The Dumbest, Craziest, and Most Useless iPhone Apps From A to Z

Politicians jumping on trampolines, the notorious baby shaker, and an app that teaches you how to properly French kiss -- these are the most bizarre and idiotic iPhone apps, from A to Z.


    inappropriate iPhone Apps, A to Z

    Apps and the iPhone go hand in hand. Unfortunately, among the useful tools and fun games you'll find countless insulting, offensive, and downright dumb apps -- many so egregiously offensive as to be banned from the iPhone. 

    A for Adult Tennis

    A. Adult Tennis Boobs An app that showcases chest shots from female tennis players around the world even let you sort by category -- blonde, brunette, or "special." Apple wasn't pleased and promptly banned it.
    AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth

    B Baby Shaker

    B. Baby Shaker The Baby Shaker employs the iPhone's motion-sensing technology to cruel end, allowing users to torture and silence a crying baby by vigorously shaking their phone. The app was so twisted, Apple was forced to pull it from the App Store following a wave of complaints.

    C Cow Toss

    C. Cow Toss Panned by many as perhaps the stupidest app ever written for the iPhone, Cow Toss's premise is simple: flick the image (left) of a cow with your finger to send it flying through space to earn points. Not dumb enough yet? The scoring system is completely arbitrary, too.
    Digital Thought

    D Drunk Sniper

    D. Drunk Sniper No list of idiotic apps would be complete without a bathroom game. Presenting the Drunk Sniper, the app that simulates the challenge of controlling one's stream when intoxicated. The more drinks you consume, the more the room sways. For the ladies, the developers promise "a chance to try walking in men's shoes."

    E eShaver

    E. eShaver File this one under completely useless. eShaver is a "new easy-to-use shaving system from Bainaholics" -- that doesn't actually shave, of course. If you were worried about the authenticity of this app, don't. It contains "high-quality sounds sampled from a real shaver." Yeah, these guys don't mess around.

    F FatBurner2k

    F. FatBurner2k This one's for the lazy and gullible. Never work out again with the FatBurner2k, "the only application for the iPhone specifically designed to vibrate fat molecules," according to the developers. Because who wouldn't want to "turn [their] iPhone into the gym that works on [their] terms?" But seriously, all it does is vibrate. They should call this the BatteryDrainer2k instead.

    G Ghetto Tweets

    G. Ghetto Tweets Ghetto Tweets is a Twitter tool that automatically converts your tweets into "street slang." But Apple wasn't down, dropping the ghetto translator after a flurry of complaints. Fo sheezy.
    Brent Coursey

    H Hangtime

    H. Hangtime Ever wonder how high you can throw your iPhone up in the air? No? Well you should because there's an app for that: Hangtime. That's right: toss your expensive smartphone in the air and this app will let you know exactly how far it goes and how long it takes to hit the earth -- for only 99 cents! (price does not include the replacement cost of a new iPhone)

    I iNap at Work

    I. iNap@Work The iNap@Work app promises to generate random office sounds -- mouse clicks, keyboard tapping, rustling paper -- to give workplace slackers a chance to doze under the radar. Which sounds okay in theory but really what's worse: to get caught napping, or to get caught using the iNap@Work app to pretend you're not?
    SilentLogic Studios

    J Jedi Star Name

    J. Jedi Star Name Ever wondered what your name would be if you were a Jedi? Wonder no more with this Star Wars name generator. The foolish is strong in this one.

    K Kiss Me

    K. Kiss Me Give your iPhone a nice big smooch and the Kiss Me app will give you "valuable" tips and even rate your kiss on a scale of 1 to 10 based on "how much time and attention you put into your kiss" -- yes, the kiss you just gave to your iPhone.

    L Love Calculator

    L. Love Calculator A classic silly app really, the Love Calculator promises to "test the love between two people by entering their names and then calculating their compatibility."
    Mobile Fun Spot

    M My Shoe

    M. My Shoe Remember George Bush's epic shoe dodge? Well, this app puts you in the place of the infamous thrower. Pretend to throw your iPhone without letting go and the app will calculate how far, hard, and accurate your toss was. Apple banished the game from its App Store.

    N Notes

    N. Notes Notes had good intentions, displaying a yellow-ruled pad for note-taking -- and it's inspired much hate among iPhone fans. Marco Arment, the creator of competitor Instapaper, blames Notes' ugly font. "There's absolutely no excuse for using the Market Felt font, an ugly, unreadable font in an application whose sole purpose is reading and writing text," he says.

    O Obama Trampoline

    O. Obama Trampoline The concept of this app is simple: select a known U.S. politician -- including President Obama --and have him or her jump on a virtual trampoline. Apple ended up banning the app, probably because it "ridicules public figures and is in violation of Section 3.3.12 from the iPhone SDK Agreement," according to cartoonist Tim Burks.

    P Passion

    P. Passion It's a testament to the day and age we're living in: We now have an app that tells us how good we are in bed. All you have to do is start up the app, put it on your bed ... and get to business. When you're done, press stop and Passion will rate you from 1 to 10.
    Chris Alvares

    Q Quit Smoking

    Q. Quit Smoking Calculator This app allows you to calculate the amount of money you'd save per year if you were to quit smoking today. But are any more likely to quit after using it? Doubtful.
    Unreal Media

    R for Roulette

    R. Russian Roulette This app allows you to "play Russian Roulette the safe way." But anything encouraging such use of firearms seems awfully inappropriate -- real or virtual.

    S Sexy Girl Talk

    S. Sexy Girl Talk: Sexy Alphabet Deluxe Never be lonely again. Sexy Girl Talk promises to be the perfect companion. Who wouldn't want to listen to the ABCs read aloud "in a sexual and sophisticated way" by a "professional voice model?" No amateurs allowed for the "deluxe" version.
    Lukasz Matablewski

    T Taxi Hold'em

    T. Taxi Hold'em Tired of waiting for a cab? Taxi Hold'em probably won't help very much. Tilt your iPhone to start the app, which begins flashing a black and yellow "TAXI" sign on your screen -- which should supposedly help you wave down those elusive New York City yellow cabs. Or you could just wave.
    Aldert Greydanus

    V Virtual Yeast

    V. Virtual Yeast Cell This app tells you everything you ever wanted to know about the basic structure of a yeast cell. Educational for students, completely useless for everyone else.
    University of Nottingham

    W Will You Marry Me

    W. Will You Marry Me Shimi Limor's app allows you to propose to a girl simply by typing your lady's name into the app. Press the "Propose to Her" button and you're all set -- now all she has to do is press "Yes" on the screen. Why would anyone propose to the girl of his dreams with an iPhone app? The app's description tries to justify itself: because people want to be "unique without being pathetic." Right...
    Shimi Limor

    X XWUZ Stack The Log

    X. XWUZ Stack the Log! This aim of this iPhone game is to stack logs "as precisely as you can" -- a great way to realize how much less bored you were before you started playing.

    Y Yoga4Dudes

    Y. Yoga4Dudes The guys at Stuff4Dudes seem to specialize in finding ways to repackage soft core porn in more acceptable ways -- which is essentially what Yoga4Dudes is: sexy women exercising. Steve Jobs wasn't fooled though as this one never made it to the App Store.

    Z Zips

    Z. Zips Because "zippers" are "sexy, suggestive, and seductive," reads the marketing material. Zips is a virtual zipper you can, well ... zip -- just drag your finger up and down on your iPhone screen. Keep things fresh by changing your underwear options with the tap of a finger. Power users can even add their own pics using the built-in camera functionality.
    Jake Landon
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