Scientists: Hillary Clinton's a Lady ... When It Comes to Her Speech

She may be feisty on the campaign trail, but Sen. Hillary Clinton is more ladylike than her hubby when it comes to her speech.

Researchers at two American universities studied Clinton's speech patterns to see how she stands up to a male political speaker, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. They chose her husband, former President Bill Clinton, for comparison.

"Even though Hillary Clinton is a politician herself, she still follows, to some extent, the historic designation of women's language as the language of the non-powerful," researchers Camelia Suleiman of Florida International University and Daniel O'Connell of Georgetown University write in the Journal of Psycholinguistic Research.

The study found that the New York senator was more likely to use "ladylike talk," i.e. proper grammar, when speaking with interviewers. On the other hand, her Arkansas-bred husband peppered his speech with phrases like oughta, somethin', cuz and lemme.

Hillary preferred to drop "so" and "you know" more often. Just so you know.

Are You a Cucumber or a Banana Kind of Fella?

Doctors have a new weapon in the war against male bedroom woes.

Singapore's Society for Men's Health and a pharmaceutical firm are proposing a firmness scale to help men determine what degree of erectile dysfunction they may have, Reuters reports.

The proposed scale would have men rate themselves as a cucumber, unpeeled banana, peeled banana or tofu in bed.

"Men should aim for this," said Victoria Lehmann, a British sex therapist, while wielding a cucumber at a news conference, Reuters reports.

The experts admit there's nothing scientific about it — men will have to judge for themselves. Thus far no medical authority has endorsed the firmness scale.

Woman Turns Minivan Into Goat-Mobile

SHERIDAN, Wyo. (AP) — Shirley Weidt says people should stop complaining about the goat in her minivan. After all, there's plenty of room in the ba-a-a-ack with the seats removed.

Despite protests from some residents, city animal control officer Ray Buhr said Weidt isn't violating any laws or treating the animal cruelly.

"The van is kept clean," Buhr said. "We've checked several times. There's really nothing in ordinances or state statutes that says she can't do that. The goat is entirely happy in there."

Weidt said it's "nobody's business" if she keeps her goat in a van. The goat is in the van so it won't escape, she said.

Beverly Saxton, who lives near property Weidt owns, thinks keeping the goat in the minivan is cruel.

"A farm animal should have the opportunity to graze and exercise," Saxton said. "When it's trapped in a van, it doesn't have those possibilities. That's not an environment for an animal. That's hideous."

Other residents have voiced similar concerns about the goat.

Buhr said he doesn't like the goat being in the van either, but he said the animal has food and water, and the back seats have been removed for more room.

Buhr said animal control officers will continue to check on the goat, noting that once summer arrives, it might be too hot for the goat to stay in the van.

They Call It Jail ... Not the Ritz

WICHITA, Kansas (AP) — Jail food is generally not supposed to be artfully presented gourmet cuisine.

But for two Kansas officials, the food at a jail in their county proved to be particularly vile.

County Commissioners Gwen Welshimer and Kelly Parks ate at the Sedgwick County jail Monday after receiving an anonymous tip about the food. They asked to be served the same lunch inmates were served that day, The Wichita Eagle reported in its Wednesday editions.

What they got was mashed potatoes, two slices of white bread, lettuce, canned apple slices and five meatballs that Welshimer said "could've been horse meat for all I know."

Welshimer said she barely touched the food.

"Especially if you ate the entire thing, you'd get sick. ... There is no flavor of any kind. OK, maybe they [inmates] don't need flavor, but there should be some way to determine that you're eating."

Parks said he ate the meal, but he had to take medication in the afternoon to help his upset stomach.

While jail meals are not required to look or taste good, they must meet dietary and nutrition guidelines in the county's contract with its jail food service provider, ABL Management. An ABL dietitian ensures that the three meals served each day total 2,700 calories, chief deputy David Thompson said.

Thompson did not respond specifically to Welshimer's comments but said the jail has had some problems with ABL, which is paid $1.01 for each jail meal.

ABL did not immediately return a call seeking comment Wednesday.

Thompson said he takes the complaints serious and will ask a dietitian with the county health department to determine if the jail's menu meets dietary needs.

Little Garage of Dental Horrors

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — A man is accused of performing dental work without a license in his "filthy" garage.

Roger Bean, 60, performed denture fittings and made false teeth in his garage, charging just $200 for a full set of dentures, a procedure that typically costs more than $2,000, authorities said.

Palm Beach County Sheriff's detective Don Zumpano said there were "health risks with operating this type of facility outside of your house," adding that Bean's workspace was "filthy."

Neighbors and clients, however, praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.

Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal.

"He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel newspaper. "I think the world of him."

It was not immediately clear if Bean had an attorney.

Robber So Rich He Can Flush It All Away

CANTON, Ohio (AP) — A sheriff said the evidence was exactly where a bank robbery suspect claimed it would be — a toilet.

The suspect, who investigators believe took part in robbing the Bank of Magnolia on April 20, cut up stolen money stained red by an exploding dye pack and flushed it down a toilet at his parents' home, Stark County Sheriff Tim Swanson said.

Acting on a tip, sheriff's deputies arrested the suspect on Monday while he was playing cards at a bar. The suspect told deputies where they could find the money, Swanson said.

Deputies with a search warrant removed the toilet from its plumbing and found shredded U.S. currency in the toilet trap, Swanson said.

The suspect was being held on a charge of aggravated robbery, a county jail officer said. Bond was set at $50,000.

Doogie Howser Meets His Match

BLOOMFIELD HILLS, Mich. (AP) — A 19-year-old suburban Detroit resident is on track to graduate from The University of Michigan after just a year of study.

Nicole Matisse is to officially graduate in the summer with a bachelor's degree in psychology.

As a student at Lahser High School, Matisse had exhausted the curriculum by her junior year. Between the exams she passed on eight advanced placement courses and the eight classes she took at Oakland Community College, she had amassed enough credits to enter the university last fall as a junior.

"When I got to U-M, I only took 19 credits, and I was bored and craved more credits," she told The Detroit News for a Wednesday story. "So even when I took 27 credits this semester, I felt I could have added even more."

It is unclear whether any other students have done what Matisse will accomplish this year, but Donna Wessel Walker, assistant director of the honors program, said she's never seen it happen.

"She's taking in one semester the course load that most people take in two," Wessel Walker said. "She is one determined young lady."

Matisse's next step is to start as a first-year student at the Wayne State University law school in Detroit.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Sara Bonisteel.

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