Paris; the Olsen Twins; Gwyneth

Paris is burning, the Olsen twins are scrawny and a prediction on Gwyneth's predicament in today's Foxlight.

Paris Hilton (search) sizzled on "Saturday Night Live" this past weekend. After blowing off David Letterman, the download queen popped up in Weekend Update in a bit so loaded with double, triple and quadruple entendres about "vacancies" and back entrances I can't repeat -- but she came off well. Better than back in Arkansas, where she apparently jilted a local "hayseed" as The New York Post reported. Life isn't so simple after all.

The New York Post's Page Six reports that the Olsen twins (search) may have fat bank accounts, but in person they are Lilliputian. One source who saw them recently claims: "They were so skinny in person it was creepy." But they added: "They were very polite." That shows good breeding. Now if they would just have a pizza.

Finally, are they or aren't they? Spies claim the pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow (search) is trying to beat her baby to the altar. They say she and Chris Martin will be married in the next 90 days after getting a marriage license in Santa Barbara, Calif. the other day. Remember when we all thought Ben and J-Lo were getting married just because they stopped by for a license of some kind in Georgia? Gwyneth will not get married. Foxlight prediction. She'll pull a Madonna and marry later in life.