Some Excuses Will Never Fly

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Where’s your homework? The dog ate it.

Why didn’t you eat your vegetables? I’m allergic.

Why were you caught zooming down the highway on your motorcycle at 129 mph when you don’t even have a driver’s license? I was looking for my wallet.

Some excuses will never fly.

A 19-year-old Oregon motorcyclist with only a learner’s permit could be forced to fork over a $7,353 fine after he was busted by cops high-tailing it down the highway at white-knuckle speeds, reports.

When the officer clocked him at 129 mph and chased him down, Curtis Joseph Rands told the trooper he was trying to find his wallet that he lost somewhere along the road.

Unless his wallet was attached to a jet pack, one has to wonder how, exactly, his hurried pace would aid in his search, but Rands offered no explanation.

The teen was taken into custody for reckless driving, which in Oregon is a class A misdemeanor.

'The Bleepin Truth'? I'll Vote for 'None of the Above'

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — Community television in Tampa got spicy this weekend after one man threw a chair at another man on a political debate show.

Joe Redner and Tony Katz have exchanged verbal jabs before on "The Bleepin Truth," a show that airs on Tampa Bay Community Network. But the tension climaxed when Katz threw a stool at Redner, hitting him on the head and back.

The two had been discussing Israel, but the debate turned personal when Katz called Redner a liar. Redner called him fat.

And thanks to the magic of TV, the whole fight was captured live.

Redner is a Democrat running for a Hillsborough commission seat. Katz is a Republican and host of an Internet talk show.

Show producers said certain procedures need to be addressed before the two can debate again.

Um, Yeah, 911? Hi ... There's Mustard on My Cheeseburger

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. (AP) — Only a third of 911 calls for help are actual emergencies, according to dispatchers who say some of the calls are simply wacky.

"People have called because they went through the drive-thru and their order was wrong," said California Highway Patrol dispatcher Dennis Kirchner. "People call because they're lost."

There are so many ridiculous calls, dispatchers don't recall many of the details. One, for instance, was a report of a tumbleweed across a highway.

"It's hard to remember the standouts because there's so many stupid things we get," Kirchner said.

Terri Minogue, a senior dispatcher at the Santa Cruz Consolidated Emergency Communications Center, remembers a 911 call from a man who said there were two dead bodies in a car.

Minogue had dispatched sheriff's deputies to the Highway 1 location before realizing the call was a sham. The caller went on to describe a vampire with fangs reaching down from the top of the car.

"He sounded so straight-up before he started talking about the vampires," Minogue said.

Still, emergency dispatchers have to treat every call like an emergency.

"When people call in we will document it, unless it's outrageously stupid," Kirchner said.

Outrageously stupid calls include people who have lost their cars at the mall, misplaced their keys, are stuck in traffic and want to know what's wrong or can't get their baby to stop crying.

Neener Neener Neener ... Wait ... It Seems I'm a Moron

NEW YORK (AP) — A taunting missive containing a white powder that was sent to a police station ended with "Catch me if you can."

Police had no trouble catching the suspect: He signed the letter and included his return address on the envelope.

Abdullah Date, 18, was charged with sending the threatening letter to the 73rd Precinct in Brooklyn and ordered held without bail, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Thursday in Brooklyn federal court. The white powder turned out to be harmless.

Authorities said Date, who was arrested Tuesday, has had other run-ins with police. But the complaint only addressed an incident last month in which Date allegedly threw vials of crack out of the window of his Brooklyn home while police watched.

The obscenity-filled letter, which authorities said was mailed in anger over the drug bust, said: "Ha, Ha (you) thought it was anthrax." It ended with "Catch me if you can," and was signed "Abdullah Date," according to the complaint. His home address appeared on the envelope, it said.

Mmm ... Fugitive Truckload of Doughnuts

RICHLAND, Washington (AP) — When someone stole a truck full of doughnuts, police sprung into action.

An all-points bulletin was issued moments after the theft of the Viera's Bakery van was reported early Friday in Kennewick.

A Benton County sheriff's deputy quickly spotted the truck. After a chase, Richland police got it to stop and arrested the driver, Steve Swoboda, 19, for investigation of auto theft and felony escape.

Still intact was the entire load of glazed, sugar and cream doughnuts, as well as some apple fritters.

"In 24 years in law enforcement I've never had a call like that," Richland police Capt. Randy Barnes said. "To steal a bakery truck, how clever is that?"

"It kind of sticks out," Kennewick police Sgt. Ken Lattin said.

The truck was taken while the driver, Gilberto Gonzales, left the engine running during a stop. Gonzales asked the clerk if he recalled seeing a man who had been standing in front of the store.

"The clerk said, 'Yeah, that guy's been wanting a ride to Richland for a while,"' said Mario Viera, one of the operators of the bakery.

Viera said he was happy that none of the load was lost "but I'm going to make sure Gilberto doesn't leave the keys in the truck any more."

Thanks to Out There readers Rob E and Greg M.

Ladies and Gentleman, Meet the Not-So-Good News Bible

HUNTINGTON, Ind. (AP) — There was more than Good News in Amy Duckworth's Bible. Duckworth, 28, was sentenced Monday to six months in prison for smuggling cocaine to her jailed husband inside two Bibles.

Judge Pro Tem Tom Hakes gave her four years each on two charges of trafficking with an inmate, and ordered her to serve 90 days on each count. The remainder of both terms will be served as probation.

Duckworth, who has three children, does not have a criminal history.

"When I committed this offense, I wasn't thinking about my children," she said, reading from a written statement. "It only took one time to learn a lesson."

Duckworth had admitted to placing bags of cocaine in the spines of two Bibles and having them delivered in March to her husband, Anthony Duckworth, who was in jail on a misdemeanor charge of visiting a common nuisance.

Thanks to Out There reader Kenneth C.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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