Four hours of my life gone forever. I watched the Oscars. I did it for you. Granted, I did fall asleep for one hour. Oh, did I drool. But still that three hours of my life down the toilet. Now we can just focus on the political statements made, but we get that stuff. Instead, why do people like me who really, really love movies really hate the Oscars?
I grew up with the 1970s Saturday matinees where you arrived in the morning and you left when it's dark: "Planet of the Apes," "The Neptune Factor," "Willard" or disaster epics like "Earthquake," "Poseidon Adventure," "Towering Inferno." Movies were the escape for a kid in suburbia when there wasn't much else besides cement playgrounds littered with pull tab beer cans. Remember those? Those are great. Cut myself a lot.
But times have changed. Now we're being informed, not entertained. The Oscars now ignore the escape, bowing to pressures of groupthink as virtue signaling Trump's shared human experience. Movies were once about entertaining us, yet the Oscars recast art as a conduit for the new religion of identity:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
JIMMY KIMMEL, OSCARS HOST: None other than first President Trump called "Get Out" the best first three quarters of a movies this year.
We don't make films like "Call Me By Your Name" for money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.
COMMON, MUSICIAN: You don't control our fate because God is great.
LUPITA NYONG'O, ACTRESS: And like everyone in this room and everyone watching at home, we are dreamers.
KUMAIL NANJIANI, ACTOR: To all the dreamers out there, we stand with you.
(END VIDEO CLIPS)
Well, thank you. So why were the Oscars on TV to begin with? To see the stars. Now it's an off-site retreat for a troubled industry, something you might accidentally walk into at a hotel reception hall. So the stars don't realize how bad they look when they try to talk to America by crashing a nearby theater:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GAL GALDOT, ACTRESS: We've brought you some goodies.
KIMMEL: You're live on the Oscars right now.
KIMMEL: You see that audience? There's Meryl Streep.
KIMMEL: Who would like a hot dog? Does anyone want a hot dog? All right. Do not aim the hotdogs dogs at the vegetarians. Oh, there you go. Go ahead. Fire that thing into the crowd. This is a lot of fun.
GADOT: This is so much better than being at the Oscars.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: Please welcome, Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph.
KIMMEL: Oh, your beard smells delicious.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
Oh, we brought you some goodies, you peasants. We're so much better than you are.
So as the Oscars tried to explain why movies matter, you end up hating everything about movies. And that's not fair to the movies. In short, if you hate the Oscars, it's because you love movies. That's something Hollywood might address, but they won't.