Politics meets entertainment at the Oscars

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 5, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Brian Kilmeade? And she was once chased by a cue ball, Dana Perino -- "The Five."

So, four hours of my life gone forever. I watched the Oscars. I did it for you. Granted, I did fall asleep for one hour. Oh, did I drool. But still that three hours of my life down the toilet. Now we can just focus on the political statements made, but we get that stuff. Instead, why do people like me who really, really love movies really hate the Oscars?

I grew up with the 1970s Saturday matinees where you arrived in the morning and you left when it's dark: "Planet of the Apes," "The Neptune Factor," "Willard" or disaster epics like "Earthquake," "Poseidon Adventure," "Towering Inferno." Movies were the escape for a kid in suburbia when there wasn't much else besides cement playgrounds littered with pull tab beer cans. Remember those? Those are great. Cut myself a lot.

But times have changed. Now we're being informed, not entertained. The Oscars now ignore the escape, bowing to pressures of groupthink as virtue signaling Trump's shared human experience. Movies were once about entertaining us, yet the Oscars recast art as a conduit for the new religion of identity:


JIMMY KIMMEL, OSCARS HOST: None other than first President Trump called "Get Out" the best first three quarters of a movies this year.

We don't make films like "Call Me By Your Name" for money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.

COMMON, MUSICIAN: You don't control our fate because God is great.

LUPITA NYONG'O, ACTRESS: And like everyone in this room and everyone watching at home, we are dreamers.

KUMAIL NANJIANI, ACTOR: To all the dreamers out there, we stand with you.


GUTFELD: Well, thank you. So why were the Oscars on TV to begin with? To see the stars. Now it's an off-site retreat for a troubled industry, something you might accidentally walk into at a hotel reception hall. So the stars don't realize how bad they look when they try to talk to America by crashing a nearby theater:


GAL GALDOT, ACTRESS: We've brought you some goodies.

KIMMEL: You're live on the Oscars right now.


KIMMEL: You see that audience? There's Meryl Streep.

KIMMEL: Who would like a hot dog? Does anyone want a hot dog? All right. Do not aim the hotdogs dogs at the vegetarians. Oh, there you go. Go ahead. Fire that thing into the crowd. This is a lot of fun.

GADOT: This is so much better than being at the Oscars.

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: Please welcome, Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph.

KIMMEL: Oh, your beard smells delicious.


GUTFELD: Oh, we brought you some goodies, you peasants. We're so much better than you are.

So as the Oscars tried to explain why movies matter, you end up hating everything about movies. And that's not fair to the movies. In short, if you hate the Oscars, it's because you love movies. That's something Hollywood might address, but they won't.

All right. Brian?


GUTFELD: I know you're a huge fan. You go to movies all the time.


GUTFELD: Instead of actually working.

KILMEADE: And if they're closed I go to Blockbuster. I love the way how Blockbuster used to say, here's your tape. Now there's the door.


KILMEADE: And they used to put it right at the end. It really bothered me.

GUTFELD: What's your take on the Oscars? It seems kind of tame this year. Before the Judy -- I like.

KILMEADE: I like when he walked across the street into the theater.

GUTFELD: You like that?

KILMEADE: I thought that was kind of cool because he's trying to bring the curtain down and relax these people who are extremely uptight around security guards who don't know what it's like to be normal.

GUTFELD: I have to say that's completely choreographed and it was, look how great we are. Now it's magnanimous. Is that a good word? Magnanimous. Almost. Like we were going over there and saying hello.


GUTFELD: I had three magnums before I came here. Kimberly, thoughts?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I'll do a better job. So here's what happened. They have this big, spectacular thing. And yes, they want to make it relatable and approachable. But that's like a very -- like signature Jimmy Kimmel move from his show where he goes into a place. So that was a little bit familiar to me with his personality, like he feels comfortable with it. So they were trying to make it more about the people and I think it's about the recent movements. The Me Too movement, we're going to connect with everybody, the commonality, the thread that puts us together. I don't know. It seems a little bit kind of gimmicky for me, but, you know, that's OK. I'm kind of used to it from Kimmel, so I thought that that was fine.

KILMEADE: He took it from Letterman.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, who originally -- so yes, he steals it from Letterman.

KILMEADE: Who stole it from Steve Allen.

GUILFOYLE: Is it really true from Steve? I didn't go that far back. Is anything else with the 23 and me or.

KILMEADE: I can't go back in time, but I remembered David Letterman used to go across the street.


KILMEADE: . broadcasting. You look up old Steve Allen things and Jack Parr things to make himself cool.

GUILFOYLE: But that was before my time, but thank you so much. It's so good to have a story.

KILMEADE: Thank you very much.

GUTFELD: Juan, I have a theory and I want you to agree with this.

KILMEADE: Is it down there?

GUTFELD: I have it right here. I don't think the Oscars were as political as they could have been because of the sexual-harassment scandals that temper the anti-Trump fervor. Like they could have gone after Trump a lot more, but they can't because it's the pot calling the kettle black. I don't mean to be racist.


GUTFELD: Just checking.

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: You have an anxiety over that issue. But I got to say, I agree with Brian. I thought it was kind of fun. It was a little bit like, you know -- I think it was Letterman who use to go next door to the deli.

KILMEADE: All the time.


KILMEADE: He made the whole neighborhood.

WILLIAMS: And I just think if you're watching a movie and all of a sudden there's a movie star. That's pretty.

GUTFELD: What's your overall -- that the sense of the -- I can tell nobody watched this.


WILLIAMS: You're right about that. I didn't watch it.


KILMEADE: Can I just chime in for a second. The main event was after 11:00.


KILMEADE: So you have the best picture at 11:20. I'm not allowed to stay up that late.


WILLIAMS: You really aren't allowed to stay up that late. But I might say they got it right. I thought the movies, if we can talk about that for a second.

GUTFELD: No, were not.


GUTFELD: No, go for it. I'm kidding. WILLIAMS: I thought shape of water. I saw.

GUTFELD: You like that perverted movie?

WILLIAMS: I love it. And you know what's interesting, I think Three Billboards.

GUTFELD: Relations with a sea monster.

WILLIAMS: You have no fantasies?



WILLIAMS: You never had a thought, a fantasy? You know, I mean.

GUTFELD: You got me, Juan. Yes, I do.


GUTFELD: I have sea monster posters all over my room.


WILLIAMS: I think you're now making, you know, personal devices that look like a sea monster.


WILLIAMS: But I think the idea that you had, not only a great movie, but I think it's going to stand the test of time. Often the Oscars don't pick the best movie.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

WILLIAMS: The second movie also, Three Billboards, again, that should have been honored, and Gary Oldman should have been honored for "Darkest Hour."

KILMEADE: I didn't like that.

GUILFOYLE: I loved it.

KILMEADE: Not good. I want to see the war. I don't want to see one guy for three hours walking around all the way drinking with a big cigar.

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. But Brian, he stood up to the people who didn't want to go fight, who wanted to appease Hitler. That was pretty strong.

KILMEADE: But finish the job. It was just a guy just sitting there not popular, drinking too much during the day.


WILLIAMS: Brian, you've got to write this book.


GUTFELD: I think your next history book should be on Winston Churchill, why he wasn't so great.

KILMEADE: No, Winston Churchill was great. The movie wasn't.


KILMEADE: I love the guy.


WILLIAMS: Let me finish your point.


WILLIAMS: That your point is right. That given what they had to deal with in terms of the #metoo movement, the fact that -- I'm trying to think. Kobe Bryant.


WILLIAMS: . who had been accused.

GUTFELD: Very controversial.

WILLIAMS: Very controversial. And then, the guy I have been pushing, Gary Oldman, it turns out that he had -- some say that he was hitting her in the head with a phone or something, and this all comes rushing back. So it's almost like -- guess what, they're living in a glass house.

GUTFELD: They are. Dana, you don't live in a glass house.


GUTFELD: No, you don't. But one day, perhaps. What about the fact that it was the lowest rated Oscars in the history of the world.

PERINO: There has been a bit of a trend of that. That's also true with other big awards shows and also big sporting events. Except like when you have a championship. But I think it's mostly because there's so many other choices.


PERINO: So last night, for example, I -- we decided to watch the Edward R. Israel Esquire movie, the one with Denzel Washington, instead of watching the Oscars. But during the movie, Peter kept telling me who was winning for best hair because he got it on his phone. And so, I think, there're so many ways you can get information out. The other thing is, one of the reasons that we hadn't seen all the movies until the last couple weeks is because we don't typically go to the theater anymore. You wait until you can watch it at home. And then, you know how much it cost us last night? It was something like $4.99 to rent that movie.


PERINO: We watched it and we're in the comfort of our own home. And so I just think that the technology is changing the way we can have access to it. It's like going to the old dollar theater.


PERINO: We have those.

GUTFELD: Those were dirty.

PERINO: No, they weren't dirty.

GUTFELD: No, I mean, the inside were dirty.

KILMEADE: I used to work at the movies. They were very dirty. That's why they keep the lights off. Plus, you want to see the movie. The other thing to keep in mind, I think 50 percent of the people did not watch because they thought it's almost giving into the other side. I'm telling you, when Jimmy Kimmel hosted this, when Hollywood does what they did, 50 percent of the country said if I tune in I'm giving up on President Trump or President Bush or Republicans, and I will not give those Democrats ratings.

GUTFELD: You know what I find interesting, the goody bag, Kimberly, had over $100,000 in trips and electronics and do that, and it proves that point. The more that you get in life, the more you get in life. Like, these people do not need free things.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. Billionaires don't pay for anything. But then, you know, everybody likes a little swag bag. And believe me, they're the first to grab them, OK.

GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah, they are. They'll trample over a poor family to get that trip.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, and people try to take two and then not go through the line and give it to their driver and go back through again. That was the other Meryl Streep.


GUILFOYLE: Put me in this one. It's bad.

GUTFELD: That was Glenn Close.

KILMEADE: You don't want to be too negative on the Oscars. I'll give you some positives.


KILMEADE: I liked the whole thing with the jet ski.

GUTFELD: Brilliant. The jet ski was brilliant. The idea you give the shortest speech, you win a jet ski and a trip to Lake Havasu.

KILMEADE: Some casting director got it for 31 seconds.

GUTFELD: That was hilarious.

PERINO: Who wants to go to Lake Havasu? Kidding. I know my sister goes to Lake Havasu.

GUTFELD: Wow. I guess we know where your bread is buttered.

PERINO: No, I know Lake Havasu.


WILLIAMS: By the way, you know what -- you guys haven't mentioned?


WILLIAMS: I thought -- and this picks up on what you were talking about, the entertainment factor that people want to be entertained.


WILLIAMS: Often times, the best movies are not blockbuster hits is what I'm trying to say, and none of these are. They're good movies. But the ones that are blockbuster hits, right now, the ones -- guess what, you have women like Wonder Woman, right, a woman, and then you have.

KILMEADE: Black Panther.

WILLIAMS: Black Panther, and even Get Out, a horror film with a black lead actor. I think there's something different given #metoo going on in Hollywood. So maybe they are changing, Greg.

GUTFELD: I thought -- my favorite moment in the Oscars was Eva Marie Saint. She's 93. She's more articulate in coaching than anybody out there. And I think what's missing, it's like -- I liked to watch -- when I was a kid I like to watch the Oscars to see Charlton Heston and Jimmy Stewart. They come out and they're not their characters. They're themselves. But in this case, when you see movie stars now, they are -- they conform to a certain character about saying the right things, the right moral posture. That didn't exist in the '70s. They were just out there getting drunk.

KILMEADE: But you know what, that's -- I can't follow you. That's all right.


GUTFELD: I know.

KILMEADE: I was going to follow you but I can't pretend to. I will say this, why can't the biggest box office smash hit be lauded? Why can't they get awards?

GUTFELD: You mean Trump, the movie?


GUTFELD: Trump is a bigger movie than all of them.

KILMEADE: Like Black Panther is not get any awards. It's eligible for next year, right? It's not going to get any awards.


PERINO: I bet it does.


GUTFELD: It will get best picture nod, no question.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I don't think so.

GUTFELD: You don't think so?

WILLIAMS: It could be. But I don't think.

GUTFELD: It's the right movie.

KILMEADE: X-men? How many awards did X-men win?

GUTFELD: I don't know.


KILMEADE: Because they're the most successful movies don't get awarded. As if they're saying, I know what you like but I know better.

GUTFELD: My favorite Oscars story. Do we have a picture of Emma Watson? A lovely actress. I think, I hope that this is actually a temporary tattoo. It probably is. But it says times up, a salute to the movement. But there's no apostrophe. I think she should sue.


GUTFELD: I wonder -- think it's a temporary tattoo.



PERINO: A misspelled temporary tattoo. How lame.


GUTFELD: A damning assessment by Dana Perino. She's an expert on temporary henna tattoos, by the way.

PERINO: You know if you're going to get a tattoo, make it temporary. I mean, really.

KILMEADE: What about the people disinvite? Casey Affleck can't go. James Franco can't go.

PERINO: Do you have time when you have to wrap on Fox & Friends?

GUILFOYLE: Not at all.


KILMEADE: Usually people are screaming at me.


GUTFELD: New calls for a second special counsel. That's next.


PERINO: The DOJ has come under some scrutiny for how it obtained a FISA court warrant on a former member of the Trump campaign. Support is now growing among Republicans in congress for a second special counsel:


UNINDENTIFIED MALE: I expect the inspector general to issue a fact-centric fair report. I don't think the inspector general, himself, can answer all of our questions. Some of these witnesses have already left the department, which means the inspector general does not have jurisdiction. And there are other agencies like the state department where Michael Horowitz at DOJ has no jurisdiction whatsoever. So I think we're trending perhaps towards another special counsel, because of this unique fact pattern and the fact that there are witnesses outside the reach of the inspector general.


PERINO: So Kimberly, this is a shift. For a long time, Republicans have been saying they believe that Michael Horowitz, the inspector general, could handle all of this. And there are mechanisms by which the inspector general, if he needed to, get a previous DOJ employee to talk to him. If they're not willing to, that he could use a U.S. attorney to go -- but I think what the Republicans are trying to do here is to try to stop the partisanship of this investigation and try to see if they should go to a second special counsel. The question for you is should they be careful what they wish for on that?

GUILFOYLE: Well, certainly, right? I mean, it's kind of a double edge sword. When you think about it, you know, you say OK. Well, basically it sounds like a good idea. And you are seeing more of a measure of support from Republicans to do that. You saw a lot of that across the airwaves today, former tea party guy, Jordan saying it as well. But perhaps it would be warranted or this is an important situation. But yes, it is a shift in Republican paradigm to even say let's go to a special counsel. When you think about the amount of work and the things they have to do to get through it and try to do something expeditiously in the interest of efficiency, as well in getting away from partisan politics. It sounds like a good idea but it could also lead to a whole other road and take forever and give more time to go through things. One of the criticisms of Mueller is -- OK, how about focusing on what you originally were looking at in the original charges, the original focus and scope of the investigation, then it tends to always broaden out. Tentacles.

PERINO: Right. And then, Juan, I guess another problem could be that it depends on who you get as a special counsel, because then, if it's not -- if that person is not to President Trump's liking or the Democrats' liking, then maybe there still won't be any trust at the end of this. But there's two things, as I understand it, this would be for, supposedly, possible FISA (INAUDIBLE). But I think that a lot of people in the Trump world think this would be for everything including Hillary Clinton's emails.

WILLIAMS: Well, exactly. And in fact, a lot of this really stems from one so-called Republican, Donald Trump, because he's the one that's been going after the inspector general, Michael Horowitz, and saying, hey, that's an Obama guy. Why aren't you, Mr. Magoo, speaking to his attorney general in the most disrespectful way possible? Why aren't you getting Justice Department lawyers to work on this case instead of the inspector general? And then he says go after Hillary Clinton, but that's not what this is about. It's supposed to be about questions regarding FISA and, again, his own Justice Department. His own FBI says this is not -- this is reckless, this is dangerous, don't do it.

PERINO: Well, Brian, one possible thing is the inspector general, the Justice Department is having to investigate the Justice Department. And having worked there, I know that can't be done, but the possibility of having a second special counsel would then perhaps give this a veneer of credibility that the investigation right now doesn't have because of what's happened to the politicization of the intel committee.

KILMEADE: Couple of things. The casual way of which Juan Williams said Mr. Magoo in the conversation, just go to show you.

PERINO: He didn't say it casually.


KILMEADE: I know. But just the way he says Mr. Magoo, of course, we know Jeff Sessions. I am as curious as anybody what Loretta Lynch did behind closed doors. I'm very curious what happened with James Comey. I am very curious what's going on with this FISA court. I do not -- as much as frustrated as everybody is, mostly Republicans are, but some Democrats, I don't want another special counsel. The country cannot go through this again. It makes everything fundamentally worse. It makes people go into their corners. We never get anything done. I echo what Condoleezza Rice said at the end of The View, when she looked over at Adam Schiff and she said I understand you have an important job but wrap it up. The country needs to get over this. If we go do this again and we start living 2015 and 2016, it will be bad for the country and it will not help the Republicans either.

PERINO: Well, I mean, it could help the Republicans, I guess. Or maybe it would just be good to get justice.

GUTFELD: I disagree with everything that Brian Kilmeade said.

WILLIAMS: What is going on.

GUTFELD: I believe that a second counsel -- special counsel is not enough. We need a third special counsel, and we need a fourth special counsel. It should never end. It should be special counsel roshambo, like I've said before. People are already in their corners. This is all team sports stuff. There's an ongoing mission going on right now. It's not to beat Trump, it's to stop Trump, because I think that the media and the Democrats have realized that they actually have to admit that President Trump is doing a much better job as president than they can admit or can actually fight. And it actually may end up -- has a lot more in common with the American public's perceptions than them. So what they have to do is stop him, not beat him. This is what they're doing.


PERINO: Second special counsel would be, supposedly, to help President Trump.

GUTFELD: Yeah. You know what, I've tuned out. Like a said, special counsel.

KILMEADE: He's not better as they thought. He just doesn't go down with a punch. They thought they'd hit him a couple of times and he would go down.


KILMEADE: Instead, it turns out he doesn't mind it.


KILMEADE: That's what they say the chaos, he doesn't mind the chaos.

GUTFELD: No, he doesn't.

PERINO: We're going to talk about that because ahead, turmoil in the White House. The president's former chief of staff says don't be distracted by the talk. Next.


GUILFOYLE: Chaos, turmoil, madness, no, not The Five. But all kinds of word are being thrown around to describe the Trump White House. Someone who once had a front seat to it all says ignore the talk. The president process may be different, but it's getting great results. Here's Reince Priebus.


UNINDENTIFIED MALE: You can't look at the distractions. I think what the staff has to do is focus in on the results. And so, I think what the president does and he writes about it even in his own books, is he puts rivals around him intellectually. You have people like Wilbur Ross, who was going to be on your show, and Gary Cohn, and he puts those two guys in front of him and says, OK, fight out tariffs in front of me and they fight it out. The media covers the fight, but ultimately the decision is made. Look at the economy. Look at ISIS. Look at the courts. The decisions and the things that President Trump has done have put him on a great course. That process, while different, has gotten to good results. And that's what I think people need to do.


GUILFOYLE: OK. It's very curious to see Reince Priebus out, kind of doing these talking points on the Sunday show. So he's trying to direct the attention away from chaos, away from General Kelly, or staff changes, Cohn, McMaster, is there turmoil there to say, OK. Well, the process and make it about the president, Dana.

PERINO: So Reince hasn't really done a lot of press from about.


PERINO: . August until recently. I assume that maybe he got the time off that he needed. And that the White House is looking for allies and support and ask him if he would consider going out there and talking about things from his perspective because he was there. He has credibility from that point. I would say from the chaos standpoint, it's never as bad as it looks from the outside because 98 percent of people who worked at the White House have very specific jobs that they have to do. The government is clearly running well and on time, so that's isn't a concern. Maybe it's 95 percent at this White House because there is no doubt that we talk about the personnel issues at this White House all the time, and a lot of that is self-imposed.

But the crowdsourcing of the policy debate, it is different. Like we are having a debate about tariffs this week out in the open and we're all participating. I have people on my show today participating and everyone is sending in input, so it's a different way to do policy time, and it just ends up being what it is.

I would say also though that when the President was able to work more cooperatively with Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell in the Congress and that started around August-September, that's when a lot of these things started really coming together for getting a lot of accomplishments done. Things turned the corner, so that now, when you have a week where it looks like there's chaos, at least they can point back and say, "Well, it might be chaos, but at least, you should like the results. Don't you like the economy?

And so, Ryan says something to go out and talk about.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, it is. It's curious to see him kind of back out again, but it's highlighting the point that maybe things weren't going so well when he was there? Is it going better when Kelly is here, it's kind of -- it seems like he is helping to try to push some of the press away from General Kelly -- chaos -- Cohn, McMaster -- all of that, which I think is very specific that this isn't happening by accident, but as to the moral piece too, it's you know, good advice for the internal staff not to get distracted. If morale is super low, you do run the risk of losing good people.

KILMEADE: You do and a couple of things, I am not sure I believe a lot of it. Some of it is flat-out contradictory. According to four sources inside the White House, John Kelly has been used as a confidant by the President to get rid of Jared and his daughter. Really? I am having the marine four-star general run interference to tell Ivanka, "I need you to go home and work on shoes and dresses."

GUILFOYLE: You really believe that?

KILMEADE: No, I don't, but that's part of the headlines and part of the narratives. Some of this stuff is contradictory and does not make sense.


KILMEADE: So, I don't buy that it is as chaotic as it is. Also, you have a guy in there who doesn't mind having unrest where you and I perhaps might have stomach churning moments, he is fine with it. Did you see him Friday at that -- when he was talking about tariffs? Didn't have a care in the world. You see and hear about him Saturday at the Gridiron, he had a great time, and the fund-raiser Friday night, the guy is not getting worked up.

PERINO: Well, meaning President Trump?


GUILFOYLE: Yes. Well, he seems to be able to thrive or survive well in chaos or stability. Right? I mean, that's kind of his nature. He is used to it. Juan, what do you think?

WILLIAMS: Well, I just don't understand. It seems to me total chaos. I mean, and I would just say look at the guns debate last week where one minute it looks like "Oh, he is taking on the NRA." Then the NRA comes back and says, "No, he agrees with us." No resolution. How about the trade debate? "Oh, one minute it says, yes, we are going to impose tariffs," And guess what? The stock market goes bananas, then he says, "You know, I am not so sure, but then yes, we are going to use it as a leverage point in terms of what's going on with Canada, our friend, and Mexico, our friend, in terms of the NAFTA debate."

It's like, wait a second, White Houses -- Dana could speak to this -- typically are hierarchical and stick to message, so the message is clear to the public for political advantage. Here there is no -- it is like, you are a Republican? Like what side are the Republicans at?

Today, Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the House, says, "I am not with Trump on trade." How is that helpful? What is the strategy? What is the strategy besides.


WILLIAMS: . attacking your own Attorney General as Mr. Magoo, Brian?

GUILFOYLE: Okay, well, who should be managing that, Greg?

GUTFELD: I am busy.

GUILFOYLE: Captain Chaos?

GUTFELD: Look, number one the -- we know why there is chaos. It's because we can see it, and I have said this before. This is the most transparent entity since Brian Stelter's hair. You can go see everything going inside of the White House, so that makes it look like there is more chaos.

What I find interesting is how the media views Donald Trump as this incredibly divisive character when he has the most amorphous politics you could ever imagine. He is all over the place on immigration, guns, and trade.

Guns, as you point out. Trade, as you point out, and even with immigration. He's going to let 1.7 million people in. It's because he's a populist and non-ideologue, which confuses people like us who play team sport politics, who believe that there is a right and left and set ideologies. He has more in common, and this may be bad, but it may be good, but he may have more in common with the average apolitical citizen who, when they hear an idea, they like that idea, but they also like that idea and both ideas might contradict each other.

But he listens to both of them. To him and to the average, apolitical citizen, politics is a buffet and you walk in to that buffet and you can like this or here and you can like this over here, you don't see them as two separate teams. You say like, " I want the guns out of the hands of the crazy people. I want my guns." So, Trump goes, "You are both right." Because that is populism. So, it is what's popular and it changes because.


WILLIAMS: But it strikes me as like almost an autocrat.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, that (inaudible) -- like this, an autocrat. Ahead, President Trump breaking bread with the press this weekend and he actually had a great time, like Brian said, Gridiron dinner highlights when "The Five" returns.

WILLIAMS: President Trump put his feud with the media on ice this weekend and guess what? He said he's never had so much fun. Can you believe it? Mr. Trump was actually self-deprecating.


WILLIAMS: There we go -- at the annual Gridiron dinner in a roomful of journalists. Too bad it wasn't televised. But we've got you some quotes. He joked about the turnover at the White House, the impeachment calls, and more. He began with a clever apology for being a little late because his son-in-law, Jared -- and here I am just about quoting, "Could not get through security."

Jared was there along with the first daughter, Ivanka. He also poked fun at his embattled Attorney General, Jeff Sessions saying, "Here with us tonight, I offered him a ride over, and he recused himself." The President even surprisingly had nice words for the press, and this is an accurate quote, folks, "I do have a lot of respect for a lot of people in this room. I want to think that press for all you do to support and sustain our democracy. I mean that."

So, Dana, he hasn't accepted the White House correspondents' dinner.

PERINO: That's okay.

WILLIAMS: . this is the first time that he's done business with the press on a social level.

PERINO: I heard his going.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I haven't heard of it.

PERINO: I have no idea. I haven't been since 2008 and I don't plan to go again to the White House correspondents' dinner, but I love the Gridiron dinner. I think it's the best one, and one of the reasons it's the best is because it's not on camera. It is not televised. It has been going on for 160 years or something like that. It's at the Long Hill Club. It's one of the best nights in DC. I love the satire of it and I think that we all benefit from a night where the press and the President can hobnob behind the scenes, say whatever they want. Their motto is "The Gridiron singes, but it never burns." And I am a big fan of that night, but I don't care if he goes to the correspondents' dinner. Sorry, guys, I just don't, but I'm sorry.

WILLIAMS: Kimberly?

GUILFOYLE: I like it. I like the Gridiron. I thought that was a good show. The president is in good humor. I think it was a nice juxtaposition to a lot of the press out there, the chaos and this matter of what's going on, you know, here domestically, also you know, internationally.

So, to see him in kind of good humor, making that kind of like inroads with the media, I thought that was good. You know, it just shows his flexibility and his versatility. And then, he's very good at these events, and I don't know, I am hearing he is going to do the White House correspondents' dinner. I mean, I'd like to go.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I am sure that you'll be invited.

GUILFOYLE: Brian likes to go.

WILLIAMS: Brian like to go?

KILMEADE: It's going to be great.


GUILFOYLE: He used to bailout on it.

KILMEADE: And the correspondents' dinner is great because it's televised. It will give an opportunity for the whole country to see him with a sense of humor.


KILMEADE: He seems -- he should be the most natural in these situations because remember, he gave up an hour to Comedy Central to roast him for charity. And they are so brutal you have to really hunt to get the humor, believe me, it wasn't just hair jokes.

But here's the thing with Donald Trump. He actually proves that he would have the easiest time doing it because none of these fights are personal. That's why he could be friends with Rand Paul and Little Marco and Lindsey Graham, because it's not personal. When he goes at the press -- with the press, he's upset at what they are doing, but he understands it is sparring.

So, won his last line is, "I respect what you do," it's ironic because that's actually the first nice thing he has said about them, which figures into a comedy monologue. I am fascinated by where this whole relationship is heading because they know it's great for them for Donald Trump to be in the Oval Office. Because they have got nine story lines a week -- a day.

WILLIAMS: So, Greg, it the swamp, isn't it, when you are with 65 high- profile prominent journalists in a close setting in tuxedos. I thought, he was the non-swamp guy.

GUTFELD: Well, you know, you've got to show up at some of these things, right? I mean, that's what people do. The comment that we are not talking about that got him into so much trouble among the chicken littles over at CNN and MSNBC was when said he liked how the Chinese President was cementing his power, correct?


GUTFELD: That was a big story. So, I always figured, you can can gauge how far somebody is involved on assessing Trump's words, if you are still experiencing rage over these sentences, you're basically like in first grade. Like the rest of America is now in eighth grade or a freshman in high school, when he says something like that, we get it.


GUTFELD: We know it's -- but if you are still like, "Oh, my god. He wants to be a dictator." If he wanted to be a dictator, he wouldn't have said that. He would've just like waited and bided his time, like I plan on doing.

WILLIAMS: But he did say, he did say that Oprah is waiting to hear from the Almighty.

GUILFOYLE: That was hilarious.

WILLIAMS: And then he said, "Go ahead."


WILLIAMS: I thought that was good.


WILLIAMS: I did like that. I thought it was very funny. Is your smartphone hurting your relationship with your own family? Do you need to go on a device diet? There is a new word to describe that by the way. Help is on the way to break our addiction, next with Brian.

KILMEADE: All right, a week without a smartphone. Could you actually do it? It sounds unfathomable to a rabid consumer of information like for example, me. Not to mention, I am a dad who texts with my kids constantly to keep tabs on them and let them know I am there for you because I am an oracle of wisdom.

But one mom just did it. She gave up her device for six days and wrote a column on what happened and how to do it on foxnews.com, so check it out. Her name is Kathy Barnett. She swore off all social media, kept her phone out of the bedroom, no late-night checks of e-mails or latest political alerts. Miraculously, she did indeed survive, Greg. So, what does that tell you? That maybe you should start talking to people and stop spending your whole life on your phone?

GUTFELD: No, I don't need to write a story like that.

GUILFOYLE: He's watching (inaudible).


GUTFELD: But basically, what a phone is, is your brain's external drive. You know, when your computer can't take it, it's your brain's external drive. It's where you keep your universe of facts. It's not about -- I am amazed how more people aren't addicted to this. Because in your hand is every fact from the known universe. This has never happened before, and I mean, you have maps and legends and medical advice. You can do whatever you want with your phone.

So, it's more about how often you look at it. That's the problem. But the fact is, you know, we keep hearing about one day, oh, you're going to be able to download technology into the wet meat of your brain. It's not going to happen. You've got it here, this is your external drive.

KILMEADE: It's just that I have never heard the term "wet meat."


GUTFELD: That's your brain.

KILMEADE: One in three Americans can't eat a meal without being on their phone, Dana.

PERINO: That's not good, although I probably do that when I am just sitting -- if we eat, sitting in front of the television, yes, I will check my phone as well. I do think I would be paralyzed without it for a few things. Like, your calendar, how to get around, like directions to things or if you are having an argument about who was in the movie in 1979, what was that person's name? And then you can't like figure it out.

I do like it how she took six days off and on the seventh day, she wrote a column.

KILMEADE: Absolutely. She was smart about it. Juan, you say you have -- there's some parts of this fascinated you with this study. What are those?

WILLIAMS: Well, I didn't know this word, "nomophobia." I guess, that means, no more mobile. I am not sure, "nomophobia." And the other one that caught my attention was, "zombie checks," which is like people, they just pick up the phone, they've got nothing to do and then it's a time sucker. Thirty minutes later, they say, "Oh my god, where did the time go?"

So, these things are very real. Here is one more thing that caught my attention. It said that everyday people on their cell phones while they are driving, kill nine people and the injure a thousand, but here is the part that aggravates my wife the most, people walking into the intersection.

PERINO: Oh, I remember that, yes.

WILLIAMS: . would be looking down at their cell phone, not at the cars, and of course if you touch them, then they go bananas.

PERINO: She doesn't like that at all.

KILMEADE: Yes, when you run over them, people get very angry.

PERINO: That's not a woman thing.

KILMEADE: Kimberly?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, that is not going to work out for me.

KILMEADE: Not giving up?


GUILFOYLE: I don't know, but if I had to.


KILMEADE: You can't even put it down.

GUILFOYLE: But hello, you are on an iPad. This is dinging. You have two phones.


GUILFOYLE: . is walking, a Facebook live.


GUILFOYLE: . you punch me, I punch you back.


WILLIAMS: It's happening to our country.


KILMEADE: No, but here is.

PERINO: I think it's a very good point. There are even studies that show the children who are on, they are so often, that they are actually lacking in gross motor skills. They need to get occupational therapy to be able to properly write, use utensils because they're on these, so yes, it can be a little bit like a mind stuck in a time suck because you're like on it all the time. But it's also, I find it to be such a wealth of information.

KILMEADE: Can I have a Gutfeld moment, here.

GUTFELD: What does that mean?>


KILMEADE: . here's the big picture. I am with all of you people, but I would rather be with somebody else. The minute I pick up this phone, I am saying, I have found somebody better and that should be personally insulting.

GUILFOYLE: I don't think that's true.

KILMEADE: And that should be personally insulting.

GUTFELD: It should be.

KILMEADE: To everybody.

GUILFOYLE: My husband feels that way.


GUILFOYLE: He gave me a really hard time last week after I tried to.

PERINO: The sigh bunny about Kimberly agreeing with him about a circuit (inaudible).


GUILFOYLE: . but he apologized.

PERINO: . of certain trains you have.

KILMEADE: Yes, say it to camera two.

GUILFOYLE: How about four, I put it on mute.

KILMEADE: "One More Thing" is next.

GUTFELD: Time for "One More Thing," oh, look over there. That's interesting. I decided to have a sex change in the break. All right, Juan.


WILLIAMS: I'm still here, Greg. Anyway, it is basketball championship season. March madness is just a few weeks away, but Julian McGarvey, of Ardsley High School in Upstate New York, my goodness, he's already in basketball heaven.

This week, the high schooler called a moment that happened to him, "The greatest moment of my life." Take a look at what he is talking about.


WILLIAMS: . buzzer beater by McGarvey to win the game for Ardsley 52 to 51. It gave them the New York State Section One title.

By the way, the young man may have a future as a quarterback. He is scheduled to play football for Maris this fall.

PERINO: Geeze.

GUTFELD: All right. Now, camera to Dana.

PERINO: What a winner.

GUILFOYLE: I found out one more thing for Juan.

WILLIAMS: Yes, you did, thank you.

PERINO: I like to give one more thing as assignment.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, you do.

PERINO: All right, (inaudible) part of my weekend in Sea Island, Georgia, participating in a fun adventure, Mercy Ships, one of the great organizations that I support. They have a new ship at their building, so that is my fan, Ann Lander, she works here at Fox News too and she helped me with a little wardrobe emergency.

Dr. Mark Shrine from Harvard was there and I brought him upstage, so in January, Mercy Ships performed number 30,000 surgery and they saw their 5,000th dental patient and then I met this guy, George Williamson. He's a singer songwriter. He works at Point Loma University in San Diego, and his song, "Be Still" was amazing. It's just released. It's George Williamson, "Be Still," check it out and you will enjoy it.

GUTFELD: Excellent, well, I will just do a single plug. I have a story, foxnews.com/opinion. It is called, "Rehab for Trump Haters in Three Easy Steps." It's number one right now on the opinion page. I dare you to look at it and not weep.

KILMEADE: That was your best Nigel Farage?

GUTFELD: Yes, I have never heard of that guy.





GUILFOYLE: Okay, maybe. All right, so let's talk about Rita Moreno. Did you see this, Dana?

PERINO: She's my commencement speaker.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. She's fabulous. So, she was stunning. Absolutely. Take a look at her 1962 Oscar gown. She wore it here in 2018. Could you imagine that? Legendary actress and dancer and some styles truly are timeless, and that's what I love about it. It's a beautiful dress, and so I think it is pretty cool. I like to go back and wear some of my old school uniforms.

PERINO: She was my commencement speaker.

GUTFELD: We heard.

PERINO: She won.


GUILFOYLE: Not done yet, thanks so much. She won best supporting actress in West Side Story and she wore this dress, and now, she wore it again. So, it is like her lucky charm dress, I believe.

GUTFELD: I guess so. Brian, do you have a lucky charm dress?

KILMEADE: I do and it is going to be revealed next time. I'll (inaudible) the subject for you or for Jesse on "The Five."

GUTFELD: I'll hold it for you at special events. All right, first up on March 8th, that'll be this Thursday at 4:30 in Ohio. I'll have a chance to meet people, it's like seven tickets left at 4:30. Go to briankilmeade.com and find out more and later at 7 o'clock, I have "Books and Company" also in Ohio to help my WHIO listeners. But sad news, I hate to end on a down note. But those high winds on this weekend brought down a 227-year-old tree. But not just any tree, a tree planted in 1971 by George Washington himself. It stood over his tomb for 227 years.

It turns out it just took 50 to 60 miles an hour winds to take down the Canadian hemlock and Virginia cedar. It stands no more. A plaque was on that tree. Washington knew about the tree, but he did not outlive it. It lived just 220 years for him.


GUILFOYLE: Are they going to make something out of it?

KILMEADE: I guess.

GUILFOYLE: Like a rocking chair?

KILMEADE: You know what, it's good. Lemons and lemonade. There you go.

WILLIAMS: I was trying to get home this weekend and the trains weren't running, the planes weren't flying. I got in a car and because of the high winds, the bridges were closed. You couldn't go up and down the East Coast.

GUTFELD: Great story, Juan. All right. Check your DDRs, never miss an episode of "The Five."

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