Great Britain Wins Gold In Team Dressage

Great Britain won gold in team dressage, their second equestrian gold of these Olympics. Germany finished in second for silver and the Netherlands took home the bronze. But, perhaps most importantly, dressage is one step closer to being done for the 2012 Olympics, at which point it won’t invade our television sets for another four years. In the rest of the equestrian events the horses are at least jumping over something, but not in dressage.

If you didn’t watch this event on Tuesday, just look at this GIF for five hours and you’ll be caught up.

Actually, that GIF is more exciting. Essentially dressage is just a horse walking around like a fancyman, dancing a two-step while being ridden by someone in a top hat. And at the end of the day it’s not even the dancing horses that get medals, it’s the riders in the top hats.

Apologies to dressage fans, I don’t want you to spit out your champagne and ruin the veneer on your diamond encrusted glasses, but the rest of us in the world would like to see this event replaced with some sort of dog competition. Have you ever seen those dogs participate in dock jumping? It’s amazing, about 3 million times more exciting than dressage. How about obstacle course or Frisbee dogs as a replacement? Even doggie dancing (musical canine freestyle if I’m being proper) would be preferable to dressage. If it is just a test of how well you can train your animal why not switch to dogs?

I get that dressage has been an Olympic event since 1912, so there is a lot of history. But do you know what else was an Olympic event in 1912? Art. Also tug of war. Why didn't we keep that one around? Ultimately I know they aren't getting rid of it, but at the very least they should have the horses dress in stupid outfits; it is called dressage after all.

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