By Ashley Papa, ,
Published March 29, 2017
From online to the neighborhood bar, there are numerous ways to meet men. But just because a guy is persistent, attentive, and doesn’t wear a wedding ring doesn’t mean he’s available. How can you really tell?
Fox News talked to Dr. Paul DePompo, psychologist and director of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Institute of Southern California, about the four types of men who may be inclined to cheat so you can make better decisions while you’re out on the dating playing field. Next time you meet one of them, steer clear!
Who he is: Mr. Charming is hard to resist. He’s smart, fun, likeable, exciting, and only likes to be around such people. “Believing he deserves to have what he wants, he sees the affair as rewarding him for the special person he is. To accept less than what he wants would make him feel like a fool. He could be ‘fine’ in his marriage yet still believe he should exercise his sexual prowess. Getting you means he’s still got it … until he gets you,” DePompo told Fox News.
How to spot him: DePompo advised paying attention to his actions. “Mr. Charming will lack real empathy when you’re let down, but then it’s hard for you to stay angry. He’ll focus on his own gratification, may tend to have a large age gap over you, spend money lavishly to impress, and is likely to find fault in others when problems occur.”
Who he is: Mr. Deprived’s years of sexual frustration make him want to stray. “Though he and his wife may be good friends, he’s in the midst of a sexual self-esteem crisis and believes sex with you is a key piece to happiness. He has sexual fantasies that he cannot share with his spouse because she is not open to it or may put him down,” DePompo said. Although there are aspects to his marriage that may work well, he feels a deep longing for this physical connection.
How to spot him: Mr. Deprived may come across as extra flirty, and make unwelcomed sexual jokes and comments. “He’ll distract himself with porn, drinking, or will overwork himself,” DePompo said. “He may become hyper-focused on morals in order to minimize the importance of sex, exhibit jealousy or anger regarding other’s happiness, and will tell you his wife does not like sex.”
Who he is: Mr. Lonely comes across like a sweet lost puppy, but he’s far from it. He lacks emotional connection and just wants validation and attention from you. “He may find his wife/girlfriend to be demanding, and has learned it is ‘safer’ to avoid conflict at home. Mr. Lonely has a history of putting others first and now has a strong need for appreciation … and this hasn’t been happening — maybe ever. Though he considers the pros and cons of staying in the marriage, he is more focused on healing his hurt by connecting with you,” DePompo explained.
How to spot him: Look to see if he avoids expressing his needs and wants, DePompo said. “Does he put others first, yet he is not happy about it? Does he make passive-aggressive comments or behaviors towards others? Mr. Lonely will over-work himself in order to stay away from home and will play the ‘martyr’ role to get sympathy from others.”
Who he is: Mr. Ready is so done with his marriage. He wants to move on, but it may or may not be with you, DePompo said. “He has lost hope and does not expect loving feelings to return at home. Even if they could rekindle, he is spent and would not want it! He has considered the financial and parenting losses that would incur and is at peace with them.” There is no confusion here; he is moving on.
How to spot him: He’s taking clear steps to move out and move on with his life. “[Mr. Ready] talks to his close friends and family about his plans, and will go for counseling to sort out his feelings,” DePompo said. “If he hasn’t moved out yet, he’s sleeping in a separate bedroom.” If he tells you he’s ending his marriage, does he at least have the documentation to prove it?
Most of these four types of men have grown up with parents who didn’t maintain healthy relationships on their own, so they don’t have a good example of what that looks like, DePompo said. But regardless of the cause, he advised thinking twice before starting a relationship with any of these guys.