Dennis Miller on Debt Crisis, Possible GOP Presidential Contenders, Lady Gaga

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," February 16, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, three vital topics: the debt, the Republican challenge to President Obama and Lady Gaga.

Here now from Los Angeles, the sage of southern California, Dennis Miller. So, Miller, everybody out there in Santa Barbara talking about this debt crisis, I bet, aren't they?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, but first off, Billy, I want to praise you for a bang-up show tonight. I don't know how in the hell you got Danny Partridge and Uncle Fester in the same segment, but I had the sound down. It was great.

O'REILLY: It was -- our bookers did it, man. It wasn't easy.

MILLER: It was amazing. If you got Joey Flynn from "My Mother the Car," I would have fainted. All right. So the deficit. Let me ask you this, Bill. I always pretend when they talk these figures, like you said with Rove, and it's going round and round $14 trillion, do we actually owe somebody that money?


MILLER: And if we do, guess what? Don't pay them.

O'REILLY: Don't pay them.

MILLER: There, we just solved the debt. I said to my kid, I said...

O'REILLY: Let me answer the question. All right, so Miller says don't pay. Stiff them. OK. Then nobody will lend us money and this government, the -- this is how crazy it is, Miller. The federal government and the state of California, where you live, run on borrowed money. They don't have any money for anything, all right? So, Barack Obama would be hitchhiking down Pennsylvania Avenue, because they couldn't put gas in his limo unless they borrowed money from China. So you stiff the people lending you the money, nobody is going to lend it and everything grounds to a halt. Get it?

MILLER: Billy, numbers shmumbers. Listen. You can't drum the United States out of the equation. They're going to have to lend to us until the end of time. You know why?

O'REILLY: They're not going to do it.

MILLER: Billy, let me talk. If the Chinese won't lend us money, they've got to start giving house loans to the people. They'd much rather deal with us. All we do is stiff them. But we're not out to kill them.

O'REILLY: Miller, no one -- the oil sheiks and the Chinese and everybody else isn't going to -- going to buy our bonds if we default on them. And the same thing in California.

MILLER: All I know is when the president comes out and says, "I've got to spend $3.7 trillion to save you a trillion," I'm thinking what is secretary of Treasury Bernie Madoff now? These guys run better pyramid schemes than the Egyptians, for God's sakes. I can't figure...

O'REILLY: That's not a bad idea. Let's parole Madoff -- let's parole Madoff and let him be secretary of the Treasury. And have him get the Ponzi scheme going and get some money back for us.

MILLER: Madoff is the key.

O'REILLY: All right. We solved that problem. Now, Ron Paul, next president of the United States, Miller, what do you think?

MILLER: I always love it when they say he won the straw poll. I don't know much about polls. Isn't that like he drew the short straw, that he's the one who's going to have to run against the Castle Obama and get his head handed to him? Listen, Ron Paul is -- some of it makes sense to me. And you know what? Increasingly, if we're not going to fight these wars to win, Billy, his idea of not only build the wall at the southern thing but build one around the whole country and making us just a big Etats-Unis cookie cutter is starting to sound good to me at some point. If Ron Paul wants to stay home, if we're not going to go croak these bad guys summarily in these wars, yes, let's bring it home and everybody stay here. I don't think Ron Paul has a chance though in 2012. It's just some of his devotees are a little too weird. They put a, you know, a worse reflection on him than he does. He makes sense to me sometimes. But some of his acolytes bring that baggage with them that you talked about in the earlier segments.

O'REILLY: Now, it's coming pretty fast. What people don't understand is this time next year, primaries will already have been over. I mean, that's how fast this is coming down the track.

MILLER: Should we handicap it? Should we handicap it?


MILLER: Well, listen. Romney is in that weird place where people who hardly know you feel you're predictable already. So I think he's got to shake it all up. If I was him, I'd come to a presser one day with a Mohawk like De Niro in "Taxi Hunter" (sic), just freak everybody out and say, "This is the new me." Then people would say, "Oh, so I didn't know him as well as I thought."

Christie can't run. He's having -- he's going to have more heart attacks than Fred Sanford during sweeps week if he runs. He's got to drop a few kilos if he wants to run, although I like the big man. But maybe he should just go down like he did today and lecture once a -- once a month in Washington, D.C., like "Mr. Smith and Wollensky Goes to Washington."

Huckabee is not leaving Fox for the White House. He knows where the real power is in this country at this point.

And Newt is a smart guy, but we're never going to vote for a guy as president who has the name of the centaur in the Hercules cartoon.

So I think it comes down to Pawlenty, who you had on. He's a sharp cat. I like Mitchy-Mitch Daniels.

And whoever goes, I hope they pick that Rubio kid out of Florida as their VP, because he's a sharp cat, and we need the Spanish vote, the conquistador vote.

O'REILLY: OK, now, so from what I got from that, you think that Romney is a frontrunner and Daniels and Pawlenty are outside guys who have a shot?

MILLER: If I had to guess, I'd say Packers 35-31.

O'REILLY: All right, so you're punting, to use another football metaphor.

Lady Gaga. Are you obsessed with Lady Gaga? I used to like her, but now I'm not liking her so much.

MILLER: That was funny.


MILLER: That was funny, Billy. You know, my favorite moment on the red carpet is when she shows up in the big simulated egg, and Eminem was there in the big simulated spermatozoa, and they bumped into each other and gave birth to Justin Bieber, who looks like a Bobby Goldsboro, you know, embryo. So that was my favorite moment. I thought this was funny. This is a great take on celebrity. Imagine the poor kid who has to carry it in. They go, "Hey, you want to go to the Grammys? We'll get you right on the red carpet." Next thing you know you're lugging this egg in thinking, "I should have taken that chicken suit thing outside Cuckaroo today."

O'REILLY: Doesn't it -- doesn't it though for anybody, Lady Gaga and any performer, make it almost impossible to top yourself? I mean, every time the woman now goes anywhere, she's got to do something bizarre. She can't just show up and give a concert or it's flat.

MILLER: Yes. Well, I hear next year already she's coming to the Grammys inside Chris Christie. Now that, I can't wait to see.

O'REILLY: Kind of like that "Alien" thing, right through the chest, huh? Boom! There we go. Hey! You think this woman has any talent, Lady Gaga? Do you think she's, you know, up there with the first-rate rockers?

MILLER: Yes. I'm starting to -- I'm starting to dig her a little, Billy.


MILLER: I saw her with Anderson Cooper. And by the way, did you see Anderson's reverses in the interview? He was sitting there like he was talking to Mubarak or something. He was so serious. So -- but she made me laugh in there. I think she's got a pretty good take on fame. And, you know, fame is a bit of a freak show. And that thing showing up in that big simu-egg was very clever to me. It took a lot of -- a lot of wind out of an otherwise stuffy evening, in my book.

O'REILLY: All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. Thank you, as always.

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