This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," March 10, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: All right. Enough. I deserve it. So, I guess fire and fury worked.
CHRIS MATTHEWS, ANCHOR, HARDBALL, MSNBC: A dramatic statement that they are talking about. Kim Jong-un is actually talking about total denuclearization of the Korean peninsula. What do you make of that suggestion?
JOSEPH CIRINCIONE, PRESIDENT, PLOUGHSHARES FUND: This is actually a moment that very few of us thought we would ever see.
JOHN ROBERTS, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: The president agreed that he will meet with Kim Jong Un, and it's difficult to overstate the historic nature of this.
GUTFELD: John, comb your hair. But that's what normal people call good news. But what about morning beaker.
MIKA BREZEZINSKI, MSNBC HOST: Is this a deflection?
JOE SCARBOROUGH, MSNBC HOST: Off course, it's a deflection. Tariffs and North Korea -- all to distract from a president didn't go through the proper channels.
GUTFELD: I'm sorry. He looks like beaker. That's all I see. And of course, the great Rachel is having a moment.
RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: You might think like another president in this circumstance, you can imagine a president asking himself or herself why has no other American president ever agreed to do this? Why has no sitting American president ever met with a leader from North Korea? Why has that never happened in all the decades North Korea existed as a nation? Why hasn't any other president ever done -- shouldn't I take that to mean that this might be a particularly risky or even an unwise move?
GUTFELD: Why? Why? You know, if it were another president like Obama, you would be doing cartwheels off a high dive in to a swimming pool filled with ambrosia salad.
So, in summary, if you are looking for a summary of the media's response to all of these progress, this does it.
Now, obviously it pays to be skeptical about all of this, but you know, this is something that can only happen under Donald Trump. It kind of remind me of a movie.
MALE NARRATOR: In the world of uncertainty, two leaders face off in a war of words that terrified the globe.
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Kim Jong-un saying, I surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged US dotard with fire.
MALE NARRATOR: But when talking trash thaws the ice.
TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS HOST: North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un has proposed a face to face meeting with President Trump.
MALE NARRATOR: One man will prove nukes and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.
TRUMP: We'll see what happens.
MALE NARRATOR: While democrats shove billions in cash to tyrants, kissed commie butt in Cuba, and apologized to the world for being awesome. A man with a plan says "Enough." A huge man on a unicorn with a fitness tracker in one hand and a box of Twinkies in the other present, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-un and Dirk Benedict as Faceman. Executive Action X. Put up your nukes. Now playing in select theaters with a special home feature, Nation's Hall Monitor, I came, I saw, I tattled. Starring Brian Stelter as Brian Stelter.
GUTFELD: I have a feeling that's going to be a hit. All right, you have got to admit even if you don't like Trump, his effect is hard to deny. So, hard that even "Vanity Fair" admits that Donald's strategy is paying off.
Fact is, to control crazy, you've got to talk crazy. Meaning, appear ready to do the unthinkable to get enemies to think twice. It's my theory, sometimes it pays to be the psycho on the block, screaming at clouds and rubbing dog poo in your hair.
Forever, we sat back and watched streets filled with bearded psychos, burning our flag and countries run by extremist nut bags, who go to them into a froth of fearful rage. But enough about Berkeley.
So, we said with North Korea, we'll take your crazy and raise you triple crazy by electing Donald Trump. They didn't see that coming, did you? Of course, it's still too soon to rejoice, but what's the media's obsession now instead of that?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It has raised among many people the speculation that those photographs might be intimate photographs of the President of the United States, and Mika, I'll hope as you conjure an image of that, I'll try to just urge you not to throw up in your mouth.
JAMES CORDEN, ENGLISH ACTOR: If there are naked pictures of Donald Trump, they can go, go ahead and stay hushed.
GUTFELD: Talk about body shaming, as if naked pictures of them would be any better. Fact is, after a certain age we are all old and weird without our clothes on. That's why I don't own a mirror.
The human body is not designed for wear and tear. It's the worst designed product since the spork. But this stormy story is not sticking with the people, just the media. Why? Because we know Donald and Donald knows Donald. Even he said he's no role model.
Finding out Donald Trump slept with an adult film star is like finding out Mike Pence didn't. It's not going to blow your mind. And besides, a grown man that's attracted to porn stars? Welcome to biology.
Anyway, I can see it now, Stormy Daniels, CNN contributor. Of course, if the media still can't take a Donald Trump joke, spending days spreading over his comments on the Chinese president having a job for life.
LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, MSNBC HOST: The president of the United States seems to approve of the president of China making himself a president for life and the president seems to be suggesting that he too would like to be a president for life, and we don't know if the American president is making a joke or really means it.
GUTFELD: Come on, you know he's kidding. He just sneaked some of the rails against us. Unemployment dipped to its lowest in 50 years or maybe you don't think Trump is kidding. Maybe you think he's dead serious about everything he says. Sounds like you need this.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Do you have trouble understanding basic humor?
TRUMP: China is great and Xi is a great gentleman. He is now president for life.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Did you hear that? He just praised the Chinese president for getting rid of term limits and he said we should, too.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dude, it was a joke.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, that is what an evil dictator says.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Please help me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sure thing. You should try "Laugh It Off".
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sounds dangerous. What is it?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Laugh It Off" is a spray you apply directly to the face that penetrates all the way to your brain to help you understand when the president is and isn't joking. You could preserve your sanity.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My co-worker used to scoff at the President twits all day and it bummed him out. Then I made him try "Laugh It Off". Now look at him? Thanks, "Laugh It Off", I guess.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Do you believe that North Korea's recent willingness to talk is sincere? And to what do you owe this recent openness to talk?
TRUMP: Me. Nobody got that.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Don't worry, Mr. President, I get. Thanks, "Laugh It
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, try "Laugh It Off" today. So, you can go from this to this. Side effects may include improving (inaudible) world view.
GUTFELD: All right, let us welcome tonight's guest. Doctor, doctor, give us the news. I've got a bad case of love and Drew, host of the radio show, Dr. Drew Midday Live. Dr. Drew Pinsky.
And like a loaf of French bread, she's often half in the bag, co-host of "Dr. Drew Midday Live," Lauren Sivan. And her favorite color is death, National Review reporter Katherine Timpf. And he flosses with the transatlantic cable, Impact wrestler and my master sidekick, Tyrus.
All right, let's go to the expert, the doctor. What do you think of my theory that by pretending to be unpredictable, or maybe not pretending, but actually being unpredictable, it worked with Kim.
DREW PINSKY, HOST, "DR. DREW MIDDAY LIVE": Well, if it's your theory, Greg, it must be right, first, let's start with that. But yes, I just think Trump is very predictable in being unpredictable. I think he always takes these extreme scary points of view, lets people react, so it creates a lot of chaos, then thrives on it, and then he is driving back towards some place he actually wants to go using game theory.
He is a pretty good game theoretician, but initially, he says very, very scary things and goes to these extremes where you think he's losing his mind and lo and behold, he reels it back to something where you are happy.
GUTFELD: I don't know -- everybody talks about game theory and I don't -- game theory just means looking at everything like it's a game?
PINSKY: No, no, it's a little more complicated than that. Just a little more.
GUTFELD: All right, well, you know what, next we'll do an entire hour on that, certainly not tonight. Okay, Lauren. You have got to kind of admit that, I mean, he's putting the squeeze on North Korea. This might -- I mean, look, the guy could be full of crap, the North Korean dictator, so you know.
PINSKY: She knows somebody that who knows him.
GUTFELD: Oh really?
LAUREN SIVAN, CO-ANCHOR, DR. DREW MIDDAY SHOW: A friend went to school with Kim Jong-un.
GUTFELD: Oh really? Tell me about it. Is he a rational human being? He is a rational actor?
SIVAN: When he was a kid in school, he loved his video games, didn't have many friends and according to this friend, grunted a lot.
GUTFELD: Grunted. Wait, are you a gruntist? Because I grunt all the time.
GEORGE MURDOCH, TYRUS, PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER: Now, I am.
PINSKY: But the thing about this, he's one of those kids who is just playing video games, sort of withdrawn and that's who he is dealing with, and.
SIVAN: And now, he's a leader.
PINSKY: But it's going to be a one-on-one sort of negotiation between those two.
SIVAN: By the way, he sees the glass half full with this situation.
PINSKY: This is why we have a show.
SIVAN: If the Twitter preview is anything to come.
SIVAN: They are going to have a (inaudible) contest within 20 minutes of meeting each other. We know that's going to happen.
GUTFELD: And that's a problem? I don't think that's a problem. You know, I do think it's a problem for the record. You know, Kat, obviously something like this elevates, I guess, elevates Kim's stature in the world by having a world leader meet. Is that a really bad thing? But it's something that has to happen? Kind of.
KATHERINE TIMPF, NATIONAL REVIEW REPORTER: See, I was somebody who was not all about the talk of a preemptive nuclear strike. So, I am going to be for the talk about talking, and yes, I guess, maybe, but it really is the best way to go.
What I have seen though is so many people who are against the talk of nuclear war. This is going to be a disaster, which I agree with, who are now saying, I'm against this talking. This is going to be a disaster. So, it's like, okay, you are not really concerned about North Korea, you just want to be against whatever Donald Trump is doing, but I think if it happens, I would commend him for it.
GUTFELD: Yes, all right, Tyrus, from your experience as a professional wrestler. I believe that you might be the expert in this face off. I mean, it's kind of like professional wrestlers, you've got the little scary kid and you've got that big hulking guy.
MURDOCH: Which one is the big hulking guy?
GUTFELD: I don't know anymore.
MURDOCH: We'll give it to Donald, he's taller. Mr. President is taller. You know what? Let's forget all of that. Let's say they meet and Donald Trump denuclearizes North Korea. So, he gets a Nobel Peace prize, right?
GUTFELD: Right, yes, I think so. But they probably won't. No, they're going to go give it to Obama.
MURDOCH: But, can you just imagine CNN having to report that? I guarantee you, they will be doing opiates live on CNN.
GUTFELD: They will need "Laugh It Off".
MURDOCH: Yes, it's definitely -- I mean, I think -- if you're going to talk to him, and I think this is probably what will happen, the alternative is worse for North Korea because those sanctions are really hurting them. They're hurting him. His federal reserves are almost out. That's his money.
GUTFELD: Yes, he's losing his money and also, they're targeting companies and he's looking for a way out and this might be a way out. But again, you can't trust a guy like that. You've got to, you know.
MURDOCH: But you.
MURDOCH: The world we live in now, people get political advice from a wrestler, a real estate mogul is our president and our voice of reason and virtue is a porn star. So, I mean, why not?
GUTFELD: All right, that's a positive note to end this.
MURDOCH: It's great. We've made it.
GUTFELD: We have. We have made it. Coming up, the golden state makes the DOJ irate. That's next.
GUTFELD: Do we need sanctuary cities from sanctuary cities? The Justice Department is suing the State of California over its so-called sanctuary laws. The DOJ says, those laws obstruct federal immigration laws. Jeff Sessions called out the Mayor of Oakland who warned illegals last month that the Feds were coming.
JEFF SESSIONS, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES: How dare you needlessly endanger the lives our law enforcement officers to promote a radical open borders agenda.
GUTFELD: So, the mayor of Oakland gave it back to him. I bet she said, "How dare you."
LIBBY SCHAAF, MAYOR OF OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA: How dare you distort the reality about declining violent crime in a diverse sanctuary city like Oakland, California to advance your racist agenda.
GUTFELD: But wait, even Linda Rondstadt's ex-boyfriend, Jerry Brown piled on.
JERRY BROWN, CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR: This is unprecedented for the chief law enforcement of the United States to come out to California and act more like Fox News than a law enforcement officer.
GUTFELD: Fox News, you wish. You wish, whoever you are. But what's being lost in all of this? The Justice Department isn't doing anything other than enforcing the laws that are already on the books. If you are going to ignore a law because you think it's unjust, then anyone can.
And that next law could can against your beliefs, so careful what you're daring people to do. Personally, I like my own sanctuary city where I can do anything I want whenever I want like dress up like a tiger and work out in the park.
I was banned from that park. I don't blame them, but it was worth it.
Lauren, the sanctuary city, if you could have one, is there any kind you would like for yourself?
SIVAN: Well, I'll be honest, at first when I heard California was going create sanctuary cities, I was excited. I thought maybe was like a discount spa where I could get massages, but now, I realized that it's not what they are doing.
SIVAN: And even though I am not a huge fan of Jeff Sessions, I was right there behind him saying, "You are obstructing the law. You are giving me the vapors, California.
GUTFELD: How dare you? How dare you?
SIVAN: How dare you? How dare you, sugar?
GUTFELD: How dare you, good sir. How dare you, I would have a duel if I could operate a gun.
SIVAN: I will take you on anytime.
GUTFELD: Then it's a date. We'll meet on the veranda.
GUTFELD: We'll meet duel lips. I don't know where this is going, doctor?
PINSKY: I was thinking more about foghorn and leghorn.
GUTFELD: You're the California man.
PINSKY: It's a big deal. It's all we talk about in our radio show. It's a big, big, big deal. This is insurrection. This is a disregard for the federal law, and that is unconstitutional. We fought a Civil War over this very issue we're talking about, nullification. The Civil War started because President Lincoln attempted to provision Fort Sumter, which was his duty as a federal senior officer. He provisioned Fort Sumter.
South Carolina fired on them. That was the Civil War.
Now here we have California going, we are going to disregard these federal laws no matter what. They can't no matter what. They will lose this suit.
GUTFELD: I didn't even know that about the Civil War. I should have paid attention.
PINSKY: You know, to be fair, it all started with a nullification crisis in Andrew Jackson's administration. Forget it.
GUTFELD: You are a doctor. Come on.
PINSKY: I know, I shouldn't be talking about this.
GUTFELD: All right, I know, Tyrus, Tyrus, Tyrus. Thought?
MURDOCH: Well, the Civil War was really important for me, so I'm really glad it worked out because I am working I am not chained to this chair right now, so that's really cool.
I grew up in California and it's always something, but this -- I just wish the sanctuary cities were somewhere else. And the great wall, the current one, whenever he is, he always says the same thing. It used to be like Montana, New Mexico, Alaska -- those would be great sanctuary cities because you actually get out here and you've got to work and it's cold. The environment is spread out. There's nobody there.
GUTFELD: Yes, they all pick this.
MURDOCH: Because I have a theory, the reason why these -- and here's the thing, any time, if you noticed liberals only want to help you when they lead stuff, and everyone is just like -- and all these big cities, the ones that are sanctuary cities, it's also the cities where most of the maids and the gardeners and the stuff like that work because they don't want to pay them. They don't have to pay them the same rates that they pay American citizens.
So, it's just convenient to me that they are so worried about these sanctuary cities and they're protecting the rights of these immigrants, but they are actually protecting their own.
GUTFELD: To immigrants.
PINSKY: All they are doing is protecting the rights of convicted felons, convicted felons cannot be deported. We've been saying, (inaudible) what we should do with the illegal immigrants.
GUTFELD: I hope they do that when I am convicted. It's funny -- it's discriminating against the American felon. Like the American felon should be first in line.
PINSKY: That's exactly what.
GUTFELD: It's always -- so the illegal felons get to cut in line? I can't (inaudible).
PINSKY: All the way to the front of the line.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, thoughts.
TIMPF: Yes, that's my question. Obviously, it's a little bit of a complicated legal issue because you also can't force the state and local police to do the federal government's job, but the fact that someone can be a violent criminal and be here illegally, I mean, you don't get to stay. That absolutely would be ridiculous. I can't believe that anybody has a different view than that. It just doesn't make any sense.
GUTFELD: You know, I realized my ideal sanctuary city is one where no one can be taller than me. So, when you come in, it's going to be just like an amusement park, it will and cutout of me and it will say, "You have to be short than Greg."
TIMPF: I'm the only one.
GUTFELD: You're the only one.
MURDOCH: I will protest this with all that I am.
GUTFELD: You know, Scott Adams has a good point that Democrats come up with half a plan. They come up with a half a plan for everything. It's like, they go, "Oh, we should be compassionate about people to stay here," but when you try to create a process or a structure, they go, "We didn't get that far." They always start with the half a plan which is why it always end in disaster.
PINSKY: Or that's unfair. How dare you. How dare you, yes.
GUTFELD: Got to go. Don't go anywhere. Still to come. Free speech comes under fire once again on our college campuses. We report, you throw up.
MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from America's News Headquarters, I am Marianne Rafferty. We're learning more about the three women killed during that day-long hostage situation in Northern California. The victims were Pathway Home Executive Director, Christine Loeber; Clinical Director, Jennifer Golick, and Jennifer Gonzales, a Clinical Psychologist.
Gonzalez was seven months pregnant. She was married a year ago and was planning to celebrate her anniversary this weekend.
The suspected gunman, Albert Wong was found dead along with the three hostages. It's unclear whether the former soldier targeted his victims or how he died. Friends say Wong had a hard time adjusting to life after returning from Afghanistan in 2013. There are reports that he was asked to leave the Pathway program which helps veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. A woman who had been as legal guardian says he was calm and soft-spoken.
I am the Marianne Rafferty, now back to the "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: It was no bite and all bark at Lewis & Clark. Students at Lewis & Clark College they shouted down conservative philosopher, Christina Hoff Sommers at a speech she gave at the university law school.
I called the student activists but they didn't seem that organized.
GROUP: What side are you on, friend? What side are you on? No (inaudible).
We will fight for justice, (inaudible). What side are you on, friend? What side are you on?
GUTFELD: They didn't put any effort into that. It's not even catchy. If you're going to shout down a major thinker like Christina Hoff Sommers, be assertive. Believe in your message. Like these guys.
See, they are organized. Meanwhile at Middlebury College, a year ago, students there violently protested against Conservative Speaker, Charles Murray, you remember this, the professor who invited Murray ended up with a concussion.
So, a year later, the school paper wrote about it. They editor felt they had to explain why Murray's picture was on the front page of the paper. Why? Because they felt that Murray's image would be traumatizing for the students. A picture of him. What a bunch of ass hats. For more on this, we go to one of the student's parents.
You should be lucky to have him as a parent. Kat, you've been writing about this stuff for like 30 years. It's amazing.
TIMPF: Before I was born. I'm not 30 yet.
GUTSFELD: All right, this debate still exists in America. Is it over?
TIMPF: It's over. I mean, the only time it's traumatizing to see a photo is if it's your of your ex-boyfriend and he is smiling. So, unless these students dated Charles Murray, which maybe they did, maybe a couple of them dated and things were going great and the next thing you know, all of a sudden, he left them then I completely understand.
GUTFELD: He's dumped them over for low IQ.
TIMPF: I completely understand why they would be reacting this way. Otherwise, they have no excuse.
TIMPF: Speeches are not violence. Photos of people just sitting there are not violence and these kids really need to grow up and get over it.
GUTFELD: Tyrus? Are these students going to get jobs in the real world if pictures -- like a photo scare them?
MURDOCH: Okay, let's ease back a minute. First of all, can you imagine the protesting planner -- the guy who put it together, while they were doing that. You know, he was sitting in the van going, "Oh, my god." I told them a million times to shout us, not we. Like, the choreographer apologized to everyone, "We're going to come back out and we're going to try this again." Like, it was really literally -- protest. There was even no effort in it.
And it's not the students. It is the administrator or whoever was in charge of that, the person. "Oh, this is going to hurt the children." Really? That's going to hurt the children. An old man, side-profiled, and if you look at all of their Facebooks and Instagram, they've got a ton of selfies on there that will scare the hell out of you.
Some old guy who didn't even know he was taken a picture, who looked like he was holding onto his last breath. I mean, it's not -- they don't even go to the kids and like, "I'm going to show, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to show you some pictures. If any is offended, please let me know."
But he didn't do that. He just -- they want to deal with it. They want to make it a big issue and then, someone was like, "Oh, it makes us upset," and they don't even think about it. "Yes, am I upset? I think am upset. Yes, we're upset."
GUTFELD: They're indulging these kids, Lauren. What's wrong with this generation?
SIVAN: They have a lot of feelings.
GUTFELD: They do.
SIVAN: They have a lot of feelings and they equate violence with words that they don't like to hear. And so, when they heard this racist author they are calling who is speaking at their school, they' were so against his violent words that they attacked him and the other professor he was speaking with and gave her a concussion to prove how anti-violent they are, Greg.
GUTFELD: That is so true.
SIVAN: They are against violence.
SIVAN: These guys need -- first of all, I was in college. Were any of you like even involved in a protest about a speaker or some other department that I wasn't studying? Like have (inaudible) way. I mean, why are these kids go from protest to protest.
GUTFELD: Or if you're going to be engaged, like, don't be (inaudible). You know, doctor, this is kind of your wheelhouse. Because you deal with a lot of young people with problems. And I mean.
PINSKY: I mean.
GUTFELD: You are working with one.
PINSKY: Those back, but I am finding myself disgusted by a lot of things in the world today. This is one of them. We take liberty and freedom for granted. Free speech is the foundation of what we are doing here.
I'm a scientist and I learn in science all the time, lots of things are rational and don't make sense. That's what being a scientist is. It's learning to accept things as they are, but you do that through discourse and dialogue and shared ideas. If you break that down, that is where fascist. That is where fascism hit the rubber hits the road with fascism.
Again, frankly, this is one of the things that has me greatly concerned. I'm disgusted, but to answer your question at the core, it is the narcissistic term we've had. We're all such -- we've become narcissists that we are hurt to our core, we feel so tiny and little inside. Get over it. Get some grit. Let's get going here. Let's solve problems.
I want everybody to join me in the radical middle where we resolve things pragmatically and we share ideas and value the First Amendment and let's get on with business. Come on now.
GUTFELD: You know what you're talking about too is that if you eliminate that step between anger and violence, which is dialogue.
PINKSY: It's all right.
GUTSELF: It's that's all that's left is violence. And it is almost as if these folks want that. They actually want the violence. And they would probably lose.
PINSKY: It's a weird projection of their own internal violence if they are afraid. It's their own violence, their own anger. And you know, Lauren pointed that out, that at the end, what do they do? They violently attack somebody who was just trying to talk.
GUTFELD: All right, I'm so angry I could hit somebody over violence. Still to come, does the universe exists where we all can live forever? The most incredible scientific discovery since the punk arts. Next.
GUTFELD: Is there a portal to make you immortal? A Berkeley mathematician claim to have found a special type of black hole that you could pass through without being ripped into little pieces. But there is a catch, your paths would evaporate and you'd be trapped in a parallel universe with an infinite number of futures.
Basically, you could live forever because the universe on the other side wouldn't be governed by time and space. It's kind of like a date with Bill Hemmer. So, what does this mean? We sent our new correspondent, Mike Van Michaels to the space look for one of these black holes. Mike, find anything yet?
MIKE VAN MICHAEL, CORRESPONDENT, FOX: Yes, Greg. I am entering the black hole right now and it is very hot, Greg. It's so hot. Please help me. Oh, God, Greg.
GUTFELD: Well, I guess we lost Mike there. Sorry about that, everybody.
MICHAELS: Hey Greg, I am right here on the desk. Yes, the black hole must have teleported me back to the studio. This is amazing.
GUTFELD: That's you? You're on my desk. That's amazing.
MICHAELS: Yes, this is incredible. I can't wait to get home and tell my wife and kids all about this.
GUTFELD: You haven't looked in the mirror yet, have you? I hate to break it to you, but it is over for you. There is a lesson in there somewhere, not sure where. I feel so bad about doing that to poor Mike.
MURDOCH: He still alive.
GUTFELD: He's still alive but he's in the trashcan.
MURDOCH: You just put him in the trashcan.
GUTFELD: Oh, my goodness. This is very strange, Laurie. You were telling me, this was the most exciting topic to talk about. Would you -- you get to erase your past.
SIVAN: Why is everybody obsessed with immortality? I am exhausted. This life is beating me down. I don't want immortality.
SIVAN: I can barely handle what I have on my plate. I'm not even halfway through. I'm going to need a gull. Who can live forever?
GUTFELD: You know why, because you've lived a full life.
SIVAN: Oh really now.
GUTFELD: I mean you were the yoga news correspondent. So, Tyrus excited about a black hole?
MURDOCH: So let me get this straight.
MURDOCH: So I go through this black hole and nothing from my past comes with me?
MURDOCH: Computer history is gone? Child support, alimony, and annoying ex-girlfriend text messages, all that stuff is gone? Like I'm not going to get in the other side, there's going to be a Facetime message like, "Why didn't you answer your phone for the last six, okay.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's over.
MURDOCH: Yes man.
GUTFELD: Dr. Drew?
PINSKY: No way, I'm a biologist.
PINSKY: No way. I love biology. I love the system we're in. I embrace it. Don't screw it everybody, don't do it. No black hole should.
SIVAN: Come on.
PINSKY: Yes, I know. No, it's for you, it's for you.
SIVAN: He's no fun.
GUTFELD: It's for you Pat, it's for you. You would love to erase your past and live forever. Because you talk about death all the time.
TIMPF: I do. It's just the same if I didn't get a chance to actually do it. I would love to erase my past, it's what I keep telling my therapist what I want to do and he keeps telling me, "Kat that's not possible." Well you are wrong Dr. Elliot, it is possible. I'm going to fire him and hire one of these math doctors to talk to about my problems, because they are the ones with all the real solutions. No offense, Drew.
PINSKY: No offense taken.
GUTFELD: You know I -- there's a really dark part of this, okay. If you are living an infinite number of lives, there's a super downside to this. Because you could think, "Oh, well there's an infinite number of lives." You could be George Clooney, you could be George Washington because it's incident you'll be living all these lives but you will also be Jeffrey Dahmer, you'll also be Adolf Hitler, that kind of sucks because right now that would be happening.
PINSKY: Maybe in some respect that's already is.
GUTFELD: Well that's right. I think there are parallel universes right now. Plus, here's another theory as I stretch the segment out, since nobody has.
MURDOCH: Oh, I'm just waiting for you to finish this because I just got upset at you.
GUTFELD: This makes accidents more valuable and terrifying because, if you can live forever, the only thing that's going to kill you is an accident, so you'll never go outside. Because if you go out -- it would really suck if you could live forever but you died at age 20, because, you know, it's safe -- on you.
MURDOCH: Not to mention that Greg, but you're just assuming everyone's going to have great lives on the other side. What if you're Joe Schmoe the guy who's like middle management and can't get out of it for eternity? You know, living is better than dying and second, are we sure this isn't just a guy who can't get a date and he got kicked off Instagram for an inappropriate picture so he made up, there's this thing -- of the universe, you can go and just leave this past behind because nobody will swipe left on his tender, you know what I'm saying? Are we sure this isn't just some mathematician who's just really lonely and has made some mistakes?
TIMPF: I will find my new doctor.
SIVAN: I would like to propose medical marijuana next time we bring up this topic.
GUTFELD: It is. Although I'm fascinated by that.
PINSKY: That and I feel like, we should be talking about Stormy Daniels instead of black holes. I'm just saying we like her but, that's' how bad we want to avoid Stormy Daniels. We're going to talk about black holes.
GUTFELD: We talked about.
PINSKY: I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
MURDOCK: Let's just talk about 12 years ago, you want to talk about things I did 12 years ago? There were mistakes -- get the tissues, let's do this
GUTFELD: It is true, it's before he was president.
MURDOCH: It doesn't even matter she accepted the money and now she wants to talk. You made a deal. She's the bad guy -- she -- we need a done deal, am I the only one who's seeing it? You signed a contract, you got some money and now you want to talk about it? No, we made a deal. Why are we not booing her?
TIMPF: Oh no one cares whether the President was with a porn star.
MURDOCH: We don't care, it was 12 years ago.
TIMPF: Get you every time.
GUTFELD: Yes, anyway -- that was interesting. We went from black holes to porn stars. Coming up, he is suspected of being a Russian spy but has no idea why. Carter Page is here. I have asked him the question on everyone's mind, "Why am I so handsome?"
GUTFELD: The FBI thought he was a spy, but was it all a lie? According to the Nunes memo, my favorite memo, my next guest has been the subject of intense surveillance by the bureau because they suspected him of working with the Russians. There's been plenty of questions surrounding the FISA warrant against him and how it was obtained. But I have more important stuff to ask him. Here with me now is former Trump Campaign Advisor, Carter Page. Hey, Carter. My first question, every time I see you interviewed, you are always smiling. Why are you always smiling?
CARTER PAGE, FORMER TRUMP CAMPAIGN ADVISOR: I have that spray tan.
PAGE: It works.
GUTFELD: Do get a lot of fiber? You seem kind of relaxed all the time?
PAGE: Absolutely, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes, because it doesn't seem -- like I always think, when I look at you, you don't seem like a spy to me, which means you could be an amazing spy, right? You're just so happy.
PAGE: Well, actually Laura Ingraham picked up on a bit of it because she figured out where I was. Our campaign committee met with then candidate Trump one time. I was very, very far away. She figured out where.
GUTFELD: Where were you?
PAGE: I can't say exactly, but I'll give you the hint that let's just say it's closer to North Korea than Washington where that meeting happened.
PAGE: And you can ask Laura about that.
GUTFELD: I will. We are having lunch tomorrow.
PAGE: Okay, yes.
GUTFELD: Not really. Anyway, are you a spy?
PAGE: Well, actually, so I'm the North Korea (inaudible).
GUTFELD: That is not a no. Are you a spy?
PAGE: Well, the North Koreans, they offered a much better deal. It was only $11 billion from the Russians. They had jacked up a little bit, so that's -- heading in that direction, actually.
GUTFELD: So, why are they after you?
PAGE: I think it's because, just.
GUTFELD: You're very James Bond.
PAGE: Well, I think you know, I knew some of the people in the Clinton orbit and they -- I think they figured out I'd be a pretty easy-going guy in terms of throwing out all these crazy stories with some of their collaborators in and outside of government, so.
GUTFELD: You know what is interesting about this whole Trump phenomenon is that there are people like you, it was like two years ago, you were an obscure guy, you know, eating Cheerios in a bathtub, watching reruns of "Friends" until 6:00 in the morning.
PAGE: How'd you know?
GUTFELD: Well, I have a camera. I have a camera in your -- I am actually the.
PAGE: That's the FISA way.
GUTFELD: I am actually the Russian spy. But then, there's this political earthquake and everything has changed. And so, some basically, you were an obscure person who is now not a household name, but you're like somebody that shows up everywhere and probably, you probably have your own Wikipedia page now, so I haven't changed, has your life changed a lot?
PAGE: Actually, that Wikipedia page showed up within hours of the fake news stories at the DNC and the Clinton campaign managed to plan, September 2016, so you're right, I was definitely a nobody before then, but.
GUTFELD: Now, you're a frightened somebody. Are you followed a lot -- like followed by mysterious people in overcoats? Perhaps Lou Dobbs? Lou Dobbs tends to follow people in overcoats. Very strange habit he has. But I mean, like you have to -- I am sure you have to move around a lot because.
PAGE: Well, I think because of the domestic terror threats that I was offering from a long time. But that's the beauty of all these memos that are coming out. I think people are starting to realize what a complete joke this whole process has been. So, that's a perfect place to be discussing here on this show.
GUTFELD: Yes, I am very glad that you showed up here. And, as I ask the hard-hitting questions that nobody else does, like are you a spy? Nobody asked you that. By the way, where is your lawyer? Like your lawyer allows you just to go everywhere? He's having a nervous breakdown.
PAGE: Actually, I have been studying the law. You know, I was never very interested in the law. I always followed it and was sort of.
GUTFELD: I don't know if that's a really good criteria for defending yourself.
PAGE: Well, you know, with the Civil Rights abuses I suffered, they really became a great interest of mine. And actually, per that last panel -- or the last segment you had about First Amendment on college campuses, I actually -- I had been doing a bit of big research project on FISA abuse and the First Amendment and I was originally planning to do -- speak at a conference at Yale Law School.
But you can imagine how that went over, so I ended up getting the axe.
PAGE: Actually, it's the night of the White House Correspondents Dinner, and I had a couple of invites, so maybe you know.
GUTFELD: Are you going to go? I might see you there. I don't know. Who
PAGE: A few people.
GUTFELD: Interesting. Russians?
GUTFELD: Why do you spend so much time in Russia anyway? Those nesting dolls? Everybody loves those nesting dolls.
GUTFELD: Are you selling like illegal nesting dolls? Is that what this is?
PAGE: That's actually the only theory that hasn't been tried as of yet. They may need to look into that.
GUTFELD: I think you've been trafficking illegal nesting dolls. I happen to collect nesting dolls. By the way, I have one more question. Inevitably, there is going to be a movie made about you. I had some ideas of who could play you in the movie. Samuel Jackson, I think would be good. I thought maybe Jennifer Lawrence because it's like why stick to gender, but of course I thought Paul Giamatti because he is everybody's character actor.
Is there anybody you'd like to play you?
PAGE: The only suggestion I had heard is Bruce Willis and I think it's just because of the haircut, which goes to your questions about the good looks.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, I know. You're a natural. I was thinking more of the guy that plays James Bond. What's his name? Craig -- Daniel Craig. I almost said Roger Craig. The running back, from the 49'ers from 20 years ago. My mind is blown. Carter Page, always a pleasure to see you for the first time.
I hope something bad does not happen to you. I hope that you safely get to your car and back to your hotel at 43rd Street and Fifth. I'm joking.
That was to throw the sense of. That's it, it's the best western downtown. All right, I don't hold grudges, but if you leave now, I will never forgive you.
GUTFELD: All right, we don't have much time. Dr. Drew, pay attention, tell us about your new radio show with Lauren Sivan.
PINSKY: Lauren Sivan, nine to three, Monday through Friday, you can check it out over on KGO and KBC 790 in Los Angeles. You can get it at my website, doctor.com, listen to the podcast or at KBC.com.
GUTFELD: You take callers?
GUTFELD: Excellent, because I have got some serious problems. All right.
PINSKY: I was noticing.
GUTFELD: Yes, all right, thank you, doctor, Lauren Sivan, Carter Page, thanks to our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
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