It's sad face time for everyone here at "Red Eye."
The Caribbean monk seal is now extinct, having joined the list of species that have left this lovely planet since the Earth began 4,000 years ago. Other species that have recently left us include the Atlantic gray whale and the stellar sea cow. And no, that's not Joy Behar.
Although the seals extinction was accelerated by blubber hunting, others pin it on erosion and changing weather.
I really don't have a clue. After all, my winter coat, made of monk seal pelt, was given to me as a gift, as well as my monk seal shorty robe and my monk seal thong, which I'm wearing right now — backwards.
Anyhow, color me ambivalent. I like animals, but I also think that if something's extinct, that's life. We lost the dinosaurs 65 million years ago, and thank God we did. If not, we'd have giant mounds of dinosaur poop clogging our streets and subways. And we'd probably have no choice but to eat it, or possibly smear it across our chests in kinky dinosaur poop films.
But look, we are a culture that embraces evolution, and if survival of the fittest kicks you out of the game, then we, the survivors, should pay our respects and move on. I don't want to hear about how humans are destroying the planet.
In my mind, monk seals were adorable. But sometimes adorable doesn't always pay the rent, or Kirk Cameron would still have a job.
And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a bedwetter.