This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 28, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: All right. Greg Gutfeld with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and a banana peel as her sleeping bag Dana Perino -- "The Five."
It was a sitcom without the sermon:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LAURIE METCALF AS JACKIE HARRIS: How could you have voted for him, Roseanne?
ROSEANNE BARR AS ROSEANNE CONNER: He talked about jobs, Jackie. He said he would shake things up. I mean this might come as a complete shock to you but we almost lost our house the way things are going.
METCALF: Have you looked at the news because now things are worse.
BARR: Not on the real news.
METCALF: Oh, please!
(LAUGHTER)
METCALF: You kept saying what a disaster it would be if she got elected. How I wasn't seeing the big picture. And how everything was rigged. And then I go into the booth and I voted for Jill Stein.
(LAUGHTER)
BARR: Who is Jill Stein?
METCALF: Some doctor.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Perfect. The "Roseanne" reboot aired last night. It was huge, 18 million people watched. Sorry, Stormy, this other Trump woman trounced her interview in the key demo. I watched the show. It was messy and raw but it was also funny -- meaning it was human. Each character was likable, but flawed. The anti-Trumper was irrational. The pro-Trumper was sloganeering. And here's a first: Hillary was off her saintly perch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARR: Aunt Jackie thinks every girl should grow up and be President, even if they are a liar, liar, pantsuit on fire.
(LAUGHTER)
METCALF: I think we know who is a liar and who is on fire, Roseanne.
(LAUGHTER)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So why is this so refreshing? Well, people are desperate for a real reflection of the political discussion, minus the biased framing from Hollywood and the media. Both left and right were present on the show, but neither was based on their adversary's worst fears. In Roseanne's world, disagreement doesn't make you an enemy. Unlike her lefty peers in Hollywood, she found a way to shrink the political tribalism, replacing demonization with dialogue, which means it can only upset those who need division to keep their fading name in play -- meaning Tom Arnold.
Yes, after I tweeted about the show, saying it's the most honest assessment of recent times that isn't found in your own house, the has-been used his angry, stubby fingers to tweet "We sure as f aren't going to find it at Greg Gutfeld, Fox News."
Now I don't know poor Tom but we all know of poor Tom: A faded relic who lashes out at the mere thought of an ex doing well. It's that old rule: If you are upset someone is successful, it's because you aren't. But play nice, Tom, and maybe you'll score a bit part as a washed up comic, playing The Laugh Shop in Calgary on April 29th.
See how nice I am? I actually plugged his gig in April.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: He really has one.
GUTFELD: Yes, he does. April 29. Tom, you owe me that.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Exactly. This is a pretty -- 18.2 million viewers, Dana, a higher demographic than Stormy.
PERINO: The second news show versus a sitcom but OK, fine.
GUTFELD: Don't laugh at my comparisons or I will skip you and go to Jesse.
PERINO: I am not laughing.
(CROSSTALK)
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Has she been skipped?
PERINO: I loved Roseanne when I was growing up.
GUTFELD: You were like six.
PERINO: No. Actually I guess I was a lot older than I think I was at the time. But I loved watching it especially because I grew up in a part of the world where this was a normal family, like, I knew people who had families like this. My family is like this a little bit. I did think it was funnier than Saturday Night Live has been recently, even though the acting a little filtered, but it is on Saturday Night Live as well. But it was at least more honest in its humor.
I thought one thing that was really interesting aside from the Trump- Hillary stuff was when they were at the table and he brings home the pack of prescription drugs, and he says I could only get half because that's all we could afford. They make a joke about it, like, OK I'll give you five anti-inflammatory and you could have the antidepressants. But the cost of prescription drugs and health care is actually still a very big issue especially for blue-collar Obama voters who voted for Trump. And I thought that was pretty interesting. I watched the second episode as well.
GUTFELD: Yeah.
PERINO: And they didn't do much politics.
GUTFELD: No, no, no. Jesse, 21 years, worth the wait for you, you are in your 30s.
WATTERS: Yeah, thank you. There are a few reasons why it was very successful. One, ABC did a great job of laying this out. They have been promoting this for over a year and it's been spectacular. The rollout has been very special. And I like having to prep for The Five by watching TV, doesn't get any better than that. I really sweat it all out afternoon. I watched the first half hour and I thought it was accessible to middle-class Americans.
Because like you said, they are struggling with the cost of prescription medications. One of the people had to move back in with her parents because she got fired. The father has a gun in the house. And you know it's a stressful kind of lower middle-class background, which has been different, because over the years, you've seen sitcom families grow richer and richer and richer while the average family in America stays the same.
So that was nice that not everybody had a $3,000 suit and lived in a penthouse in Manhattan. Also good was they have the gender bending son and this debate over being a surrogate. And usually those topics in network sitcoms are celebrated. And they are normalized. But in this case, people are struggling with it, and they are grappling with it but they are doing it with humor and they are doing it in an open-minded way.
And I think that's the reality to 90 percent of the American people. The woman's marching sister with the pink hat, the nasty woman is fantastic. And it is very balanced because this is the only time you have seen the conservative protagonist where she is not mocked on network television. And the sister gives it right back to Roseanne. I thought the jokes were relevant and pretty cutting edge.
You have Obamacare jokes, pantsuit jokes, Russian jokes, fake news jokes, even the nonpolitical jokes about the timing were good and the comedy writing is good. But the bottom line I believe is that the message of the show is that people come from different political backgrounds, and you don't have to hate each other. You can talk it out and you don't assume that the other person's intentions are evil. And that's what makes it work.
GUTFELD: Yeah, I think, Juan that was the thing that there is something refreshing about this and that it's an attempt to try to inject civility into kind of an uncivil time.
WATTERS: Yeah.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Sure. You know it's good to see people presented on national TV in this way. And to me, it's good news for conservatives. I think conservatives had always complained. I think on the show, Kimberly has said why isn't there a late-night talk show for conservatives, right. So here we have a sitcom for conservatives for them to say hey, that's a reflection of our values and who we are.
I think it's a very nice representation in this sense. I am not sure most Trump people would be accepting of that song, for example. And I loved the joke about Jill Stein because I know people like that. Really people who say I don't know about Hillary so I voted for Jill Stein. You wasted a vote in North Carolina for Jill Stein? Oh, my god.
GUTFELD: Democrats believe Jill Stein cost the election.
WILLIAMS: Well, I do know that she cost the election but boy she drained a lot -- to me it's just crazy. But I will say I think.--
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, THE FIVE CO-HOST: Has she been speaking to the Russians? There is the collusion for you. They are barking up the wrong tree.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, but I think when you look at these people talk, I really agree with what Jesse said. You know they are arguing politics in such a way that it's refreshing, that they haven't talked for years, the set up for this, the sisters haven't talked for years and the sister comes back. And I know this from my own family because I have Republicans in my family. That you don't need to always be like finger pointing and screaming at each other, there are lots of opportunities. And I think that this show is good news for everybody.
GUTFELD: Well, you know -- everybody has Jackie. That's the left-winger in their family. If you are a conservative you might have that and if you are a liberal family, and I have friends who have Roseanne's in their family. You are Roseanne, exactly. Kimberly, what did you make of this?
GUILFOYLE: I think she is very funny. I have always enjoyed her comedy and sense of humor. She is better at acting than she is at singing. Do you remember that? She has more than made up for it. She demonstrated her patriotism from her love for the President on the show. And I think it's very interesting that you have a lead in a major comedy show that is conservative, and it works. So maybe the television industry should pay attention from those monster ratings, I think it's fun to watch in terms of how the show progresses along and what kind of rating pattern and history and trajectory it's going to be.
WILLIAMS: Well, Jesse says they didn't do politics and the second segment. So maybe they are going to be less political. I thought it was funny when they made fun of fake news. Not on a real news channel.
PERINO: I was actually the slouch that watched the second hour and half hour as well. It wasn't as blatant in terms of the politics. But they are talking about the issues. There is the bullying that goes on for the grandson and how to deal with that, as families are dealing with that. It is being underemployed. You want a job. There are 50 people in line to try to get the job you want. And it's just those types of things are interesting. And Jennifer Palmieri who was the Communications Director for Hillary Clinton, she was on the 2:00 show today.
And she has a new book out. She talked about Hillary Clinton. The book is not just about why she didn't win. But Roseanne Barr, and one of the parts she says I voted for him because he talked about jobs. And it really does come down to that. If you are looking at those very narrow margins in Wisconsin, Michigan, I think Pennsylvania was gone away, but Michigan and Wisconsin for sure. That narrow slice, if she had just talked about jobs more, it might've put her over the edge.
WILLIAMS: And then they say -- did she say the house was at risk? Is that what she said? I thought to myself, now we are in the fiction world because -- did that really change the number of jobs? The whole tone is based on Elgin, Illinois. I just don't see all of a sudden left behind rust belt cities have been revived.
PERINO: But you know I did want to ask you but I know we have got to in a second but these types of reunion shows don't always work.
GUTFELD: No, they don't. Fuller House was a bomb Fuller House on Netflix.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Right. You kind of wonder what characters that you liked from 20 years ago. What would that character be like today?
GUTFELD: Yeah, Friends would be interesting.
PERINO: There would be all sorts of things going on.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Here we go right here. This is the new Friends, Schwimmer over here.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: You're going to be addicted to opioids.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I think they got that out of the way early on.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Is Roseanne the Archie Bunker of the 21st century?
GUTFELD: I kind of feel this show is like the All in the Family, it has that feeling and that even if you disagree with Roseanne, you still like the character.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: But you are calling Roseanne Barr a racist.
WILLIAMS: I didn't say that.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: No, but that is a big criticism of that character in that show, Archie Bunker levied heavily.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Yeah, but the Jefferson's were his neighbors.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: They were moving on up. But I loved the Jefferson's.
GUILFOYLE: Wasn't that a great show?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: I love Red Fox.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: What did voters think about President Trump after the Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes interview? Find out when the Five returns.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WATTERS: Welcome back. Teflon Don, a new poll says President Trump is weathering the Stormy Daniels scandal just fine. A Politico morning consult survey conducted after Daniels' 60 Minutes interview suggests that her revelations are unlikely to change Trump's political standing. The President's approval rating, 42 percent this week has barely budged from 44 percent last week. This isn't a new phenomenon. Bill Clinton's approval ratings remained fairly steady during the Monica Lewinsky scandal in 1988 as you see here.
Dana, could you imagine how much better President Trump's approval ratings if the media wasn't constantly trying to call him a racist, traitor, and mentally unstable cheater?
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: I know a little something about the media, Republican Presidents and the media and approval ratings.
WATTERS: Down with the Republican Presidents because they keep on getting reelected.
PERINO: I think one of the reasons I think that it has stayed steady here is Bill Clinton effect. As we said yesterday and today, it showed Bill Clinton actually benefited over the year of the constant attention on the Lewinsky issue. He goes up in the polls. And then he goes on to have a pretty good popularity rating all the way through until the end in 2000, which didn't help Al Gore all but well.
The other thing is President Trump hasn't tweeted about her at all, and I think that has probably helped him. Because the left loves when he treats about something and they can stew on it a little bit more.
WATTERS: Don't jinx it.
PERINO: I think if they starve the story of more oxygen, it probably ends up going away a little bit. But it's not like it's helping him and his approval ratings are going up. It's not hurting him.
WATTERS: I think President Trump would love those Bill Clinton approval level ratings. Greg, even the CNN poll, which they had out earlier this week had him pretty high up, almost at a year-long high, the high 40s. So is it not working, the negative onslaught?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Because CNN has changed its programming. It's actually a stripper pole, not a normal poll.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: They're like the weather channel, it is all stormy.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: What's interesting about CNN is that if we remember, CNN elected Donald Trump. They were the first to devote so much time to him at the expense of others. They really put him out there. And I feel like they might be reelecting Donald Trump by pushing this scandal too much because it's creating rebound sympathy for Melania and for the White House in general. I don't know if that's true yet, but it could happen. But Donald Trump, I think the most Americans are like carnival food.
If you are at the fairground and you're about to order something and somebody says you know that's fattening, and you go, I factored that into my decision when I am buying this giant bowl of soft serve ice cream. I understand what I am getting. Two scoops. Because reality TV and tabloids, you know more about Trump's character than the previous six Presidents combined. So you just know this when you factored in, I don't know how it's going to affect him negatively.
WATTERS: So what do you think about the theory that the harsher the media is towards President Trump, the more it rallies his supporters and the more they dig in. And the approval ratings stay pretty steady.
WILLIAMS: Well, I don't think that's it is impacting the numbers. The good news for Trump if that's what you're saying. Trump's numbers are still worse for any President this stage of his Presidency in modern history.
WATTERS: Depends on what poll, Juan.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Well, that may be. I'll leave that to you and Greg. But I think that what's interesting to me is, is that when you look at the poll numbers, it's like 56 of Americans believe what Stormy Daniels had to say. And by the way, I was surprised at this, 35 percent say they believe that the threat that she described on 60 Minutes is credible. But what's really striking to me is when you ask people, well, what about the women involved.
So as I said, about a high percentage of Americans think Stormy Daniels is telling the truth, not President Trump. But among Republicans, it's 45 percent of Republican women who now believe Stormy Daniels. So they are not necessarily shifting away from Trump, but it does I think some damage to people who believe in the leader of the free world, our country, being an honest, forthcoming, moral person. And I have got to think that erodes. I have to think that's not helpful.
WATTERS: Well, I think, Kimberly, this isn't one of these stories, the Stormy Daniels story that people are talking about over the water cooler, at dinner, or at breakfast, or in the lunchroom. This is not really high up on the American priority list.
GUILFOYLE: Unless your initials are CNN.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I just think because it didn't -- it really kind of over promised, under delivered. In television, that's always a mistake. People were talking about may be this revelation, that revelation. There really wasn't. And what Greg said, that we know this type of thing has happened before with him, this is prior to him being President. It goes way back. It wasn't in the Oval Office. It wasn't while he was President, during his term, etcetera.
Stormy has this name because she is a porn star, OK.
WATTERS: She ran for office.
GUILFOYLE: Exactly. And this was a one-off event. And I don't even know why it's getting so much air time. There are other things that are more significant.
PERINO: I think it is the money. It's the payoff for the silence. I think if the Wall Street Journal had not run that story in January, then we wouldn't even know her name.
GUILFOYLE: Every time you do a settlement, there is an NDA. It is like a followed by a b in the alphabet.
GUTFELD: I knew that story before that. I always thought this was just understood.
WATTERS: This had been bubbling up in the...
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: You have to keep in mind, I don't know, you guys seem very happy at the moment but let me tell you something. If there is a finding that in fact, Michael Cohen made this payment, I think just a few days before the election, there is big trouble brewing in terms of federal election law. Remember John Edwards.
WATTERS: All right. We will follow that as the facts come out. Ahead, there's a big battle brewing in this country over two hot topics, sanctuary cities and the Second Amendment, President Trump now weighing in, his reaction next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: President Trump is weighing in on the two hot topics we discussed yesterday, the Second Amendment and the debate over sanctuary cities. This morning, the President defended the right to bear arms, tweeting, "the Second Amendment will never be repealed as much as Democrats would like to see this happen, and despite the words yesterday of Former Supreme Court Justice Stevens, no way. We need more Republicans in 2018 and must always hold the Supreme Court."
Juan, did the Former Justice Democrats a disservice by suggesting repeal of the Second Amendment is the real goal.
WILLIAMS: I saw in the polling, preparing for this segment, that about 20 percent of the public wants it repealed. And there's an argument to be made. I am fully capable of making it, that I don't think everybody should have a gun because we have a militia waiting to form to take on the U.S. government. That would be a futile act. But if you are asking about the politics of it, the reaction among Democrats, they think what raise this. That just feeds into Republican anger at these young people.
And I was discussing with Greg yesterday, the picture, which is a fake picture of the young woman tearing up the constitution. It just plays right into that. It is not helpful for people who say and still the polls are very clear, Americans want the Second Amendment modified, they want it limited.
PERINO: Right. Kimberly, if you were a Republican candidate and you basically had a tough race, I think the first thing you would do is say Democrat, do you agree with, John Paul Stevens that we should repeal the Second Amendment and try to get them on record early on.
GUILFOYLE: Absolutely. Thank you so much, debate team.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: And that's what you would do. Literally put them in a tough spot, little squeeze play on there and say, OK, let's see, see if you will box yourself in on this positioning. I agree with Juan. Juan, I appreciate your thoughtfulness and your honesty in this exact moment in time.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Because he is right. This is not helpful to the Democrats and Liberals. I think it is inordinately helpful to Republicans because it is so far off the realm of reality of what could happen that they lose any kind of credibility. If you are there against the wall here and you want to literally take away the number two out of the first ten, the bill of rights, you are in trouble. It's not going to happen, period.
PERINO: The other thing that President Trump did in the tweet, Greg, is he now not only talking about the Second Amendment, but he brings up the other most important issue to conservatives, which is the Supreme Court, it is a twofer tweet.
GUTFELD: Yes. He knows what he's doing. The left handed him the adult authority. Once you hear let's repeal the Second Amendment, the nation tilts due to all the eye rolling. If you want every American to buy a gun, simply say they can't have one. And I think what's also happening to a lot of people is you are just seeing the Trojan horse be exposed. This is not the kind of progress that gun-control zealots want. They prefer the Trojan horse of sensible gun laws in which to usher in a larger ideological push and agenda. We just want bump stocks. That's all we want.
PERINO: Right. It does take it away, Jesse. Like it does - - I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone wasn't against me type of thing. So for people who are supporting the Second Amendment, if they say, "You're trying to take away our guns." Like, "No, we're not." "Yes, you are." If you look at John Paul Stevens, like --
WATTERS: In the newspaper, you're saying that.
So if I were Mitch McConnell or Paul Ryan, I would put it to a vote. I would throw it out and I'd say, "Do you think the Second Amendment should be repealed?" And I'd make every senator and House member --
GUTFELD: That's nice.
WATTERS: -- have to vote on it. And then, like Kimberly said, squeeze them, put them in a box. And then I'd run ads against all the people that didn't support it. I mean, this poll's crazy: 39 percent of Democrats want to repeal the Second Amendment? I mean, that is insanity, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Wait, can I --
WATTERS: That is pure lunacy.
WILLIAMS: They called my house, and I told them. I'm for it.
WATTERS: I know.
GUTFELD: The polls aren't stats. You know that.
WATTERS: You know why? Because I don't think most of those people even know what the Second Amendment is.
PERINO: But I think if there was a debate, it would probably change. But do you guys want to do the other topic?
WILLIAMS: Let me just quickly say I don't -- go ahead. You've gotten upset. Go ahead.
PERINO: I'm not upset.
WILLIAMS: OK.
GUTFELD: Why are you so upset?
WILLIAMS: She's ticklish. But I was going to say --
GUILFOYLE: Jesse.
WILLIAMS: -- you know what? If you ask me ==
WATTERS: I was about to do it.
WILLIAMS: If you say -- if you asked me, I would say honestly yes, I'm very upset by the guns and the killing going on in the country. And if you're going to say, "I'm going to vote against you because of that," I'd say what Jesse and all of you said.
WATTERS: You don't have a firearm, Juan. I mean, I don't think that's the smartest idea. Everyone is just going to come to her house.
WILLIAMS: They're going to kill me?
WATTERS: No, Juan. If you -- if you give up all your guns and the bad guys get them, and then they just go rob people.
GUTFELD: But that's -- the strawman argument is that if you are for the Second Amendment, you are also not upset over gun violence.
GUILFOYLE: That's just totally erroneous. And yes. Hello.
PERINO: OK, producers, do we have time for the second one?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
PERINO: We do. Two people will be called on. Kimberly, prepare yourself.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you, darling.
PERINO: President Trump also tweeting this morning about the sanctuary city issue. He said: "My administration stands in solidarity with the brave citizens in Orange County defending their rights against California's illegal and unconstitutional sanctuary policies. California's sanctuary laws release known dangerous criminals into communities across the state. All citizens have the right to be protected by federal law and strong borders."
GUILFOYLE: Amen. Can I get an amen and can I get a witness? Jesse?
WATTERS: Hallelujah.
GUILFOYLE: Hallelujah.
WATTERS: Praise the lord.
GUILFOYLE: I just think this is an example of President Trump winning. These are two great issues for him. He's seizing the moment and the opportunity. He's saying obey the law, leave the laws on the books, whether as it relates to the Constitution. Protect the Constitution with the Second Amendment, and let's obey the law as it relates to immigration and sanctuary cities.
So two very strong points for him, especially coming on the heels of this whole, like, Stormy Daniels nonsense. Which shows it didn't resonate at all in the polls whatsoever, and he's back to business. So I like the focus here.
WILLIAMS: Do you think demonizing immigrants, which is what this is about --
WATTERS: No, Juan. No, it's not.
WILLIAMS: That's what it's about.
GUILFOYLE: No, it's not.
WILLIAMS: And secondly, and saying, "I don't really care. I made some promises about gun control when I had my meeting on TV, but then I turned my -- turned around after I met with the NRA." Do you think that helps him? I don't think so.
PERINO: I give the last word to Greg.
GUTFELD: I think what helps him is what got him elected, which is the nexus of all these law and order issues coming together. You know, what Celsius (ph) was to Obama, is what security and trunk, the border, foreign policy, or the policing.
And the metaphor I go back to with the sanctuary cities, it's the freeloader, the creature that exists as long as other people do their jobs. You cannot steal cable unless your neighbor has it. So you can't have a sanctuary city unless everybody else is being a law-abiding citizen. So that's why it's immoral and it's wrong and it must be stopped.
PERINO: You have a ten-second answer?
WATTERS: Yes. Juan, 80 percent of the American people are against funding sanctuary cities.
GUTFELD: A poll!
WATTERS: Not because they all hate immigrants. This is because they want, as Greg said, law and order.
PERINO: All right. I'm going to tease now. After the break, we have breaking news about the secretary of the Veterans Affairs Administration. OK. I'm not reading it. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUILFOYLE: This is a FOX News alert. Another shake-up to President Trump's cabinet. The president just announcing that he is replacing Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin. The president just tweeted: "I am pleased to announce that I intend to nominate highly-respected Admiral Ronny L. Jackson, M.D., as the new secretary of Veterans Affairs. In the interim, Honorable Mike Wilkie of DOD will serve as acting secretary. I'm thankful for Dr. David Shulkin's service to our country and to our great veterans!"
Jesse, does this come as a shock or surprise?
WATTERS: It did not, because we've been hearing a lot about this for the last month or so. This was an Obama holdover, Shulkin. And we all know what happened at the V.A. under President Obama, where they had these long waiting lines, and bureaucrats were giving bonuses for service that they did not provide, while people died waiting for care that they never received.
So this guy was brought in and, apparently, was supposed to have cleaned things up. I don't know how effective he was in cleaning that up. The president campaigned on taking care of the veterans and was very proud to sign a new V.A. accountability bill, where it was more easy to fire people who were underperforming. And that's a good thing.
But I think there were some travel issues with him. He might have run afoul of the administration on some ethical issues with respect to that. And he had to go. The president is not going to keep some guy at that agency that's not 100 percent behind the veterans and can't afford to allow any sort of perception out there that the president is not taking care of the vets that he so deeply values.
And we know the new guy is the star of that "Trump is in perfect mental and physical health" press conference. And I think I speak for the table. We all really like and admire that guy.
GUILFOYLE: We really do. And I very good about your chances and my chances to live a long and healthy life with a very similar meal and diet plan.
WATTERS: That's right. Put me on the treadmill.
PERINO: I have a feeling that maybe he's asking Ronny Jackson to head over to V.A. because he had instituted new diet rules at the White House. It's like "I know how to fix this. Send him to V.A."
Ronny Jackson is an amazing medical doctor. He was well-respected by many administrations. He's been there, I think, for three or four of the last presidencies.
And he also -- I think it's very important for President Trump, and what you see as he heads into the second phase of his presidency, on a personnel level, is that he really wants to have people there that he personally trusts. And he really knows this doctor very well now and trusts him and knows that Dr. Jackson will do a great job taking care of the veterans.
And the other thing is, what's really strange, is all these weird rumors about the political appointees at the V.A. trying to usurp the secretary and a lot of the crazy things going on, barricading himself in the office. But as a public servant, I think that he has done a decent job and now will move on. And it's good to have new blood at the V.A.
GUILFOYLE: All right. There you go. OK, Greg.
GUTFELD: [groans]
GUILFOYLE: All right, skipping Greg.
WATTERS: Skip.
GUTFELD: Trump's shaking more cabinets than an IKEA truck driver.
WATTERS: Ooh.
GUILFOYLE: That's all you have?
GUTFELD: I've got nothing. I guess Pete Hegseth is going --
GUILFOYLE: So do we.
GUTFELD: -- to be free from my show this weekend. Pete, gotcha. Always the bridesmaid.
WILLIAMS: Wow.
GUILFOYLE: Moving on. Even the control room is mad at you.
WATTERS: Wouldn't be the first time.
GUTFELD: I love Pete. I love Pete. Glad to have him here.
WILLIAMS: I know the president is having trouble hiring a lawyer, but has it occurred to any of you that mister -- Dr. Jackson has no background in handling a bureaucracy or reform?
GUTFELD: Maybe that's good.
WILLIAMS: Oh, gee, so maybe he hire -- he hires somebody who knows -- he knows personally. And maybe it -- I don't know. Maybe it's a payoff for that good health --
GUILFOYLE: Come on. Oh, my God. Quid pro quo for this?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: He already has -- no, no, no. He had someone in who had experience dealing with bureaucracies and management, Shulkin, and that didn't work out so well.
PERINO: Just be glad it's not the other personal doctor from before.
WILLIAMS: What do you mean?
PERINO: Remember during the campaign?
WILLIAMS: OH, that guy, the guy here in New York? That was -- that guy was something.
GUTFELD: I liked that guy.
GUILFOYLE: Everybody widely admires and respects him. He's going to do a fantastic job.
WILLIAMS: No, no, no. He's wonderful.
GUILFOYLE: He's in touch with the veterans. He has served.
WILLIAMS: How do you know that?
GUILFOYLE: I think it's very good. Because I --
PERINO: He was in the military.
GUILFOYLE: I know about him. I have actually prepared and know about him, and he's fantastic.
WILLIAMS: I don't know --
PERINO: How did you prepare and know about him?
GUILFOYLE: Because I heard that his name was under consideration.
WILLIAMS: But do you really think this guy --
GUILFOYLE: I was wondering if it was going to be mm-mm or mm-mm.
WILLIAMS: In a normal administration -- because you know, let's admit, we're not in normal today. You know? But let's just say, in a normal administration, they just bring in the guy who happens to be the president's doctor with no background in this area, no experience, no relationships, no networks.
PERINO: Well, the Senate will have a chance to bring it up.
GUTFELD: He was also Obama's doctor, so there you go.
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes, yes. No, no.
GUILFOYLE: He was very good, apparently, right, when he was under Obama? But now he's not, because he's President Trump's doctor?
WILLIAMS: No, no, no. He's a good guy.
WATTERS: The guy that was, like, killing everybody in wait lines had tons of bureaucratic experience.
GUILFOYLE: That's what I would have said, yes.
WILLIAMS: The guy that was killing everybody?
WATTERS: Remember all the veterans that died in the wait lines?
PERINO: Before Shulkin. That was before Shulkin.
WATTERS: I know. And that guy was the administrator of all these hospitals.
WILLIAMS: The hospitals had trouble. But let me tell you, this again is overblown. Veterans have a high opinion of the Veterans Administration's medical services.
GUTFELD: That's true.
WILLIAMS: But again, it gets into the media, and you say, "Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible." They just want better service. And they deserve better.
GUILFOYLE: A lot of the veterans I know, they're not so psyched on it. They think they get sent home with a bag of pills and become addicted to the prescription medication. And opioids.
WILLIAMS: There is an argument about whether or not they would get better treatment. Some people say privatize it, send them out to regular -- but they don't want it. Everybody thinks they get better service from the Veterans Administration.
But I'm all for it. I hope it works. I'm just saying would you really hire somebody with no experience?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. It's like an echo in here.
WILLIAMS: Pete was my guy.
GUTFELD: He was your guy.
GUILFOYLE: I know. All right. You've got to knock it off. You've got to knock it off. I don't want to hear another word from you for literally the next, like, five minutes.
GUTFELD: Am I grounded?
GUILFOYLE: Zip it.
WATTERS: Skip.
GUILFOYLE: Directly ahead -- permanent -- the surprising activity that may help you live longer. Eat burgers. Details next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WILLIAMS: Hey, some good news for music lovers. You can stop feeling guilty about all that money you spent on concert tickets. A new study says watching live music may actually help you live longer.
Researchers at Goldsmiths University in London have found 20 minutes at a concert, that's better for you and for your well-being then yoga or walking your dog. The study says going to live concerts regularly boosts mood and lowers stress, leading to healthier lives.
Kimberly, I believe that you do yoga.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I said I do downward dog. That's a yoga position.
WILLIAMS: OK.
GUILFOYLE: I don't do it regularly, Juan, but thank you for the question.
I do enjoy walking my dogs or playing in the park. That's nice, too. I also have a dog walker so they get lots of walks. I think my dog walker's probably pretty healthy. She's probably doing a lot better than me.
In terms of concerts, I love music. That's for sure.
WILLIAMS: Right.
GUILFOYLE: So I would say if we're following my bliss, it's definitely listening to music and dancing. But I can't always make it to the concert.
WILLIAMS: What about you? Do you do yoga, Jesse?
WATTERS: I do do yoga, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I doubt it.
WATTERS: I do bikram, vinyasa. I can comport myself into all sorts of ridiculous pretzel positions. I'm very limber.
GUILFOYLE: Comport? Jesse, it's contort.
WATTERS: I can comport, too. Comport and contort. I do think that, you know, if you go to a Greg Gutfeld concert, that's definitely going to take years off your life. Have you heard the music this guy likes? I don't -- the study's kind of fake news.
GUILFOYLE: Scary.
PERINO: That's a good idea. Country music yoga.
WILLIAMS: Country music yoga.
PERINO: I should come up with that.
GUILFOYLE: Why don't you?
WILLIAMS: What calms you down, Jesse?
WATTERS: Sitting next to you, Juan.
WILLIAMS: No. Come on, seriously. What do you do to calm down?
WATTERS: What do I do to calm down? I do, you know, exercise.
WILLIAMS: Oh, exercise.
PERINO: He's got a trainer.
GUILFOYLE: But do you notice, he's not, like, a stressed-out person. He's a yellow lab that pees on the rug and moves on. And you forgive him.
WILLIAMS: It's my leg that's over here, you know.
WATTERS: Kimberly's dog walker takes care of me.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, exactly.
WILLIAMS: Do you do yoga?
PERINO: Yes. I've been known to do some yoga.
WILLIAMS: And I know you like music.
PERINO: I like music. That's why I'm saying I should create the country music yoga studio.
WILLIAMS: But which -- which relaxes you more? Live music, yoga?
PERINO: I like Pilates. I do a lot of Pilates.
GUILFOYLE: That's your new thing. Remember, then you used to do that --
PERINO: Core Fusion.
GUILFOYLE: Core Fusion and then you'd do, like, the yoga. She's doing --
PERINO: I do a lot of walking on the weekends.
WILLIAMS: Walking.
GUILFOYLE: And then she plays tennis. And then I wear her tennis outfit and then we win.
WATTERS: What is Pilates? That's when they strap you into that thing and they tie you up?
PERINO: No, Jesse. That's something entirely different. I have never --
WATTERS: Well, there's like a machine. Isn't Pilates, there's like a machine?
PERINO: Yes, it's called the reformer. I'll take you one day.
GUILFOYLE: That sounded a little bravehearted.
PERINO: I'm blushing.
WATTERS: You should take me to Pilates class.
WILLIAMS: Greg, I can't imagine that you do yoga.
GUILFOYLE: If we had you tied in, you could do less damage. That's for sure.
GUTFELD: Sometimes on the weekends, me and Lou Dobbs, we go to the park and we use our own body weight as resistance training.
WATTERS: Who has the leash?
GUTFELD: But this is actually a really interesting point. That people -- a lot of people who are into music understand that there may be three or four areas in life that provide you with transcendence and euphoria. If you go to, like, a religious revival, you can feel this kind of amazing emotion. When you meditate, if you mediate for many years, you can have a breakthrough. And you can feel that. But also --
GUILFOYLE: Has that happened to you?
GUTFELD: Yes. In music, it affects your dopamine. And the combination of, like, mathematics and novelty in your brain, you can go places with music that are very close to drugs and religious transcendence. That's why it's important. Music has been around -- music -- it's amazing that we create it. Why did we create music? Why do we need it?
WATTERS: You're saying you listen to Metallica and you reach, like, a higher state --
GUTFELD: No, I listen to -- I listen to Slayer. I listen to Power Trip. I listen to Iron. I listen to --
WATTERS: Iron Maiden.
GUTFELD: -- brass metal as a way to reach a certain kind of transcendence. I listen to electronica for another kind of transcendence.
PERINO: What about Nirvana?
GUTFELD: Nirvana? I don't need Nirvana to reach nirvana. For that, I use the Melvins.
WILLIAMS: Well, you know what I do to relax? I watch "The Five."
GUTFELD: There you go.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, boy.
WILLIAMS: "One More Thing" up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: No one cares. "One More Thing" -- Dana.
PERINO: No, she said she --
GUILFOYLE: I care a lot.
PERINO: And I'm going to find out at the end. All right, go. You've been waiting for this. "Let Me Tell You About Jasper: How My Best Friend Became America's Dog," it's coming out in paperback April 3. So that's next Monday. And I have a special deal. For the first 100 buyers who send in receipts, we're going to send them five special new baseball cards with all about Jasper. Look at that one there, it's very cute. Thanks to FiveFanPhotoShop. So email your receipts to JasperPerinoexcerpt@gmail.com. You will win a prize. And then April 9, there will be a surprise here.
GUTFELD: Oh, gee whiz. I wonder if it's a dog?
PERINO: Hmm.
GUTFELD: K.G.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you so much.
GUTFELD: You're welcome.
GUILFOYLE: All right. In other horrific Uber news. So an Uber driver really messed up, and it was in my hometown of San Francisco. And some people need to use common sense. That's what I used to tell my juries: use common sense. This guy didn't use.
He used Uber driving app and then went down a whole flight of stairs.
WATTERS: Oh!
GUILFOYLE: The car got stuck, and they tried to use a cable to pull it back up, and then the cable broke, and then it slid further down. And then -- so imagine, is there a way to even do, like, negative 25 stars?
PERINO: Yes.
WATTERS: A robot would not have done that, right, Greg?
GUTFELD: No, no, no.
PERINO: It's true.
GUILFOYLE: He said -- that's what I said, because he used the Uber app, the Uber driving app.
GUTFELD: You just called it.
GUILFOYLE: And it said go down it. But listen, sometimes I've been driving on the freeway, and it is like "Do a U-turn. Flip around." Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. Anyway, that's why we need robots, everybody.
Where are we now? Juan.
WILLIAMS: Hey, how about that beginner's luck? Charlie LeGuard (ph) celebrated her 18th birthday recently by buying a bottle of wine for herself and a $4 scratch lottery ticket. She won, and she won big. She won the grand prize in Lotto Quebec contest, beating odds of one in six million. Then she had to decide whether she's taking the money in one lump payment or $725 a week for life. She took the weekly payment. And now she plans to travel and study photography. Her dream job for this young woman, taking pictures for "National Geographic." What a happy birthday. Good luck.
GUILFOYLE: Drinking wine?
PERINO: How old is she? Drinking a bottle of wine?
GUILFOYLE: That's why drinking is --
WILLIAMS: In Canada.
PERINO: Oh, Canada.
GUTFELD: Enough.
All right. My podcast, FOXNewsPodcast.com. This is going to be amazing. Legendary Thomas Sowell. We talk about his new book, "Discrimination and Disparities." This is a fantastic book, 123 pages. But it's got, like, 1,000 pages of facts in it. It's amazing.
GUILFOYLE: It's amazing.
GUTFELD: What else is amazing? This.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Greg's Disgusting News.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Now, if you have any children or elderly people in the room, please leave. Because it's absolutely disgusting. Let's roll this tape. Now, I don't know who sent this to me, what kind of sick man you are, but this disgusting little baby bunny is repulsive. It just makes me ill just looking at how adorable this little bunny is. Look at that.
PERINO: That's the Easter bunny.
GUTFELD: Yes, it is Easter themed.
GUILFOYLE: Is it doing yoga?
GUTFELD: It's doing -- it's a bunny doing yoga. Hot yoga.
All right. Speaking of hot yoga, Jesse.
WATTERS: Vikram bunny. All right. So a guy is getting a cup of coffee in Vermont. Check out what happens.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(CAR BURSTS THROUGH WALL)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Was that the Uber app?
WATTERS: No, it's Washington state? Well, then my Bernie Sanders joke doesn't work.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
GUTFELD: Anybody hurt?
PERINO: Let's pretend it's Vermont.
WATTERS: No one got hurt. No, I'm not -- I'm not going to use it. Probably defamation. So this is just harrowing video, just trying to get a cup of coffee in this video.
WILLIAMS: Yes, buddy, he got a buzz out of that.
WATTERS: Yes, Juan.
GUTFELD: There you go. All right. Set your DVRs.
GUILFOYLE: You have another "One More Thing"?
PERINO: I have a podcast, too.
GUTFELD: OK, say it quickly.
PERINO: Perino and Stirewalt, "I'll Tell You What." New podcast today. I didn't get bleeped this week, so that's good.
GUTFELD: All right. Well, "Special Report" is up next. I bet you can't bear the anticipation. Bret Baier.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Thank you.
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