifetime Achievement Award. Williams proceeded as if the award was more a nuisance than an honor.
And alas, as Eastwood walked away with the best director Globe for "Million Dollar Baby," another scandal is brewing in Hollywood the likes of which we haven't seen since Martin Scorsese was snubbed for "Gangs of New York."
Even as "The Aviator" walked away with the best dramatic picture honor, still no directing award for the master of American cinema.
I think I'll call it Scorsesegate.
All of that said, if you haven't seen "Million Dollar Baby" yet, it's without a doubt one of the best movies I've seen in a very long time. I haven't been left this speechless after a movie since "Schindler's List."
Eastwood, Swank and Morgan Freeman take the rest of Hollywood to school with this flick. Watch it and weep.
I Don't Know Anybody Who Feels Sorry for Dan Rather ... Grrr!
I love how some on the right these days are harkening back to Pauline Kael's (search) infamous statement, "I don't know anyone who voted for Nixon," and updating and attributing it to Dan Rather and the rest of CBS News or the other media elite: "I don't know anyone who voted for Bush."
How clever of you — Not!
Well anyway, I don't know anyone who feels sorry for Dan Rather.
In fact, I admire CBS honcho Les Moonves so much for not promising the old anchorman a spot on the venerable — dare I say real — "60 Minutes" that the great Don Hewitt created so many years ago.
Moonves was quoted as saying that Rather will resume reporting duties on "60 Minutes Wednesday," "provided the show continues."
One doesn't need a master's degree in journalism to read between those lines.
But I digress. I'll call that Digressgate.
Another Hollywood Breakup ... Grrr!
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. Boo-hoo-hoo.
Does anybody you know really give a Gate? Come on, people! Don't we have other things to worry about? Aren't you busy enough being a good worker, a good parent, a good friend, a good lover and a good person?
I watched a report about the ill-fated 2000 nuptials of the Hollywood golden couple over the weekend.
Practically every guest in attendance at that "star-studded" wedding was no longer dating and/or married to the person he or she came with. What does that tell you about the so-called "heart and soul of America"?
Grrrs Gone Wild
At the annual Consumer Electronics Show (search) in Las Vegas last week, I had my reporter's hat on, which means no editorializing — but now that my report has aired on "FOX Magazine," I have to ask all of those mega-bass manufacturers just what their purpose in life is.
Do they think that selling booming bass kits for tiny cars is somehow changing the world? Do they think the majority of music lovers are rushing out to outfit their Mini Coopers or Hummers with a million decibels of vibrating, ear-popping sound?
Or do they continue to make these ridiculous bass kits just to Grrr us to no end?
Next time you're stuck in traffic and your car is vibrating from bass in the car next to you, blame the manufacturer.
See the Photo Essays above in the Pics and Strips 2 for Grrr! comic Toby Dials' version of me at the blackjack table!
Stupid Lit'l Dreamer
Here's a shameless plug for the Grrr! fans at Gomagnets.com. These guys made some Grrr! and Oblivion Free Zone samples for me, and I've given them out to all my friends and colleagues.
Gomagnets is also a leading supplier of Support Our Troops car ribbons. Thank you, guys. Visit their site if you want to check them out.
Click Here for Your Grrrs ...
*Special thanks to Grrr! reader Brian Deschenes for last week's email complaining about "gates" scandals. He and several other Grrr! readers who Grrr the practice deserve the mention. So thanks.
Until next week ... Grrr!
Mike Straka is the director of operations and special projects for FOXNews.com, and contributes as a features reporter on "FOX Magazine," and as a news cut-ins anchor on FOX News Channel. Mike also appeared in Analyze This. Read Mike's Bio.