Whether they’re buying and operating a vineyard, slapping their name on online apparel stores, or designing mountain bikes, Hollywood’s finest oftentimes double as venture capitalists. Alcohol, being relatively easy to market, not necessarily having to be “good,” and having the ability to double as a collector's item, make it a homerun for celebrity-endorsed products. Unlike a futile shot at the fashion industry, celebrities can come up with an alcohol brand and people will buy it, if only to say they’ve tried it. Here are the five strangest celebrity-owned alcohol brands out there. Some are strange because the pairing is odd, and some because, well --some celebrities are just strange.
1. Hanson - MMMHop Beer
We thought these guys were sent off into space in a 90’s time capsule, but apparently not. Instead of drifting into the void, never to be seen or heard again, they’re cramming that one speckle of fame back into our collective heads with their MMMHop IPA, which they first announced back in 2011. Just like the budding young musicians they once were, the brew is still in development. Isaac Hanson (the eldest yet only medium-girlish-looking-est of the group) admitted last February that they prematurely let the cat out of the bag, but that they’re perfecting the recipe to match the group’s preference on beer before it comes out. If the beer is anything close to as good as Hansonopoly or Hanson Chocolates, we know it’ll be worth the wait…
2. Marilyn Manson - Mansinthe
While we recommend avoiding drinking anything Marilyn Manson endorses, touches, or attaches the prefix “Man” to (sorry, we’re still traumatized by this photo from the back of the Antichrist Superstar album), it’s worth acknowledging that this is a product that’s received almost universally favorable reviews from absinthe fans. Mansinthe launched in August 2007, and it’s just about as pure as absinthe can get – no additional flavors or ingredients, all natural colors, and containing just enough actual wormwood to make it legal. Much like Marilyn Manson himself, it’s important to keep the bottle out of direct sunlight, for fear of damaging its natural color. A standard bottle of Mansinthe contains an all too predictable 66.6% alcohol, though a “Prototype 35” bottle exists that contains a (presumably less-evil) 68% alcohol.
3. Donald Trump – Trump Vodka
You’d think a man as successful and omnipotent as Donald Trump would be able to successfully own and operate an alcohol brand (especially with the slogan “Success Distilled”), but you’d think wrong. Trump Vodka launched in 2006, surprisingly to much fanfare outside of Donald spouting off that the T&T (Trump and Tonic) would become the most requested drink in America. But, just like Trump Entertainment Resorts, GoTrump.com, Trump Magazine, Trump Shuttle, Trump Mortgage, Trump: The Game, and Trump University, it was a huge flop. It cost $30 to $40 per gold-plated liter, and was “premium distilled,” but eventually stopped production due to failure to “meet threshold requirements.” It’s too bad, too, because “Alcohol + ??? = Success” seemed like such a winning equation.
4. Dan Aykroyd – Crystal Head Vodka
In 2007, Dan Aykroyd and artist John Alexander set out to create something that embodied the legend of the crystal skulls, little knowing that the very idea of crystal skulls would be completely ruined by Indiana Jones just one year later. The legend of the 13 crystal skulls claims that these pre-Columbian, Mesoamerican artifacts exhibit paranormal phenomena, offering spiritual power and enlightenment to those who possess them. Naturally, the two started a line of vodka that would be served in none other than a crystal skull. The vodka is quadruple distilled and diluted with water to 80 proof, then, just like any perfectly normal vodka, filtered four times through Herkimer diamonds – quartz crystals ascribed with mystical properties. You’re not feeling drunk after drinking a skull of this vodka - you’re feeling spiritually enlightened! At least, that’s what you should tell your neighbors as you fall asleep on their front yard.
5. Danny DeVito – Danny DeVito Limoncello
Danny DeVito is a very small, very hilarious man, and that’s why the inception of his Limoncello brand into the world was so perfect. While Marilyn Manson drunkenly endorsing an infamously mind-mangling spirit sounds unsettling, and a drunk Donald Trump babbling about “Success Distilled” would be annoying, a lit up Danny DeVito on The View blaming his behavior on the “last seven limoncellos” is just perfect. The limoncello comes in a scratch ‘n sniff bottle and has a theme song sung by Danny himself: "Danny DeVito's Limoncello, it's a taste delight from this famous fellow/ It's so very nice, perfect served cold on ice/ The finest summer drink from Italy.” It’s been described as “decent” for commercialized limoncello, and runs at about 30% alcohol, which, funnily enough, is also DeVito’s average blood alcohol level.
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