Dennis Miller On Bald Britney, Obama And More

This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," February 21, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly reporting from Southern California.

In our weekly "Miller Time" segment, Dennis Miller must be thrilled to be here on the set with me. And here he is.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Dr. O'Reilly.

O'REILLY: Nice to see you.

MILLER: Welcome to the left coast, my friend.

O'REILLY: I want to tell you, your radio shows starts on Westwood One on Monday, I believe.

MILLER: No, March 26.

O'REILLY: March 26, all right.

MILLER: Nice to have you on here, Bill. I'm sure that the showbiz community...

O'REILLY: They love me. You saw — you saw how we were greeted at the Beverly Hilton with Obama's fundraiser. You saw how much they loved us.

MILLER: I'm sure. I'm sure some people wanted to give you your own land mine on Hollywood Boulevard. I did not receive my invitation either. Evidently, it was in an envelope with Michael Richards'.

But I was curious where you were going so I watched the Weather Channel last night, and they had no reports about hell freezing over. So I knew you had...

O'REILLY: I wanted to go. I wanted to see how he conducted himself, and I wanted to see the interaction with the Hollywood crew. But did you ever hear of a politician — you know how these guys want to be — attention is like heroin to these guys. All right? And this guy doesn't want the press in there. What do you think?

MILLER: I think we've moved the training schedule up by around eight months. And that he's playing it smart right now.

O'REILLY: You think it's smart.

MILLER: I don't think he can take the Elvis thing, which is a great analogy, into the barn, but let's face facts. This usually starts 12 months out. We're starting 17 months out. If I was him I would rope a dope like that the next five months.

O'REILLY: Would you? OK, so you think he's shrewd in doing what he's doing. Next February 5th — that's February 5 — is all the primaries. That's the day. So it's less than a year away. Because that's when you're going to know.

Next February 5 you will know because the California primary is probably going to be moved up in New York. Now, do you think he has a shot?

MILLER: Yes, I do. And I didn't until yesterday. But I can see now she's — she's spooked. I think Hillary Clinton at least realizes now that in the eyes of Hollywood she is a sequel and he is a 4,000 screen rollout of a fresh new film that might get them the Palme d'Or. And I think that's got to make her a little freaked out.

O'REILLY: The Palme d'Or is an award that's given out in France, correct?

MILLER: Yes, it's cache. That's what Obama gets them.

O'REILLY: It's my job here to translate what Miller is saying to the folks out there. Sometimes I don't know what you're saying, and then I'll just leave it.

But she's coming next week, Hillary, and Spielberg is throwing her a little deal. Right. Are you going to that?

MILLER: I'm not interested in Hillary. I'm a Rudy guy.

But listen, Hillary Clinton looked bad yesterday because Obama is the new and at the very least she should look co-joined with the new. She looks very old to me now.

And this Wolfson thing that they released today, this press release. Listen, David Geffen is a friend of mine. And he's always been kind to me and my wife, but let me say this — he is a big, big brain. And you know how they always tell you that Bill Clinton is the biggest brain around? He does not want to lock horns with David Geffen, because he's going to end up looking like Larry the Cable Guy.

O'REILLY: Well, tell me about that. Because I was having dinner last night with some Hollywood pinheads. And actually you know who I ate with last night? Gary Sinise, who is a patriot, this guy. And let me tell you more about him. He is doing more for their troops. Gary Sinise is so solid.

But I was in one of these swell restaurants and somebody said don't mess with David Geffen. Like I'm supposed to be scared of David Geffen?

MILLER: It's not scared. I'm just saying that, listen, at any given time I think there are a dozen guys who have a great overview. They dwell in the ether. They see the whole thing. They get it. And Geffen gets it. And I'm telling you it's intriguing that he's already off the case on Hillary Clinton.

O'REILLY: Is it just because he has so much money. Is that why he's...

MILLER: It's just because he's smart. I'm telling you, when you talk to him you walk away going that guy...

O'REILLY: I met him once and he whipped out a cross.

MILLER: No, he's like Bobby Fisher. He is four moves down the board.

O'REILLY: All right. Now you had lunch with Rudy. Real quick, why did you do that?

MILLER: Well, listen, I'm going to vote for Giuliani. And I'm going try the do the best I can...

O'REILLY: Is he buying lunch for everybody who's going to vote for him?

MILLER: No, no, it was 50 people. I sat next to the mayor. And he was a good man. He had a good sense of humor. They had salmon on the menu, but he served up the red meat.

And I'll tell you, this guy is — as far as reinvigorating the brand. You know, there's a lot of people out there across the country who are looking around going we're going mad with terror. The fact that we want to put detainees into the same legal system — although that abated somewhat yesterday with that court ruling — the same legal system that has O.J. golfing this afternoon is madness to most people.

O'REILLY: Now if Giuliani runs against Obama you think he wins?

MILLER: Yes. I think he's really impressive, because I think most of those guys have to circumvent their way around their beliefs. Hillary Clinton's thing on Iraq now, I mean, it's so convoluted it's got more twists than Lombard Street. I think a guy like Giuliani can come out and speak his mind...

O'REILLY: Lombard Street is in San Francisco. It's a very windy.

MILLER: This stump speech...

O'REILLY: I got to get an atlas and a dictionary to talk to Miller.

MILLER: He is very impressive.

O'REILLY: All right. Now are you in rehab, by the way?

MILLER: No.

O'REILLY: Britney was in rehab for about ten minutes, and now she's not in rehab. This is a joke, right? This rehab thing.

MILLER: Let me say this. I think that the word rehab is a bit of a misnomer because to rehab you have to have habbed already. And I think that's what a lot of these kids have — they've not had a childhood.

O'REILLY: They have not habbed.

MILLER: Yes. I mean, and really, I think this is a safe respite for her.

Look, when I was her age I had the impulse control of a protozoa. I'm telling you, if I had had money, God knows if I would have went off the straight and narrow.

I think this girl needs to get into rehab and forced rehab. Take a little time. Because their whole life is predicated on somebody opening a velvet rope to let them in.

O'REILLY: Right.

MILLER: And in rehab, they've got to open the velvet rope to let you out.

O'REILLY: But she clearly doesn't want to do it. Now, the...

MILLER: Who does at first, Bill? They've got to hit the gutter.

O'REILLY: You've got to want to do it for it to be effective. The late night guys are just raking her crazy. You know, and you're in that milieu in the sense you're a comedian. I find that almost cruel. Britney Spears?

MILLER: Listen, it gets to a point with people where your spider sense tells you there's fake showbiz trouble, which is ripe for parody. There's real trouble — I'd say that the whiff around this girl...

O'REILLY: So you're not going to be mocking Britney Spears?

MILLER: I hope her mother gets in there. If I was her mother I'd just bar the door.

O'REILLY: But she's 25.

MILLER: Your kid's going to be 25. My kid's going to be 25. If I knew they were this — I would kick the door in. I would just say, "Hey, guess what? I'm on you like Rizzo on Sinatra for the next two months until you get your head together."

O'REILLY: No, I would — there would be an intervention and they'd be in the middle of the Himalayas someplace with Tibetan monk looking at them. You think I'm kidding?

MILLER: No.

O'REILLY: They'd be in Bhutan. OK?

MILLER: It's all that matters at some point. I went to Bhutan this year.

O'REILLY: That's where — if my kid were acting like that. Right in the middle of the Himalayas, OK? If you want rehab, there it is. Check out, it's an avalanche.

MILLER: Om.

O'REILLY: There you go.

All right. Dennis Miller, now his radio show is coming up in March, and I want everybody to listen to it. And you're going to continue the "Miller Time" segment here, right?

MILLER: Bill, I can't tell you.

O'REILLY: This is huge.

MILLER: I'm recognized again being on this show. Thank you very much.

O'REILLY: Nice to see you, man.

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