While it's always somewhat fascinating to watch a billionaire get kicked to the curb, Mark Cuban's eviction from "Dancing with the Stars" wasn't even close to the most dramatic thing that occurred on the show this week.
Far from it, as a matter of fact. The rapidly shrinking Mavericks owner — he's lost something like 30 pounds — pretty much had two left feet from the get-go, but his charm and determination made fans vote for him despite his dismal scores. Still, viewer support could only carry him so far.
The drama this week came from Marie Osmond, who ended up passing out just as the judges were critiquing her samba.
Now, fainting is a common reality show story line — I still haven't forgotten Aaron, the guy who couldn't stop crying on "Hell's Kitchen 3" or Rebecca from "America's Next Top Model 4" — but Marie's spell somehow seemed more dramatic than any that had come before.
The woman wanted high scores so badly — talking about how she was going for 10s during rehearsals and grinning so enthusiastically during her critique — it almost made sense that her body couldn't withstand the pressure.
The entire incident left me questioning not only whether those on reality shows pass out more than regular people, but also why such dramatic falls never seems to work in the passed out person's favor. (Sure, the fainters tend to stay around for a few episodes afterward, but Rebecca and Aaron were hardly the winners on their respective shows and poor Marie woke up to a trio of 7s.)
While Marie's samba was a bit disappointing, others continued to improve and impress: Jane Seymour's rumba was sexier than any 56-year-old woman's dancing has a right to be, Sabrina Bryan's was even hotter, Jennie Garth rose to the booty-shaking occasion fantastically, Mel B's samba was declared the "best of the night" by Bruno and Cameron Mathison completely converted me into his No. 1 fan through both his sharp samba and very-much-growing-on-me personality.
Meanwhile, over on "The Bachelor," Brad Womack's No. 1 fan had a rough time being eliminated. Crying jags are, of course, as commonplace as fainting spells on reality television (Moana from "The Bachelor Paris," the lovely Andre Gonzalo on "Project Runway 2," Andrea Lowell on "The Surreal Life," who sobbed because she wasn't as famous as everyone else and, of course, the aforementioned Aaron on "Hell's Kitchen 3," to name but a few) but "The Bachelor" ones tend to occur after eliminations, meaning after it's too late for your dramatic behavior to save you.
Hillary's breakdown was also notable because she managed to turn Brad's rejection of her into a sobfest about wanting her dad to be proud of her and also because absolutely no effort was made to save the poor girl from the volumes of eye makeup streaking her under-eyes and cheeks. It was, in fact, almost impossible to concentrate on what she was saying because of what was happening on her face.
If he'd had a fainting spell or crying jag, would Mark Cuban still be on "Dancing with the Stars"? Well, that's a question not even a few billion could answer.
Anna David is a freelance writer. Her novel, "Party Girl," is in stores now.