Beer Bellies Be Banned?

Seriously, dude. No one wants to see that.

Before you go baring that beer belly in public, you’d better check to see if your need to be free flies with the locals.

This summer’s skyrocketing temperatures have led local lawmakers in the UK to consider bans on public nudity of the middle-aged shirtless man variety, The Daily Mail reports.

"There is a problem," government minister Nicholas Bennett said. "In my part of the country we are trying to revitalize the main shopping precinct.”

"But one of the things that is depressing for anyone going shopping is the numbers of shaven-headed men, mainly in their 30s and 40s, who seem to think people want to see their torsos."

The proposed laws would work just like the statutes that ban drinking in the streets or loitering: if you choose to lose your gut cover, a cop can choose to remove you from public.

"It is an unfortunate thing, but those men who like best to bare their stomachs are the ones who have too much stomach," Bennett said.

Though some towns doubt the feasibility of protecting the public’s eyes from these gut-loving guys’ battle with the bulge, Bennett and his backers insist that a little modesty would go a long way — especially in the eyes of the offended.

Beware the Sticky-Fingered Style Shifter

WASHINGTON (AP) — Police in the Washington region are warning bank tellers about a thief they have dubbed the "Wig Lady."

Authorities say a short, well-dressed middle-aged woman has been walking into banks in Montgomery County, Md., and the District of Columbia wearing wigs and other accessories to impersonate account holders.

She has stolen more than $200,000 from the checking accounts of at least 20 women since September, said Montgomery police Detective Brandon Mengedoht, who calls it one of the most brazen schemes he has investigated.

To pull it off, police say the woman first deposits a random check she has made out to the account holder — and through that transaction obtains the victim's account number.

Then, sometimes that same day, she uses fake or stolen identification and the victim's stolen debit card to get the teller to process a withdrawal. By the time the original check bounces, she's gone.

"She's friendly, personable," Mengedoht said. "She wants to get in with the teller."

The thief's hair looks old-lady white in some surveillance photos, black in others, with several shades in between. The youngest victim is in her 30s, and the oldest is in her late 80s.

One of the victims, Margaret Kohn, 58, believes her wallet was stolen in March while she was riding the subway into the city.

By the time the lawyer notified her bank and other credit-card companies, one of her credit cards had been used to charge $670 at a Target store in District Heights, Md., and to fill up a couple of gas tanks.

Almost a week later, Kohn realized her personal and business checking accounts were missing $14,000.

Fishing Gets Freaky When Finned One Fights Back

NEW YORK (New York Post) — Here's a fish tale with a reel hook — a stunned angler was speared and tossed into the ocean by the massive blue marlin he'd just caught.

The attack of the 800-pound sea creature Saturday left Ian Card, 32, of Bermuda, with a fist-sized wound in his chest — and one whale of a story.

"He was very lucky — it was a very serious injury," said Dr. Christian Wilmsmeier of the island's King Edward VII Hospital, where Card was in stable condition.

Card's dad, Alan, was with his son on their charter boat during the deep-sea fishing competition when the pair hooked the majestic, 14-foot beast.

But triumph quickly turned to near-tragedy when the fish suddenly leaped out of the water and impaled the son just below his collarbone.

"The fish all of a sudden changed direction and jumped. [It] made a leap, and Ian just happened to be in the way," his dad said.

Both Ian and the fish fell back into the ocean, as Card's dad frantically struggled to free his son.

The line was eventually cut and Card was freed and fished out.

Wheeee! Wheeee! Wheeee! Somebody Kill Meeee!

WEBSTER, N.Y. (AP) — A 23-year-old man who rode a roller coaster for three days has won a different form of transportation — a new car.

Thomas Welsher was one of eight contestants who boarded the Viper roller coaster Friday morning to vie for a two-year lease on a 2006 Suzuki Reno.

The contest at Six Flags Darien Lake in Genesee County, about 50 miles southwest of Rochester, ended at 5 a.m. Monday when Welsher's last remaining opponent relented and got off the ride, said Mary Christa Sellan, a spokeswoman for the amusement park.

By the end of the competition, Welsher had been on the roller coaster 395 times.

Contestants were permitted to leave the ride for a 20-minute break every three hours. They rode with other customers when the park was open and remained in their seats after the park closed.

Welsher's fiance nominated him for the contest, sponsored by a local radio station, because she was embarrassed by his current car, which she had to enter by climbing through a window.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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