This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 12, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I'm Greg Gutfeld with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and her first home was made of Lincoln logs, Dana Perino -- "The Five."
You know, it was like a night at the opera:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Pennsylvania is the state that gave us the 45th president of the United States.
South Korea came to my office after having gone to North Korea and seeing Kim Jong Un. And -- no, it's very positive. No. After the meeting, you may do that, but now we have to be very nice because let's see what happens. This should have been handled, by the way, over the last 30 years, not now.
I'm joking about being president for life. A couple of them went back. Donald Trump, with his dictatorial attitude, now wants to be president for life. Fake news.
I'd love Oprah to win. I'd love to beat Oprah. I know her weakness.
Conor Lamb, Lamb the sham, right? Lamb the sham.
I hear he's nice looking, I think I'm better looking than him. Personally, I like Rick Saccone. I think he's handsome.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So it had everything: Jokes? Check. Insults? Check. Media outrage? Check.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE SCARBOROUGH, MSNBC: The booing is getting stronger by the day whenever he goes out there and whips up like it's a Mussolini rally. And yes, that's what I've said.
CHUCK TODD, NBC NEWS: What are you supposed to say when he's using his vulgarities to kids?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And so, the media reacted in this sweaty frenzy. To his speech, the rest of us have pretty much gotten used to by now. What really upset them? This:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Maxine Waters, a very low I.Q. individual. We will impeach him. We will impeach the prep. But he hasn't done anything wrong. It doesn't matter. We will impeach him. She is a low I.Q. individual. You can't help it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Now, never mind her irrational accusations she's made about Trump. This is just another sign of racism, which is weird. Why is calling someone stupid racist? Aren't we all capable of being stupid? I know I can. But, Greg, Maxine is a black woman. Yes, you're right. I forgot. Remember when Trump made fun of that black candidate, or that black TV couple, or that black newscaster, or that black congresswoman, or that black Republican, or that black senator, or that black war hero, or that black has-been comedian? Sorry, Trump is an equal opportunity roaster. No one is safe. But my favorite part, when he mocked being presidential:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Remember I used to say how easy it is to be presidential? But you'll all be out of here right now. You'd be so bored. I'm very presidential. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here tonight. Rick Saccone will be a great, great congressman. Thank you very much.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The walk. I know. How dare he mocked the formality of the office, but he's being honest. He showed you the manner of a typical politician, and he said that's not me. The implication, what good are you beyond such platitudes, if you're not killing terrorists, creating jobs or reducing a nuclear threat. And that's the point. The difference between Trump and others, the taste full charade of political lifers is in part of his vocabulary.
And so, you're absolutely right to say that he's vulgar. But what are you going to do when the public says, so what? Wrap it up. We'll take it.
So Jesse, love the jacket.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Thank you very much.
GUTFELD: I mean that -- no, I don't mean that.
GUTFELD: That was pretty much an honest appraisal of himself. He's saying I'm not that guy, which I find kind of honest.
WATTERS: Yeah. I mean, it was the most brutally honest things I've ever seen on television, and the hits keep on coming. I've ranked the Trump performances. I think Rally Trump is the most entertaining Trump.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Yes.
WATTERS: And then you have debate Trump right under that. Twitter Trump is pretty good, then Press Conference Trump, and State of the Union Trump. But the only risk here is that sometimes he makes it all about him, instead of all about the policies that he's promoting. But by doing this, he throws so much content against the wall that the media just scrambles and doesn't know what to do with themselves. And then, the coverage becomes about him and about the event. Because remember, he's almost more of an entertainer than a politician.
WATTERS: You can still be a leader, but you don't necessarily have to be a politician. And when he goes, if he does these things, and he connects with the crowd, and he's provocative, and he's fun, and he's engaging an audience, and he's trying to build a TV audience, because in the long run, it's about votes, and he makes himself the center of the conversation. The sleepy eyed, Chuck Todd, SOB thing, I think it's funny. I think people need to lighten up. I don't think it's a vulgarity. He's said a lot more vulgar things than that.
And in the pantheon of insults, politically, in politics, that doesn't really seem like it's, you know, the roughest thing out there. And then, the Maxine Waters, I think he said it perfectly. I mean, he's an equal opportunity offender.
GUTFELD: Yeah. I think.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Problem is, people watching -- if they see it, but if they're -- you know, radio listening -- they didn't see, that, in fact, it was all different.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, Kimberly, does this help.
GUTFELD: . what he was originally there for, which was to help elect this candidate whose name I can't even remember, because.
GUTFELD: Saccone. Or is it -- becomes just more about Trump, and less about getting that guy in.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, I think, all things can be true here. I mean, I think it helps him. This is somebody who -- Saccone isn't necessarily the high energy campaigner, right? So you have high energy Trump come in to try to kind -- like swell the base, and get people motivated, turn out the vote and tried to produce a victory here. So, I think in that sense, it certainly got eyeballs and attention, which I think does help the candidate, but it also accrues to the benefit of POTUS, right?
GUTFELD: Dana, I know that you have -- you've always had a problem with Trump's behavior. Did he go too far with Chuck Todd?
PERINO: I didn't watch it.
PERINO: . because I was busy.
PERINO: But -- to the point about -- like does it help Rick Saccone?
PERINO: I think what happened is the president committed way too early to do this rally for Rick Saccone. He went to campaign for him in January, and that's -- you know, they start to realize, we've got to pay attention to this race because we don't want to lose it. So he goes -- and in the spur of the moment he says, and I'm going to come back here and we're going to do a rally for you. And you get six weeks down the road and you realize, oh, this candidate is not lighting the world on fire. He still could win, Saccone could win, it's just going to be close. And so, I think that the president's time could be spent doing a lot of other things. Like, does it help him get any of his agenda passed? Does it help -- not really, but did the president have fun, was anybody hurt, not necessarily. And I think the most journalists like Chuck Todd -- well, I think most journalist do not want to become the story, OK? Like, there are some that we know that are in the briefing room.
PERINO: . the story. But I don't really understand what Chuck Todd did on Saturday, or leading up to Saturday, to have warranted the attack.
GUTFELD: Yeah. I don't know. I don't get up that early. I'm actually the sleepy one. Juan, do you think -- I tried to frame Trump, again, as a roaster on Comedy Central, so whenever he opens his mouth, it's like he's jumping off a cliff. You never know -- like the joke might work, the joke might not work, but there's always a chance when you open your mouth among friends at a rally, you're going to say something that isn't going to work. And that happens to comedians and it happens to entertainers. When you put it in that context, you can kind of -- it makes more sense.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Not to me. I mean, I just think it's vulgar what he's done to the presidency. I mean, it's lowered our standards for what we expect from someone who traditionally has been, you know, a leader, a person of character and principal. I mean, obviously, they're all politicians. They're all playing games. But the public behavior of a president, we've never seen anything like this. So, I mean, to my mind, he goes after Maggie Haberman of the New York Times and calls her a Hillary flunky. He goes after Chuck Todd. You know, he says don't boo Kim Jong-un because he's got talks coming. It just strikes me as crass behavior that you embrace now as normal. I mean, you say, well, you know, it's fun. And he says.
WILLIAMS: . your ratings would go down if I didn't act like this, if I wasn't so clownish, and if the circus didn't come to town, and if the medicine man wasn't saying, hey, come on over here.
GUTFELD: How was it being dishonest?
WILLIAMS: I didn't say it's dishonest, I said it lowered the standard.
GUTFELD: It is honest.
WILLIAMS: It's honest if that's who he is.
GUTFELD: To my point -- how about this, let's say you're correct. This is beneath the office of the presidency. That has been said about almost every president doing one thing, either it's about -- whether it's about fashion or it's about something said. And then the public generally just says so what. That's the promise. The first half of the equation is criticizing him, but you don't have the second half, which is what do you do? Nobody cares.
WATTERS: I would say that the American people wanted this. They wanted someone to come in and tear up the playbook, and he definitely broke the mold, this president. That's what the country voted for. They didn't want someone like he did, the imitation, very presidential. They didn't want that. They were sick of it. They were bored by it. And they wanted someone to come in and flip over the table and he's doing that. And it might be beneath the traditional standards of the presidency, as you said, and I agree with that, but he's now changed the game and kind of renegotiated what those standards are. And that's the reality that the media still has not accepted. And they're still covering him that they're shocked that he's behaving this way. And I think they need to cover him in relation to him and not Romney, or President Obama or President Bush.
GUTFELD: You're going to waste a lot of energy wishing he was acting a different way, is my point. But he's spent so much time -- he's not going to change.
(CROSSTALK) GUILFOYLE: Well, it's the same though, but people do. They tune in. It's like you can't stop watching or listening to it. They want to know, what is he going to do next? What's he going to say? And he understands that. He really was transparent when he just said there right now. He's, like, you'd be so bored you wouldn't even be showing up here, etcetera, etcetera. So there is a sense of him getting some feedback and reward from being the way he is, which further encourages the behavior going forward that Juan and others are objecting to.
PERINO: But the that's interesting -- to the point of the rally was to help support a guy who nobody can name two days after the rally, and who is in a really tough race.
GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah,
PERINO: And you have also the Democrat, Conor Lamb, had no primary. He runs pretty much like a Republican.
PERINO: Like he's pro -- except along the pro-life issues. He's pro-gun. He actually -- he supports President Trump on the tariff issue. I think that's a Republican issue, but it helps the district. And this race is super interesting. They're studying it up that the Democrats will say this is what we're going to be able to do. It's not necessarily the case. Most Democrats are in primaries that will require them to pull left. They will not be pro-gun or pro-Trump or in anyway. And so, it's not necessarily going to be the bellwether of 2018. But.
WILLIAMS: But the other side of that, Dana.
PERINO: I had a but.
WILLIAMS: Oh, go ahead.
PERINO: I'm sure you're going to say the same thing. Go ahead.
WILLIAMS: I don't think so. I'm interested to hear.
PERINO: The point is that -- the rally is meant to help bring out Republicans to vote for somebody. And I can see why because the president committing too early to do a rally for him, and then realizing, (INAUDIBLE) this morning, the president is not too pleased with how this candidate has run his race. And it really should not have been this hard for Republicans to try to keep a race that Republicans have won by double digits for the last three cycles.
WILLIAMS: Yeah. In fact, that was my point. So we did have some similar banter. It's been 15 years they've held this seat.
PERINO: Yeah, right.
WILLIAMS: . and you have them now pouring in tons of money that they're -- And this is where I disagree with you. They're not going to be able to pour this much money into every.
PERINO: Oh, I agree.
WILLIAMS: . where a Republican is facing a stern challenge.
WILLIAMS: And not only that, you've got to also remember, Trump won the district, I think, it's plus 19. So this is a big shift.
GUILFOYLE: But the point is it shouldn't be a heavy lift.
WILLIAMS: For them, right. But this is the point that something is going on there, a lot of people who think that the Trump act is getting a little much. And then to your point about the women, oh, he attacks everybody. Let me tell you something, when he goes after Maxine Waters and questions her intelligence, he's playing on racial stereotypes.
(CROSSTALK) GUTFELD: I know a lot of stupid white people.
WILLIAMS: He goes after Jemele Hill.
WATTERS: Juan, Greg just put up a whole list of white and white people that he's attacked in the same way.
WILLIAMS: Let me just -- let me finish.
WILLIAMS: Jemele Hill, Frederica Wilson, he goes after, remember her?
GUTFELD: Megyn Kelly. Remember Megyn Kelly?
(CROSSTALK) WILLIAMS: I'm just saying, I think he has a thing with black women, wouldn't you say?
GUTFELD: Juan, I think he has a thing with all people. That is, he doesn't care.
GUILFOYLE: He has a thing with everyone.
WILLIAMS: No, when he plays and when he goes after black women, he does it with a vengeance, with an anger.
WATTERS: So I guess Rosie is not white?
GUTFELD: So Juan, if I happen to think that Maxine Waters is stupid, that makes me racist?
GUTFELD: Or perceptive?
WILLIAMS: Let me just say something, she's not stupid. And the second thing.
GUTFELD: She says stupid things.
WILLIAMS: . I disagree with Maxine, but say it. But you don't have to.
(CROSSTALK) GUTFELD: People tell me I'm stupid all the time. People that I hang out with.
WATTERS: They haven't been impugning the president's intellect for the last year?
WATTERS: They said he had Alzheimer's, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I didn't say that.
WATTERS: Everybody in the press said the guy was mentally ill. And he says that about a Democrat and now he's racist?
WILLIAMS: That performance won't help your case.
WATTERS: Well, if a mentally ill candidate beat the pants off of Hillary, what does it says about her?
GUTFELD: That's pantsuits. All right. Elizabeth Warren now refusing to take a test that would prove whether she's Native American, hear why, next.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: Can you imagine covering Bernie or Pocahontas? Pocahontas. How about that? Can you imagine these guys -- some of them are actually smiling, but some of them just can't stand it. Honestly. Some of them -- they can't take it. Can you imagine having to cover Elizabeth Warren?
(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: President Trump turned some of his fire this weekend on potential Democratic opponents in 2020, like Senator Elizabeth Warren, who he was just talking about. Once again, mocking her over her unsubstantiated claim of Native American heritage. A newspaper in her home state of Massachusetts, suggest she take a DNA test to settle the issue once and for all. So, will she? She danced around the subject on Fox News Sunday.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) ELIZABETH WARREN, U.S. SENATOR: I'm not running for president. But let me tell you a little bit about my family, you know, my mom and dad were born and raised out in Oklahoma. And my daddy was in his teens when he fell in love with my mother. He was head over heels in love with her, and wanted to marry her. And his family was bitterly opposed to that because she was part Native American. And eventually, my parents eloped. They hang together for 63 years. I know who I am because of what my mother and my father told me. It's a part of who I am, and no one's ever going to take that away.
(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: So that was on yesterday, Fox News Sunday, Greg. When I first heard about it, I didn't know where the DNA test came from, but the Berkshire Eagle is a local paper, quite liberal.
GUTFELD: Great paper.
PERINO: . and they're the ones who are suggesting it. So I don't think it can be dismissed as some sort of.
GUTFELD: No, this is.
PERINO: . right-wing conspiracy.
GUTFELD: No. The question -- there's a couple of questions. Did she benefit from her unsubstantiated claim of her Native American heritage? Even her allies aren't sure if she put it on applications or not. But we do know that Harvard used her claim to validate their own diversity claim, so she was used. And she did, let's face it. She paraded her heritage around. She actually supplied Native American recipes to a cookbook which were actually recipes taken from the New York Times. So I guess -- are the souls burgers also part of the Cherokee family? I don't know. Souls burger does not sound Cherokee. My advised for her is to pull a Rachel Dolezal.
GUTFELD: Make Native American heritage your choice, which -- you know, somehow elevates you among those born that way, because that's what's happening with Rachel Dolezal. If you say you are that's almost like you're choosing it. That's makes you better. She's hang the piper. This identity politics poisons everything. By elevating the group over the individual, her individual talents don't matter anymore. They don't because it's now about this. So you live by identity politics and you die by identity politics. When you're part of the group, everything is great. When you're not part of the group, everything is bad.
PERINO: Do you think, Kimberly, there's any way for her to get that behind her? I mean, I don't even think that the DNA test wouldn't do it, because then you have to say about a DNA test. I mean, I don't see how she gets past it.
GUILFOYLE: Well, look, it's actually -- there's some, you know, liability here that attaches to it because she has listed herself in legal -- you know, minority directories, and also checked it off in terms of applications by ivy league schools. So for some reason, this doesn't come back with the exact, you know, right amount, etcetera, to qualify for some of these things, she could be in trouble. So she needs an attorney, whatever, to tell her, hey, you better not get into this. So she definitely is trying to sidestep the issue. But it just goes to show you, you know, the hypocrisy. People were literally hyperventilating, panicattacks.com over Trump's tax records. Let alone, look at this situation. We want a -- what about the fact that Elizabeth Warren identifies -- like, you're right. No one would have any objection to it if she pulled a Rachel Dolezal.
PERINO: Juan, you don't like that comparison?
WILLIAMS: I don't see it at all. I just have to listen very carefully.
GUILFOYLE: Look into the future and you'll see it.
WILLIAMS: The president's tax records and the president's claims, boy, that's real. What people say about their racial makeup, their background.
PERINO: The question was whether she benefited professionally.
WILLIAMS: She didn't benefit because Harvard had said everybody else had said that. It didn't impact her selection as a professor. What Greg said, and I don't know that, but he says that Harvard used it in promoting their level of diversity but it wasn't. That she got the job because she put that on the application. But what concerns me here is I know -- I did a DNA test recently, and I learned stuff about me that I had no idea about. Like, you know, links to Benin and.
GUTFELD: I'm your son, Juan. I'm your son.
WILLIAMS: Yes, I think.
GUTFELD: I'm also a black lesbian, just so you know. My choice.
WILLIAMS: And a cute one. But I just think that when you start getting in to this, this is, again, mocking people, I think it's racially tinged. I think it's very unpleasant.
WILLIAMS: Oh, Pocahontas?
GUTFELD: No, it's like calling a dumb person Einstein.
WILLIAMS: Oh, oh, there you go.
GUTFELD: When somebody is dumb, you go, knock it off, Einstein.
GUTFELD: That's what this is, she not Pocahontas.
WILLIAMS: I don't know that she's not -- and clearly.
(CROSSTALK) WILLIAMS: I sat here while we play the tape, and all of you were like, oh, this is so canned and terrible that she said that her parents fell in love and had to eloped. But let me just tell you, family history is very real in our country and we have lots of mixed people -- and people don't even know.
PERINO: That's true.
WILLIAMS: When you ask.
WILLIAMS: . for 23 and me, whatever, they say it's something like a huge percentage, a majority of people have no idea about their DNA.
PERINO: That's why it's so exciting. In fact, my dad bought us kits for Christmas.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe we should do that.
GUTFELD: What if we found out we're all related.
PERINO: We have 30 seconds left, and Jesse's input is so important. Former Democratic Governor Deval Patrick is also saying he might run in 2020, and then she will have Bernie Sanders to contend with. It's going to be a kind of crowded field.
WATTERS: Well, she's never going to get over this. I agree with Kimberly. There's no way to put this behind her. And there is a lot of downfall if she takes a test. She can't it, number one. It's going to look like she got pressured into it.
PERINO: Yeah, right.
WATTERS: She also can't take it because it's going to draw attention to a negative situation for her. And let's say she takes it and gets the result, at best she's what, 40 to 50 percent Native American. People are going to say, well, you don't look Native American. I don't believe the results. Or, at worst, she's two to zero percent Native American and people are going to say you're a big liar, and you're a big -- you know, trying to get up -- play the race card. You bluffed, and then you're going to have to fold. I disagree though with Juan, though. She has used her racial heritage to her advantage, but only to her advantage. She is not aligned herself with Native American issues, her Native American causes. Two times she used her racial, so-called background for the cookbook.
WATTERS: . for a profit, and to get into Harvard. And, of course, Harvard is going to accept someone with that type of background. It looks good for the diversity reports. Everybody understands that, Juan. I, actually, a little nervous about taking these spit test because I was told I had a certain racial background. And now, my mom just said I might have some sort of French-Canadian background, and that terrifies me. I don't know how to wrap my head around it. So I'm not taking the test.
WATTERS: I don't know. I think she actually believes it.
PERINO: French-Canadian, well, you'll never know.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, imagine that.
WATTERS: French, Kimberly, can you believe it.
GUTFELD: I'm Canadian. I'm part French. It's not that bad.
WATTERS: Well, everybody assumes that.
(LAUGHTER) PERINO: All right. We're going to move on. New revelations from O.J.'s if I did it confession. We'll have it next.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: The interview had been shelved for more than a decade, but we finally got to see O.J. Simpson, quote, "hypothetical" account of the murders of his ex-wife and her friend in a special titled "The Lost Confession."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
O.J. SIMPSON, ACQUITTED OF MURDERING NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON AND RON GOLDMAN: As things got heated, I just remember Nicole fell and hurt herself. And this guy kind of got into a karate thing. And I said, "Well, do you think you can kick my (EXPLETIVE DELETED)?"
And I remember I grabbed the knife. I do remember that portion, taking the knife from Charlie. And to be honest, after that, I don't remember, except I'm standing there, and it's all kind of stuff around.
And I don't think any two people could be murdered the way they were without everybody being covered in blood. And of courses, I think we've all seen the grisly pictures after. So yes, I think everything was covered -- would have been covered in blood.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Holy smokes. So that was taped in 2006. The victims' families at the time opposed its airing. But this week they were OK with it. So what do you make of this, Kimberly?
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Well, you now, this is just an unbelievably fascinating time, although so sad what happened here in terms of these gruesome murders. I remember I went in to work at the Los Angeles district attorney's office with all of the interns, were hired as the new D.A. class. They were all the interns from the O.J. Simpson case. And it just - - you know, in terms of the impact it had on them, their lives, what you were doing there.
And I went on to work, obviously, in that office and try cases there in that same, you know, courtroom where O.J.'s case had been tried on the ninth floor at the Criminal Courts Building.
And I remember at the time when this happened being in law school and everybody just watching it, watching the chase, everything. I mean, from a prosecutor's perspective, when you look at the enormous body of evidence, forensics, the science, the DNA behind it, there would just be no question. I mean, I don't remember ever getting a case as a D.A. that had that much compelling, persuasive evidence.
And that's why it was just so internationally shocking to see that verdict and then a -- the complete juxtaposition of the verdict in the civil case that they actually found it, at you know, even a lesser standard. So it's interesting to me.
WILLIAMS: So Jesse, one of the questions that comes up is he says this was hypothetical, that he really wasn't confessing, but what do you think?
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Well, he said it was hypothetical, and then he slips into "I remember." And then "I remember grabbing the knife." So the whole thing falls apart. It was a confession. You don't even need the question mark.
He's so delusional, and he's so dishonest. But at the same time, he's so captivating and so evil.
This was almost, like, a cry for help. He wants people to know that he did it. I think there is a thing in his unconscious that he can't contain. And he's been, you know, dying to say, "I did it. I did it. I did it." Because he knows he's not going to get hit with the double jeopardy.
But to Kimberly's point, he never should have been out of -- out in 2006. They made so many mistakes on the prosecutorial side, from the glove, from the venue, to the jury selection, to some of the ridiculous witnesses, to the mishandling of the evidence and the DNA. It's a tragedy that this guy is even out right now.
But I understand why the Goldman family -- I think time has passed. They think maybe it's better, I think, from their perspective, from the estate's perspective, to get this out there. But I mean, if anybody deserves to be retried, I mean, it's this guy.
WILLIAMS: So Dana, the thing that struck me was he said there was somebody named Charlie who was with him. He never says who this is.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I don't know. I mean, what's really interesting is that I don't know if it's much of a cry for help as it is just a cry for attention. And what a disgusting human being.
And I did have a quick question for Kimberly.
PERINO: If, as a defense lawyer, and if you're a defense lawyer and you believe that your client is guilty, do you have an ethical obligation to say something? Or --
PERINO: No, you just can --
GUILFOYLE: No, because of the attorney-client privilege.
GUILFOYLE: And based on your -- if they confess to you or they say something, you know, it depends. Like -- but no. I mean, you have to protect your client. That's your job. Most of them probably think, yes, their client is guilty or know they're guilty, but they try to give them the best possible defense.
PERINO: Legal advice.
GUILFOYLE: They have to.
WILLIAMS: So by the way, Greg, he slanders Nicole in this thing. He says she had problems with her weight and she had lots of plastic surgery. What the hell?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I can't believe --
GUILFOYLE: Murdering her wasn't bad enough?
WILLIAMS: Well, I'm just saying killing -- it never stops with this guy.
GUTFELD: I can't believe this table. I mean, I watched the whole thing. He convinced me. Such a charming person with his jokes. He was so friendly. He was -- I think he's totally innocent. Either he's a complete idiot. Well, it's obviously a narcissist.
GUTFELD: But Judith Regan is kind of a genius for figuring out a contraption that lured him out into this trap of hypothetical confession. And then you have this cold-blooded killer trying to come off as innocuous. And he just dug his own metaphorical grave.
Meanwhile, while this is going on, on Oxygen, they had a documentary on Jeffrey Dahmer, which is far more interesting, because he admits to every single thing he did and says that he would do it again. And he would do it again. He killed 17 victims, the same amount of people killed at Parkland. But they were black, mostly black and gay; and nobody cared.
A coffee shop in California won't serve police officers anymore. That brewing controversy next on "The Five."
WATTERS: Police officers aren't getting the respect they deserve in Oakland, California. They're not even being allowed to buy coffee in one cafe.
Hasta Muerte Coffee has announced it won't serve cops in uniform, because it isn't safe for customers. They claim, quote, "Police presence compromises our feeling of physical and emotional safety." Isn't that discrimination? Where's the ACLU?
Greg, I mean, so if a coffee shop says, "We're not going to serve black people or Muslims," that would be a national story and probably illegal. Right?
GUTFELD: Yes, but I guess because this isn't based on race. I mean, they'd have to deny a black police officer, as well.
I think they should declare Oakland a sanctuary city for police and see what happens. It would be like a cross between "Lord of the Flies," and "Dawn of the Dead."
California has to ask themselves when is enough enough? You have high unemployment, high welfare, high homelessness, high debt. You are No. 1 in being No. 2.
Police officers are now becoming janitors of human failure. Police officers now have to clean up after human filth left by -- by the homeless population. Meanwhile, they have to act as social workers to coddle students on campus who need to be protected from words.
Police officers aren't policing anymore. They're taking care of an asylum.
WATTERS: So if someone tries to rob this establishment, who are they going to call, Dana?
PERINO: Ghostbusters. Guess what? They're not real.
Greg's talked about the U-Haul problem.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. They're leaving.
PERINO: U-Hauls are very expensive to leave, but no U-Hauls are going back. I think that that -- talk about the brain drain. This weekend I read an article about how even Silicon Valley is saying that Silicon Valley is over. And you read some of the quotes. It's like, "Well, the city is too crowded. It's way too expensive. We don't like what's going on." So they're looking to move elsewhere and looking at places like rejuvenating cities, even like Detroit. And so I think people are going to leave.
WATTERS: This can't be good for business, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I don't know about that.
WATTERS: You don't think people are going to see this and then never go to this coffee shop?
PERINO: It looks like such a nice place.
WILLIAMS: I don't know. I don't think that at all. I think there are lots of people who are concerned about police brutality. And in a coffee shop where they see cops with the guns, it's like open carry. Those people might be uncomfortable.
GUTFELD: Open carry?
WATTERS: Are they breaking the law in the coffee shop? Why would you be uncomfortable?
WILLIAMS: I don't agree with them on their policy.
WILLIAMS: You asked me if it would affect their business. I don't think it -- this is like -- We were having a conversation about Louis Farrakhan and would that affect votes in the districts of black Congressmen who have some association with Farrakhan? I don't think it's going to affect that at all.
WATTERS: Maybe in Oakland, anything goes. Kimberly, is it legal to do this, I guess?
WATTERS: Technically, you can do it, right?
GUILFOYLE: Yes. I mean, is it legal, is it very nice? No. You know, this is -- it's disrespectful. And let me tell you, how will this, you know, proprietor feel if they're robbed or anything?
GUILFOYLE: They will be the first to complain that the police didn't get there fast enough or if --
PERINO: And the other thing is, what an advertisement to get robbed.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Well, I mean, there you go. Don't worry. There won't be any police.
It's funny, because in a couple of the cases I had, the reason why they were able to catch people, and one of them was a donut shop, and it was robbed. And the police officer was right there. They were able to get the guy. And he came in and he was armed. He was trying to shoot people. So it was a whole situation.
But nevertheless, why wouldn't you want to be welcoming to police? Like, why not? They're the ones putting their lives on the line every day. I don't think that helps the discourse or, you know, the national dialogue about being upset about officer brutality or homicide, et cetera, by just saying, "Well, we're not going to serve you." How is that helping anything?
GUTFELD: And if they do run into trouble, the police department should not allow them into the police department. Like, if they have to report a stolen --
PERINO: Bar the door.
WATTERS: Hasta la vista, Hasta Muerte.
Ahead, the most important segment we've ever done.
GUILFOYLE: You really butchered that.
WATTERS: A barbecue taste test right here at the table. K.G.'s "Food Court" investigation, up next.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, it's time now for a special investigation. A crucial taste test edition of "Kimberly's Food Court." You love it. Well, someone is digging in already, so it must be pretty good.
So when you think of the world's best barbecue, does this one come to mind? Because an uproar has ignited on social media after a food blog proclaimed a Brooklyn barbecue joint named Fette Sau -- is that how we say it?
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes.
GUILFOYLE: The world's best. As you can imagine, a lot of southerners are scoffing, including some members of Congress in Texas, North Carolina, and elsewhere. There is pandemonium everywhere across the country.
Now, we're going to be the judge. Some of us more judgy than others. Because we've got some grub right here. And I have never seen anyone go so savage. His mouth, the little mandible is just --
GUTFELD: I'm the king of ribs. I could eat ribs all day.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, OK, so I have to ask you, what do you think about this, because this is an uproar?
GUTFELD: OK, this is Brooklyn. OK. This is really, really good barbecue. That picture they showed was the problem. The picture elevated design over delectability.
GUTFELD: It was supposed to look really precious. Look how precious it is. That's to say, "When we have our barbecue, we're much superior and smarter than all you rubes down south."
GUTFELD: So it's actually the fault of the picture, but the food is excellent.
GUILFOYLE: Jesse --
GUTFELD: And I'm going to eat all of it so I don't have to buy dinner tonight.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, but is it a national affront to say that they have better barbecue than in Texas or in the south or anything like that? Or you're fine with it?
PERINO: I think that it's brilliant marketing. Because a lot of people have already gone to this restaurant. We're doing a topic on it. And it was probably good for all barbecue restaurants. Like this one tweet elevated all barbecue boats.
GUTFELD: And by the way, that picture is 4 years old.
PERINO: Oh, really?
GUTFELD: The story is 4 years old.
WILLIAMS: Yes, it was done by VICE. It wasn't marketing, Dana. I mean, somebody, a reporter went and said, "This is the best barbecue." And then it --
PERINO: Accidental marketing?
GUILFOYLE: But here's what's so interesting, too, about this, is they're opening up a bunch of different Brooklyn barbecues even in other countries, which is so hilarious. So now it's, like, this weird thing where Brooklyn is now known --
GUTFELD: It's like Texas sushi.
GUILFOYLE: Besides, like, cool, like, yuppie places, it's known for barbecue, which I think is fantastic. By the way, I love the dinosaur barbecue place, too.
WATTERS: That's very good.
GUILFOYLE: We did that for Fourth of July.
WATTERS: I like that we're doing this and we're saying it's pretty good, because that's just going to make every barbecue place from Kansas City or Texas send us in the next couple days what they consider to be the best barbecue.
WILLIAMS: You are the man. That's a good idea.
WATTERS: And we will be having "Kimberly's Food Court" for the rest of the week.
WILLIAMS: I grew up in Brooklyn. Let me tell you something about Brooklyn barbecue. Most of it is basically Carolina barbecue, so it's heavy, heavy on the vinegar.
GUILFOYLE: Tell us how you know.
WILLIAMS: Because I loved barbecue as a kid. I don't eat so much now.
But -- and the second thing to say is if you go out towards, like, places like Memphis and the delta, you get the dry rub barbecue.
WILLIAMS: And I'm not so great -- but Texas barbecue, I think with the ketchup and all, I love that.
GUTFELD: I like it when they put a rib between two pieces of bread and you've got to eat around the bone. Or a pork chop between two pieces of white bread. It's amazing.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
WILLIAMS: Well, there's nothing bad to be said about barbecue.
WATTERS: Best "Food Court" ever.
GUILFOYLE: Do you love it? I mean right? Do you think it was --
WATTERS: I didn't eat all day, because I knew the "Food Court" was coming.
GUILFOYLE: I think it's so strong. We didn't get to have the rest of it, but we're going to taste it for sure. Yum, yum, yum.
WILLIAMS: You couldn't resist. You did eat before.
GUILFOYLE: All right. "One More Thing" up next.
WATTERS: Are you calling me fat, Juan?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: "One More Thing" -- Dana.
PERINO: OK, I have a very fun one today. Can we play this SOT? Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Cross breed of all sorts, and he hasn't a clue what he's doing, has he? Yes, that's lovely. Now, can we get him into the weeds? I shouldn't think so for a second. No, not going in there. Not doing it. Oh, this is -- hey! I love it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: So this dog really stole the show at Crufts, which is a very fancy -- like our Westminster Dog Show in the U.K. And this was the dog for -- named Kratu. He made quite an impression. He is a 4-year-old emotional support dog. And he was supposed to do all the proper things that they've been practicing the entire time, but instead he just got into crowded and did his own thing. But he's super cute. Congratulations to him to winning Fun Dog of the Year.
GUTFELD: He can't hear you, you know.
GUILFOYLE: Very happy.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Would you like to say, "Thank you, Kimberly."
GUTFELD: It's very good. I won't eat potatoes, though. Atkins.
GUILFOYLE: OK. No problem. So listen, folks, our very good friend, Sean Hannity, of the highly acclaimed 9 p.m. show on the FOX News Channel has an amazing exclusive interview tonight with Vice President Mike Pence. And you've been hearing about Mike Pence in the press quite a bit lately, also in light of "The View" and what transpired there. So they're going to discuss a variety of these topics, including his conversation with Joy Behar after her controversial marks about Christianity. And take a listen here.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MIKE PENCE (R), VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I said to Joy, "Of course I forgive you. That's part of my faith experience." But I did encourage her, and I'm still encouraging her, to use the forum of that program or some other public forum to apologize to tens of millions of Americans who were -- who were equally offended.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: All right, it's going to be fantastic. That's tonight on the FOX News Channel at 9 p.m. Eastern. Catch Hannity and Vice President Pence.
GUTFELD: All right, time for something new.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Greg's That's a Lot of Work for a Little Reward. Maybe Get a Job.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: "Greg's That's a Lot of Work for a Little Reward. Maybe Get a Job."
GUTFELD: Yes. Check out this dude. It's video of a guy trying to steal a gumball machine, which is he's stealing it from an animal shelter.
PERINO: Oh, my gosh.
GUTFELD: This goes on for a long time. But he's trying his best to steal this thing. The gumballs spill out everywhere. But you know, he's not going to give up. He's trying to pry open the quarter compartment.
And I'm looking at this, and I'm going like, you know, if I had a guy that worked this hard on anything, I would hire him. But instead he's working really, really hard to steal about $0.87 from a gumball machine.
PERINO: That's ridiculous.
GUTFELD: Anyway, he ended up outside with it. Do we have -- I don't know when this ends. That's him. He went -- he actually threw it over the fence. But they haven't caught him yet.
PERINO: They haven't?
PERINO: Well, he's a good hider.
GUTFELD: That's what he is. All right. Jesse, he's a good hider.
WATTERS: OK, so everybody, it's National Napping Day today. It's because it's the first day after Daylight Saving Time. It's not daylight savings for everybody out there. Daylight Saving Time. And some people have been, you know, celebrating National Napping Day. As you see here, this guy is totally passed out. And some of us on "The Five" also napping. There's Juan nodding off during Gutfeld's monologue.
GUTFELD: I saw that.
WATTERS: And this is Greg after he ate too much barbecue.
GUTFELD: Wait. I'm not wearing that.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, I like it. You just made fun of the boys. The fellows.
PERINO: Leave us girls alone.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh, yes.
GUTFELD: All right, Juan.
GUILFOYLE: I look weird.
WILLIAMS: By the way, don't make fun of napping. Napping's good stuff.
With President Trump in office it's become kind of hip to say character doesn't matter. It's only the policies that count. Well, here's a different take on character.
Former vice president Joe Biden encountered a homeless man as he was leaving the movies with his granddaughter over the weekend. Here's a picture. Now, this picture was taken by someone who recognized Mr. Biden. The revealing picture shows him not only talking to the homeless man but writing something down before he handed it to him. The photo has been shared more than 120,000 times on Facebook. One person wrote about Biden, "Character is what you do when no one is watching."
GUTFELD: It's amazing how that magically just came together. You know?
WILLIAMS: What do you mean?
GUTFELD: It's amazing how that came together. The picture was perfect. No one was watching. What happens when no one is watching? You get the picture taken.
GUILFOYLE: That's why no one wants to run for president.
WILLIAMS: I think he wants to run for president, but I don't think -- I don't think that was a fake.
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" up next with John Roberts tonight.
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