I finally figured out what's wrong with those dopey Belgians who just decided it was time to throw in with the French and Germans as the new Maginot Line against war.
The Wall Street Journal explains that the Belgian army is not designed to fight. Instead, it's designed to dress well, field great military bands and employ people — which is also true of the French and Germans, to a slightly lesser degree. It's hard to call these people soldiers until they are ready to retire into a comfortable, government-funded and idle old age.
The Belgian army, it turns out, is well known to be too old and too fat to fight anything. It has no interest in going off to war. It employs so many people in do-nothing jobs that it can't afford any real military equipment anyway.
In other words, the Beligan army is a don't ask, don't tell job opportunity — a fat, toothless tiger lolling in the sun, munching on chunks of free meat it couldn't possibly run down and kill itself.
The Belgian army is unionized, of all things. Its unions strike for more vacation, higher pay, better perks. Nobody leaves the army because life there is too good, and the union won't let the government kick anyone out until each person is primed for a fat retirement.
So if you were wondering why these guys won't fight or even assume a threatening posture, it's because they're too old and fat from feeding at the public trough... and have trouble enough fighting bad breath, never mind a real enemy soldier.
America's military forces do not have this problem.
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