President Sheen, Anna Nicole and Letterman with Koppel in the harsh glow of The Foxlight.

When it comes to paydays it's much better to play the President than be one. Martin Sheen's reportedly tripled his salary to $300,000 per episode. His presidential perks include contractual days off, studio offices  not an oval one  and work for some of his kids.

Just like The Osbournes, Anna Nicole Smith has a dog, too, which will be part of her upcoming show on E!. But her dog is different. It's a little black poodle. Smith says little Sugar Pie is trained and doesn't mess up the carpet. But this is a neurotic dog. She's sees a doggie therapist and she's on Prozac. It's because the pooch is obsessed with Smith. Smith says if she goes out, Sugar Pie won't eat or drink and she shakes. Sounds like she'll be the star of the show.

Finally, I agree with The New York Post's Adam Buckman: Letterman was dull and Ted Koppel stank in that Up Close interview the other night. Where were the questions about Leno, Dave's private life or the fact that he saved your Nightline gig? Not even a 'thank-you' note?

And that's the always thankless world of celebrity ink we roll every day in the harsh tabloid glare of The Foxlight.