By Greg Gutfeld, ,
Published May 18, 2015
So in a recent column, writer Peggy Noonan claims that despite the bad economy, the world looks the same. Nobody is selling pencils on the street — with the exception of Bill Schulz.
But, Peggy needs to hit my gym. Today, Bally announced that it would stop towel service. That's right: With terror on the rise, a financial meltdown and pirates taking over the seas, we now have no fresh towels.
This loss is a double tragedy: One, it eliminates my favorite part of my workout: The towel snap, which I usually execute on the buttocks of my personal trainer, Eduardo.
(He can't speak English.)
And, no towels means that everyone must deal with the wet, vertical smile I leave on the lat machine.
Bally's excuse? Towels are just too expensive to replace. In short, they're blaming the customer. Which is wrong.
See, in tough times, bad companies start cutting corners — reducing the booze in your drinks and the nachos in your appetizer.
And in gym bathrooms, it's no different. At first, they come for the towels. Then, it's the soap. And then finally, your digital camera.
This is a mistake. For even in bad times, the customer is still king. The better strategy is not to scrimp, but to find better ways to help consumers that don't cost anything — like back rubs! They're free and more fun than towels.
And, did I say that I'd give them? By the dumpster, inside a discarded refrigerator box I call Greg's Spa. Ask about our two for one offer.