Hear that gurgling noise, like something sucking on a pacifier? That’s the media on hearing Joe Biden’s Cabinet choices.
On CNN, Brianna Keilar said: “These are also serious, qualified individuals.”
On MSNBC, Andrea Mitchell said: “It is not going to be political.”
On ABC, Martha Raddatz said: “They are not political … this is about the least flashy team you could possibly get. They are deeply experienced. They are humble and they are lifelong public servants.”
Janet Yellen, John Kerry, Tony Blinken. Baby food for a colicky media. Add Sens. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts and Bernie Sanders of Vermont and the media would be in a coma.
So Trump broke the mold and Joe’s team thinks this is how you piece it back together. Although they have no idea what to fix, because what they call “damage” was actually progress.
Prosperity. Peace. Yeah, that sucks.
First there’s former Democratic Sen. and Secretary of State Kerry— what morticians call the "discount special." There’s a deadly terror attack in Paris? He sends singer James Taylor.
Kerry also said there'd be riots if the U.S. Embassy in Israel moved to Jerusalem. He was wrong.
He said there'd be no peace with the Arab world without the Palestinians. Wrong again. Trump son-in-law and senior adviser Jared Kushner, a mere novice, ran circles around Lurch.
Biden made Kerry "climate czar” — because he mistook Kerry for a tree.
Then there’s Blinken — my favorite reindeer — Biden’s choice to become secretary of state.
Like Kerry, Blinken whiffed on Middle East peace. But add Syria, ISIS, Iran and Libya. The guy’s been wrong on so many things it’s easier just to list what he's been right on.
These aren’t gifts for you, but presents to the media. An elite staff means elite access, so the press can once again feel superior. They're also boring, which the press mistakes as competent.
The worst part about war is that it’s boringly efficient in filling body bags. Something Trump avoided. That won’t happen again.
But many things won’t happen again. Because they came from an outsider. Think about it, because the media won't. It’s not their strong suit.
Some 4,000 Black men freed from prison under Trump. That's faster than Kamala Harris could arrest them.
Removing the North Korea threat, then stacking up Middle East peace deals. Boosting the lowest earners' pay and household income. Don't even start yellin’ for that.
Ushering in vaccines faster than thought possible. Orange Godzilla did this, while undermined and hated by the Establishment. No wonder they now seek refuge in the warm swamp of Joe's mediocrity.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on Nov. 24, 2020.