This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 31, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Katie Pavlich, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Charlie Hurt. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is The Five.
President Trump is taking his America first message on the road. In less than two hours from now, he's going to be firing up the crowd in Tampa, Florida, to drum up support for gubernatorial candidate Congressman Ron DeSantis. We've seen a dramatic turn-around in the polls after Trump endorsed him. DeSantis is getting a lot of attention for this funny pro- Trump campaign ad.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CASEY DESANTIS, WIFE OF REP. RON DESANTIS: Everyone knows my husband Ron DeSantis is endorsed by President Trump, but he's also an amazing dad. Ron loves playing with the kids.
REP. RON DESANTIS, R-FLA.: Build the wall.
CASEY DESANTIS: He reads stories.
RON DESANTIS: Then Mr. Trump said, you're fired. I love that part.
CASEY DESANTIS: He's teaching Madison to talk.
RON DESANTIS: Make America great again.
CASEY DESANTIS: People say Ron is all Trump, but he is so much more.
RON DESANTIS: Big league, so good.
CASEY DESANTIS: I just thought you should know.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Oh, gosh. Congressman DeSantis isn't the only candidate benefiting from Trump's backing. The president is on an endorsement hot streak. Candidates he has supported have won nine out of the last ten contested races, including all primaries. The question is will Democrats be able to stop this momentum in the midterms? Juan Williams, so when Donald Trump goes out on the stump and he holds these big rallies, he's very entertaining, and he sucks up a lot of the oxygen, he dominates the local media markets, and he raises a lot of money, he's funny out there, is that something the Democrats look at in fear, or do they want Trump, you know, in the spotlight?
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: I think they welcome him. In fact, you know, so you talk about the streak that Trump has. I want to go back to Abe Lincoln because Trump says he's more popular among Republicans than Abe Lincoln. And, Jesse, even for you, I think that's a bit much.
WATTERS: Honest Abe. I don't know.
WILLIAMS: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We have got to go back and see if we can find a poll for Abe Lincoln. But anyway, Trump assures us he's more popular.
WATTERS: Maybe it was probably a Rasmussen poll.
WILLIAMS: I'm sure it was. And I'm sure that you would cite it. So, I think that what goes on here is we come into the era of the Trump Republican cult, everything Trump. Trump backs a candidate. Trump's candidate immediately takes off. Even in this case, where there was a really quite popular Republican running, a guy who'd been elected for 21 years in the state of Florida, a veteran. All of a sudden, DeSantis shows up on Fox a lot, and then gets endorsed by a Trump tweet and he's the candidate. All of a sudden, his numbers jump. But I think it's really telling. These guys aren't running on the economy. They're not running on tax cuts. They're running on anti-immigrant fervor. They're running on things like putting down the NFL players. So this is what we've got. I think fine. I think Democrats know that if you look at Virginia in that gubernatorial race, you look at the Alabama senate race, you look at Pennsylvania 18, this is not Trump's time, not when it gets to the general. He might dominate in the primary.
WILLIAMS: . but not in the general.
WATTERS: What do you think about Trump in the general with these Trump's backed candidates.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, I think it's interesting because the 2018 midterms are being fought in two totally different battlegrounds, and both can be seen in Florida where the president will be tonight. So, one of them would be the congressman, Carlos Curbelo, he's a respected member of congress, but he is probably the most endangered Republican. And what he had to do in his district, which is down in Miami, is to try to distance himself from President Trump. And so, there's that one, OK. So President Trump is going to be in town, but that's not necessarily the Miami media market but still he goes there. Contrast that with Rick Scott who's running for the senate. He's currently the governor. He wants to beat Bill Nelson for that senate seat, and he is unabashedly pro-make America great again. And he is up in the polls. So you have these two things where Scott needs him, and Curbelo needs to distance himself from him. Both could theoretically work.
PERINO: Both people could end up winning that. They're diametrically opposed strategies, but it does show the power and the threat of President Trump.
WATTERS: Do you see it that way?
PERINO: Of course he does.
CHARLIE HURT, GUEST CO-HOST: No, but, you know, the argument, obviously there are some areas in Virginia, a place like that, where Donald Trump is unpopular. But the fact that he got elected despite that unpopularity just underscores, I think, a very important thing that gets missed a lot, and that is for all the excitement and weirdness of the 2016 election it was all about issues. A lot of people came out and voted for Trump. They didn't like him and they didn't like some of the stuff he did, but they cared about -- it's not anti-immigrant fervor. They cared about illegal immigration. They cared about trade. They cared about the economy. And they said on these issues, I think this guy, you know, he may not be somebody I want to invite to my tea party, or have a beer with, or whatever, although I can't imagine any true American not wanting to have a beer with Donald Trump.
KATIE PAVLICH, GUEST CO-HOST: If you drink beer.
HURT: If you drink beer or anything. But the fact that they trusted him on those issues, and he was talking about issues that these people -- Republicans and Democrats have both seated and you take a guy like Adam Putnam in Florida who is very popular politician from there. But that hurts him, the fact that he was in Washington so long because he hadn't been bringing up these issues. And Trump, you know, slashes in and brings up all these issues that we're not supposed to be talking about.
WILLIAMS: But you know I was thinking about what you're saying. Just give me a second.
PAVLICH: Go ahead, Juan. Totally fine.
WILLIAMS: You know, we can't wait to hear your point, but I just wanted to reflect, Charlie, while I have the moment.
PAVLICH: OK, go for it.
WILLIAMS: That when you think about Republican Party stances, I would think about free trade, right? I would think about being open to immigration as being part of the history. So, that's why I think we've remade the Republican Party into the image of Donald Trump.
WATTERS: The only thing I would say about that, and I'll let Katie take the floor here. I believe the only things that can really hurt the president in the midterms are two things, the enthusiasm gap.
WATTERS: . that the Democrats are just rabid and then they come out so strong and just overwhelm Republicans, or the trade issue because if he doesn't score trade wins between now and November, a lot of the white working-class voters are affected by the free-trade situation right now, may stay home.
PAVLICH: And trade is a local issue, right?
PAVLICH: And midterm elections are all about turnout. So, when we talk about President Trump going to Florida, having this rally, Phil Keating was reporting there earlier saying that people camped out overnight. They're excited to be there. There's going to be thousands of people there to support him. DeSantis has been accused of being in Washington for far too long, but he can make the argument that he's going to be a candidate like Donald Trump. He's going to keep his promises if he wins the governorship. And he can govern like an executive, as the president has on the number of issues. And you can take the Trump platform with illegal immigration, law and order, tax cuts, deregulation, and apply them in a local sense. So, in that perspective, he may have something.
PERINO: Can I add one other thing to your -- so two things that could hurt the president and I'm a little bit of a broken record on it because I don't think I have gotten the message through. And that is the registering of new voters because the Democrats are really good at it. They're super organized with it -- about it, and Republicans need to do the same. These people.
WATTERS: So they do that at a rally like this?
PERINO: Well, these people are already probably voters. That's the thing. So you have to find the new voters. Where can you find them? New voters are usually enthusiastic voters, and so that's why you saw like in Virginia, Ed Gillespie has more Republican turnout than ever in the history of the state and he loses by nine points. If you look at the total electorate, 12 percent of those voters in Virginia had never voted in a gubernatorial election before. So you've got to try to find those new voters because the Democrats are definitely doing it.
PAVLICH: And gubernatorial race is very different than a congressional race for many different reasons. And congressional races are far more specific on issues than a governorship would be.
WATTERS: And we're looking at the crowd right now, starting to gather in Tampa for this big Trump rally, Charlie. What do you think he's going to say tonight? Like he's given one of these, every two to three weeks this year, is there going to be new material? Is it going to be the same old razzle-dazzle? What do you expect?
HURT: Sure. I think there will be some new material. But I also think that one of the really appealing things about Donald Trump all along is the fact that he is actually brought in new voters. People that haven't voted before or who have been apathetic.
PERINO: Obama voters and they became Trump voters.
HURT: But, you know, you walk into a truck stop in the middle of the 2016 election and you walked by a couple guys that have never -- you know, you talked with and they never voted before. And they would be talking about what Donald Trump had said the night before, or, you know, that they listened to him on the radio. And that, I think -- and it was like with President Obama in 2008 where you -- he was running this very different campaign, a very hopeful campaign unlike the 2012 campaign, but it was very hopeful and he was bringing in new people that had -- were very cynical about politics. In both cases, I think it's very good for the Republicans to get new people in.
WILLIAMS: So the man who usually sits in your seat, Charlie, Mr. Gutfeld, often says to me, America is watching two movies and it's not the same movie. But they're running, it's like, hey, I see something different than you do. And in this case, the other side, the flip side of what you're talking about is that Trump activates the Democratic base in a big way, that's why that's that enthusiasm gap. And if you look at the overall poll numbers right now, remember for a while, people were saying, oh, he's at 45, that's the highest he's ever been. He's now starting to go back down, and his disapproval rating is still 50-something percent. So as we talk about the different races, I think you have to understand, that maybe the Trump movie for a lot of people is playing out because he's very entertaining. You said he's very funny.
WATTERS: Here's what I would say, I would say for the Trump voters, the movie is an action thriller, and for the Democrats it's a horror flick.
WATTERS: And that's what you're seeing on television.
WILLIAMS: Jesse said that horror flick, not me, Mr. President.
WATTERS: But you brought up some approval numbers and we ran some numbers through the Watters' matrix, Juan. Historically, OK?
WILLIAMS: Is Lincoln in there?
WATTERS: We didn't go that far back.
WILLIAMS: Oh, OK.
WATTERS: OK. We don't have a time machine. But in the big, kind of, wave election where Democrats picked up a lot of house seats in 2006 and 2008, they've picked up about 20 to 30 seats or something like that. The generic congressional ballot had Democrats up 13 to 15 points going in. Now they're only up about seven points. So, historically, that's not going to be enough for them to pick up enough seats in the house to retake it.
PAVLICH: And the president is going to be extremely involved in flying all around the country. He said he's going to be on the road six to seven days a week campaigning. The question will be.
WATTERS: Can he handle it?
PAVLICH: I think that he can. We'll see if we can keep up. But they see it as an investment in his agenda long term. So, yes, he'll be on the road for two, three months, but they're saying it that we have to make sure we keep the house in order to make sure the agenda moves forward long term, and that Democrats don't move forward with some kind of impeachment process.
HURT: Donald Trump's numbers may be upside down, but you know whose are even more upside down? Nancy Pelosi. And I think that we'll start seeing Maxine Waters getting polled. Those -- people have been running campaigns against them for a long time and they're still doing it.
WILLIAMS: And so that's it. That's the fear factor. So you asked, you know, will we see new stuff at the campaign tonight at the campaign rally in Florida. I suspect it will be the same old stuff about immigrants, right? It will be about Nancy Pelosi.
HURT: Not immigrants, about illegal aliens.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no.
PAVLICH: Yes, there's a big difference.
WILLIAMS: I keep saying at this table, this is my Dana Perino moment. I keep saying and you guys don't listen, but he wants to cut legal immigration in this country.
WATTERS: All right. That's another topic for another day, Juan. Got to run. The far left Medicare for all plan comes with an insane price tag. Wait until you hear how much you're going to pay in order to make this happen, next.
PERINO: Senator Bernie Sanders and congressional candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have been busy campaigning for government run health care. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. BERNIE SANDERS, I-VT.: We want Medicare to work for every man, woman and child in this country.
ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, D-CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: We want to be a nation that allows improved and expanded Medicare for all.
SANDERS: Medicare for all will be saving middle class families substantial sums of money.
CORTEZ: I campaign on hard commitments of Medicare for all.
SANDERS: Health care is a human right and not a privilege.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: This table of the socialist platform comes with an eye-popping price tag. A new study from the Mercatus Center finds Senator Sanders' Medicare for-all plan would cost over $32 trillion, that's trillion, over the next ten years. And doubling all federal tax revenues still wouldn't be enough to pay for just that. So, Chuck Blahous did a study for Mercatus over at George Mason University. You might remember him.
PERINO: Bush White House, yes. Sanders' office has not even done a cost analysis of his bill. When he announced it, 16 other senators, Democrats, actually cosponsored it without even a cost analysis. I think we have a list of all of those senators. Charlie, have the Democrats decided that this is where they're going? They're all in for Medicare for all.
HURT: Whether they -- you know, I'm sure there are some smart Democrats in Washington, certainly, out in the country who are not on board with this. But the fact that so many of their leaders are talking about this, it is absolutely staggering. And, obviously, you look at the numbers and, of course, it's expensive. We also know that it doesn't work. And you can point to all those.
PERINO: That's the real key.
HURT: Yeah. You can point to all these reasons for rejecting it, but it's the moral issue. It's the idea that these people are perfectly OK with just taking things from people who work and giving them to people who do not work. You know the whole notion of, you know, from each according to his ability and to each according to his needs, the question is who determines who -- you know, what people's ability is and what people -- if I was in charge, I would say I have no ability, and so I'm not going to do anything. But I have a lot of need, and so everybody is going to work for me. And this -- I hate to sound like an old man, and I was kind of born an old man, but, I mean, kids today, they're not even learning these things. They're not even studying these questions in school. And, of course they come out and think, yeah, socialism is great.
PERINO: But you talk about the moral issue. I think, Katie, I think that the Democrats -- that this is a moral issue that health care is a right, and that we spent all this time giving rich people tax cuts, and why aren't we paying for this? And it is a message that is resonating. This price tag, they set it aside, because they don't even do a cost analysis on their own bill, but this is gaining some traction.
PAVLICH: Well, first of all, I understand the old man thing because I call myself the grumpy millennial. So the kids these days annoy me too. Sure, OK, so let's take it as a moral issue. And we all believe that health care should be provided. This is not the way to do it. The way to do it's through a free market system. And the reason is this has been done before. If you look around the world whether it's Cuba, Venezuela, or even to Great Britain, it's a matter of cost benefit analysis. So say you spend the $32 trillion over the next ten years, what is the result of that? Well, as we've seen in these other places that implemented some kind of government run health care we have seen lack of care. We've seen quality of care go down. A lack of doctors, rationing of care, fatal delays, and so this idea that Bernie Sanders says he wants Medicare for all to work, the key word there is to work. And rationing of care and not allowing people to engage in the system, actually, get the care that they have been promised by all these Democrats is not only just disingenuous but they're lying about the fact that everybody can be taken care of at the quality level that they may beginning now or they could get through a free market system.
PERINO: Here's an example, Peter McMahon, you know, my husband who loves to weigh in on The Five. So he's British. He knows the National Health Service well. He works in that field. He sent me this little number today, Juan. Here's an article, Italian doctors are using cardboard as splints in third world clinics of Southern Italy. So, if you break a limb while you're visiting Italy this year, you don't want to do it down there because they don't have enough material and supplies in order to make a splint for shattered arms and legs.
WILLIAMS: That's pretty bad. I don't want to go visit, especially with a kid.
WATTERS: Who's skiing in Italy.
PAVLICH: Bring your own bandages if you're going to Italy for vacation, Juan.
WILLIAMS: But I will say this, and this is what Bernie Sanders said in response to this study. First, he went after the Koch brothers who paid for the study and he said, oh, they're opposed to health care. They just want to maintain the status quo. He also said that about the Democratic establishment, by the way. But the fact is that most of the western world has Medicare for all. And, not only that, they provide health care at a lower cost with better outcomes than we have in the United States. So when people say, hey, leave it to the free market, the free market.
PERINO: According to who?
WILLIAMS: According to every study.
PERINO: No, Juan. I will even challenge that.
WATTERS: Name one. Name one.
PERINO: It's the Juan institute.
WILLIAMS: All these studies have indicated that we spend the most on health care, Jesse.
PAVLICH: For quality health care.
WILLIAMS: No, it's not. This is what I was going to say.
WILLIAMS: The irony is that our emergency rooms -- our emergency rooms are jam-packed with people who should be getting primary care. They shouldn't be in the emergency room. And they're driving up my costs, your costs for health care because we pay for it.
PERINO: Our system isn't perfect. But let me get Jesse in there. Tell us what we need to know about this.
WATTERS: Well, I have a little anecdote like the Italian one.
WATTERS: In Venezuela, sick people are taking dog medicine. That's how bad it is in Venezuela. And this is how they pay for it. They're going to have to, in order to get the 32 trillion in America, they will have to raise the top rate from 37 percent to 74 percent. They will raise middle- class tax brackets from 20 percent to 30 percent. They're going to take the corporate tax rate from 20 to 40 percent. Then they're going to impose a carbon tax. Then they're going to impose a 20 percent national sales tax. Then they're going to take the payroll tax and jacked that up to 10 percent.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, yeah.
WATTERS: And then, they're gonna say we want to bring U.S. military spending to the level of France. Even that, after all that, that still doesn't pay for it.
PAVLICH: And then, in the end, Margaret Thatcher would have been correct about the problem of socialism is running (INAUDIBLE).
WILLIAMS: Yeah. You know where we've heard this before? We've heard this from people who say social security, that will kill the country.
PERINO: Well, give it 12 more years. All right. Basketball star LeBron James claiming President Trump is trying to divide the country. Hear his stinging words when we return.
WILLIAMS: LeBron James crying foul on President Trump. The NBA superstar slamming the president, claiming Trump is using sports to pull Americans apart.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LEBRON JAMES, NBA PLAYER: You know, we are in a position right now in America, more importantly, where this whole -- this race thing is taking over. He's dividing us. And what I noticed over the last few months, that he's kind of used sports to kind of divide. I would never sit across from him.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: You would never. You wouldn't talk to him.
JAMES: No, I would sit across from Barack, though.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian taking a different approach. She's worked with the president on clemency for a drug offender, and she refused to trash Trump while being pressed by Jimmy Kimmel. Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KIM KARDASHIAN, REALITY STAR: I have nothing bad to say about the president.
JIMMY KIMMEL, TV HOST: Right, because you still have people on the list.
KARDASHIAN: So, I am very focused. And, you know, but I don't agree with everything either.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: So, my sports fan friend Charlie is here. So, Charlie, you're a guy who follows sports like I do. You hear LeBron James come out in this way and say, in fact, Trump is offering covered to encourage people to say racist things, behave badly in the country, what do you think?
HURT: Well, first of all, I love LeBron James. I admire him. I think he's an amazing athlete. Obviously, has worked very hard to accomplish all of it. But I think his read here is disastrously wrong. First of all, I think a lot of this stuff started with the NFL kneeling. And the problem with that is that the national anthem -- we can all have our disagreements, and we do have our disagreements and that's fine. But the one moment where we're all supposed to all stop and remember that we're all on the same team and we all are aiming to make this country a better country is when we say the national anthem. And so when you have these guys coming out trying to make a political statement, at that moment, it doesn't work and it really does fracture the fabric of society, I think. The second thing, of course, is that, you know, this after eight years of President Obama who managed to, I think, politicized absolutely everything, including the CIA and the IRS. But also, you know, to a large degree, President Obama had an opportunity, I think, to heal a lot of racial disagreements in this country. And I think you would agree. I don't think that we're better off after eight years of that. And I was somebody who actually really did believe in 2008 that the good that would come out of -- I didn't support him and wouldn't voted for him, but the good that could have come out of it would've been some, you know, amelioration of that.
WILLIAMS: Dana, Kim Kardashian, on the other hand, has worked with the president and gotten one of -- a woman, Alice Johnson, released from prison. She was there on a low-level drug crime.
PERINO: Right. Well, as Jesse pointed out, I mean, it wasn't that low-level. But did the grandmother deserve to be --
PERINO: -- granted this clemency? I think so. And what Jimmy Kimmel said is there are other people on the list, like Matthew Charles, who was wrongly imprisoned right now. And so I hope that that case, it's right now before the Justice Department. Hopefully, that that one will get some attention, as well.
I think that she's kind of got the right idea here, which is that if you've got an issue and you want somebody powerful to help you solve it, you can figure out a way to work with them.
And I think that LeBron James, I respect him. It's his decision to not want to sit down across from him. That's fine. But he is a leader in the country, LeBron James, and in sports. And he has the power to meet, and he has the power to convene. And if he changes his mind, I think that he might find a willing partner in the president to have a conversation, at least.
PAVLICH: I think that he should give the president, actually, a little more credit. If they had this meeting, I think Donald Trump would actually listen to his concerns and see what he could do within his administration to kind of help him further his goals.
I mean, he seems like he's doing a lot of really great things. He just opened a school, Promise School, yesterday in Ohio to help the Ohio public schools system with the lowest performing students, to bring them out of poverty so they actually have a future.
This is a president who believes in school choice to give students in poor neighborhoods a better future for themselves. So I can understand why he wouldn't want to sit down. That's totally his right and his choice not to but I think he actually could maybe have an impact on the president and use the power of the federal government to help some of his programs.
WILLIAMS: So Jesse, it seems like everybody here doesn't want to talk about Trump igniting racial division in the country. And I mean, I don't understand it. I mean, in fact, LeBron said after, you know, some of the things that Trump has done, he worries about his kids.
WATTERS: Well, I mean, he has a right to worry about that. That's fine. And LeBron has put his money where his mouth is. He's doing a lot for education in the state of Ohio. I just disagree with his strategy.
I would sit down with the president. The president will sit down with Kim, the mullahs, the Kardashians, everybody, and they can get results. And Kim has gotten results. Not the one in North Korea, yet, but Kim Kardashian.
I don't believe Trump divided at all on the anthem. I believe Trump led on the anthem.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no.
WATTERS: It was Kaepernick and the other people that knelt and started the division during a time where there should be unity there, and it's not a divided issue on that point. It's not a 50/50. It's like 70-35 kneeling during the anthem. Among NFL fans, it's about 90-10. I would expect that president to come out and stand with the flag on that.
WILLIAMS: I don't think most Americans thought there was a big controversy when this first started. I think Donald Trump used it in a way to stir his base.
WATTERS: I think we pretty much covered it in 2015.
WILLIAMS: All right. From all of you suffering from Gutfeld monologue withdrawal, never fear. Greg is here. And he's giving us a sneak peek at his exciting new book. That's next on "The Five."
GUTFELD: So I didn't see the movie "Game Change." I've been on vacation, and the nude rodeo camp didn't have cable.
Pop stars are crying. Comedians clutch their Xanax. Trump has won. Cher says she's moving to another planet, as if she wasn't already living on one. Al Gore must be sobbing into his bowl of fried kittens.
Identity politics is the 7-Eleven of self-esteem, a quick stop to become whoever you are.
Instead of shark week, why not --
GRAPHIC: Terror Week
PERINO: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: Don't you remember how those celebrity videos before the election accelerated Hillary's defeat? They're the Ex-Lax that finally cleared our political system of Clinton constipation.
HURT: So it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Greg's new book, "The Gutfeld Monologues: Classic Rants from 'The Five'," is officially on sale today. Greg joins us from D.C. to talk about his favorite nuggets of knowledge like you just saw.
Greg, how are you?
GUTFELD: Hello, Charles. We have switched sides.
HURT: Yes, we have.
GUTFELD: I am usually there and you are usually here.
HURT: Yes, this is true. The accent, where did the accent come from? It's alarming.
GUTFELD: I don't know. I was just sitting here.
PERINO: It's his favorite accent.
GUTFELD: It is a good accent. It's a really bad British accent.
HURT: Yes, it's really bad. So you know, what I wanted to ask you about was what is -- of all of the amazing monologues you've given -- and do you know how many there are -- what is your No. 1 single favorite monologue?
GUTFELD: You know, that's like asking Kirk Douglas --
PERINO: It's like naming your favorite child.
GUTFELD: Yes, I was going to say that. It's like asking Kirk Douglas to name his favorite child. He has, like, about 500 of them.
I think there's like -- I think I've done 1,000 monologues. And, I mean, the one I remember most is one of the ones for the montage, which was Terror Week. Which was the idea that here we have a whole week devoted to sharks that do very little damage compared to what we're going through now with existential terror. Why wouldn't we do we a week called Terror Week and, every night, highlight a different terrorist group, so we could bring home the reality of the real evil in this world, not some, you know, grim fish that we rarely see.
HURT: I think the problem with that would be the -- there wouldn't be enough boat footage.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.
HURT: Or underwater footage, for that matter.
GUTFELD: Yes. It was just an idea. Nobody took it up.
HURT: So Dana, my question to you is, you know, a lot of these monologues get a little salty. And -- and I was wondering if you might -- might want to point out some of the potty mouth stuff you think that Greg gets away with.
PERINO: Well, so Greg and I, we've been on the show together for seven years. And we sat next to each other, not because they thought we would get along but because we were the shortest. And it was the easiest way to light the set.
And I don't know if -- you know, I didn't know Greg. And I guess I did want to ask you. Is it annoying to you that I start laughing in the middle of your monologues? I just get such a kick out of it.
And it is true, Charlie. There are times when there are things that I don't understand and that I have to ask him about in a commercial break.
HURT: Butter sticks?
PERINO: Yes, butter sticks. But really, you know, your monologues are usually my favorite part of the show.
GUTFELD: Well, the whole -- going back to when this started, the whole point of me being on the show was basically just, at the end of the show, some comic relief, not really participate in anything else. But write this one little thing and provide some levity in otherwise, you know, serious news.
And it kind of evolved, I guess, into -- I don't know what it is. I like to think of it as, like, trying 0-- the monologues are me trying to voice something that everybody is thinking, but they haven't articulated it yet. They might say it, but they haven't said it yet. So I always figure that each monologue has to be an unspoken truth that I'm helping to express.
So I think maybe that's why you laugh. People laugh when they hear something that's in their head. You know what I mean?
PERINO: Yes, and you would think "I would never have thought to say it that way."
PERINO: I think you're onto something there.
GUTFELD: I am preoccupied -- I am preoccupied with certain kinds of, you know -- you know, filthy things. So it's like, you know --
PERINO: Potty humor.
GUTFELD: Potty humor. I haven't grown up.
PAVLICH: Greg, I have a question.
PAVLICH: This is Katie. I'm filling in today. Nice to see you.
GUTFELD: Hi, Katie.
PAVLICH: I do miss you being here, though. When do you figure out how to write these things? Are you in the shower? Are you sleeping in the middle the night, and you wake up terrorized by your own thoughts, and you have to get on your computer, write these things? Do you write them by hand or do your write them on your computer?
GUTFELD: I write -- generally, what happens now is Megan Albano, the producer, will send me some options. And I like getting options, because I don't like to think. And so when somebody says, "Do this," I kind of like it. Even if I hate the idea. Especially if I don't like the idea. It's a fun challenge to create something out of something that wasn't there.
I write it on my computer. Takes me 20 minutes. Then I go to the gym, and then I'm on the stair climber, and I have my clipboard.
PAVLICH: Like the visual there.
GUTFELD: And so I'm on the stair climber for an hour, working on questions for the show but also kind of reworking it. And then I edit the monologue all day. I basically rearrange the monologue constantly, which is like -- seems like a big waste of time, because it always ends up being back the way it was. But that's kind of -- I'm a neurotic -- a neurotic person.
PAVLICH: All right. Good to know.
GUTFELD: As if you did not know that.
WILLIAMS: Well, I love conservative humor. The fear I have, you know, someone coming from the left is, hey, a lot of conservative humor these days is all about mocking. Like skinning the lib, right, in front of the conservative audience.
PERINO: It's owning the lib, not skinning.
WILLIAMS: Owning the lib.
WILLIAMS: Nikki Haley said to those high school students.
WATTERS: You should know how that feels, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Exactly. I feel like Jesse Watters when this is going on.
GUTFELD: Juan, where do you think the right learned it? They learned it from the left. The left --
WILLIAMS: I don't think so. I think it's --
GUTFELD: The left was the first group to make the political personal.
WILLIAMS: I can't wait for your next book, which would be "Skinning Donald Trump." That's what I think is your follow-up.
GUTFELD: I won't be skinning anything. And I -- what I'm interested in is finding the unspoken truth and having fun with it, whether it's right or left.
But you have to understand it was the left that owned this territory for the longest time. Because to them, it was OK to mock, because they felt that the person was necessarily immoral or evil so you could say whatever you want. The right is now catching up.
WATTERS: All right, Greg. If the president were to tweet something about your book, what would you suggest he tweet?
GUTFELD: If President Trump were to tweet about my book, it should be "Buy this book. It's amazing." And then he'd have to have a link there. Because it's very important you have a link. Amazon would be good. Books a Million.
PERINO: He hates Amazon.
GUTFELD: It's like, notice, he never puts a link on it.
PERINO: Yes, he doesn't like Amazon. Be careful there.
GUTFELD: That's true. He won't do Amazon. Go to your local bookstore.
HURT: That's how he owns people.
PERINO: Congratulations, Greg.
HURT: All right, Greg, thanks.
GUTFELD: Thank you so much. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm on "Special Report," by the way. Any tips?
HURT: We will not miss that.
GUTFELD: Any tips?
PAVLICH: Be nice to Bret Baier.
PERINO: Interrupt everybody. They love that.
GUTFELD: One More Thing, One More Thing. Can I say One More Thing?
GUTFELD: The green food here in the D.C. bureau is not good.
WILLIAMS: And look at that. They were trying to welcome you as a friend.
GUTFELD: They told me to tell you that.
HURT: All right, Greg.
GUTFELD: They told me to tell you that.
HURT: We'll see you tomorrow.
HURT: Next, a brazen heist to steal a shark caught on video has America asking what were theses thieves thinking? That's ahead.
(MUSIC: THEME FROM "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE")
PAVLICH: OK, so -- the music for that was perfect. This next story is hard to believe; but it's true and it's all caught on video.
Surveillance video captures the moment thieves at the San Antonio Aquarium snatched a shark out of the water and wheeled it the skies and a baby stroller. Police later busted the shark nappers, with two men confessing to the crazy crime. Thankfully, Helen, the shark -- that is her name -- is back home and OK.
So Jesse, this is something I think that you would do, but I think you'd be --
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh.
WATTERS: Not a cop out because of the shark.
It's like a fraternity prank, I think, right? Well, I think we need to arm aquarium employees. Right? I mean, this can't happen. We need to batten down the defenses. We need to protect these sharks with all of the firepower possible. This was obviously a soft target, and we need to do a little bit better job.
PAVLICH: But sharks have self-defense with their teeth.
The funny -- this is what the investigators said, that one of the men grabbed the shirt by the tail while the other two people involved wrapped it in a wet blanket and wheeled it out. In a bucket.
PERINO: Was it a prank? Or --
PAVLICH: They were stealing it.
HURT: And the guy, apparently, where they found out, he had other -- lots of other aquariums.
PERINO: That's terrible.
HURT: You usually think of, like, serial killers or crazy people, they have to operate alone, because they can't get anybody else on their wavelength of weirdness or strangeness. This guy had two accomplices with him. But this is -- this is socialism right here.
WILLIAMS: Socialism. It's unbelievable.
HURT: This is socialism on display.
WILLIAMS: Oh, boy.
HURT: And young people should -- because this was something that they needed, and they didn't -- nothing is owned under socialism. You can just steal whatever you want.
WILLIAMS: Well, I think that your argument would say we shouldn't have an aquarium so that young people can go and watch a public aquarium and learn about sharks.
What amazed me about this was Jesse's response. Jesse wants to arm sharks, like they're not bad enough already.
WATTERS: No, arm aquarium employees, Juan. Pay attention.
WILLIAMS: Oh, I see. Yes, we should arm, first of all, kindergartners. And go to the aquarium and you've got to face guns now.
PAVLICH: We don't want to skin the shark.
WATTERS: I was kidding, Juan. It might have gone over your head.
WILLIAMS: But I must say, the most amazing part of this was the baby stroller.
WILLIAMS: Don't you think?
PAVLICH: And wrapped in a wet blanket and a bucket thing.
WATTERS: I think that was the smartest idea, the baby stroller.
WATTERS: How else are you going to carry it out?
PERINO: You can't put it in your tote bag.
WILLIAMS: You could put it in anything.
WATTERS: Maybe a cooler.
WILLIAMS: But a baby stroller, you know, a sort of innocent thing. And then they denied the police the right to search the car. That was interesting, too. But the --
PERINO: I want to know why the woman, they're still deciding whether she should face charges while the other two are facing charges.
PERINO: I think she should. In case you're listening.
PAVLICH: It's a war on men.
WILLIAMS: A war on men?
PAVLICH: Yes. It really is.
WILLIAMS: A war on sharks?
PAVLICH: Well, we should say that Helen, the one-and-a-half-foot-long horn shark, is doing just fine, despite being taken.
PERINO: And imagine the tale she can tell.
PAVLICH: Imagine. Corny joke Tuesday. "One More Thing" is up next.
WATTERS: It is time now for "One More Thing" -- Juan.
WILLIAMS: Well, Neil Diamond, one of my favorites, turned on his heart light last Friday in Colorado for firefighters. Here he is serenading them with "Sweet Caroline" in a pop-up concert.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(MUSIC: NEIL DIAMOND PERFORMING "SWEET CAROLINE")
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: The singer, who now has Parkinson's, rarely performs in public these days, but he was playing for dozens of firefighters who have been battling a massive blaze around Lake Christine in central Colorado. And he's lived in that community for years.
The blaze has consumed more than 12,000 acres since the beginning of this month, but thankfully, at the end of the month, we can say it's 80 percent contained. Thank you so much to Neil Diamond.
WATTERS: All right. To the diamond of the table.
PERINO: Yes, thank you. I have something to promote, which doesn't happen all the time.
This Saturday, be sure to come by the Brielle Public Library -- That's in Brielle, New Jersey -- for a special conversation I'm going to moderate with Cristina Alger. She's the author of the new book, "The Banker's Wife."
I read that book in six hours this winter. I couldn't put it down. It's fantastic. Great summer reading, great beach read. The event starts at 10 a.m. on Saturday, August 4. You can RSVP by visiting Booktown.com/event.
And if you can't make it to that event, of course, you can buy her book wherever. You can buy hers and Greg Gutfeld's book. And also tomorrow there's a very special guest I'm going to have as part of my "One More Thing."
WATTERS: That's exciting. Is it your dog?
PERINO: It's a tease. A little tease. I will not even tell you.
WATTERS: All right. Well, I read a book this summer in five hours, so there.
PERINO: Little golden books are pretty easy.
WATTERS: Walked right into that one. It was actually "The Art of The Deal."
All right. So in France this guy has got a jet-powered hoverboard jet pack and check this out. The French actually are better than we think.
This guy hovers up in the air and then hovers out into the middle of the ocean. Check this out. This is the future, folks. You know how Gutfeld always has a bunch of robots playing around and serving you coffee? This is the future right there. People are going to be doing this.
PERINO: You can get across the water right here really quick.
WATTERS: I know. This is how I'm going to be commuting to work.
WILLIAMS: Yes, I was going to say, Katie was, you know, skydiving and forgot about pulling the string.
PAVLICH: Never going to live this down.
WATTERS: No strings on the jet pack.
HURT: So I consider myself a bit of a connoisseur of liquor stores, but I must say, I've never seen this before. You expect to see alligators in Florida, but it's not every day you find one in a convenience store.
WILLIAMS: What is he doing?
HURT: A Florida man, Robbie Stratton, decided to bring an alligator with him while making a beer run. Here he is chasing people around with a reptile.
PERINO: Oh, my gosh. What an asshole!
HURT: Even going into the walk-in fridge with it. Stratton said he was blackout drunk at the time. What is that?
PERINO: Sorry. That is so awful! I'm sorry. I can't --
HURT: He had tape around his snout. He's not going to --
PERINO: He's terrorizing people. No, honestly, that is bad, and I'm sorry I just said that. But I mean --
WATTERS: So bad. If anybody deserves to be called that, it's me or that guy.
All right. Katie, what have you got?
PAVLICH: That is like an armed robbery with a weapon. An alligator. Never heard Dana say that before. Sorry, guys.
This is from a local news station, New York One. We wanted to share it with you. Cesar Pasmino (ph) has worked for the Department of Transportation for 20 -- [laughs] -- and is in charge of taking care of the flags on the Brooklyn Bridge. There are two flags, one on each tower, that fly 24/7 throughout the year.
It seems like a fitting job, because Cesar (ph) was born on the Fourth of July and immigrated here from Columbia with his parents when he was ten years old. Both of his sons are police officers, even more patriotic.
He says the hardest and most meaningful part of the job is when he lowers the flags to half-staff to honor fallen police officers or city workers killed on the job.
So Cesar Pasmino, you are amazing. Our hats are off to you.
PERINO: He's amazing, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
WATTERS: Amazing show. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" up next. Good luck with Greg Gutfeld.
BRET BAIER, ANCHOR: Can we just go back to -- what happened there? Dana said what?
WILLIAMS: No, no.
BAIER: We're moving forward?
WILLIAMS: The show is over.
BAIER: OK. All right. Thanks, Jesse.
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