We're One Step Closer to Eating People

A while back I suggested a solution to all of our environmental ills: Eating people.

Eating people reduces consumption of other products by humans, as well as waste created by humans after said consumption — making the world a better place. Plus, with a high protein, low-carb diet, you're bound to look great in a satin shorty robe.

Well, I'm glad to say that were one step closer to this dream. Faced with global warming, farmers are now forced to turn crops into fuel. Ethanol is apparently the answer to our energy needs — even though it's forcing farmers to raise their prices and reducing supplies of food. I imagine this can't be good news for starving countries like Mazatlan.

How did we get to this point? Well, at the heart of global warming theology is a fundamental self-loathing for the human race, knitted into an overpowering sense of self-importance. The selfish human is what's wrong with the world — and hooray for me! — the sensitive, intelligent Prius driver, for saying so.

And now, with dwindling food and rising prices, we're approaching what the greenies really want — the sacrifice of humanity for a false god, global warming. Choosing this pagan religion over people can only mean, ultimately, cannibalism. So pass the ketchup and dig in. Just save me the rump.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com