Gutfeld: The more you damn Donald Trump, the better he gets

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," August 11, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS CUOMO, ANCHOR, CNN: Always good to see you. I'm brushing my hair just like you, that's what you get for wearing my suit.

I have a new do. It's Monday. Let's get after it. It's hump day, what do you say? Let's get after it. It's my birthday, not bad for 61. Let's get after it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, HOST, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW: What the hell is it? Yes, yes, yes. All right, so, how was your week? Anything good happen? Anything happen at all? I mean, about ...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Slow news week with Greg Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: Slow news week. I think it's the first one since November 2016. It's weird. It's like we put the apocalypse on pause. But what does the media do then? They talk about themselves. Here is the New York Times writer Thomas Friedman. That was the wrong tape. Anyway, in the paper, Friedman said that the media should stop reporting on stuff like the strong economy and focus on Trump's personality. Doing so would then encourage Republicans to ditch Trump and that helps the Democrats.

He wrote, quote, "The whole country needs to see every tweet, every rally, every word and every reaction so that they can ask themselves, is this who I want my kids to see as our president?" Hilarious.

So Tom is telling the press to do what they are already doing. He's basically telling the morbidly obese to eat another pie. I'm not even done. He's telling his wasted frat buddy to do another shot. He's telling a car starter for the mob to make worse lifestyle choices.

Do you remember what happened the last time the media covered every tweet, rally and reaction of Donald Trump? They elected the guy. There you go. It's like Friedman just got diarrhea from chipotle and he says, "Well, that sucked and I'll have seconds. There was a pile of candidates and the media only saw Trump, so it's their fault. They figured, Trump was a joke to play on the public, but that joke kicked their ass.

So the media continues looking for that holy grail that destroys him, but where would they be once they find it? Because see, to CNN Trump is a potato. A food you can make a thousand different dishes out of. CNN will do seven courses in a row -- mashed Trump, twice baked Trump, scallop Trump, Trump au gratin -- I get fat just thinking about it. Yet, the more you damn the guy, the better he gets. And the haters still suffer.

Like the guy who destroyed Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Libs loved that, now some conservative artists made a bunch of fake Trump stars and stuck them all over. I'm proud. That's hilarious. What is more hilarious, a conservative artist. It makes no sense. It's like sexy Birkenstocks or a fresh smelling cab or an appealing Bill de Blasio. He's like Lurch minus the charm.

You know, he did an interview with The Guardian. The Guardian is a newspaper meaning like de Blasio it's also made from wood. He said -- tree is wood -- he said, "If you could remove News Corp from the last 25 years of American history, we would be a more unified country." So de Blasio thinks America would be better off without us. Translation, please stop making fun of me.

Sorry, it's not happening. Bill, you are 10 feet of moron packed in a seven-foot body. If that ideas were tiny liquor bottles, you'd be the world's greatest mini bar. Bill is so stiff John Kerry tells him to loosen up. Bill is so stiff every time he looks in the mirror he sees an open casket. Thank you.

Meanwhile in a CNN op-ed, a professor said that if you thank soldiers, you should also do the same for Jim Acosta, Chris Cuomo and the rest of the cast of CNN Island. He wrote, "We thank soldiers their service because they devote themselves to protecting our freedoms and we should, but we should also thank the media for the same reason." Now, I would agree if you're talking about war correspondents, those folks actually do risk their lives.

But I don't think that's what this guy meant. I think he meant the people covering those evil Trump rallies. And maybe he's right. What the media needs is a recruitment video.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you looking for an exciting line of work where you can meet loads of average people and mix with important power players like Brian Stelter, Joe Scarborough and Greg Gutfeld? A job that offers great perks, free travel and hotel mini bars fresh with tiny liquor bottles and single serving cans of Pringles you won't remember eating because it was late and you were drunk? For free because you'll expense it.

Then join the media. It's the only profession you can do hung over. That is right. Lecturing America about the evils of Donald Trump. It's not like operating a forklift or performing surgery on animals or children, in cable news, all you have to do is stare intently and talk and care, definitely care, which means with a job like this, you can get wasted the night before. You can work on a few hours sleep, you can feel like throwing up all day. You can show up stinking of bourbon and breath mints.
You can wear the same shirt two days in a row and sleep in the company janitorial closet.

So join the media where the only heavy lifting is a microphone and your ego.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. It's true. I mean, why do you think I got into this line of work? For the free makeup? I like a drink, okay, so in the mornings, I'm Satan with hemorrhoids. I'm a miserable and stupid. I should never be near heavy machinery and no life should be in my hands. So, I became a TV host and my, how it's paid off.

I get recognized in public bathrooms which has killed my sex life. I hated that joke. Let's welcome tonight's guest. By night he's a comedian and by day he's a guy telling people he's a comedian. His new album is called "Three's Comedy," writer and comedian Joe DeVito. If moppets made puppets of people, you'd have comedian Joe Machi. Look at him. She sleeps on bird feathers because she loves feeling down. National Review reporter, Kat Timpf. And he's never won a game of limbo, former WWE superstar and my massive sidekick, Tyrus.

GUTFELD: All right, Joe, welcome to the program. You still have not shaved that weird beard, but that's okay. Does this hurt Trump? Does this affect him? Does it bother him, all of this criticism?

JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: If there's one thing he hates, it's being in the news. He cannot tolerate being the top of a conversation of people. It goes to show that Friedman is still -- he's calling plays from a game that they're not playing anymore. Trump is above all of this stuff because you can't catch them on the things they used to try and catch people on, and this the idea that the media -- that they are somehow being -- this is a threat to the First Amendment, even in their coverage of this, they are still slanted because Trump doesn't say, "I'm against the free press." He says, "I'm against the fake news and the free press." He says, "I'm against the bias coverage." He doesn't say, "I'm against coverage." And there's a big difference in that and the problem is the media can't see it because they are so close to it and they really do think they're battle field heroes which they most certainly are not.

GUTFELD: Yes, they are trapped in a snow globe and they can't see out of it. That's what I think. Machi, what is in your brain right now?

JOE MACHI, AMERICAN COMEDIAN: Well, I'm going to act a little Joe here, I think that saying that the media is like the military is -- that's the Pearl Harbor of bad comparisons right there. And everybody is taking these death threats too seriously because I mean, if you're going to kill someone, you don't tell them in advance. I mean, we're just not as important as we think we are. President Obama criticized Fox News and no one's attacking, Tyrus. I got his back and if they attack me, Tyrus has my back.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, I do believe that is a fair trade that he has your back.

GEORGE "TYRUS"MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: Yes, you've got to keep score and count bodies in the alibi. He's going to talk to the police.

GUTFELD: Yes, what are your thoughts on the media and how it's going so far?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH: You know what, man? I didn't study. Hold on. Where are we now? Sorry, excuse me. It's good. You have to check it out. It is getting to that part of the fight where the corner is telling him, do want to go out there? Like, I'll call it, baby. I'll throw the towel. Don't cut me, Mick, I've got more in me. Like this is really the media has come down to, we're going to do more coverage. We've got to do more. That's what it is and he is probably -- I mean, I like the camera and the lights, President Trump loves the camera and lights. I think if it was socially acceptable, he would marry a camera and lights because he really -- he enjoys it. And one of the things about him, he will say the worst wrong thing on Tuesday and he'll all do that by Tuesday.

GUTFELD: Exactly. That's true. Yes, you can't keep up. He actually, he can turn a gaffe into like a successful -- a success.

MURDOCH: It will make you famous. I would have never known who this reporter if it wasn't for President Trump. He is making media people famous.

GUTFELD: That's true.

MURDOCH: They have become part of the story, which is against supposedly what their creed is all about.

GUTFELD: Yes, Kat, what you make of the commentary that you should thank the media? The public should thank the media especially in these times under Trump?

KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: I just could not understand the military comparison because I am in the media and I am not a military caliber person.

GUTFELD: No, you're not.

TIMPF: I have never successfully done a push-up. Every time I've ever had to take a cold shower, I behaved as though I've been personally victimized by the world. The only fighting I've ever done is done has been via text message.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

TIMPF: The military risk their lives to protect our freedoms. I sit in a climate controlled building, get my hair and makeup done, put a dress on and talk about stuff. It's not the same.

GUTFELD: No, it's not. I do like -- the walk of fame story, I love it because it seems like there's a change among young conservatives. They're actually doing merry prankster stuff and there are actually conservative artists. I make fun of them, but they actually -- there are that. They are out there. And that is new, I think.

MURDOCH: They are normal people and what a great way to handle that situation because what would be assumed is they grab a sledgehammer and go start mashing up some liberal stars and they didn't do that.

GUTFELD: No, they ...

MURDOCH: Oh, and one more thing about your military thing, there's no retakes out on the battlefield. There's no retakes, like, "Sorry, guys, cut. Sorry. Let's do this again. The lighting was wrong. It was off. I shot, he moved.

GUTFELD: It's always live.

MURDOCH: It's always live. There's no retakes. You know ...

GUTFELD: All right, coming up, which Hollywood star should run against Trump, why not all of them? Yes, yes, yes.

Well, instead of moving to Canada like they promised -- our nation's precious celebrities are still here and although it's been 641 days since Trump was elected president, well, he should not be president.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ROSIE O'DONNELL, AMERICAN ACTRESS: Well, he should not be president, and I don't believe that he is a legitimate president. I believe if it wasn't for Russia, he never would have won.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Right, because Russia kept Hillary from campaigning in Wisconsin and Michigan and Pennsylvania, and then there's my favorite meat head ...

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BOB REINER, ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR: And this habit that he has of going on and talking as this guy John Baron or one of these other characters, I thought to myself, "This guy is certifiably insane." Who do you know that gets on the phone and pretends to be somebody else on this kind of level and talks to a journalist to get information out? That's insane. We are having an experience with a guy who lies all the time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Constantly.

REINER: Constantly lies and he is lying right to our face.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He reminds me of Willie Willy. You know who that is? The little thing you draw the beard on. Anyway, yes, now you know. Anyway, unlike all those honest people at Hollywood, Rod, spare me the pearl clutching. Anyways, there's good news for these two. Trump is almost halfway through his term, so you can keep bitching about him while he continues to grow the economy and keep peace in the world or maybe one of you would like to run against him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In 2016, it wasn't their time ...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The United States of America, Donald Trump.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But with his victory, did Donald Trump pave the way for the next outspoken former TV host to rise to the highest political office in the land? In 2020, the Democrats will unleash a new candidate, an innovator, a visionary, a hero for the working class. Her name is Rosie O'Donnell.

This fresh- faced ingenue has all the great qualities you'd want in a leader. She conspiratorial.

O'DONNELL: He pays people to show up at those rallies.

CUOMO: Right, but I don't ...

O'DONNELL: Those real rallies.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She is armed with a clear and simple message.

O'DONNELL: He lies. He lies. He lies.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And she'll have no problem standing up to Vladimir Putin because she already speaks Russian.

O'DONNELL: (Inaudible) ...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So vote Rosie O'Donnell in 2020. The household name that no one is talking about. And let's you meet her scrappy running mate, you'll be running to the voting booth.

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: (Inaudible). You know ...

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, hey, Machi, what you make of this idea? Anything?

MACHI: Well, Rosie said Trump is a terrible person with no soul and that sounds like something Trump would tweet about Rosie O'Donnell so she's got the experience.

GUTFELD: Yes, any other thoughts about what the Democrats would do?
Anything?

MACHI: It just seems like every time I see an actress on MSNBC, they are complaining about the President. It's not an award show.

GUTFELD: He's right. MSNBC is actually just like the Oscars, which we'll be talking about later in the show. Kat, looking ahead, do you see this happening?

TIMPF: I would love that match up because Rosie O'Donnell is kind of like the Trump of the left in a lot of ways. I mean, she has the celebrity power. She does not have political experience. She also loves to get into fights on Twitter. I got into a fight with her on Twitter.

MURDOCH: Oh, I remember, yes.

TIMPF: All I did is say on "Fox and Friends" that she should take a bath.

MURDOCH: Yes, yes.

TIMPF: I said to relax. I said take a bath to relax but she just saw the take a bath part and got real mad at me.

MURDOCH I remember because it was like #bubbles.

TIMPF: Yes, I just was like, "I loved you in 'Harriet the Spy,'" like I didn't know what else to say. I did love her in "Harriett the Spy." But I mean, her and Trump would just be fighting on Twitter all day long. We wouldn't even need to have debates. It would be constant.

GUTFELD: No, I don't know. I think -- okay, Trump won, Tyrus because of the contrast theory. There were 17 people that looked exactly the same. Don't get my book ...

MURDOCH: That's true. Let me look.

GUTFELD: No, wait. It's in my book, and so Trump ...

TIMPF: You guys meet about this beforehand?

GUTFELD: What?

TIMPF: Did you meet about this beforehand?

MURDOCH: No, I ordered like three of these books, so I'm going to use them. I had to pay for mine.

GUTFELD: But let me get ...

MURDOCH: So, I'm going to use them.

GUTFELD: This is about something, okay. Trump won because he was so different. He was the singular different candidate from all of the others. Same thing with Rosie. They're going to have 17 Democrats and Rosie -- she's going to get a plurality just the way Trump did. That make sense?

MACHI: Sure.

MURDOCH: If there's any group deserving of destructive wrath it's -- yes, it actually makes perfect sense.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

MURDOCH: This is the problem. Listen, she can't run for the Democratic Party.

GUTFELD: Why not?

MURDOCH: Because she's crass. She's rude and they don't like that. So, if she says -- if she talks about his hair, his mama, if she fat shames him, which he better not, but I'm just saying, if she does those things, they're going to ask her to step down.

GUTFELD: Really?

MURDOCH: Yes, the PC police, that's what they do. How many Democrats who have said or maybe been alleged of doing something are no longer here? Republicans, go ahead, prove it. Go ahead, and even if they prove it, there like, prove it again. You can't run. He has no rules. He has no handcuffs. They have 50 shades of lockdown on the Democratic Party.

GUTFELD: You know what, I bet he does have handcuffs.

MURDOCH Yes, but he'd be like this.

GUTFELD: Hey, you get a little older, you've got to spice things up. Joe, your thoughts?

DEVITO: I think -- at first, I thought it was nice to see an anti-Trump protest where they were singing show tunes instead of smashing windows and hitting people with bike locks, but then I thought, show tunes, maybe this is actually worse what they're doing than trashing people. Yes, they don't seem to understand that the presidency is not decided by who they like, who they think is legitimate. We have a system in place. We had an election. The results came in and just because they didn't like it, there's this whole idea that he is not my president. No one cares.

There's no office of your president, there is the President and if they have a problem with it, they should remember try again. If you don't like it.

GUTFELD: I always said that to the heaviest critics of Obama. It's that like, okay, number one, he is still your president and number two, if you don't like him, next time, win the White House.

DEVITO: Get somebody better, yes, and if you recall, who was it whose tried to trick him by saying, "Will you respect the results of the election?" They were so sure they were going to win, and since they lost, they said, "Well, it must be because of Russian interference." Could there be a worse person to pick as a spy? Someone who clearly keeps a low profile, someone who put their name on buildings, maybe that's not conspicuous.

GUTFELD: That's so true. Great point. I think their other problem is that they're embracing very old ideas because they can't find new ones. They're like searching under the cushions of their couches and all they're finding it's like an old fuzzy Tums.

DEVITO: Do you mean Bernie Sanders?

GUTFELD: That's exactly it. There you go. Still to come, a segment on online dating. How is that for a tease?

MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Marianne Rafferty. New questions tonight about how a suicidal airline employee was able to steal an empty Horizon Air turboprop plane. Twenty-nine old Richard Russell took off from Seattle Sea-Tac International Airport. He flew the plane for about an hour performing loops and other dangerous stunts before crashing into a small island. He could be heard on audio recordings telling air traffic controllers that he is quote, "just a broken guy." Russell died in that crash.

And embattled Congressman Chris Collins is suspending his reelection campaign. The New York Republican was charged earlier this week with insider trading. Just days ago, the 68-year-old Collins insisted he would remain in the race. Collins has denied any wrongdoing. His opponent, Nate McMurray is calling for his resignation. I'm Marianne Rafferty, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

GUTFELD: Do threes go for nines when dating online? A new study from the University of Michigan, whatever that is, finds that most people who use online dating sites, they seek partners who are out of their league. Apparently both men and women pursue people about 25% more desirable than themselves, which, I can't do, find someone 25% more desirable than this? Good luck.

People also sent lengthier messages. They send longer messages as the desirability of the other person rises which could explain why Kilmeade sends me 50-page e-mails. Freaky. Freaky stalker. Still perseverance pays off says one researcher. Over 20% of people who aim high get replies from a mate who is out of their league. It makes sense, right, Jake?

GUTFELD: Whoa, lighten up there, Jake. Should have called him the next day. All right, Kat, don't know what that means? You don't do online dating, but you do get very long letters from prison inmates. If they shortened their letters, would you consider dating them?

TIMPF: I am alone. I thought this study was interesting because I actually prefer to date below my league.

GUTFELD: I've noticed.

TIMPF: Because I am a nightmare and only for people below my league will put up with it. Like nobody -- honestly though, nobody in or above my league is going to put up with me asking me asking him if he is dead every time he takes longer than five minutes to respond to one of my text messages. I think, dating in general is just kind of dumb.

GUTFELD: Oh really?

TIMPF: I sit there in this dark room eating chicken and like that's supposed to help you decide if you maybe want to spend the rest of your life with them someday. How I'd be asking questions like, "Oh, where are you from? What do you do? And tell me about your mother, please, it's so interesting." I don't know how I only have one cat.

GUTFELD: I know. I don't either, and the poor cat. Tyrus, you have any advice for people?

MURDOCH: I'm so afraid right now. Wow, man. It's that bad out there, huh?

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, here's the thing about internet dating from my limited experience with it. Because I'm a hunter. I'd rather be out in the field and fail miserably. It just feels better when you get dissed in person than -- but everyone lies on the internet. Like, every woman picture is from when she peaked. Typically, like she's 18 in the cheerleader phenomenal suit and she's 37 and on the wrong side of wrinkles and ...

GUTFELD: But then ...

MURDOCH: But guy is even worse because they do the same exact thing, like they'll do a bicep pose but they're pushing it up here and it's very close angled, like -- and if you can't get somebody in the really real world, so why not go for broke? I mean, you're lying to yourself on the internet all the time anyways, so why not go for the ten in the picture. What have you got to lose?

GUTFELD: No, it's true.

MURDOCH: You're not playing, you're not in the league anyways.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know what, DeVito, every man I think is out of his league, right?

DEVITO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Is it pretty much the case because we're just ...

DEVITO: We're delusional.

GUTFELD: We're delusional, awful creatures.

DEVITO: Yes, and I'm interested here, Kat talked about this date in the dark room when there's chicken, I didn't know there was chicken available. I didn't know about the dark room. Yes, of course, who goes online to go lower than your league? That's why you do anything online. You don't contact Amazon to say, "Can you give me less of a selection?" They have it here longer than it takes -- that's why you go online.

But Tyrus makes a good point. I saw one woman because I've done the online dating and she scanned in a Polaroid. It's a technology they don't even make anymore.

MURDOCH: But you know what, just thinking about it, if you did go below your league, you'd have a really high success rate. So fellow ...

TIMPF: You go with me.

MURDOCH: You know. Maybe a handful of three and fours, you put them together, it's twelve.

DEVITO: Let's redefine success.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, Joe, do you online date, Machi?

MACHI: I have in the past, you save the expert for last. That was smart. That is right. The dating world is tough out there, especially first dates. You're sitting there across from a stranger you barely know, having a forced awkward conversation after I already told her I loved her. The study is on the money because when I was online dating, most of the women that would write me were aspiring models. But Joe has got a point, too. Who does not try to overachieve when they're dating? I mean, if you don't try to overachieve, what the heck was the point of the sea biscuit?

DEVITO: Who I dated for three and a half weeks.

GUTFELD: Oh my god.

MURDOCH: I mean, we've all seen catfish, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Every time they get dissed, they are clearly overachieving.

GUTFELD: No, it's true. It's true.

MURDOCH: Completely unattractive person who is trying to find out if the fitness model is really the one telling him she loves him at night and it never is. It's always like his cousin.

GUTFELD: But I will say this, it's always the cousin. You know, I have met a lot of couples who have found love online. I have also found couples online that you'll never hear from again. Yes, it is a gamble. It is a gamble. All right, up next, big changes to the next Academy Awards show. I hope they bring back the swimsuit competition.

All aboard for a new award. The Motion Picture Academy is announcing some changes to liven up the Oscars. First, all of the nominees who don't win will lose a finger. But also they are adding a new award category to honor the best popular film because, let's face it, the artsy important films always went even know no one goes to see them, and maybe that's why people have stopped watching the Oscars.

So now, they're going to give an award to a film that's a popular favorite. In other words "ET" can now win in a Gandhi year and "Jerry McGuire" might have won instead of "English Patient." Maybe even this could get a statue.

That is cinematic genius. Tyrus, before you say that was me.

MURDOCH: No way, that little dude was athletic. No way.

GUTFELD: You are -- I know -- why do I deserve this? You are a legitimate actor. Is this a necessary business move?

MURDOCH: You know what, up until -- I actually have a biography pic I'm doing where like you can get an award for it, so I love the Oscars. But I think, this is one of these things where it -- I think times have changed. People have changed. Everyone gets -- There's so many awards, it's just not prestigious anymore. The movies that we see and enjoy and do all the big numbers, are not, "Harry Met Sally," and all that kind of stuff, so like this will give Marvel and some of the big sci-fi movies and stuff an award to try to appease and to bring those fans in. But, I don't think it will work.

GUTFELD: What do you think, DeVito? By the way, you look like a movie critic, just so you know.

DEVITO: I know. It stinks. I hate award shows because I don't see -- why would I want to watch rich, famous people applaud each other but as if that wasn't enough. Now, they already have the most popular award, it's called, "You made a lot of money." So, we don't need to see them actually get handed these giant bags of money because what's the point then? The awards are supposed to be for a movie about someone with it one leg who learns to play the cello or nonsense like that.

GUTFELD: What you think, Kat?

TIMPF: I think I wish they would have had this in 1997, when the greatest movie of all time was robbed ...

GUTFELD: Which one?

TIMPF: "Happy Gilmore." It was -- the movie has everything. It has love, it has hockey, it has a wise old man named Chubs. You know? I mean, every movie that I've ever seen since I saw "Happy Gilmore" has just paled in comparison. Every time I'm watching it, I'm like why am not watching "Happy Gilmore" for the 4,765th time? So, if we could go back and give this award to "Happy Gilmore" then I would stop boycotting the Oscars.

GUTFELD: You know that's a great idea.

TIMPF: Because I boycott because they snubbed "Happy Gilmore," just to be clear.

GUTFELD: The Oscars should be -- they should have the "Happy Gilmore" award and every year, they give it to "Happy Gilmore."

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: There you go.

MURDOCH: I would like that with Halle Berry in "Monster's Ball." I thought she should have gotten it two years in a row because I mean, damn. If you haven't seen it -- there's no kids, right? Yes, "Monster's Ball" check it out. Like she should've gotten it two years in a row.

GUTFELD: Joe Machi, thoughts?

MACHI: I think they should add some more categories. Best sequel, best reboot and least original idea. Because if you are saying to people they are too bored to watch this four-hour show, so we are only going to make it three hours. That's still a long time to watch something that's boring.

GUTFELD: I think these awards should be the best movie you don't regret starting. Because isn't that what we do now at home? Because we have all these options on demand and you feel like I've got all of these -- one of this must be good and then you start watching it and you just go, "What am I doing?" But you won't turn it off ...

MURDOCH: Because you have to finish it.

GUTFELD: You have to finish it.

MURDOCH: It's like a bad relationship.

GUTFELD: Yes. I was going to say, it's like a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Once you're like halfway there, you're like, "Ah, say screw it. I'm going to keep going.

MURDOCH: You have to, yes.

GUTFELD: I've got to see the bottom. I've got to see the bottom. I say that a lot. Up next, I don't even know what that means, I do a lot of deep sea diving. A new movement by potheads to clean up trash on their smoke breaks. That's what I grassroots initiative.

They are smoking hash, then picking up trash. An online community of pot smokers, is there any other kind? Has created an anti-litter initiative with this super goal of cleaning up their favorite outdoor smoke spots.
And all while being more baked than your grandma's butter cookies. It started on something called reddit.com. I haven't heard of that before under the #stonercleanupinitiative.

Now, users are enthusiastic -- I don't even know what that word is. Enthusiastically sharing their stories of cleaning up everything from beaches to public parks and camp sites. If they could only remove the garbage from my soul. For more, let's go live to our intern Carl who was taking out the trash at my house. Well, he's fired, unless he is dead. All right, I think this is a great idea, Machi?

MACHI: I think it's a great idea as long as you don't take it too far. Don't go using meth and then volunteering with kids. What I don't understand is if you smoke weed and you want to volunteer, that's a terrible drug. Imagine how bad beer commercials would be if you helped people when you got drunk.

GUTFELD: Yes, actually ...

MACHI: You're supposed to be a dog in a pool and ...

GUTFELD: I don't know what else. Kat, it's interesting though. It's like I have a feeling the irony is stoned people will be picking up litter from drunk people.

TIMPF: Yes, absolutely, I saw all those pictures and it was all just bags with liquor bottles in them. And I saw those pictures, too and I thought, "Wow, will would be literally impossible in New York City because the entire thing is just made of garbage.

GUTFELD: Right, that's true.

TIMPF: You see garbage. You smell. It's true. Have you been out on the street at all?

GUTFELD: You sound like Travis Bickel?

TIMPF: I don't know who that is, Greg, I have my youth. But you'd have to have like actual dump trucks like fleets of stoners with dump trucks picking up all the trash off the sidewalk and like fleets of stoners with dump trucks doesn't like sound safe.

GUTFELD: No, it does not. Tyrus, I think I like this because it makes pot acceptable. You need to divorce it from the stereotype of lazy loser. Everybody thinks, "Oh, he's high," but this is saying, no, they can do the things.

MURDOCH: Let me see if I can get this straight. It's a great idea to pick up after yourself.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Listen, I've spent a few hours of my life in the weed circle and this is a typical thing that happens when we're all smoking and we have great ideas and stuff we want to do. I'm more of a world peace guy or like trying to get like an Oreo cookie the size of a pizza. You know, like those -- and then there's that one guy, "What if we cleaned up this apartment, bro? What if we ..."

GUTFELD: Oh, I get it.

MURDOCH: What if we cleaned up and then girl say, "What if we organized and we cleaned up all the apartments?" Put that online. Put that online and get bunions. Like that's literally ...

GUTFELD: You get bunions. Bunions -- underrated, DeVito. You think this is a good idea?

DEVITO: It's not going to work because any trash the potheads pick up will be outweighed by wrappers from their food that they've left behind. But, I disagree with Joe Machi. I think meth heads are the ones you want. If you go to a meth head's place ...

MURDOCH: Around children?

DEVITO: ... it's so clean. There's no electronics, there's no furniture and there's not even a lot of piece sticking around getting wet. They really run a tight ship.

GUTFELD: They really do. It really is sparse.

MURDOCH: They also sell your children for meth money.

GUTFELD: This is the opposite of what drunks do because here you have a pothead saying "We're going to like, we're going to do something good," but when you are drunk, all laws are suspended. You're like, "I'll throw the ball out the window."

MURDOCH: You never loved me. You never loved me, bro.

GUTFELD: Hey, we're on air, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: I'm saying that's happens. Why is it always the drunk guys always concerned about who loves them. Like that literally comes out.
It's like ...

GUTFELD: I think it's to show initiative is a good thing. And again, it's going -- the only way pot or marijuana will be acceptable is if they get rid of the stereotype which they have -- from Cheech & Chong, I don't know, I'm running out of [bleep] to say.

MURDOCH: But it's the truth though. Okay, listen, apparently -- I had so many ideas when I used to smoke all the time, but the problem was eventually, highness wears off and you go back to our normal, "I'm not doing [bleep] today." So, the thing about weed is you have great ideas, you just need something else to take to makes you do it. So maybe a five- hour or like back when cocaine was legal, like something like that, you would do that and then you would want to go do stuff, but weed is a thinker-- thinkers don't ...

MACHI: Alcohol gives you ideas like, "I bet I can hit that from here."

GUTFELD: Right, exactly. I bet I could take that MMA fighter at the bar. Don't go anywhere, final thoughts to blow your mind, next.

Joe DeVito?

DEVITO: New album is out "Three's Comedy." You can get on iTunes and Amazon.

GUTFELD: Fantastic. Machi?

MACHI: Catch me this Friday and Saturday at Levity Live in Nyack, New York.

GUTFELD: Oh, Nyack. Tyrus?

MURDOCH: No shame with plugs here, but outside of reading this I am going to be wrestling -- my return to the ring in Minnesota Sunday. So yes.

GUTFELD: Kat?

TIMPF: I just really want to go eat something.

GUTFELD: That's good. Chicken perhaps in a dark room. Buy my book. It doesn't cost nothing. That's a lie. That actually cost something. Thanks to Joe DeVito, Joe Machi, Kat Timpf and Tyrus. Studio audience. I'm GG. I love you, America.

END

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