Published January 14, 2015
Want to get her all hot n’ bothered? Do housework. Research by psychologist John Gottman shows that men who help out around the house have happier sex lives and better marriages. While it’s hard to imagine that you can mop and wash your way to hotter sex, it seems like a piece of cake when cleaning is turned into sex play.
While men have, in recent years, gotten better about helping out around the house, taking care of the home is still very much the woman’s job, in addition to her daytime job. A recent report released by a European Commission found that, on average, a woman in the European Union with a paid job spent 25.5 hours per week doing domestic and family work, while men devoted 7.8 hours weekly to such.
Such a workload discrepancy can have major consequences when it comes to a couple’s sex life and overall relationship. It works greatly to a man's benefit to help out with housework. In his over 30-year career studying why people’s relationships succeed or fail, Gottman has learned that men who pitch-in more frequently have more and a higher quality of sex.
Among the reasons for this:
— Couples spend less time arguing over who is going to do what and when. Instead, they have more time to do “it.”
— A woman interpret a man's willingness to do household chores as him showing how much he cares about her. She likes that he understands his responsibilities.
— His help quiets her mind and allows her to have the clean space to get down ‘n dirty in.
Then there’s the fact that some people need to have an orderly environment to be productive or good at anything. Personally, I can’t tackle a project, let alone think about anything sexy, unless things around me are in order. A fresher environment makes for getting fresh in every way. I know other sexy self-employed women who are with me on this one.
Finally, the great appeal in him doing housework is that every act contributes to a more sex-positive environment, one that’s more sexually inviting. Doing any of the following activities not only makes for a cleaner love nest, but contributes to better sex, with the carnal element being totally up to your level of creativity…
Doing Laundry — People like nothing more than to get their clean sheets dirty. But they must be purified, along with all of your garments, first. Luckily, lovers have long been fascinated with the washing machine’s reputation for rhythmic action. She can be hoisted up on the washer, with the heat soon warming her buttocks, increasing blood flow and sensations to her groin.
Lovers can let the washer be their guide, making their actions in sync with the washer’s rhythm, getting faster and faster with its motions. Things only get wilder as the spin cycle kicks into high gear…
Washing Dishes — Warm water, bubbly suds, a good scrub — Who says that’s only reserved for bathroom play? Put all four hands to work, suggestively attending to your dishes as you would to each other. Allow yourselves to feel the other’s movements, noting the pressure, rhythm, and artistic movements. Kick things up a notch by hopping up on the sink’s edge and putting its spray nozzle to work. Have fun directing the spray of water at any hot spot you’re willing to expose.
Dusting — Feather dusters were practically made for foreplay. So make sure you have one for cleaning and another for grazing your lover’s skin every opportunity you get.
Vacuuming — Turning on the vacuum can rev your lover up as well, if done fantasy style. Who hasn’t daydreamed about a hot, naked housekeeper? Become that, vacuuming in your birthday suit, or your sexiest apron.
Straightening Up — “Clean your room” never sounded so good, especially when you’ve got more than one room to christen. In making things spic-and-span, reward each other with anything from a simple to an acrobatic sex act on every cleared space. You may never look at your computer desk, dresser, dining room table… in quite the same way.
Scrubbing the Tub — Wrap up your efforts in making your bathtub sparkling clean. Then reward yourselves with a nice soak, made even better with some sensual massage.
Turning cleaning into opportunities for foreplay can have couples looking forward to housework. It can also boost their sense of togetherness in becoming a titillating team in their efforts.
Whether you want help with the housework or want to lend a hand, don’t be shy in asking for the help you need. You want to do this directly, but without complaining or pulling a “poor me” routine. Over the years, in being a perfectionist, control-freak with cleaning, I’ve asked to do everything but take out the garbage and scrub the shower.
You do those two things without prompting or complaint, and I’m perfectly happy. Hopefully, your lover is as easy to please.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."