A simple act of kindness can make every day Valentine's Day

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 04:00:00 -0500

I opened my computer today to find two advertisements about Valentine’s Day. One said, “Don’t disappoint the ones you love! Order your Valentine’s flowers today!” The second one said, “Have you made your Valentine’s dinner reservations yet? Do it NOW to show you care!”

Of course I don’t want to disappoint the ones I love. And, obviously, I want them to know I care. But I want that every day, not just a single day where we all compare who feels loved the most. Last year, my husband made me a beautiful card filled with words meant only for me. My friend’s husband spent a bundle on dinner downtown. My neighbor was surprised that his wife forgot about Valentine’s all together, but admitted that she showed her love for him every single day in dozens of ways.

His point got me thinking: Isn’t that what we want anyway? People who show us love or kindness throughout the year—not just on Valentine’s Day? I love hearing stories of people who have made an impact on others just by offering a simple gesture of kindness. A friend of mine shared this story about a small act of chivalry that she still thinks of today:

It was hot. And crowded. The bus system for Washington State University in Pullman, Washington in 2003 ran on time, picking up students who lived off campus. The start of the school year was underway and the late afternoon heat in the Palouse was stifling. By the time I had gotten onto the bus, it was standing room only. My heavy bag dug into my shoulder. My other hand awkwardly clutched the warm metal handhold. The sweaty smell of young adults was nauseating. I was hungry, needed more coffee, and had a lot of studying to do for my new classes.

My mind was full of the outlines, homework, and other projects I needed to accomplish. I was not in the best of moods and the crowds were not helping. The bus made one last stop at the edge of campus. The students shuffled back to allow a newcomer on, bodies pressed into me.

I could see the lady who slowly stepped on. She looked frazzled, juggling multiple bags strapped to her body, and a large belly protruded in front of her. It was the Teacher’s Assistant from my Econ class. I immediately felt bad for her. All of my troubles seemed insignificant compared to the pregnant lady in a standing-room-only bus. She tried to protect her belly with one hand while desperately reaching for the high handhold. Students unavoidably bumped into her as the bus pulled into traffic.

“Stop! Please stop the bus!” a large booming voice said from behind me.

The bus driver pulled over. All of us standing almost toppled into each other as the driver asked over the intercom what was wrong.

“Here, lady in the front, please take my seat.” I turned to see one of the largest men I have ever laid eyes on stand up. His huge frame had to duck to not hit the top of the bus. Everyone standing made a path for her.

When she sat down, she started to cry. The only thing she said, in a small voice, was “thank you.” I was in awe of how this simple gesture of giving up a seat could impact someone so meaningfully.

To me, this is what Valentine’s should be. Another day to exhibit kindnesses, a day we are cognizant of the opportunities to bring joy to those around us, and a simple reminder that we should cherish those in our home and on our path.

I won't let Las Vegas shooting change my mind. People are good

Mon, 09 Oct 2017 04:00:00 -0400

People are good. They really are. In spite of the horror that we witness on news channels or hear on the radio or read on the internet, I am going bold. I am choosing to allow myself to believe that ultimately people are good.

Pollyanna? Not really. The idea that we live in a world with nothing but hurtful, selfish, attention-seeking criminals, is too much for me, and I am betting, too much for you, too. Who wants to live in a world where there is no love or trust or goodness?

After watching the news coverage of the Las Vegas massacre, or the collapse of the Twin Towers, or rampant school shootings, I could easily allow myself to change my tune on this. Madmen are everywhere, I could think. Let’s cancel every concert, football game, and summer fair. Let’s hide inside, where we all are safe from harm.

But that’s not the world I want. I want to teach my kids to fight for more. I want my friends to find ways to focus on the good. I want my colleagues to create beautiful works that can brighten some dark place. And I am not alone. Most of us believe that the goodness in the world far outweighs the bad. This is not to minimalize the severity of what we see in the news, it is unbelievable, unacceptable and despicable. But, in this world, we have to keep a true perspective that people wish for better. That they wish for goodness.

Let’s give ourselves permission to still see the good in others. Let’s focus on the simple acts that change our day or perspective. Let’s notice the gentleman holding the door while we struggle with our groceries. Or the bus driver who waits a few extra minutes for the mom who is running late to meet her kindergartener. Or the stranger who pulls onto the side of the road to help change a tire. Or the teenager who steps in to stop a bully. Or someone who offers a tiny gesture of encouragement.

A friend recently shared a story with me about a stranger who offered encouragement that changed everything. She said:

It was my first day back to work after a 12-week maternity leave. I was headed to drop off our baby girl for her first day of daycare. I was a wreck. My emotions were all over the place and I was questioning both our decision for me to return to work as well as the daycare we had chosen back when I found out I was pregnant.

It was early morning on a Monday in January, 2000. I remember it vividly. I was at a two-lane stoplight waiting for the light to turn red when a truck pulled up beside me on the passenger side of my car. The tears were running down my face and I remember praying that this would all be okay. As the truck stopped I glanced through the passenger side of the window and a kind man locked eyes with me and gave me a smile that still resonates in my memory. I don't know who this man was but I do believe that God sends all kinds of people to our lives who have the ability to share something as simple as a smile. Of course, I was still emotional and heartbroken to leave my baby, but I knew God would be with her just as He was with me.

By changing our perspective we have the power to change everything. I am allowing myself, and invite you to join me, as I search for ways to concentrate on the good. It won’t be easy--we are programmed to zero in on the negativity. It’s going to take work and discipline to walk away from conversations that bring us down. It’s going to require a new mindset.

I am up for it. Who is with me?

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A simple act of kindness can make every day Valentine's Day

I won't let Las Vegas shooting change my mind. People are good