Greg's Public Relations Plan for Oprah's Latest Mess

So Oprah Winfrey is in hot water.

A dormitory matron at her school — the Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa — is accused of indecent assault on some students, prompting Winfrey to hold a tearful press conference Monday morning.

Here are my thoughts, Oprah, because I know you're wondering:

Never hire anyone named "Tiny" to work at a school. I am referring to the accused, Tiny Virginia Makopo, who faces 13 charges.

This I know: Tiny is rarely an affectionate term. Generally, it's a nickname reserved for both prison guards and their larger inmates. If your screening process only had one step, Oprah, it should have been "no Tinies."

Houseboys named Tiny are a different story, though — they're cute.

So how can Oprah emerge from this a better person? I suggest a "healing process." It's the thing-to-do whenever something bad happens.

This healing process usually includes going to rehab and then going on Oprah. And herein lies the problem. If the healing process requires an interview by Oprah, then the only solution requires that Oprah interview herself. I would pay to see that — especially if she makes herself cry and then offers herself a tissue!

That's good TV, people and you don't even need any striking writers to make it!

And that's my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: