Gutfeld: The world is looking great for America

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 5, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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RACHEL MADDOW, HOST, "THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW": This guy with him that keeps turning up again and again. Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik Konstantin Kilimnik - he's still Russian military intelligence.

Kilimnik, a short man who goes by Kostia - this guy Konstantin Kilimnik. Konstantin Kilimnik.

Investigating Konstantin Kilimnik for espionage. This guy Konstantin Kilimnik is the key that unlocks that door. It seems like it would have to be.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW: So, why does he have to be short? All right, all right, all right. Stop it. So, the world is looking pretty good. North Korea is calming down. No ISIS. Unemployment at its lowest in ages. Trump had a great meeting with that Nigerian guy. I think he wrote me a long e-mail once. I sent him 10 grand, never heard from him again. I wonder what happened.

While the world seems to improve, the media keeps focusing on the worst. The New York Times - get this - they ran an article this week entitled "Happy 200th Birthday, Karl Marx. You were right." Too bad he can't read it, he's dead.

But what a strange thing to say. I guess the tribute to Johns Wilkes Boothe wasn't ready yet. And where is the Lizzie Borden centerfold? But as the writer glorifies the dead commie, we here, don't believe the times went far enough, so we created a real salute.

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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Happy birthday Karl Marx. You co-wrote "Communist Manifesto" which is right up there with the Yunnan bombers for the best manifesto of all time with basic tenets that capitalism leads to class oppression and will eventually be superseded by a socialist order.

Sweet. In fact, it was such an awesome idea that a bunch of countries tried it, like Lenin's Soviet Union featuring mass imprisonment. Mao in to China with widespread famine. Castro's Cuba featuring animal-powered farm equipment, and Maduro's Venezuela, toilet paper lines for days, plus and a bunch of other countries that don't exist anymore, like Easdt Germany, Yugoslavia, and Czechoslovakia. Talk about a most excellent run.

And there's even communist nations still around today like North Korea, but they won't admit it because it's so successful, they don't want to rub it in the rest of the world's face. So, here's to you Karl Marx, happy 200th birthday, bro.

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GUTFELD: Nice. Well done. We just whipped that together. So, as the world enters an optimistic age, the media still chases words and not deeds. The latest freak out, where Trump said about what Giuliani said about, you guessed it, Stormy.

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It was staggering. We keep saying that.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And it's very confusing. I've never seen anything like it.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It is astonishing.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think this is disgraceful.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's astonishing.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's stunning. Just stunning.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That was a disaster.

ANDERSON COOPER, ANCHOR, CNN: Other members of the legal term are, this is not actually a legal term, freaking out.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hush, Stormy.

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GUTFELD: What's wrong with these people? You know what they're like? They're like kids who ate all of their Halloween candy in one night. They're just overloaded. They're going to end up with a DTO, which is a Donald Trump Overdose, but they can't stop.

CNN has had Stormy's lawyer on 60 times in three months. He gets more air time than pollen.

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MICHAEL AVENATTI, AMERICAN ATTORNEY: I think he probably will be hard to prove, Anderson.

You've got to stop interrupting me.

The cover up is really the con.

Whoever the attorney is that wrote those two tweets is an absolute moron.

There is no doubt that he's going to flip.

You can try to put lipstick on the pig morning, noon and night, and it's still going to be a pig, Don.

I was stunned. I was speechless. I am still stunned this morning.

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GUTFELD: Every day, he's speechless, which is weird because he never shuts up. How is that possible, but fair play to him? He's got CNN in his back pocket and he won't stop farting. I thought about taking that out.

Now, remember when it was all about collusion, but now even MSNBC has doubts. This is great.

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: As for the Mueller investigation, I am very, as an American, as a citizen, I am fascinated to know what he finds. I am - I am not so sure that he's going to find the smoking gun of coordination or collusion.

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GUTFELD: Oh, my god. MSNBC not sure about collusion? That's like Michael Moore not sure about pie. He likes pie. Can't change his mind on pie.

So, it's Stormy this and Stormy that from people who used to say who cares, it's only sex. The lesson, if you lose an election, why not sue afterwards. It's the political equivalent of Tonya Harding taking out Nancy Kerrigan, and the media and the Dems are Jeff Kaluli (ph) and Sean Ekkert (ph). The Dems pushed the message, the media spreads it, and their collusion broadens.

It's a self-perpetuating echo chamber and the echo is impeach because there are no Democratic ideas to counter Trump's successes. I mean how do the Democrats top ending the North Korea nuclear threat? What would be their issues? Free health care for MS-13? Horses should be able to marry sheep? I'm for that actually. Love is love.

All right, and so in a sprint, Trump made the world better for 7.6 billion people and the question plaguing the media's brain, did a rich billionaire playboy lie about sex? I think, I can save them a year of programming time and say, yes.

Next question, does America care? No. See, you can look at this latest Stormy stuff two different ways. One as a lawyer. Trump is allowed to pay a settlement. Didn't use campaign funds. Nothing to do with collusion, or you could look at it as a voter, you care more about peace than porn stars, deeds more than words? And Trump's racked up a bunch so far, which brings us to this choice - do you want a wholesome but inept President who could never have crushed ISIS or figured out North Korea or have a cad who crushes ISIS and figures out North Korea?

I know the choice I made and it's the choice America made already.

Let us welcome tonight's guest. He's smart and tough like an encyclopedia that can kick your ass, Fox News, national security strategist, Sebastian Gorka.

Oh yes, he puts the terry in Military, retired Green Beret Master Sergeant in strange pants, Terry Schappert.

Her BAC is always higher than her BMI. Great joke. National Review reporter, Kat Timpf. That was mean? No, it was nice.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: Wait, he's not done.

GUTFELD: He takes selfies with the Hubble space telescope, former WWE superstar and my massive side kick, Tyrus.

All right, Dr. G, we covered a lot of ground here in this monologue. What are you thinking about what happened this week? What's the end game here with the media and their attacks on Trump with Stormy? Where are you?

SEBASTIAN GORKA, NATIONAL SECURITY ANALYST, FOX NEWS: First things first, that little communism is a cool thing, as the child of people who lived under communism and escaped, that's probably how we can get the millennials back. That was epic. Epic. The foundation for the victims of communism did a poll recently, 44% of American millennials want to live in a socialist country. Now, more want to live in a capitalist country.

GUTFELD: They should move to Vermont.

GORKA: So, things have to be done and that kind of video can help us. With regards to this week, you have to listen to what the President said yesterday at the NRA meeting. He relishes this stuff. I've worked for the guy. This is his fuel.

GUTFELD: Right, right, right.

GORKA: This is a 71-year-old guy. I am 47. If I had a quarter of that man's energy at 71, I'd be happy. Three hours of sleep at night. He doesn't get annoyed by this stuff. It's his fuel. You come at him, he's going to come back at you even harder, so they're going to lose.

The Jake Tapper's, the Anderson Cooper's - they're going to lose.

GUTFELD: So, you're 47? I'm six years older than you?

TERRY SCHAPPERT, RETIRED GREEN BERET MASTER SERGEANT: Me too.

GUTFELD: That's amazing.

SCHAPPERT: We're old.

GUTFELD: I thought you were like much older than me.

GORKA: It's just the beard.

GUTFELD: Just the beard, and also you're tall. I always think tall people are older than me. Because I am the size of a child. Terry?

SCHAPPERT: Well, he has more rings if you cut him open.

GUTFELD: Yes. Terry would try that actually. All right, Terry, how is the mainstream media going to handle when there's more and more good news?

SCHAPPERT: They're getting crushed. It is funny. About the communism thing and about that poll, that makes sense because that by the way is by design. The communists knew - okay, we're not going to beat these guys militarily. We could get them with educators.

And so, these guys - this makes sense because the people that are a product of this education system, they have been fed this and they don't know any better. When they get in the real world, they're going to figure it out quick enough because reality does that.

When I am at combat, Special Forces guide - reality does that, and I love the best - we were talking backstage - backstage is where we were, yes, it's backstage, yes, the green room.

GUTFELD: Get to the point.

SCHAPPERT: Not loving your tone. But we were saying that it is so much fun to watch - I call Donald Trump the flash bang candidate, the flash bangs are the grenades we throw in to blow up, light and sound, and just we go in and then shoot you because you're stunned. Trump's the flash bang and it's funny to watch how he has crushed these people and they needed to be crushed, Dems and Republicans, media and academics, and it's being done by a guy who is callus, thin-skinned, ego-driven and it's beautiful.

GUTFELD: Yes. He's flash bang, but I'm flash dance. Kat, thoughts on anything?

KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: All right, I'll keep it to the topic instead of what I was really thinking about. No, there has been a lot of good news, but the media, what it does do, is it doesn't cover it. It just doesn't cover it because then that would mean they have to admit that Donald Trump has actually done some good things, which he has, but instead they have Stormy Daniels' stories on all day long.

I don't understand what they are because I don't watch it. I know that there's a lot of it, but what are they talking about for so long? They hooked up, he lied about it, the end. There you go. I just did the whole show.

GUTFELD: Yes, you did. I don't understand, they're so shocked. These are people who said during the Clinton era that it's just sex.

GORKA: In the Oval Office.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.

GORKA: And that's - ten years ago.

GUTFELD: Yes, not just with - and a number of people. All right, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: Greg.

GUTFELD: End the segment with some kind of wisdom.

MURDOCH: Well, we're all socialists when we're younger until we get our own money.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

MURDOCH: I ain't sharing a damn thing. It's mine. There ain't no tall jokes in this chair. Why should I have to give it up? We're all socialists, when we were unemployed, our mom's coach, yes share the wealth, as long as it's your wealth.

GUTFELD: Yes, no, that is so true.

SCHAPPERT: We saw in Finland, they just retracted that in Finland, they had that experiment...

GUTFELD: Where they were getting income.

SCHAPPERT: Yes, fixed income for everybody in the population whether you worked or not, and guess what? Wow, it didn't work.

MURDOCH: Speaking of Finland, where did those boom boots come from.

GUTFELD: I think they killed a yak.

MURDOCH: Must have been a pretty yak.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

SCHAPPERT: That's a good looking...

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: But, Tyrus, that's not the problem. The problem is the flare of his pants.

MURDOCH: You should see the jacket with goes with that. Get in that. Get on that.

GUTFELD: Terry has got a huge...

MURDOCH: This is old meets new.

SCHAPPERT: You call it a problem, I call it excellence.

GUTFELD: I hope they're flares because you're packing heat at the ankle.

SCHAPPERT: Maybe I am.

GUTFELD: Yes, all right, coming up, Dennis Rodman wants some credit for -- what's that word? For the North Korea talks. Why stop there? Rodman 2024.

Should we credit him for changing Kim. Dennis Rodman says he deserve a big pat on the back if the North Korean summit happens as promised. Rodman was making nice with Kim Jong-un long before anyone thought a summit was possible. He even brought a copy of Trump's "The Art of the Deal" on his last visit. Maybe that helped grease the skids.

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DENNIS RODMAN, FORMER NBA PLAYER: It's impressive about Donald Trump and the American people, I think they need to have a change of heart.

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GUTFELD: But back then, everyone thought Rodman was nuts to go over there. He was vilified by his own nation, like in 2014, some jerk had the nerve to say "Dennis Rodman is another in a long line of western pawns." Jerk. Which was the polite way of saying this.

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GUTFELD: He's a wimp. After all, he's going there to celebrate his bud's birthday. Yes, Rodman is the Marilyn Monroe to Kim Jong-un's JFK. This makes Rodman more than a patsy, to borrow from his own vocabulary, he's Little Kim's little bitch.

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GUTFELD: Handsome fellow, but very naive. I did not age well. I tell you what, just to make amends, if this summit happens, I will nominate Dennis Rodman for the Nobel Peace prize and I'll even submit this video.

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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In 2017, the international campaign to abolish nuclear weapons won the Nobel Peace prize, but this year that honor should belong to one man and one man only, Dennis Rodman.

One look at his impressive resume and you'll understand why. Rodman first showed a knack for international diplomacy in 1997, teaming up with the muscle from Brussels, Jean Claude Van Damme for the groundbreaking film, "Double Team."

a year later he married Carmen Electra who quickly divorced him because he was too devoted to bringing about world peace. Soon after he finished his pro career with 11,954 rebounds. For comparison, the 2007 Nobel Prize winner Al Gore had zero career rebounds.

Was he always a dreamer? Was he always a fighter? When people wanted to wear brightly dyed hair in public, Rodman was there. When "Celebrity Apprentice" needed a boost, Rodman was there. And he didn't quit.

When the world needed to solve the problem of North Korea, Rodman was there, to save our planet from nuclear annihilation. Dennis Rodman, the clear choice for the 2018 Nobel Peace prize.

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GUTFELD: Tyrus?

MURDOCH: Oh, of course you went to me first. Why oh why would Greg go to me? What could it be?

GUTFELD: Because I thought you probably know Dennis, right?

MURDOCH: Of course, we all know each other.

GUTFELD: You all know each other, yes.

MURDOCH: Yes, we...

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: They all know each other. We all know each other.

MURDOCH: Ask your damn question.

GUTFELD: Should he accept my apology?

MURDOCH: You know what, where I'm from - you know what? No. I went to a Tony Robbins seminar, I am going to be positive. If you would have called me a bitch, every time I saw you, we would move furniture. You know what I am saying? And on that - and you didn't just say it like - you said it like bitch like you was bigger than him. So, I don't know if I let that go.

My only concern when I worry about this is if Don Lemon sees this, because we all meet at the same meeting, if he happens to see this, you just gave them their out, so they will no longer give President Trump credit for - you just gave them the out.

So, now it's going to be Dennis Rodman - because he gave him the book. They'll do a reenactment. There will be a Sunday show where it will be a cartoon of a tall guy giving Kim a book, and Kim going, "Huh, I never thought of that." And then, he will be there - so, you just gave them their out.

GUTFELD: You know what, I like to make sacrifices. Kat, people often say a book can change your life. Nancy Drew mysteries did it for me. I feel differently about plaid.

TIMPF: I don't know what that means.

GUTFELD: I don't either. Do you believe this theory?

TIMPF: I do believe that theory. I definitely have books that I feel have changed my life. I just can't get over the fact that Dennis Rodman clearly thinks he's cool because he hangs out with Kim Jong-un.

The way he talks about it, he's like, "Yes, I went to go see him for his birthday." You know, it's implied, like were you invited to his birthday? Like, no, I wasn't invited to his birthday. I am okay with not going to an evil dictator's birthday party. I generally like to be invited, but that's the one instance where I am okay with saying no.

GUTFELD: Well, I don't know. I mean, they probably had great food.

TIMPF: Probably not.

GUTFELD: That's not true. Yes, it's North Korea. Dr. Gorka, should we use more pop culture icons to deal with foreign policy conflicts?

GORKA: No.

GUTFELD: Madonna could solve the Middle East.

GORKA: Allow me to save your reputation.

GUTFELD: Okay, sure.

GORKA: Okay, that quip was actually spot on. Because why did he go there? He went there to celebrate Little Kim. He went there to be cool in a dictatorship, not to stop anything. And along comes the new president who says, "You keep doing what you're doing, we're going to obliterate you." Right?

Secretary Mattis says, "We will annihilate you." A little bit different from Mr. Rodman's.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

GORKA: You can stand by your words, because this is a different kind of ballgame at a different kind of president.

TIMPF: I don't think Trump is bringing him any birthday gifts.

MURDOCH: I don't know, man, you call somebody a bitch...

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Tyrus, I mean, that wasn't even like...

MURDOCH: We've got to go. I mean...

SCHAPPERT: The way you said that, it was pretty aggressive.

MURDOCH: That was like a he took a glove off and slapped him, and you know that back in the day, when that happens, somebody had to go.

SCHAPPERT: That's on, it's on.

GUTFELD: That's why - no one know where I live.

SCHAPPERT: Luckily, you can handle yourself in a fight.

GUTFELD: I'm tiny. I'm tiny. I can run and hide under things. I am like- you ever tried to catch a rodent? That's me. Terry, where do you think this is going with North Korea? This could be a big achievement and I think Rodman played a role.

SCHAPPERT: Sure. Give him the prize. It's pretty cheap prize anyway, the Nobel Peace prize...

GUTFELD: That's true.

SCHAPPERT: I think the Koreans, both North and South, I think it's kind of a con, a little...

GUTFELD: Really?

SCHAPPERT: Yes, I do. I think China was involved. I think they're like guys, we need to calm the heck down because this guy is not going to back down. I don't think it's - to me it's strange quite (inaudible) that Kim Jong-un would be like, "Yes, I'm going to get rid of all of my nuclear weapons because I'm afraid of Donald Trump."

I don't think that's it. But, we've never been to this place before. So, it's cool. It's a good - by the way, my mom loves Greg more than me and she gave you some unicorn Band-Aids. That's to put on your forehead when Dennis Rodman comes and knocks you out. Knocks you out.

GUTFELD: They're helpful when you put them on and they feel great when you take them off, unicorn Band-Aids. All right, coming up, Hillary blames her loss in 2016 on socialism. for once, she's right.

MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: From "America's News Headquarters," I am Marianne Rafferty.

Tonight, Hawaii is facing a potentially lethal mixture of national disasters: Spewing lava, earthquakes and toxic fumes have rocked Hawaii's big island forcing 1,700 people out of their homes.

At least five homes there have been destroyed. The quakes have also triggered rockslides on trails.

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani doubling down on his denials that payments to porn star Stormy Daniels violated campaign finance laws.

Tonight during an exclusive interview with Judge Jeanine Pirro.

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RUDOLPH GIULIANI, FORMER NEW YORK CITY MAYOR: We're not missing anything. We have turned over the documents after all, and I am in the process of getting through about a third of them so far.

There's no evidence of any of the things you're talking about. The only evidence there is - the only crimes committed here have been committed by the government.

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RAFFERTY: I'm Mary Ann Rafferty. Now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

GUTFELD: In a recent interview, aren't they all, Hillary Clinton was asked if being a capitalist hurt her in the election. She replied, "Heavens no. Losing was entirely my fault and I alone. I am to blame."

SCHAPPERT: Oh, my god.

GUTFELD: She didn't really say that.

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HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: If you're in the Iowa caucuses and 41% of Democrats are socialists or self-described socialist, and I'm asked are you a capitalist? And I say yes, but with appropriate regulation and with appropriate accountability, you know, that probably gets lost in the, "Oh my gosh, she's a capitalist."

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GUTFELD: But here's the thing. On this one, she is right. We're in a midterm year, you know who is doing a lot of campaigning for the candidates? Bernie. But also look at the popular issues: Universal college access, single-payer healthcare, $15.00 minimum wage, identity politics galore.

So, yes, Hillary, the capitalist, was right for once. The Democratic Party is now the socialist party. Here's their new campaign video.

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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sharing is awesome. Democrats 2018.

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GUTFELD: Terry, I hate to admit when she's right.

SCHAPPERT: I know.

GUTFELD: But if you blame everybody, you're bound to be right once.

SCHAPPERT: Exactly, you throw it in a wall, something is going to stick. Here is the ironic thing, is that, Hillary Clinton is not a capitalist. Not at all. She's a government controlled - she's an evil war lord. She's a Sith lord. She's a...

(CROSSTALK)

MURDOCH: How old are you...

SCHAPPERT: So, she's not a real capitalist, but it's funny that her explaining that she was taken down because is true, because the socialist perceived her as what? They widely perceived her, 44% want to go to socialism. They've been indoctrinated. The ones, they've moved to Vermont with Bernie, and just smoke weed every day. They're like, "Yes, man, authority sucks." They're the ones who convinced it, so she did lose because she's a capitalist, but she's not a capitalist.

GUTFELD: Kat, will the Democrats win on socialist values?

TIMPF: I sure hope not. I also don't think that that's the only reason why she lost.

GUTFELD: Of course.

TIMPF: I think she lost also because she's a nightmare. She is very unlikeable and also, Bernie was far left of her on issues other than just economics, like foreign policy and criminal justice decorum when she was all about prisons and she was kind of a war hawk. So, I think that had a lot more to do with going further left in all areas rather than just going further left in economic areas.

GUTFELD: Sebastian, I want her to run again.

GORKA: Oh, please.

GUTFELD: Do you think she will, guys? Do you think she will? Why not?

GORKA: And Kerry and Biden - it would be fabulous. I think it was Sean, our colleague who counted up the number of excuses she's used, and there was like 42. Is this 43?

GUTFELD: I think it is.

GORKA: I think, the next, it will be global warming that made me lose.

GUTFELD: You know why? Because people decided to go to the beach instead of voting.

SCHAPPERT: Yes, it was a nice day.

GUTFELD: It was a nice day.

GORKA: Kat had nailed it. She is Harridan, she is a disaster. That's why she lost.

GUTFELD: Yes, Tyrus, thought on this? How far left will the Democrats go this year, do you think?

MURDOCH: How far left? I don't know. They're going to go so far left that they won't vote. They'll protest the vote. That's what they'll do. That way they can't really lose because they protested. But she - there's one big reason she lost. She lost this election eight years prior. When she lost to Obama, it was the same thing. It was just Democrats are saying, "Eww, she's entitled." "Eww, she's not a nice person." "Oh, she's full of it." Like they didn't believe her then and they don't believe her now and they're not going to, but for whatever reason, as long as he's got enough money and enough people...

First of all, who the hell is interviewing her now? What person is like "Hey, I'm going to get Hillary on the show, boss and we're going to find out why she lost." If I said that to you? What the hell. Let's get to the bottom of this. It's very simple. More people voted for him than you.

GUTFELD: Well, actually - they will always say...

MURDOCH: Cry and get over it.

(CROSSTALK)

MURDOCH: Electoral College, correct?

GUTFELD: Yes.

SCHAPPERT: In our system, that's been used for all these years, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's a system we now have to get rid of.

(CROSSTALK)

MURDOCH: With the exception of California and New York, with the exception of California and New York.

SCHAPPERT: You know what's funny about the left, too, they constantly worship iconoclasts, right? They do. That's their whole thing. "Oh, I'll tear it down." If you think about it, Trump for whoever he is, there's no better iconoclast right now. He's destroyed the media. He is destroying the entrenched political...

Now, like I said, I don't think he's a particularly moral man. I mean, he seems to me like one of those guys, like if you've worked for him, he's like, "Yes, you do the right thing, I'll take care of you." But that's okay...

GORKA: He is very loyal.

SCHAPPERT: Yes, that's what I am saying. In the military, I get that. Like we stand with each other. I know some bad things about a lot of dudes and they know a lot of bad things about me, but we'll bury the bodies for you.

GUTFELD: That's good to know.

SCHAPPERT: They'll never find them.

GUTFELD: Terry, if you bury a body, make sure it's in those pants and boots.

GORKA: But look at the way he won. This is really important what Terry said. He won in areas that we were told the GOP would never ever win. I went to Youngstown, Ohio with the President. This is steel valley, and we have 25,000 people in the stadium, and you knew that they were former registered Democrats. Their parents, their grandparents.

When he came out on stage, when she came out on stage, when Melania came out, they were screaming "USA drain the swamp." He won, and this is important for November, he won despite the GOP, not because of the GOP, and that's the lesson that the right has to understand.

GUTFELD: We've got to go. You want to say something? Coming up, why are some people calling this prom dress offensive? It reminds me of the time they told me leather chaps aren't business casual.

Such a mess over a dress. Long story short, white girl posts pictures in her prom dress on social media, it's a traditional Chinese dress, some social justice weenies took offense and said the magic words, "Cultural appropriation," and then the media writes about the outrage the dress sparked. But you know who wasn't outraged by it? China.

Over there, the story isn't appropriation, it's called appreciation. Look, if you really wanted - thank you, everybody. Clap away. If you really wanted to be a pain, you can claim appropriation on anything. Like socks.

The ancient Greeks came up with them. Do I have to throw my socks out because I'm not Greek? What about yogurt. Greeks didn't invent that, a bunch of Asian herdsmen did back in 6000 BC, are you not an Asian herdsman? Then you get no yote. Toilets, Scotland.

GORKA: Thomas Crapper.

GUTFELD: Yes, you're absolutely right. Toilet paper, China. And yet it's called Scott tissue. How dishonest. Perfume was invented in Mesopotamia, that's not even a place, anymore. Do you walk upright? How dare you steal the practice initiated by Ardipithecus ramidus, the earliest hominid from Ethiopia.

Look, our country is only 242 years old. Most of life's essentials were invented way before we came along. If we didn't borrow from other cultures, no one would ever evolve. We'd be a crawling, starving, stinking mess like these two - selfish little rodents. Kat, you're the expert at prom dresses, I assume.

TIMPF: I had one before, yes.

GUTFELD: You've worn one before?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: So, we do have something in common.

SCHAPPERT: Well played, Greg. Well played.

GUTFELD: What are your thoughts on cultural appropriation?

TIMPF: I think that it gets out of hand and I think that it's really awful that so many people were basically bullying this high school girl over her dress. People were really, really mean to her. They were just like, "Let me try to educate you," they were being mean to her. I just can't imagine having the time and the energy to sit there on the internet and bully a kid about a dress. I mean, I thought I didn't have a social life, but damn.

GORKA: I know I sound funny, Greg, but I am an American now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GORKA: And I wanted to be known as of today, that we will ban anyone who is not an American from wearing blue jeans and baseball hats.

GUTFELD: Very good.

GORKA: Cultural appropriation. They belong to us. You can't wear...

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Tuxedos were made in Tuxedo Park, which is part of New York, I believe. So, if you're not an American and you're going to the prom, no tuxedo for you.

SCHAPPERT: Well, this was all started that with Jeremy Lamb - it was basically the outrage over this girl wearing a Chinese dress. It was started by a little chubby Asian dude, un-ironically appropriating a freaking baseball hat in his picture, and if you go back to his tweets, appropriating the "N" word multiple times.

MURDOCH: Say what?

GUTFELD: Only Tyrus can say that.

(CROSSTALK)

SCHAPPERT: Yes, I woke him up. I can't say that. Tyrus can say that.

MURDOCH: See, now next to bitch, that will really get you messed up.

SCHAPPERT: That's what I said. By the way, this little Asian dude saying that word like, "Oh, damn." So, I guess there's no end to that circle of idiocy.

GUTFELD: You know what's interesting though, Tyrus, there is no way to fight back because when a social justice warrior tries to take something fun from you, like prom, you can't return the favor because they don't have anything fun to do.

MURDOCH: But you can fight back. She should put up more pictures...

(CROSSTALK)

MURDOCH: And her friends should have gotten together and her date should have gotten - the appropriate male version, the counter part of that, whatever that is because I'm not really big in China, I don't fit their clothes, but what I am saying is, instead of being - the real reason they were mad is because she looked good.

GUTFELD: That's true. That's true.

MURDOCH: She looked good and she had a beautiful day and that's what people do who don't. Apparently, he's chubby and wears a baseball hat. It ain't me, I'm jack. I can have this because I have this.

SCHAPPERT: That's right. That's right.

MURDOCH: I'm just saying, when I get hit with that, I give it to them more. They're like, don't talk, I talk more. They're like, don't lift weights, like you do all of the time, I lift more. Kiss my ass. You don't like it, then - that should be her attitude. That should be our attitude whenever anyone tries to appropriate me, punch them in the mouth back with more of it.

GUTFELD: Well, you know, the thing is, if this trend is - the social justice warrior movement is the literal fun police that they won't rest until everything is ruined. Cinco de Mayo, you can't do that, any kind of...

SCHAPPERT: St. Patrick's Day.

GUTFELD: St. Patrick's Day, any group that is devoid of humor is dangerous because you cannot engage. You cannot have fun with them. That means, they want your subservience at the end of the day.

(CROSSTALK)

GORKA: Want to destroy stuff.

MURDOCH: But luckily, we live in a time when that stuff happens, we have a citizen President, and I will just do what the President would do, and when they said, "Oh, you can't do this about the singular mind, whatever - what did he do?" He got the video with a taco salad. So, you see what I am saying.

If someone gets online, do what the president would do.

GUTFELD: Got it, all right, still to come, the Boy Scouts are taking a very important word out of their name, and it isn't Scouts.

We investigate what it could be, next.

Will there be less tent pitching and more cross-stitching? Next year, the Boy Scouts of America will change the name of their program for 11 to 17- year-olds to Scouts BSA. The BSA standing for Best Socks Around. It's true. Thank god. The reason for the change, they'll now start accepting girls who will now be able to advance to the highest rank, which is Eagle Scout, which means they get their very own eagle.

I don't know anything about the scouts. Of course, lots of companies change their names. Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC. WWF became the WWE and "The Five" was once called "The Greg Gutfeld Show plus Four Other Annoying People"

Meanwhile, the Cub Scouts for brats ages 7 to 10 has already started admitting girls. Over 3,000 had signed up, in response the Girl Scouts of America has begun their own recruitment program including rolling out the merit badges. My favorite is peanut butter painting.

(VIDEO CLIP STARTS)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What have you been doing to your brother? You don't know? You were scrubbing him?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, Ethan. Does it smell good?

(VIDEO CLIP ENDS)

GUTFELD: Tyrus, how do you feel about this?

MURDOCH: You know, I understand...

GUTFELD: You are a Boy Scout.

MURDOCH: Yes, I was a Boy Scout, and I really feel like -- and Peterson...

GUTFELD: Jordan Peterson?

MURDOCH: When he came, he talked about it a lot. There are differences between us and there are certain things that the Boy Scouts helped me to do, that I still do this day as far as like perspective and having a man's perspective on how to be a young adult when you didn't necessarily have a man around the house.

So, for me, the Boy Scouts, that was - it was an outlet to be a young man and like have questions and be curious and be able to ask stuff, and feed off of each other in a positive situation.

And there was the alternative, there was the Girl Scouts and they did their own thing. I just don't understand why we had to combine the two together. And maybe just because I was part of that and I feel like that was an American institution, then otherwise - we had to change it because we had something similar and in some cases, better. We had the Girl Scouts, we had the Boy Scouts and then - I just don't understand why we couldn't - kept them different.

SCHAPPERT: The conditions, that's what it is. It's the iconoclasm of our traditions, get rid of religion, get rid of the icons - it's just like, all of these things that are threats to what we have been talking about all night, you know, this collective behavior.

GORKA: So, the Scouts was created by General Baden Powell...

GUTFELD: Baden Powell, a British guy, right?

GORKA: A British guy. They had a very specific role, it was how do you help young boys become men and this is what they want to attack. And I want to say something shocking here. Girls are not boys and boys are not girls.

SCHAPPERT: No way. Burn him.

GORKA: And congratulations on the Jordan Peterson guest appearance. He's absolutely right. This isn't just an accident. This isn't about girls becoming Eagle Scouts, this is an ideological assault on our traditions of Judeo Christian civilization. That's what it is.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, I know you were a Girl Scout, I think the ultimate end game here is no more distinctions. So, they are raising gender distinctions, so I'm saying to you as a former Girl Scout, if you're going to get rid of gender distinctions, so that boys could become Girl Scouts, why not get rid of age distinction, so as a 53-year-old, I can join the Girl Scouts because I could say that - I could self-identify as a 9-year- old girl.

GORKA: You can wear that prom dress again.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes. I still have the prom dress. Does that logically make some sense?

TIMPF: Right, you would definitely not have fit in with me and my friends, though. When I was the age that I was a Girl Scout, I didn't want to hang out with boys. I thought they had cooties. I wanted to make friendship bracelets and listen to the Spice Girls and get back at Tina for having another best friend other than me.

GUTFELD: Right, I hated that.

TIMPF: I haven't forgotten, Tina, and this is insane.

GUTFELD: No, I always hated it when you became a secondary best friend.

TIMPF: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That drove me nuts.

MURDOCH: But see, in the Boy Scouts, we were all a group, we were a troop. But we were getting our (inaudible)...

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Okay, I take that back. I do want to join the Boy Scouts.

MURDOCH: We worked together. We were challenged. It was just different. Like I said, I don't get it. What's going on?

GUTFELD: The other thing too, if all identity becomes fluid, it can become highly specific, which means I can wake up and say, "I'm not identifying as a woman, but as a specific woman." Like I want to identify as Oprah Winfrey or why does it have to be a human being? Why can't I just wake up and go, "I want to be a giraffe," or an asteroid, and then - or you know, this is - I should be on like some kind of disability. Unicorn disability.

MURDOCH: You're giving everybody an out on this show. Does everyone feel.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: If Liz Warren can do it, so can I.

MURDOCH: Dude, we had that kid. We had a kid in the neighborhood who thought he was a dog and we all encouraged it, but one day we were like, "Hey jackass, stop being a dog." And he stopped.

SCHAPPERT: And he stopped, didn't he?

MURDOCH: But for a while, you know, we said, "Okay, go get it."

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: He became the world's best fetcher. They're going to make a movie out of him. Like suddenly, he became the world's - he would fetch things and he became famous for fetching. All right. I can to shut up

SCHAPPERT: We've seen the same stuff in the military trying to do the integration of the women and men. Guys behave differently when they're by themselves.

GUTFELD: Tell me about it.

SCHAPPERT: That's the way it is.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: We've got more to come. Stick around. We're running out of show, final thoughts. Dr. Gorka? You've got a book coming out?

GORKA: Yes, I've my second book coming out, "Why We Fight" coming out in July for the beach. So, you can preorder it now, but I've got a final thought for everybody. Have faith because Donald Trump never gives up.

GUTFELD: I like it when he does it in that voice.

SCHAPPERT: You can't resist this guy.

GUTFELD: Have faith. Terry?

SCHAPPERT: Yes, so listen, everybody talks about helping vets, go to taskforcedagger.com. I'm a dive instructor for them. We're actually taking wounded vets, teaching them - guys, you don't know this, I was an archaeologist before I went in the army and that was my degree, we are teaching them Maritime Archaeology with East Carolina University and then we're going to go Saipan and estimate remains and bring them back to their families from World War II.

GUTFELD: Wow, when you're out there digging those remains, bury those pants.

SCHAPPERT: I will not.

GUTFELD: All right, Dr. Sebastian Gorka, thank you, Terry Schappert. Kat Timpf, Tyrus.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I love you, America.

END

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