Why Do Call Girl Rings Have Black Books?

So there's one thing we've yet to see in the Eliot Spitzer scandal — and it's not his satin shorty robe, which remains with me, in my hope chest. I'm talking about the little black book.

For some reason, every call girl ring has a black book, usually kept by a hooker booker — a glorified accountant who spends her days writing things like, "Monique, one hour, not on the face."

Now these bookers are ready to deal with the feds, which means the book is about to be opened.

So it begs the bigger question: Why in God's name do call girl rings have black books? I understand priests having black books — they're called bibles, and they're perfect for hiding phone numbers of altar boys. But hookers?

How hard is it really just to use a chalkboard, like the Italian restaurant down the street, and simply erase the specials every night? Tonight: Mississippi Mud Curl, 25 percent off. Order now, get a free Monroe Transfer.

This black book calls into question the sanctity of the world's oldest profession. What is this world coming to when you can't trust a hooker? I've talked to mine about this, but all he wants to do is get out of his cage. His fruitless scratching at the tiles is troubling.

But Eliot Spitzer is to blame — here is a man who forced call girl rings to turn over evidence while he prosecuted them, and now he's on the other end — getting the same treatment. He's learning the hard way that saving one's ass always trumps getting a piece of another.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com