Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich (search) got a payoff Monday night for his determination to stay in a Democratic presidential race that is very much decided: He got to present his Top 10 list on the "Late Show with David Letterman."
The subject of Kucinich's list: "Ways Dennis Kucinich can still be president of the United States."
10. Keep doing what I'm doing — I'm winning, right?
9. Constitution is amended stating presidents must be 35 or older, a natural-born citizen and named "Dennis."
8. Act like a boob so people will perceive me as more presidential.
7. You want crazy campaign promises — fine! If I'm elected, everybody gets a million bucks.
6. Enter and win next "American Idol."
5. Announce your running mate will be a plate of fudge — people love fudge.
4. Just wait till I unleash my new campaign slogan: "Kucizzle in the hizzle!"
3. According to the order of presidential succession, if George W. Bush were to resign today, along with Dick Cheney and about 300 other people, the presidency passes to a congressman from Ohio.
2. Get the governors of every state to rig the election.
1. I'm praying for a sex scandal.