Seattle rap singer Macklemore responds to the crowd at CenturyLink Field prior to an NFL football game between the Seattle Seahawks and the San Francisco 49ers, Sunday, Dec. 23, 2012, in Seattle. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)
Are you awake to the world around you?
Do you ask questions when others won't? Are you unafraid to question "scientific evidence" in order to bring light to the many Machiavellian shadow games currently afoot in our world?
If so, you might be "woke"--a.k.a. operating in an altered state of being where your hieghtened senses can easily detect the lies and falsehoods put forth by your enemies and the Man. Everyone outside your small circle is against you, and one day, will try to remove you from the equation entirely.
To be woke is to see all the rigged cards in the deck, and the following sports fanbases have taken this art to the next level:
5. Golden State Warriors fans
Warriors wokeness is in its infancy -- but make no mistake, its fans have set up camp on a Pompeii of perceived persecution.
The Big One hasn't happened yet, but judging by the size of the pre-tremors, i will be a wokeness reckoning unlike anything seen since the Zapruder film.
Because the moment things start going sideways, they do things like call the NBA rigged and post novella-length #actuallys on how the Cavs didn't really win the Finals
In terms of raw, rubber to the road, foot-pounds of woke, Warriors go from zero to "LeBron can't melt steel beams" real quick.
Level of Wokeness: Guy who told everyone at work Pokemon Go! is "just a Google data mine."
4. Philadelphia Eagles fans
On one hand, being woke has served Eagles fans well.
It helped them realize and accept when the jig was up with Chip Kelly, and once their eyes were open, they ran him out of town on a rail made of DeMarco Murray sweep plays. That's institutional distrust 76ers fans should jot a note on.
On the other hand, Philly Persecution runs in the Eagles fan's marrow. And the ones who don't break a Beck's on your orbital for bringing up the Santa/snowball thing will explain to you how their uncle was at the game and it was "only a couple people."
Level of Wokeness: Anti-vaxer asking if these retweets are ethically sourced.
New York Knicks fans
Knicks fans are a strange bird among hyper-aware fanbases--because they are definite woke.
But therein lies the paradox, because Knicks have been awake for so long they're almost sleep again. They know their team is going to grease the sheets every year. This isn't their first day.
But instead of picketing the league office and Photoshopping James Dolan's face into the side of the Grassy Knoll, they accept their predetermined fate and let it ride.
Level of Wokeness: Guy who watched Food, Inc. and can't eat [thing you ordered] anymore.
Seattle Seahawks fans
Seahawks fans are another up-and-comer among insufferable sports supporters who believe the world is perpetually gunning for their neck.
Ever since Super Bowl XLVIII, their Apple Store tribalism continues to blossom. But things have taken a turn for the more interesting ever since the Lynch-spiracy. Now, their repertoire has expanded from boilerplate "they hate us cuz they anus" paranoia to heated illuminati infighting.
Of course, there's also that whole Pete-Carroll-probably-being-a-9/11-truther thing--which we can't put on the fans, but will submit today on the off-chance the judge will allow it.
Level of Wokeness: Stevie Wonder mic catch.
All Boston sports fans
We have to lump them together. Otherwise, it would be a clean 1-2-3 sweep and I refuse to flip a coin to decide who goes where.
Anyways, there should've been little doubt in your mind coming into this that a Boston fanbase would be at the top of this list.
Because no one is as woke as a MassHole on his third Burnett's and tonic explaining the effect of barometric pressure on wet leather. And no one is so acutrely aware of the doubters than Red Sox fan touting Ortiz's latest old-man dinger. Everyone is a hater, especially Roger Goodell, who hates to see a scrappy team with a huge fan base and marketable athletes succeed.
Boston fans are the wokest. Because only they can see the adversity they in sometimes not winning at least one championship every year.
Level of Wokeness: When the shadow for the W doesn't show up.
Honorable Mentions: TCU fans, Oregon fans.
Dan is on Twitter. He's one of the few individuals with sufficient alertness to recognize the great reptilian rug that's been pulled over our eyes.
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