Dennis Miller on Blago Trial, Helen Thomas' Explosive End

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," June 9, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Blagojevich, Helen Thomas and Tom Cruise, for some reason. Joining us from Los Angeles, the sage of Southern California, Dennis Miller.

All right, now the Blagojevich thing, as we reported, his lawyer is kind of telling the jury, you know, "Everybody else was bad, and he just didn't get it." And you say?

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DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I say I was doing some tongue push-ups before I came on the air and I strained my orbicularis, so bear with me.

O'REILLY: OK. You've got to get a cast on that. You know that, Miller?

MILLER: Let's see. Let's talk about Blago here. The political corruption crime of the century is — they refer to it in Chicago as Wednesday. I find Blagojevich to be a strange mix of Howdy Doody and Huey Long. And if I was the bailiff at that trial, I would wear a flame-retardant suit with that cast of characters, because there's a good chance that Bible they swear in on could go Presto-log at any given moment.

Blago is the personification of the Gertrude Stein assertion about Oakland, California, that there's no "there" there. But you take them lightly at your own peril, because it is a flimsy edifice. But the BS skim coat he put on it is smooth, man. And he can lull you into sort of kind of liking him. I've talked to the guy. So I'll be intrigued to see how this — this case plays out.

O'REILLY: All right. But the real importance of it is does it reach into the Oval Office? I mean, as Tamara pointed out, with the Sestak stuff and the other guy, and now there's a pattern of behavior about trying to manipulate who runs and who gets which seat, which is what the central portion of the federal government's case is against Blagojevich. You know, the judge has the power to bring the president of the United States into this trial. It will be very, very interesting to see if that happens.

MILLER: That's never, ever, ever going to happen, because Rahm Emanuel makes Rod Blagojevich look like Sir Thomas Moore. And they're never going to get to the president on this one. He makes Halderman look like an Amish minister. And you know something, Billy? I would play that — I would play that Sestak card. I would say that I wasn't being felonious here if I was Blago. I would say I was being presidential, and I would lean on that heavily.

O'REILLY: I don't know whether, Miller — I don't think the word "felonious" has really ever entered into the governor's mind.

MILLER: Well, I went to see — I went to a jazz club one night with Blago to see Felonious Monk, so I know it does play into his mind.

O'REILLY: OK. Helen Thomas. Now I know you have been an admirer of her for, what, 60 or 70 years. And you must be very sad to see her go.

MILLER: I'm sorry to see her go, because I literally believe she's the face of modern liberalism. It doesn't surprise me it turns out she's an anti-Semite, because whenever my mind's eye pictures her I put her in a burka. I don't care whether she wants to be in one or not. Helen Thomas has been a nasty piece of work now for nine decades. It's time she moved away and let a younger kid come in and miss the point as badly as she has.

O'REILLY: Now what about the freedom of speech factor? I get some mail that says, "Look, we don't like Ms. Thomas and what she stands for. But, you know, to get sacked because she's given a political opinion, that's dangerous." You say?

MILLER: When you're 89 you can't screw up. There's a lot of places you can't screw up. They're looking to whack you anyway, and they'll throw you out the door for a sidebar reason. The simple fact is, you're not as good as you were when you're 89 years old. I know people will say that's ageism. It's just a fact of life. You're nine decades in. You're not as sharp as you were. So they're going to use anything to get you out to the door.

If I was to think who they should replace her with, Billy, I would take the kid from the high school commencement speech who fell asleep behind Barack Obama. Put him right down in the middle, like that, just to remind him how they're putting us all to sleep with this crap right now.

O'REILLY: That kid — we've got to get that kid. Call that kid and see if we can get him on "The Factor" tomorrow night.

One more question about Helen Thomas. Remember when I got into that controversy with this women's group in New York, when I did the little Wicked Witch of the West imitation when she said something crazy? And we were doing the "Wizard of Oz" imitation? Just in fun and all of that. And the women's groups ran out and called me all kinds of names and I was this and I was that, because I did a little satire on the Wicked Witch of the East. OK. Now...

MILLER: I could tell when some — I could tell when you get a little — you know, you're such a straight guy from your upbringing. And I read your book and I know you a little now. You're such a straight guy and so polite with women. And Limbaugh is like this, too. You guys actually do feel a little bad if you feel like you've said something against an elderly woman. It wasn't that bad of a joke. We were just...

O'REILLY: No, it was a little riff. But my point is they came after me ferociously. It was all contrived by far-left people.

MILLER: Who cares?

O'REILLY: I didn't care. I got — I got five segments out of it, so — and great ratings. So it worked to my advantage. But isn't it funny that we never heard from any of these groups, these women's groups on this one? It was like, "Helen, hey, you're out of here." Gone. Nobody stuck up for her.

MILLER: Well, let me get — let me get them off your back and on to my vis-a-vis this issue, Billy. I'll say this about Helen Thomas, and this is the best thing I can probably say about her. I'm reasonably sure she didn't sleep herself to the stop.

O'REILLY: Well, Dennis Miller, everyone. We'll stay in the "Wizard of Oz" territory, let him handle that.

Now, for some reason, Miller wants to talk about Tom Cruise this evening. I don't know why, but we do have a film clip. Go.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I came, I saw. I hit them right there in the jaw. I came, I saw. I hit them right there in the jaw, in the jaw. Hey, you want what with me? I'm going to tell you one time don't (EXPLETIVE DELETED) with me. Get down because I ain't got nothing to lose. If I'm having a bad day, I'm going to take it out on you.


O'REILLY: That was Cruise dressed up like his character in "Tropic Thunder." Is that the movie, "Tropic Thunder"? Robert Downey Jr.? And that caught your eye, why?

MILLER: I've got to tell you, man, Cruise has resurrected himself. You know, he hit sort of a nadir when he weirded out on Oprah's couch. But I saw the trailer to this film. It looks like he doesn't take himself as seriously, like he's poking a little fun at himself. I like this move. And it just points out to you then in the 24/7 cycle we live in, if you just don't take yourself all that seriously and concede that you're just a human being who's out there fighting it and you're probably a bit over-monitored, anybody can get back. I saw that and I had to laugh at myself. I thought, good for Cruise. He seems like a good guy to me. And I admire him.

O'REILLY: All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. There he is.