Sinister Squirrel Embarks on Seven-Day Reign of Terror

It seems the residents of Winter Park, Fla., can rest easy as unspeakable evil has met its just end.

It was an unrivaled force of destruction capable of inspiring sheer terror in the hearts of the stoic. It was a sinister picnic crasher hell-bent on havoc. It was a vicious villain who seemed to take pleasure in inflicting injury on the innocent.

It was a squirrel. And it was one bad rodent.

When word spread about the demise of the squirrel in Winter Park's Central Park, more and more of its victims came forward with tales of unprovoked fury and picnics crashed.

Dylan Osborne, 19, says he could’ve ended the critter’s seven-day reign of terror if authorities would’ve heeded his call, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

He and his friends were celebrating a birthday in the park when they came face to face with the furry fiend’s fury. The squirrel jumped on his friend, latched on to her leg and bit her. When they shook it off, it attacked her shoes as they lay by the fountain.

When Osborne went to swat it away, it turned on him.

"It started getting in attack position towards me," he said.

Osborne caught the critter mid-flight in a cake box and called the authorities, but after a few hours the squirrel began chewing through his impromptu cage. Even after trading the box for a bucket, they were forced to let the menace free after waiting for city workers who never came.

"I was furious," Lance Osborne, Dylan’s father, said. "My son basically sat on top of this squirrel on a cake box and on a bucket in downtown Winter Park, and no one did anything about it."

"Normally we don't respond to squirrels," Dil Luther, assistant manager for the animal-services division, said.

Alisa Cox and her 3-year-old son, Carson, were walking through the park when they saw a frightened woman being chased by a squirrel coming in their direction.

Before they knew it, the squirrel gave up on the lady and went medieval on Carson’s leg.

"He's just so terrified," Cox said. "He told his daddy, 'I want you to go back there and run him over with the car.'"

Authorities were eventually able to catch the squirrel with a litter trapper, but not before a failed attempt in which they tried to subdue it with pepper spray.

"All it does is fuel my fires that it's been going on for a full week," said James Klute, whose son was attacked while kicking a soccer ball in the park. "Once it happens once, someone should go out and do something."

Thanks to Out There readers Jason W. and Bonni F.

Send This Merry Maid Marauder to My Place, Stat

CHARLESTON, W.Va.(AP) — When Debbie Phillips tried to report a crime, police just snickered.

"I told him that someone came into my house and cleaned," the president of the Putnam County School Board said. "He just laughed."

The problem wasn't that her home smelled a little fresher or looked a little tidier. The problem was that Phillips had no idea who the mystery cleaner was.

Her husband denied cleaning up the joint. So did her next-door neighbor. Everyone she asked denied responsibility.

All she knew was the rugs weren't where she had left them that morning in June. Trinkets had been rearranged and in the master bedroom, the bed was made differently.

It didn't look like anything had been stolen, but she couldn't be sure.

Nearly a month passed before the mystery was solved. Her son called her at work recently after a cleaning lady arrived at the front door.

As it turns out, her neighbor across the street, with a similar house number, the same number of rooms to be cleaned and a house key hidden in a similar spot outside, had hired a cleaning service.

"They just came to the wrong door," Phillips said.

Thanks to Out There readers Rob E. and John C.

Wait, Unicorns Are Real? And Sighted?! And Literate?!!

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — An giant sculpture of a unicorn that went missing in Columbus, Ohio, has returned in almost mythical fashion.

It disappeared last weekend from a small park across from Thurber House, the museum that was once the home of author James Thurber. And the unicorn apparently has its own tale to tell.

There was a note underneath when someone out for a walk discovered the four-foot-tall bronze sculpture back on its pedestal yesterday morning.

In part, the note said: "Sorry if I caused a fuss, but I just needed to see the world outside of my shrine." It was signed "Unicorn."

Police took the note as evidence. The unicorn was unharmed.

'One of Those Restoring-Your-Faith-in-Mankind Things'

PALM HARBOR, Fla. (AP) — William Fogarty doesn't understand the fuss. He just forgot to pay a parking ticket.

When he finally realized it, the 86-year-old retiree made good and mailed in a money order — to pay a $1 ticket he got 60 years ago.

Fogarty got the ticket in Norfolk, Va., in May 1946. Soon after, he bought a $1 money order to pay the fine but forgot to send it in. About a month ago, as he was looking through a box of collectibles from his Navy days, Fogarty discovered a wallet with the money order inside.

So he wrote a letter to the Norfolk Police Department and included the money order.

"At my age, when I go out of here, I don't want to owe anyone a dime," he told the St. Petersburg Times.

Fogarty's money order will not be cashed, Norfolk police Officer Chris Amos said. Instead, it will be framed and displayed in the department's museum.

"It's one of those restoring-your-faith-in-mankind things," Amos said.

Thanks to Out There reader Rob E.

And Now This From the Saucy Idiots With Spare Time Dept.

MARION, Ind. (AP) — Ten to 15 people wearing masks left six 40-gallon trash bags full of taco sauce packets at a Taco Bell restaurant in what police described as a prank.

A note attached to the bags said the group had been accumulating them for the past three years, storing them in the trunk of a car, authorities said.

Police have suspended their investigation into the Tuesday night prank in the city about 50 miles northeast of Indianapolis without any arrests, said Marion Deputy Police Chief Cliff Sessoms.

"From everything we've got here, there doesn't appear that there has been any crime committed," he said. "It looks more like a prank than it does anything else, but not a very funny one because you've got that number of people coming in there with their faces covered up."

A spokesman for Taco Bell said he's never heard of people returning so many unused packets of sauce.

"I've heard a lot of people accumulate sauce packets in their glove compartments. We know people keep things and it's a pretty common phenomenon, but to have that many, I've never heard of that," said spokesman Rob Poetsch.

He said the packets would not be used, for safety reasons.

Thanks to Out There reader Rob E.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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