Katy Perry and Madonna's Racy Magazine Cover, and Sandra Bullock's Strange Advice

(Instagram/Katy Perry)

Here's what's happening, people:

If their respective Instagram accounts are any indication, Katy Perry (above) and Madonna (below)are going to be crawling toward each other across a filthy floor in the pages of V magazine. On the cover, though, they'll merely be spread-eagle.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Florentine wedding is set to feature performances by Lana Del Ray and Robin Thicke, the latter of whom will probably beg Kim and Kanye to help him get his wife back mid-song.

During his pre-wedding festivities in Paris, Kanye West signed a fan's Air Yeezus sneakers, then kindly informed the fan they were fakes. We like to think the fan pointed out how Kanye's the real fake for not being an athlete yet still having a pair of Nike Air sneakers, forever earning Kanye's begrudging respect.

Sandra Bullock made a surprise graduation speech to the seniors at a New Orleans high school, imparting wisdom on topics including "not picking your nose in public." In private, though, go ahead and dig away.

Olympic ice dance Meryl Davis won the coveted mirror ball trophy on "Dancing With the Stars" Tuesday night, proving once and for all that dancing without ice under your feet is not only possible, but graceful. Who knew?

Somebody won "The Voice" on Tuesday night too, but it doesn't really matter who. We'll never hear from him again.

Carrie Underwood's new song "Keep Us Safe" was debuted on Wednesday night's "Live From ACM Presents: An All-Star  Salute to the Troops." Give it a listen:

A clothing company called Lucky 13 is suing Taylor Swift for infringing upon their trademarks, which seem to be the use of the number 13 in any way, shape or form. (Burn your 'rithmatic textbooks, mathematicians of the world!)

Drew Barrymore shared photos of her daughter Frankie with People magazine, but the little one couldn't even be bothered to open her eyes for the shoot. Figures, right? Famous people!

Here's Luke Perry shirtless on vacation in Bora Bora, in case it's still 1994 and this is something you're dying to see.

Actors Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are expecting their first child together. We expect they'll celebrate by running across traffic to enjoy a Magnum Ice Cream bar.

For two people who have publicly described themselves as the opposite of a couple, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin sure like to eat dinner together quite a bit, as they did in Beverly Hills last weekend.

It sure looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is licking the ear of married model Katie Cleary at a party in Cannes. Strange behavior from the King of Monogamy himself.

During a charity event at the House of Blues in New Orleans, Reese Witherspoon and Kenny Chesney drunkenly stumbled through belted out a rendition of the Johnny and June Carter Cash duet "Jackson."

"Zero Dark Thirty" actress Jessica Chastain has reportedly been offered a role on HBO's next season of "True Detective." And with Brad Pitt already rumored to be attached, the production is now inching closer to becoming the cryptic, existential drama that they already made with "Tree of Life."

And finally, a company called Harmonised H20 UV has created the world's first drinkable sunscreen, probably because they know how we often wonder if our coconut sunblock tastes as good as it smells.