Ladies Night in Space

For the first time in 50 years, two women will be in charge of space: Pamela Melroy will be operating the Discovery and Peggy Whitson will run the space station.

I'm sure some men are laughing, but not me. I think all astronauts should be women.

For one, it's a fact that women are excellent drivers, but lousy parkers. In space, it's all about driving and no parking. It's not like you need to parallel park the Discovery between an asteroid and a satellite. If that were true, though, with a woman driver, we'd be there all day. Am I right fellas?

Also, as long as a woman runs the space station, it will never run out of toilet paper. Single men never have any toilet paper. Women always have excess rolls. This is great, in case you eat any bad space food.

And, I love the idea of space being kept safe by two people named Peggy and Pam! I'm sure if we run into any space aliens, they'll be enamored by their delightful smell: A mix of Ralph Lauren Romance and Tide.

Even better, if they don't get their hair cut, gravity can create disturbing — even arousing — hairstyles.

All in all, female astronauts make perfect sense. Just don't let them near the remote. Am I right fellas? Am I right?

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: