Gutfeld: The White House had one of its best weeks ever

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," April 28, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Where's Bill? Where? All right, Bill, wherever the hell are you?


GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Where the hell is Bill? Yes, tonight is the White House Correspondents Dinner. We aren't showing that crap.

I was invited and so was Trump, we both said no. I think Trump said a best.


TRUMP: You may have heard, I was invited to another event tonight, the White House Correspondents Dinner, but I would much rather be In Washington, Michigan than in Washington DC right now. That I can tell you.


GUTFELD: Very clever. But just in case something happens at the Correspondents Dinner, we actually we have someone here monitoring the event.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Stop it (inaudible), please, I beg you.


GUTFELD: Poor guy. But, dang, this was a great week, one of the best weeks ever. It's right up there with the miracle on ice or when the wall fell or when Lou Dobbs woke up in my basement. That rascal, he gnawed through the restraints.

But it was a week of history, hugs and handshakes.


EMMANUEL MACRON, PRESIDENT OF FRANCE: Merci beaucoup. Thank you. Thank you.

TRUMP: I like him a lot.


GUTFELD: It's a handshake -- the salesman's signature and Trump always leaves a bruise. So, how do you prepare for that? If only there were a drug...


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's official. I am going to be at the White House. I can't believe I am going to meet the President.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How is your hand strength?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hand strength? Why?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You see how firmly this dude shakes hands? Look what he did with some clowns?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, wow. Yes, I guess you're right.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sound like you need a stronger grip.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's easy, thanks to Preparation Shake.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Never heard of it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Preparation Shake is a blend of cortisone and crushed up Himalayan fire ants. Apply 30 times a day for three days and watch your hand size and strength increase exponentially.

You'll be ready for any handshake, especially with powerful world leaders.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wow, this is the most lotion I've ever had on my hand.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I doubt that, cowboy.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I can feel it working already. Thanks, Preparation Shake. I am ready for the White House.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, try Preparation Shake today. You can go from this to this. Warning, may cause permanent enlargement of skeletal muscles.


GUTFELD: But that is not the only friend that Trump made this week. Kanye West -- talk brave, a hip-hop star supporting Trump. It's like the Pope canonizing Freddie Krueger. How did the sheep react?


JIMMY KIMMEL, HOST, "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE": So, now Donald Trump has two black friends. He's got -- I hope Ben Carson doesn't get jealous.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, I don't even know what happened here. I think Kanye West just realized he's too rich to not be Republican. I don't even what it is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We have the right to independent thought and I independently think that Kanye West has lost his mind.


GUTFELD: Of course. The memories of grade school. You do something different and the mob dissents. Kanye West saw this coming, but he did it anyway as an example for others to follow. I mean, I wonder if Kanye gets it?


TRUMP: By the way, in all fairness, Kanye West gets it. He got it.


GUTFELD: You want to find the people scared of this? Find the ones mocking it, and while that is happening another handshake occurred.

These fellas, Kim looking great in his shirt borrowed from Hillary.

This is huge. It's true. It's true, Drew, and who got this ball rolling?


TRUMP: I think we will have a meeting over the next three or four weeks. It's going to be a very important meeting -- the denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula of North Korea, the de-nuke -- de-nuke.

One of the fake newsgroups this morning, they were saying, "What do you think President Trump had to do with it?" I'll you what, like how about everything?


GUTFELD: So good. Everyone should be happy, but then being happy means you've got to admit that Trump made you happy, not smiling over this. That's the ultraviolet black light that reveals a childish hate.

I wonder what Katie Couric was covering?


KATHERINE ANNE COURIC, AMERICAN JOURNALIST AND AUTHOR: In this nondescript building I have an appointment with Harmony, world's first sex robot.

What do you like to do for fun?

ROBOT: I like using computers and making new friends. I also love making love to you.



GUTFELD: Look, I get it. How many times can we watch the same people being interviewed? James Comey, Stormy Daniels -- leave it to Katie to land an interview with a sex robot, but they ordered a salad for her. What a waste of $18.00.

Speaking of robots, back to that correspondents dinner -- let's segue. So, this year, who is the emcee? Someone from "The Daily Show." Who was last year's emcee? Someone from "The Daily Show." Who will be next year's emcee? Someone from "The Daily Show."

So you can forecast the whole thing. A comic tells a joke you could see a mile away and the audience will pretend to be shocked. It's as predictable as a question from John Karl.


JONATHAN KARL, AMERICAN POLITICAL JOURNALIST: Mr. President, what about Michael Cohen? Are you considering...

TRUMP: Thank you very much. Stupid question.


GUTFELD: So enjoyable. So enjoyable. But this is why Kanye feels so dangerous and Trump, unlike anything else, and leave it to Trump to once again counter program with his own rally. What a great comparison to the Correspondents Dinner?

I mean, look at the dinner. It's like a timeshare presentation at a retirement village. And look at the rally, it's Club Med on the clothing optional night. One is so destroying, but the other is a lot of fun.

So, this is a new era. It feels like a rip in the universe. Kanye and Trump and Kim and Moon. The media doesn't get it, but you do. Bubbles are bursting and beliefs are appended. If this is what happens after sleeping with a porn star...

Let's welcome tonight's guest. He's so wise, owls come to him for advice. Host of the radio show, "Dr. Drew Midday Live," Dr. Drew Pinsky.

He's the man with a friend who's never had a tan. Fox News radio host, Tom Shillue. She thought "Silence of the Lambs" was a romantic comedy, National Review reporter, Kat Timpf.

And he's considered a giant among giants, former WWE superstar, my massive sidekick, Tyrus.

GUTFELD: All right, Drew, you claim to be a doctor.


GUTFELD: I'm interested in the psychological effects of Trump winning on the visceral Trump hater.

PINSKY: Yes, the cognitive dissonance that's going to occur -- in other words when people believe -- that they believe deeply that this man is incapable of nothing good. If something good comes out of it, they either have to deny he had anything to do with it...


PINSKY: Or as you said, the bubble burst and the world rips in half, and what they will begin looking for is a scapegoat.


PINSKY: They will have to gather their aggression as a group and scapegoat somebody. My fear is it could be somebody like Hillary. I mean, she'd been the scapegoat for very long, and that could really get very aggressive.

GUTFELD: Yes, there are so many off ramps to saying Trump might be a good person or no -- he doesn't have to be a good person, he could be a great President but they choose the off ramps, they have to go somewhere else.

PINSKY: It does not fit their -- they are watching a movie that -- you know what I am referring to. They're watching a different movie than you and I are.

GUTFELD: Yes. They are watching a movie with Stormy Daniels in it.

PINSKY: That's right. The one that you watched.

GUTFELD: Pay-per-view by the way, $18.00 at your local Marriott. Hey, Tom, North Korea, pretty big deal.


GUTFELD: Huge news.

SHILLUE: Huge news for the whole world and the interesting thing was that-- people who watch world politics had to admit that it was unprecedented and amazing. So, I loved watching cable news because there was this phenomenon -- remember Fonzy couldn't say wrong. He couldn't say wrong.

They were having so much trouble giving the President credit there like, "President Trump definitely deserves (inaudible)...

I get it. I get it.

PINSKY: But it was such an extraordinary thing. It was extraordinary. You know, in our lifetime, are you kidding me? Did you ever expect this?

GUTFELD: No, no. But that's why he does things, he upends the table, then he starts negotiating process from chaos. And it tends to work.

Kat, I want to ask you about Kanye. He upset a lot of people. Did he upset you?



TIMPF: And all the people getting so upset made me very happy because I got to feel better than them. Think about it? Think about having the time and energy to actually get this mad over this. You need a life to have that kind of time and energy. I am serious. Go home, hug your family. Take up fly-fishing. Do something because that is very, very pathetic.

GUTFELD: It is, it is. Although I was very excited -- so that means, I need to get a life? Probably.

TIMPF: Well, that neither here nor there.

GUTFELD: Yes, that is true.

PINSKY: We already knew that.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. All right, Tyrus. You have strong feelings. Do you think Kanye did this to promote something?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, AMERICAN ACTOR, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR, AND PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER: Well, first of all, going back to your point about all this came from sleeping with a porn star, we probably all should sleep with porn stars.

GUTFELD: That was my point.

MURDOCH: Yes, well, I know you are upset, so...


GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MURDOCH: I am more upset at the narrative that there is this shocking misnomer that a brother African-American could like Donald Trump, like Kanye was the first one. Like he was pro- Trump, great. Move on. It's not a big deal.

A lot of black people voted for President Trump. A lot. They did not all vote for Hillary Clinton. It is not how it works. And the narrative that is played -- we had an amazing historic moment like the wall coming down. This is something that in the history books will be at least two chapters.

North and South Korea are on the same side and the narrative is, "Oh, let's get black people and Trump again. Let's get a racial thing going." That is what drives me nuts.

And Kanye of course, he is the perfect guy because he's not political. If you asked him, "Hey, what is your favorite part about Trump?" "I don't know." He doesn't even know. He didn't vote. He did this when he was elected. He was like, "I didn't vote. but if I would have voted, I would have voted for Trump." He does it for reactions and then to make it worse, the next was -- today, I've got a song coming out now about it.

It's hard to be -- that brother don't represent us brothers. He doesn't. He's him. He is part of that Kardashian world where they do things for attention and it's very cool right now to say "Hey, I'm cool with Trump because..." the left will be like -- because the left -- it's the new rebel.

It's the new villain. I am a bad guy, I like him Trump and the left will go, "Ah" and you get two news cycles, you get a ton of attention, everybody is like damn, I'm mad that I supportive of him in the beginning. I should have waited. I could have gotten a book deal, do my own show on Sunday night.

GUTFELD: Do not applaud that.

MURDOCH: You fell for it.


PINSKY: I'm deeply disturbed about what they are saying about Kanye. They're saying because he's contemplating political views they don't agree with, he lost his mind. Hey, he's been public about having had a psychiatric condition, so you're stigmatizing him, A, and B, and anybody else that has kind of a psychiatric condition.

If you don't agree with their ideas, you have to stigmatize somebody like that?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PINSKY: And then number two, since when is it that changing political view or contemplating political view is a sign of a psychiatric illness? Give me a damn break.

GUTFELD: Pathologizing...

PINSKY: They are not even -- they don't even know what they're doing. That's the problem. They are throwing...


MURDOCH: But we are talking Kanye West instead of Kim Jong-un. That's the problem.


MURDOCH: Well, it's for real. I don't give a damn about a rapper who hasn't had a good album in three years.

GUTFELD: I disagree. I think they are both monumental in different ways. One is in our culture and one is in world geopolitics and they are both groundbreaking. The geopolitics thing obviously is a bigger story, but the fact that Kanye is urging people to step out of the boxes of right and left, of anti- Trump and pro-Trump, we are in a society where everybody is being put in buckets or boxes and he is saying, "Don't be in a bucket. Don't be in a box." I think that's important a pop culture evolution.

MURDOCH: But it's not -- they already stepped out of the box, that's why we have Donald Trump as President.


MURDOCH: That's the point. They've pushed this narrative like we are all in boxes, we're not. We're only on -- if you watched CNN during -- their little panels and they talk about all the trouble in the streets, but if you actually go in the streets, I travel the world. I am in the airports and I have yet to have, although I am a giant, I get, it but I have yet to have somebody run up to me, "Hey, Uncle Tom, what are you doing on Fox News?" "Hey, man, good job, brother. Why don't you keep telling how it really is." That's not the real narrative. It's not exciting or surprising.

Brothers like Trump. How many others? Is there a tribe? There's a whole bunch of them? Are they more than five?


MURDOCH: I mean, it's BS. It's not real.

GUTFELD: We've got more to come. I can't believe what President Trump said in Michigan tonight. That's what we call a tease in our business and I wrote it last Tuesday.

I bet you do not know this, but President Trump held a rally in Michigan tonight. And unlike the Correspondents Dinner, it had a pulse.


TRUMP: Russian collusion -- give me a break. What about -- we are going to build a wall. We're going to, we've already started. I don't know if you've seen it. Governor Jerry Brown, Moonbeam. Moonbeam.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We love you Trump.

TRUMP: I love you, too. Boom, boom, bing. Is this better than that phony Washington White House Correspondents...

I could be up there tonight smiling.


GUTFELD: Man, but Trump doesn't love John Tester. He's a Montana Senator who was pushing allegations about Trump's former pick for the VA, Dr. Ronny Jackson. But they haven't been able to prove some of these allegations, so the President had this to say.


TRUMP: Tester started out throwing out things that he's heard. Well, I know things about Tester that I could say, too, and if I said them, he would never be elected again.


GUTFELD: He's so totally from Queens. Earlier today, Trump tweeted that Tester should resign. I wonder if we should have a new thinking here.


TRUMP: We need a whole new thinking here. We need a whole new thinking here. We need a whole new thinking.


GUTFELD: That is the new motto, Tom, do we need a whole new thinking?

SHILLUE: We do. Well, he's already -- they're doing this rally at the same time as that dinner and we always used to watch that dinner on TV. We didn't want to watch it. But we did anyway. It's super boring and you know why? Dinner. Dinner is terrible.

GUTFELD: It is terrible for the performers, it is.

SHILLUE: It's terrible. I hate performing at dinners. Stop with the dinner. Tink, tink, tink. Shut up.

GUTFELD: They miss all the jokes and you look and you can't make eye contact with anybody.


GUTFELD: It's terrible.

SHILLUE: They turn their back to you and they eat their stupid tiramisu.

GUTFELD: Tiramisu.

TIMPF: Great job.

MURDOCH: What is a tiramisu?

GUTFELD: Doctor Drew, the bottom line is Trump is actually more entertaining than the entirety of guests and the humor is at the White House?

PINSKY: Of course. Yes, think about why we watch it. It's kind of supposed to be a roast and it never ends up being a roast and they get the roasters up there, and it's very carefully planned and pre-scripted and everything else, it's like, nah...

GUTFELD: Yes, it's -- they tell the joke, you could see it coming and they go to pan the audience and its, "Oh my word," and it's they're clutching their pearls. It makes me sick.

PINSKY: You know, you are onto something because there's something about that elite attitude they all have, like, we didn't know the joke.

GUTFELD: Oh, they're worsening though. They're worsening. Kat, there are journalists and then there are celebrities and they are all climbing all over each other to try to get a selfie with each other. It's pathetic. But anyway.

TIMPF: I think the whole thing is pathetic. I think it is a terrible time and what a bad event. I wasn't invited. I did get to watch the rally on TV though, so I'm going to go ahead and say that one was better. I had a better time.

GUTFELD: Favorite part of the rally? All of it?

TIMPF: My favorite part is always when he walks out and he just walks around pacing and clapping. That's always -- I'm going to start entering every room like that. Then maybe next year, I will look important enough to get invited.

GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus, are you going to say that this was a nice rally or is this is some kind of promotional gimmick?

MURDOCH: Well, because I said something bad about your precious Kanye? I am not your favorite anymore, Kanye is.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MURDOCH: Shut up. His rally is his rally. It's his base and you know what? I'd do the same thing. I don't get invited to parties all the time. Well, I'm going to have my own damn party and it's better because it's my party and if I don't like someone, they can't come in.

The Correspondents Dinner was boring and it's people telling each other how great they really are and we have a citizen as a President and he'd rather hang with us than them. And they are still going to about him as if he is there or if he cares, but I almost wish he would combine the two.

Like, for real, have his rally, bus everybody in from different places. Give us the front row and them in the back, and then let him roast them and I guarantee you, they'll leave. I've never been so offended. And don't give -- and they all get the fish. We get the steaks and they get the fish. Let's see how (inaudible)...


MURDOCH: Correspondent that.


GUTFELD: Dude, we've got to roll, but the point about a citizen president, that's a huge thing about Trump is that he is a billionaire but he has more in common with other people which is -- no one, I think saw that coming. I don't know. Maybe, except for me, I saw it coming.

SHILLUE: I saw it coming, Greg.

GUTFELD: Thanks, Tom.

SHILLUE: It's because I've got dragon energy.

PINSKY: He is not a politician therefore.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. All right, James Comey got lost in the woods on his book tour and met a bear. It's like Frost-Nixon if Nixon was super boring and Frost was gorgeous.

MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I am Marianne Rafferty.

President Trump saying tonight that his meeting with the North Korea could happen over the next three to four weeks. The President making that announcement at a camping rally in Washington, Michigan.

The meeting would be the first between a sitting US President and the North Korean leader. The crowd greeting the president with chants of "Nobel, Nobel, Nobel," suggesting he should be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize.

Meanwhile, the location of that historic meeting is reportedly down to Mongolia or Singapore.

Best-selling author, Brad Thor says he may challenge the president in 2020. Thor says he will run for president if no other conservative steps up. He's been a frequent critic of the president.

Thor who has written 17 novels made the announcement in a series of tweets.

I'm Marianne Rafferty, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

GUTFELD: The definition of weak, Comey's definition of leak. Former FBI Director, James Comey appeared on "Special Report with Bret Baier" or what we call, "That Thing After The Five."

And there, he made this weird claim that the memo he leaked to his law professor friend isn't really a leak because it wasn't an official government document.


BRET BAIER, HOST, SPECIAL REPORT WITH BRET BAIER: What specifically did you leak to Mr. Richmond?

JAMES COMEY, FORMER FBI DIRECTOR: I sent Mr. Richmond a copy of a two-page unclassified memo and asked him to get the substance of it out to the media.

BAIER: Did you leak other things to Mr. Richmond?

COMEY: Look, I was just smiling, Bret, I don't consider what I did with Mr. Richmond a leak. I told him about an unclassified conversation with the president, but I never said...

BAIER: As an FBI Director, it was a work product.

COMEY: No, it was not. It was my personal aide memoire. I always thought of it as mine, like a diary.

BAIER: Who else did you give, leak, however you want to call it the memos to?

COMEY: Give is what I prefer.

BAIER: We can argue what a leak is, but that's a leak.

COMEY: And we're going to.

BAIER: Isn't it?

COMEY: It's not.


GUTFELD: So, because Comey wrote about official stuff in his diary and then relayed it to his buddy, it's not leaking. Then what is it? I mean, who shares stuff from a diary with a buddy? I mean, you're the FBI director not Carrie from "Sex in the City."

Anyway, a great interview always reveals contradictions and weak defenses, and Bret did just that. I wish I could get my news from him wherever and whenever I wanted.


TIMPF: Sometimes I need the hard news of the day. But other times, I just want to cuddle. Why can't I have both?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, now you can with the new Bret Bear. He's fair and balanced and unafraid to snuggle. Just squeeze his tummy and get informed.

BAIER: The 41st President wants to go to Maine this summer.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bret Bear is there when you start your day.

BAIER: The French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife arrived yesterday, attended a dinner at Mount Vernon.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And with his signature striped tie, pocket square and flag pin, Bret Baier fits in with even the most sophisticated crowd.

BAIER: Jeff Sessions will not recuse himself from the investigation into the president's personal attorney, Michael Cohen.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And he's there at the end of your day, too.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When I get home at night, I just want something to hold that brings me comfort, but I also want the news.

BAIER: At this hour, voters are still casting ballots in Arizona's special election.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And don't forget, Bret Bear can help you nail a job interview.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't think you're a match for this company.

BAIER: Rough day on Wall Street, the S&P 500 lost 36, the NASDAQ finished out 121.



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, get your Bret Bear today.

BAIER: I'm Bret Baier in Washington, and I'll see you later.


GUTFELD: That is Bret Baier. The more Comey talks, the worse he sounds.

MURDOCH: I have got to agree with you on this one, tall guy. If it's not a leak, what is it?


MURDOCH: You know, it's like when I was a child -- you lied, no, it wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell the truth. Still a lie. No. It's different. Like, what is -- and that was a great interview, but the only question was-- what would you call it then? And then meek or a sneak. Yes, it's a sneak. It's like a secret, but he did it on the job. If you're clocked in...

GUTFELD: You could go to jail.

MURDOCH: Yes, I mean, he probably...

GUTFELD: He should.

PINSKY: The scapegoating stuff I was talking about, it may start to go in that direction. If the right forces come together, it could be him, it could be Hillary -- these kinds of issues could really create a very focused scapegoating mechanism.

GUTFELD: I have a theory that they had Baier do that interview last, his book publishing company because they knew it was going to be so tough and if he had been -- done the first interview when the book came out, all the other reporters and interviewers would had to have replicate Baier's, so they put Baier at the end. Baier was the last person to devour him.

MURDOCH: And it's the last last thing on everyone's mind, so it really was a bad marketing ploy. They probably should have went the other way. They should've gone the worst of it and then he could have had the pillow talk on, "The View" and he could have had the cooking shows and he could have had "Sesame Street" with Big Bird stuff, you know, warm, fuzzy cozy, Comey opposed to, you lying about being a leaker.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, I can't think about pillow talk on "The View" but I want to ask you, what -- where is this going with Comey? What is next?

TIMPF: I think he's probably want to do more interviews. He loves doing interviews, but I just think it's hilarious that he says it's not a leak because it was his diary, but then he also says that he gave a copy of it to the FBI.

So, let's say he's telling the truth and it really was his diary, that would mean that what the FBI Director was doing at work was running around sharing his diary with his coworkers.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's creepy.

MURDOCH: Weird, right?

TIMPF: That's weird and I don't want my tax dollars paying for your little diary reading party. Come on, get it together.

GUTFELD: I mean, what else did he share? It was like, "And then I had this dream about a unicorn and the unicorn bought a Pegasus and I was shirtless on the Pegasus." Anyway...

TIMPF: Waste of time.

GUTFELD: "Gutfeld Monologues" how did this end up here?

PINSKY: Do they know that he -- did he have a protracted diary or was this just that day when he was concerned that he could be called on the carpet and wrote those notes down?

GUTFELD: Exactly. Suddenly, he had a diary the day, but he didn't have a diary the day before. I think he has a diary of the mouth, Tom.

SHILLUE: Diary of leaks...


PINSKY: But I have to get back to my office.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

SHILLUE: He said, he called it aide memoire.


SHILLUE: What kind of man who is that height says words like that? It is not dignified.

GUTFELD: It's not dignified.

SHILLUE: I don't trust tall people, Greg.

GUTFELD: You don't?

MURDOCH: Oh, you shouldn't because we don't like you either.

SHILLUE: There's something fishy about tall people, especially people that tall who keep diaries. I don't like it at all.

GUTFELD: There is a link -- there's something wrong.

SHILLUE: I bet he eats tiramisu.

GUTFELD: All right, I want to move on, but I want to say that he actually wrote the wrong book because this is really about how Hillary protected Huma Abedin which allowed Anthony Weiner to continue with that laptop, which then had the e-mails and so then Comey knew that the NYPD was going to go after the e-mails and the laptop, so that is when he wrote notes.

PINSKY: Memoires.

GUTFELD: The memoires -- so the story, I mean, if you are going to write a book, it should be about Hillary's unwillingness to deal with Huma and that cost the election. It was all about Weiner.

PINKSY: Diary, leaks and Weiner. I mean, there it is.


GUTFELD: Diaries, leaks and wieners.

PINSKY: And it shows how when you have this person who's really disturbed at the middle, the kind of vortex that can create it, if you don't get it, get on it right away.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Well, that's how we got Trump. What's "SNL" alum Rob Schneider think of the show these days? Hence, it's not good. But you already knew that.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Trump is so broke...


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He has to apply failed business class. Trump is so broke...


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He looked for foreign oil in Don, Junior's hair.


GUTFELD: That is what we are missing, folks. Wow. Bad. All right, so what has three letters and puts you to sleep? Former "Saturday Night Live" cast member, Rob Schneider thinks "SNL" is kind of predicable these days.

Because you know which side everyone is on politically. It starts with Alec Baldwin's version of Donald Trump. He says "I don't find his impression to be comical. I know the way his politics lean and it spoils any surprise. He so clearly hates the man that he is playing." I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with Deuce Bigelow, but he is right.

Now, "The Greg Gutfeld Show" has only a fraction of the staff that "SNL" has. There is eight of us working on the show. "SNL" has many, many times that and yet according to new research, we destroy them on the laugh per minute ratio. Let's take a look at this graph. This is from the Institute of Humor, a Swedish group out of Sweden, the LPM ratio -- laugh per minute ratio for "SNL" is 0.002. The LPM ratio for the GG show 6,000.

That is a difference of a lot. Please applaud again that we should all get raises.

Doctor Drew, it has got to be hard for somebody at "SNL" because you have to think -- you have to think about someone you hate every single day and so I think it can't be healthy to be Alec Baldwin everyday because you just have-- you despise the person you play.

PINSKY: No, being steeped and hated. It would give you back pain, Greg, we were talking before the show, but full disclosure I am an SNL fan. I am also a personal friend of Rob Schneider, so I texted him today and said I was going to come on and he said, "Please read this text that I love -- he loves Alec Baldwin. They have been speaking, it's not about Alec Baldwin but that SNL he says and I am quoting him, "Gives the joke away when the audience knows how the performers really feel."


PINSKY: In other words, there's no ambiguity. Remember when Deanna Carvey was in...


PINSKY: Yes, and you never knew. It was sort of respectful, but he was making fun, but you never know was he was a fan of Bush or not, made it sort of extra funny. By the way, I think Alec Baldwin's Trump is pretty funny, but it's sort of because of the mean-spiritedness, it takes a little bit away from it.

GUTFELD: I think it has gone past its expiration date and they have got to find somebody else or other targets. That is the problem, is they don't have other targets. It's just Trump.

Now, Kat, you did a stand up last night. I heard you killed. Which is "Comedy Lingo." She didn't actually kill anybody...


GUTFELD: Or did you? What is the problem with SNL right now?

TIMPF: I agree with the fact that it's always more fun when it's a surprise, which is why I don't think about any of my decisions before I make them.

GUTFELD: That's really good.

TIMPF: I never know what I'm going to do. Is that how I am supposed to be doing it, Dr. Drew?

PINSKY: Kat, you are doing good. You have perfected this.

GUTFELD: Yes, your day is a levy of bad surprises.

TIMPF: Right, well, we already know what the punch line is before the joke's even been set up, so I agree with that.

PINSKY: But I mean, look, the subtle point about comedy and poor -- it shows how crazy we've gotten. Rob is a great guy and is a moderate, he not one or the other, he's being personally vilified. He must be a misogynist. He must be racist. He must agree with Trump. He must be a Trump supporter, whatever it is, he personally gets attacked for making a comment about comedy.

GUTFELD: That is the way it works now, personal attacks. Tom, you are also a comedian or so you claim, but we have no proof of it.

SHILLUE: Tiramisu.

GUTFELD: Tiramisu.

TIMPF: Comedy gold there.

GUTFELD: Comedy gold.

SHILLUE: It's not the performer's fault and there are very funny people in the show and Schneider is hilarious and Alec Baldwin is hilarious. You saw him on "30 Rock" very funny guy. Everybody is funny, but the problem is the audience.

I am so glad I don't do politics in my act. I talk about my life so, I can appeal to both sides, I think, and so I am glad that I get out there and I work in front of audiences and I don't have to deal with the raff because "Saturday Night Live" has to deal with the raff. It's not their fault. It's the audience. They're very sensitive and they will abandon them.
They say it.

Did you see what happened to Shania Twain? She said I am not even from the US, but I might have voted for Trump and everyone said, "Goodbye, I'm burning your albums right now." I mean, it's insane. They have lost their minds.

GUTFELD: All right, last word, Tyrus. Thoughts?

MURDOCH: You're not allowed to say you lost your mind anymore. May I speak, please?

PINSKY: Yes, sir.

MURDOCH: Thanks, doctor. I personally think it's great that SNL stays on one side of the fence because that's why we are killing it. So, stick to your side. That's cool. I have no problem with it.

GUTFELD: We are a far superior show and on a fraction of the cost and staff.

PINKSY: No, you're kidding.

GUTFELD: Yes, I know. Can you tell? By our set. No, we're fantastic. The world's rudest person caught on dash cam video and no, it was not Brian Kilmeade for once.

I have a theory. I am too good looking for motion pictures. But also, surveillance cameras will eventually eliminate all the jerks. Take the case of Karen Turner, the former Hillary Clinton fundraiser who resigned from her position as a Port Authority Commissioner this week after dash cam video was released showing her parading two New Jersey police officers.


KAREN TURNER, FORMER HILLARY CLINTON FUNDRAISER: You may not tell me when to take my child. You may shut the (inaudible) up.


GUTFELD: It's like the White House Correspondents Dinner. So, what got her dander up? Well, it all started when the officers pulled over an unregistered car driven by a person over 18, Karen's daughter, in the car.

So, when Karen came to pick them up, she tried to play the don't you know who I am thing?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're just here as a writer, right?

TURNER: No, I am not.


TURNER: I am here as a concerned citizen and friend of the Mayor. I am the Commissioner of the Port Authority, and I am heading up over 4,000 police officers, okay, so if there is a problem, I think I have...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There is no problem, miss.

TURNER: No, do not call me miss, I'm Commissioner. Why is the car getting towed?


TURNER: No, no. I am asking. You're the person who ordered it and trust me.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Miss, this is not a problem, 1 percent -- it's not your vehicle...



GUTFELD: Don't call her miss. This happened a month ago, but the footage was just released and now Karen can't use her Commissioner title to belittle anyone anymore. We went to her for comment. Doctor Drew, hubris.

PINSKY: Hubris. I can't stand it. I think that is what people are most tired of in this country, is people being told how they should behave by people who behave however they wish. And that is frankly disgusting.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, you were a bodyguard, you must have had to deal with, "do you know who I am?" Once somebody says do you know who I am to you, it's over, correct?

MURDOCH: Their evening is, typically, yes. I have heard rumors about this, until I saw this footage, I have never seen white privilege gone wrong before. That was fantastic. I mean, I dreamed about it. I dreamed about it, but man...

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, I believe that we are being filmed constantly now, so all bad behavior is going away. Like, I won't even pick my nose because I know someone is going to start and there will just be pictures of me digging.

TIMPF: You pick your nose.


TIMPF: This woman has sent back every cup of soup she has ever ordered. She has that face and that purple puffy vest that just screams let me talk to the manager, but I think yes, you're probably right. You should always behave yourself and act like someone is watching because the government usually is.

GUTFELD: And that's a good thing. That's why I love a good surveillance government, Tom, you know what I'm saying?

SHILLUE:: I do love it. I love these cameras so we can see all of these videos. They're very entertaining.

GUTFELD: It's true. It's a whole new channel.

SHILLUE:: I say do you know who I am all the time, though, Greg. I am like, do you know who I am? Tom Shillue on Fox News radio, every day, three to six, officer. By the way, what do I owe you? So, I am very friendly when I say it.

GUTFELD: Oh, that is good. The irony -- I don't know if irony is the correct word. She was in charge of the ethics at Port Authority. By the way, Port Authority is like -- didn't know there was ethics in the Port Authority.

TIMPF: That's pretty much a free-for-all down there.

GUTFELD: Yes, there is...

PINSKY: Every department has an ethics department now, and again, it's people telling us how to behave, how to think and how to talk, how to speak and that is something that people are tired of which is -- not just with our ethics department, but if our government starts to feel entitled to do the same, we've crossed the line.

GUTFELD: You know, I have to feel some sympathy for her kids because they must have been really thrilled by her spirit.



GUTFELD: Because they're standing there...

MURDOCH: They're not used to it? They had an unregistered car and they did not go to jail? Man, I'm glad white privilege went wrong because, man...


SHILLUE: But they called her. The daughter was like, "Call mom. She always gets her way," so they thought she was going to do well.

PINSKY: Oh, those are going to be great kids.


GUTFELD: But it does bug me like when somebody says, "Do you know who I am?" Instantly, you are saying you are better than the fellow human being and you deserve priorities and perks.

PINSKY: Yes, it's misappropriation of power and that the rules don't apply to me.

GUTFELD: Have you ever done -- anybody done this?

MURDOCH: Do you know who am I?


MURDOCH: All the damn time. You know what? Usually when someone says, "Do you know who I am?" It's always, "I know you're going to be."

TIMPF: I've done it. I have done it, but I will do it in the way where I say, "Do you know who I am?" To someone who I've met before and they're always like, "No, we forgot you, sorry."

GUTFELD: Yes, it's like when you come to the Fox building.

TIMPF: Yes, I am like, "Hey..."

GUTFELD: Who's the crazy lady in glasses whose -- she's actually on a show.

TIMPF: Yes, that's pretty much my life.

SHILLUE: This is the same thing -- James Comey with his notes. Government employees thinking they can misuse their power. Draw the line between the Port Authority woman and the FBI.

GUTFELD: I hate it when people misuse their power. You know this book is coming out. You know who I am? I wrote this book. It's all might monologues from "The Five." It's fantastic. You know that you can get this on Amazon or barnes&

MURDOCH: You can preorder it, too, right, boss?

GUTFELD: You can.

MURDOCH: All right.

GUTFELD: You can. And you know what? It's perfect for every holiday. All right, enough of this plugging. I don't know how this happened. Doctor Drew, always a pleasure having you on.

PINSKY: Greg, thank you.

GUTFELD: Tom Shillue. Catch his radio show. Great job. Tyrus. Kat. Great audience. Great audience. Great audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you America. I really do.


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