'The Five' break down the shutdown blame game

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 19, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City, and this is "The Five." All right. See the clock on the bottom right of your screen? That's how much time is left for the senate to strike a deal to avert a government shutdown, down to the wire in less than seven hours. The house passed a short-term extension yesterday, but senate Democrats are insisting the legislation includes protection for young, undocumented immigrants. This afternoon, President Trump invited minority leader, Schumer, to the White House to negotiate an agreement, no deal but a little progress.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: We had a long and detailed meeting to discuss all of the major outstanding issues. We made some progress. We still have good number of (INAUDIBLE). Discussions will continue.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: As usual in Washington, plenty of blame going around on both sides.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: I wish for all of our sakes that the Democratic leader would figure out what he actually wants.

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: The best that the Republican leader in the senate can offer us road is another band aid, another four weeks of temporary funding. A wasteful gesture, a wasteful exercise, and he knows it.

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: So, what they're simply trying to do is hold all of government hostage. Our troops, kid's health insurance for a completely unrelated issue, and I think is shameful.

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: Democrats has been consistently been ready and willing to sit down at the negotiating table and reach an agreement with our Republican colleagues. But we will not be blackmailed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: All right. So, the Republican, Jesse, I'll go to you first. Very discipline on their message. We pass a clean C.R. There's nothing in there that you don't agree with. Why not just go ahead and do that and we'll keep talking to you about the other stuff?

JESSE WATTERS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: I'm just bored by the whole thing. I think this country is run by imbeciles. We're $20 trillion in debts. We do this every single year. We spend more and more money on this government and it does less. The only thing that works in this government --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: And the military. I know. Sometimes you shut it down and then nothing happens. And you think, ah, do we really need it? But the Democrats think they have leverage here because the polls are obviously going to turn against the Republicans. But, it looks like to me they're putting dreamers over the military. The military is not going to get paid, firefighters are not going to get paid, postmen aren't going to get paid, but I don't think congress should be paid because this is ridiculous. The American people are going to wake up on Saturday if they shut this down and say, OK, so how does this affect me? Every year we get involved with this silly drama. These politicians pull us into their silly drama and everybody with the countdown clock, it's ridiculous. I'm sick of it.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: If this happened in a normal company and, you know, they had the quarterly deadline, it would never happen in the private sector. It only happens with these guys.

PERINO: Juan, right before I came down, I saw -- there are Republicans saying that every Democrat senator who is running for reelection in a red state, and they're many of them, that they should have ads run against him this weekend and says, you are choosing illegal immigrants over a 800,000 children who would be funded with children's health insurance programs.
Effective?

JUAN WILLIAMS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: No, there's just so much -- so easy to counter attack because, obviously, he could have passed the chip program, the children's health insurance plan, at any point and the Republicans didn't do it. And so, now you have a situation where you have Republican in the White House, Republican house, Republican senate, they have not been able to reach a deal. They can't pass a budget. So, we come back to then the argument about the dreamers. And you hear -- and Jesse just reacted to this. He says, oh, it's about the military or it's about something else. Guess what? It's all about President Trump causing chaos and people don't know how to deal with it. People don't know exactly what -- even Republican don't know exactly what it is that Donald Trump is willing to sign here. They thought they had a deal --

WATTERS: He's going to sign the budget, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Well, if that's the case then Republican has --

WATTERS: So why are you filibustering in the senate?

WILLIAMS: Nobody is filibustering --

WATTERS: Sure you are.

WILLIAMS: No, they not --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Yeah, you need 60 votes, Juan.

WILLIAMS: That's right. That's not a filibuster, Jesse.

WATTERS: Juan.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Let me just say --

WATTERS: You need to have four in the house?

WILLIAMS: Oh, please.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Not the dreamers.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: This is not a spending issue. Dreamers have nothing to do with the budget.

WILLIAMS: Let me just say --

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Jesse's not happy.

WILLIAMS: I think it's close to 80 percent of Americans support the dreamers. Donald Trump, the president --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: And then he open the negotiations, Greg. He said he was willing to make a deal.

GREG GUTFELD, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: It's not part of the spending thing. And you keep saying, oh, they have the house, they have the senate, we know you need 60 votes, so let's kill that argument.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I will say this, if you want to know who to blame. When the Democrats are in power when this happens, it's the Republicans. And when the Republicans are in power, it's the Republicans. So, if you noticed a trend here it's the Republicans' fault. But I will say this about the Republicans, the interior department, at least said you don't need staffing if there's going to be a shutdown. You can still have the open air memorials and you can have national parks open in case of a shutdown, you don't need staffing. So, unlike Obama, they didn't, like, use barricades to score emotional political points which makes me thinks maybe Republicans are better people.

PERINO: Kimberly, earlier today, Secretary Mattis arrived at the defense department, did the national defense review, basically, and it was very stark. And this is what he had to say about the shutdown.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: It's got a huge morale impact. I will just tell you. How long can you keep good people around when something like this happens? It's always a question that's got to hover in the back of my mind. I would just tell you that we do a lot of intelligence operations around the world and they cost money. Those, obviously, would stop.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: K.G.?

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. The last thing you want to do -- I mean, honestly, as Jesse mention, a couple of things. I'm not going to cheer for the R.S., let me tell you. However, the military I cheer for. And when you see a situation like this and you hear someone speak about it like General Mattis, the last thing you want to do is jeopardize our national security and affect the moral there. And it just seems like it's just such political gamesmanship. And you know what? The American people can see through it. It's frustrating because they should put through this spending. There's no need to go through these kinds of machinations, whatsoever. But nevertheless, they persist.

Danna: Yeah. And our enemies, Greg, this is what Mattis was talking about earlier, China, Russia, in particular, are fully funded. They can plan well ahead. They have everything that they need. And we are superior, but we've got to stay on top of things.

GUTFELD: Yeah. I mean, it goes back to the initial point. The Democrats are willing to shut down the government over a political cause. They will stop funding, things that are important to citizens of the United States over a political cause. They're willing, actually, to throw over one group of minorities for another group of minorities if it serves them politically. I have to say there's a little bit of progress here, and that is calling it the Schumer shutdown. It's a smart move because alliteration trumps everything. If you remember, the left tried to -- what they were calling Donald Trump? Donald Drump, it didn't work.

PERINO: No.

GUTFELD: Because abstract cleverness --

PERINO: The Democrats had better hashtags in the tax reform debate than the Republicans. But yes, Schumer shutdown was good. But then, I'm going to ask you, Jesse, Senator Schumer was invited by President Trump up to the White House, that neither of them have revealed what was said in the meetings. The only thing Schumer said that there was progress. What do you think they talked about?

WATTERS: They might have cooked up something where Trump comes in and saves the day, or Schumer comes in and saves the day. We'll see what happens. But Schumer and Pelosi they're doing right now the exact thing they accused Republicans are doing in 2013, which is being arsonists and hostage takers and shutting down the government for something totally unrelated to the budget --

PERINO: Well, a lot of Republicans say that ultimately in the long run that the shutdown help them. So, Juan, Do you think that the Democrats are thinking that this is a possibility for them, too?

WILLIAMS: I think that people are looking right now, Dana, and saying why does the government -- this is on top of what Jesse was saying, why does the government always get in the situation? Even Marc Short, the legislative director for the White House says this is a dysfunctional congress, and he's talking about that. So people are saying, well, you mean Republican and Democrats, well, obviously.

PERINO: It would be great if we could get back to regular budgeting for everyone. It would be --

WILLIAMS: Yeah. But I just can't take -- oh, yeah, yeah, you know why is this being brought in? Remember, this whole issue of DACA, so popular with the American people, was forced by Donald Trump, he created this crisis when he shut it down and said because I want a deal --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: The facts are that this deal has been expanding. There were two continuing resolutions done in December on the premise that we'll make a deal in January.

WATTERS: The deadline was not for a while, Juan. They're trying to attach this cliffhanger to the budget.

WILLIAMS: You keep spinning.

WATTERS: That's the truth. Let's spin.

WILLIAMS: So here's what happened. Then the president has the bipartisan deal, this is Monday, a week ago, and everybody comes together and says, here, we think we've got it. Come back Mr. President. They come back to him with a deal, a bipartisan deal. Republicans and Democrats --

WATTERS: Wrong.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: There is no text of a bill about dreamers to vote on. There's nothing to vote on. There is no bill. They can't vote on something that's not --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: When they came back to the White House, when they came back to the president --

WATTERS: So you want to shut the government down. Juan wants to shut it down. We shouldn't call it the Schumer shutdown, we should call it the Juan shutdown.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Your way of dealing with things is to shout. You're very much like Trump. Trump is the one that Republicans can't even trust. He's the one who says, oh, yeah, don't put chip in the deal. Don't do that. We want a clean -- all of a sudden changes it back again --

GUTFELD: Doesn't matter.

WATTERS: It's in.

WILLIAMS: Republican senators are on the record saying we don't have any reliable leadership or direction coming from this White House.

PERINO: All right. Want to know a little point of history?

GUILFOYLE: Yeah.

PERINO: My first day on the job on Capitol Hill as the press secretary was the first day of the first government shutdown in 1995.

GUILFOYLE: I hope you're not calling it right now.

PERINO: Talking about my shutdown woes.

GUTFELD: We should have another clock. See this clock right here? For the next shutdown, like, just move ahead. It's going to happen. Just this stupid clock.

PERINO: Actually, it could be even this week if they get this C.R. done. All right, U.S. history made today in America's biggest annual pro-life rally, the march for life milestone, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: A big day for the pro-life movement in America. The 45th annual march for life was held in Washington, D.C., and for the very first time, a sitting president addressed the rally live. President Trump throwing his full support behind the demonstration to protect the sanctity of life. We have satellites from the White House rose garden.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: Under my administration, we will always defend the very first right in the declaration of independence and that is the right to life. We are protecting the sanctity of life and the family as the foundation of our society. That is why we march. That is why we pray. And that is why we declare that America's future will be filled with goodness, peace, joy, dignity, and life for every child of God.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Previous president like Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush address marches via phone call or a recorded message. Dana, so let's talk about that from a historical perspective.

PERINO: Well, it's an amazing march. And I think -- was that you, Juan, that was at a hotel last year or the year before, and all the young people there that were for the march. It's a real moment for these young people who are pro-life supporters. They always get there. Thankfully the weather wasn't as bad as it usually is for them. But this corresponds with a time when you see that attitudes towards life are changing, and partly I think that is because of science. The science is starting to show that earlier and earlier, babies can be born and survive if they are born prematurely. And also, I think, that there's something to be said about all the benefits that we have from technology that are showing us what we might believe in our hearts is that life begins at conception. But now, you can actually see it more, and that's made a big difference.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Jesse, what did you think about this? Good to the address --

WATTERS: It's a great address and a big victory for the pro-life movement to get a sitting president there live, obviously. And the evangelical movement and the pro-life movement have been very supportive of this president. And for someone that didn't really come from a very strong pro- life evangelical Christian background, he's really delivered on a number of levels for this movement.

GUILFOYLE: They really did help him during the campaign.

WATTERS: Exactly. Despite his background, they really did, especially in Iowa and in other places like that. He had Barron very late in his life. He wasn't always pro-life. He evolved as the chiefs of staff John Kelly would say on this issue, and has come to a pro-life decision. I think when you're older and you have children, it does really wakes you up. And you see that baby, or the fetus, as a life, and that's changed to him a person.

GUILFOYLE: All right, fantastic. OK, Juanito? You still have a quizzical look on your face.

WILLIAMS: Well, I was listening to Jesse because --

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Jesse, you kept talking about he has evolved as the chief of staff might say on other issue. On this issue, which is often to me, I just don't get why people who are strongly pro-life would say, oh, yeah, we're going to embrace this guy. This guy understands us. Well, this guy-- you know, in his heart -- No, it seems to me it's politically expedient for someone who is running on the Republican --

WATTERS: You don't know what's in his heart. He's had a child and he saw that child on the ultrasound --

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. What I know is what's on the record, Jesse. And what's on the record is Donald Trump saying I am pro-choice, for most of his life. That's what the man said.

WATTERS: President Obama evolved on gay marriage --

WILLIAMS: Oh, here we go. You love to go to Obama every time.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: It's not the identical argument.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Actually, it's not as quite because you can imagine that President Obama, actually, didn't have a problem with gay marriage but said he did.

GUILFOYLE: Even worse.

PERINO: And then said they've evolved in order to explain the policy difference. I actually think when it comes to pro-life issue that you can have a change of heart for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps a religious one, or I was saying --

GUILFOYLE: Including science.

PERINO: The science one. I mean, the other thing is that the president is delivering on other things. For example, they just created this new office at the health and human services department that will deal with people who are working for the government and being able to respect their religious conscious on issues. In addition to that, the house today passed a bill called the born alive act, which would make that illegal. Kimberly, you know a little bit of that from the Gosnell trial. And I asked them today, do you have a plan to try to get it through the senate so the president can sign it, and they're hopeful.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Greg, so what do make of this?

GUTFELD: Just over all, you know, a real protest movement, as far as I'm concern, is one that gives voice to the voiceless. So whether it's unborn children or women in Islamic regimes -- under Islamic regimes, these are the important protests that demand attention most, which are, ironically, the ones that liberal activists tend to avoid. They tend to avoid the protests where they truly are the voiceless. They favor instead, you know, pink hats.

GUILFOYLE: I'm just going to say that. Remember those?

GUTFELD: I mean, if you compare the media coverage of the march to life with the women's much, here you have one that represents no voice and you have one that represents many voices, many western voices. It reminds you that -- just the term pro-choice. If you have to redefine something as a choice, it's because you believe that there is a consequence for the other side of the choice, because if there was no consequence, you wouldn't be calling it a choice.

WILLIAMS: I would call it a choice for American women. And let me tell you. The voiceless is something like 78 percent of Americans think that there should be legal abortion in this country.

GUTFELD: I think women it's probably around 50-50 if I'm not clear. If I'm wrong, you can correct me. But it is. I will say, yeah, a lot of people do think abortion should be legal, even knowing that it's murder. It's an interesting moral state that we've come to that many people accept that abortion is murder, but still want it legal. That is part of the pro- choice idea. They're not denying it's murder. They're saying it's a choice.

WILLIAMS: No, I don't consider it murder --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I'm very sensitive on this issue. I take it almost as a matter of Christian principles, so I'm very much concerned and thoughtful on it. But I see it as a matter of women and women having the right to control their reproductive right.

GUTFELD: Well, you know what, I'm not. I'm not religious. And I happen to believe that it is murder.

GUILFOYLE: Not a woman.

GUTFELD: So, you can save your religion. I don't need a moral lecture to tell you what I think is something wrong.-

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: All I was saying that I was sharing your concern.

GUTFELD: In a weird way, I felt that you weren't.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: That's a good discussion always on The Five, that's why everyone likes to watch the show. Ahead --

GUTFELD: Is it?

GUILFOYLE: I think so.

(LAUGHTER)

GUILFOYLE: Ahead, a bombshell memo said to detail how far the DOJ and FBI allegedly went to surveil the Trump campaign. Some Republican demanding it release to the public immediately. Right back, stay with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: There's a classified memo now circulating around congress which reportedly reveals abuse of the FISA program by some Department of Justice and FBI officials who've been investigating the Trump campaign. Now, some Republican lawmakers are demanding that that memo be released to the public immediately. Here's one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNINDENTIFIED MALE: I'm reading it and it's a very succinct, straightforward memo. And there were a couple of times as I'm reading this thing where I'm just like shaking my head. You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe they did that. So, I think it's something that is really significant. I think that the American people need to see it. There's growing support in the house to make this public so that the American people can see it. And here's the thing, the memo is done in such a way where you can easily make it public. It's classified top secret, but there are sources and methods here.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: Some on the right allege this could, quote, be worse than Watergate, end quote. But you know, I have a hunch, nowhere even close. So, let me go right away to the White House spokesman, Jesse Watters.

WATTERS: Oh, OK.

GUILFOYLE: He meant that as a good thing, do you know that?

WILLIAMS: I defer. I defer.

WATTERS: OK. I haven't seen the memo.

WILLIAMS: Oh, you haven't?

WATTERS: But by the sight of these congress been coming in, it better be good. The way they're acting like this thing is like Watergate, it better be good because I'm sick of all of these, you know, Benghazi, you know, exclusives, and it's like, really, that's it? This better be good. Let's assume it is what we think it is. And what we think it is is the Obama administration, the department of justice, and the FBI, along with the Hillary Clinton campaign, abused the power of the surveillance program and spied on the Trump campaign before and after the election ended some serious unmasking. Now, if that's true, some of these congressmen say that people are going to be fired and people are going to go to jail. Not only that, Comey knew, allegedly. That's what another congressman said. And this has the potential to stop the Mueller investigation in its tracks. You know, it could be all sizzle, no steak, but I've never seen congressmen act as apoplectic before.

WILLIAMS: OK. Dana?

PERINO: A few things. If it is what it is, then I think that they should ask the president to help them and declassify it. Also, I don't think that's enough. I think that they should ask the president -- and the president should maybe want to declassify the FISA application that led to this surveillance. And I think there's a reason that they haven't. And I think it's because, one, that's not a good practice necessarily because we have FISA warrants for a reason and to keep them secret because you're trying to catch bad guys. I don't know how all of this got caught up in it, but I would imagine that if the president wanted to declassify the FISA application and not just have it as an issue to bludgeon the Democrats with and the previous administration with and to try to muddy the waters of the Mueller investigation, he would release it. He has the power.

WILLIAMS: This is a key point, I think. So Adam Schiff, the Democrat on the House Intel Committee has said pretty much that. That this is an effort, part of a continuing effort to muddy the waters, discredit Mueller, discredit the FBI because of the two agents who having an affair and they were texting, and also, then, to go after the FISA court and the issue of unmasking. But is there is something there, Kimberly Guilfoyle?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. I mean, because Adam Schiff says -- and he's trying to, like, cover it up. And he didn't leak it himself, which he loves to do. Then I think that it is significant, actually. It shows that he's already trying to spin it and trying to discredit it. So therefore, it must be good.

WILLIAMS: Must be good?

GUILFOYLE: As a prosecutor, I'm telling you that. Because he's obviously already trying to dig in to say, "Oh, no, don't pay attention to it. This is just an effort" -- no. You're not fooling us. We're going to get it. And then we're going to decide ourselves.

WILLIAMS: But it was put together by Republicans. And what he's saying -- what Schiff is saying is this is misleading talking points that will damage our intelligence agencies.

GUILFOYLE: Well, let's see.

WILLIAMS: What do you make of this, Greg?

GUTFELD: I remember, as a kid, there was this library near where I grew up, and they had, like -- there was, like, a box with a hole in it.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: And you used to be able to stick your hand in the box and feel what was in the box.

GUILFOYLE: That's terrible.

PERINO: And guess what it is?

GUTFELD: And guess what it is.

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: That's what we're doing right now. We've got our hand in a box, and --

GUILFOYLE: How does it feel?

GUTFELD: Schiff will feel something -- if you're a Democrat, you'll feel like, I don't know, like, a sponge. But if you're -- if you're on the right, you'll feel, like, a rock. You know? It's crazy.

I think I would say to the viewers -- first, I'd say release the memo. If there's nothing there, there's nothing there. But to the viewers, when somebody tells you it's worse than Watergate, be prepared to be let down. So release it, but don't set your hopes too high on stuff like this. Because we've been around this block a million times with so many different stories. And if you jump on every one of these stories, you're going to break a hip.

PERINO: I talked to a congressman that read it, and he said it's underwhelming. And it doesn't quite --

GUTFELD: Everything in life is underwhelming except for President Trump.

PERINO: But I think if -- but I think if the president was asked, like, "Will you release the underlying FISA application along with this -- "

WILLIAMS: No, he's not going to do that.

PERINO: Well, he might, and then that way it would be clear and everybody would know everything.

GUTFELD: It's all emo. With an "M."

WILLIAMS: I think we see a lot of conspiracy theories on the right, though.

"The Fastest Seven -- "

GUTFELD: None on the left either, right?

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God. How convenient. OK.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Welcome back. Time for --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GRAPHIC: Fastest 7

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: -- "The Fastest Seven Minutes on Television." Three stories, seven minutes. Let's go.

First up, today marks the end of President Trump's first year in office. What do some of the youngest Americans think about his performance so far? Cue the Kimmel tape.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How do you think Trump has done in his first year in office?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Great.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What do you think he's done that's so great?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Save the world.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He saved the world? From what?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: From harmony.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think he needs to stop threatening North Korea.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Why?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Because I don't want to get nuked.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Can you do an impression of him?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "It's going to be great."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "China, China, China."

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Can you do an impression of the president for us?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You're fired!

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

WATTERS: All right, Greg. The Chinese imitation kid, I think, he stole the show.

GUTFELD: How many kids -- let's be honest, you've done outdoor stuff -- how many kids did they have to run through for that segment? They probably had to interview, like, 10,000 kids.

WATTERS: That took a while.

GUTFELD: It does say one thing. I mean, these kids, 15 percent of their life has been lived under Trump. He's kind of, like, the most famous person in their lives, you know? It's like Evil Santa to them. But --

WATTERS: Dana, what'd you think?

PERINO: I love -- oh, I wish I could hear what she's saying. I always love these things with the kids. I don't like it so much with the adults when they're making fun of them, you know, like, for not knowing stuff?

WATTERS: You mean, like, what I did?

PERINO: Yes.

WATTERS: All right. So Dana doesn't like "Watters' World." Juan.

GUILFOYLE: She's not taking it back.

PERINO: I would feel bad -- I would just feel bad for people.

WATTERS: OK. I know, you're very sensitive.

PERINO: Yes, I am.

WATTERS: And that's good.

WILLIAMS: Are the two of you OK?

WATTERS: Yes, we're OK. Move it along.

WILLIAMS: Well, I like -- I like the whole theory because I remember what Art Linklater used to do --

PERINO: Yes.

WILLIAMS: -- "Kids Say the Darndest Things," And I thought, for example, it was so surprising, when the kid said, "What did they save us from?" "Harmony." I was like, whoa, that's pretty funny. Did the kids set that up, or did he not know what he was doing?

WATTERS: I think it's pretty authentic. I didn't think this is staged.

GUILFOYLE: No, but it was so cute. I mean, I thought all of them were very funny. I like it. Like, "You're fired," all of them.

GUTFELD: I don't think it's cute.

GUILFOYLE: Well, no one's asking you what I think?

GUTFELD: I'm so tired of people go, "Oh, isn't he so cute? Oh, isn't it adorable when children say things?" No, it's not! It's an old idea.

WATTERS: OK.

GUTFELD: Dumb.

WATTERS: Speaking of adorable.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, roll over.

WATTERS: Vladimir Putin never misses an opportunity to show the world his bare chest. Even freezing temperatures wouldn't keep the Russian leader from taking his top off, now stripping down for a dip in an icy lake to celebrate epiphany.

GUILFOYLE: Hot.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(PUTIN SHIRTLESS IN A LAKE)

(RUSSIAN MUSIC)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: All right, Kimberly. Pretty good shape for the Russian president.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. I'm, you know, squinting a bit to check it all out. But-- from this distance. Yes, but you know, he's got -- when he has an opportunity to go "GQ," he does.

WATTERS: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: So there you go. Let Putin be Putin.

WATTERS: Never miss an opportunity to be "GQ," right, Juan?

WILLIAMS: Well, you know, I don't know about him showing off how masculine he is, but I must say, taking the polar plunge there, that's pretty wild. Did he have his hands on while he's doing this? Is that --

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

WATTERS: I didn't wonder that, really.

WILLIAMS: It looks like he's --

PERINO: He put on, like, those big Uggs when he got out.

WILLIAMS: He's not -- but if you go out to Coney Island, those people are actually in bathing suits.

WATTERS: I know. Well, you've got to cover it up. He was responding to the Trump health report. He was, like, "No, I'm the macho guy."

PERINO: "I don't need a doctor. I will show you."

WATTERS: Show it all.

What about you, Greg? What do you think?

GUTFELD: Who wouldn't want to collude with that? You know, he's tampering with more than just elections. He's tampering with our hearts.

WATTERS: That's so sweet.

GUTFELD: What did you think I was thinking?

GUILFOYLE: Not sure where you're going with that.

WATTERS: All right. Finally, Chelsea Manning is running for Senate, and she's probably not the only unconventional candidate we're going to see this year. The Hulk is now responding to a request he run, too. And he didn't completely rule it out on TMZ.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HULK HOGAN, FORMER PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER: If I run, I will win. Brother, I don't want to run, OK? I have a great life here on the beach. Right now, this moment it's a flat-out no.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is a possible next month it could be "maybe" or "yes"?

HOGAN: It could be.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That sounds like you're not saying no.

HOGAN: I'm saying no in this moment. After seeing, you know, Donald Trump's fan base and watching what Jesse Ventura did. You know, in the state of Florida? I've got a feeling it wouldn't be that hard.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: I think that was an insult. Hulkamania leaving a crack, little window, it could happen?

GUTFELD: You'd need some crack. You know what? Trump broke the seal, and we've already seen Hulk's sex tape. So what could be worse than that, if you've seen it?

GUILFOYLE: I guess you watched it.

GUTFELD: A number of times to prepare for this show. If a sex scandal breaks, so what? I mean, and also, his best win was not in the ring. It was in court against Gawker.

WATTERS: That's right.

GUTFELD: We'll be right back.

WATTERS: That's a great platform: "I took down Gawker, vote for me."

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: What do you think? Would you vote for Hulkamania?

PERINO: Well, I've got to see what he -- what he cares about, what his policy issues are.

WATTERS: I'm thinking Republican.

PERINO: Well, like, celebrity issues are interesting. So Ronald Reagan was a celebrity, but he had also been governor for two terms.

And President Trump had been talking about politics and involved in the political arena for a long time before he decided to run. So it's not that easy to run, but if you already have 100 percent name I.D., you certainly are -- you're all the way -- you're 70 yards down the field.

WATTERS: Are the Democrats nervous in Florida, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I don't see why. But I mean, he sounds like a fun guy.

Now, the reason I say I don't know if Democrats are nervous is because he backed Obama, then he backed Romney. So I guess he's moving towards the GOP

But when that interview kept going, by the way, and he was asked, "What do you really want to run for?" he said he'd like to run for the wrestling championship again. So maybe that's where his heart is.

WATTERS: Kimberly, we could see the Hulk and Kid Rock in the Senate. Could you imagine?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I can imagine. I mean, because look at, politics have totally changed now with the candidacy and, you know, presidency now of Donald Trump. So why not? I particularly like Kid Rock. I don't know, you know, the Hulkster so well.

WATTERS: I think the Hulk would like to get to know you, Kimberly.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my Gosh.

GUILFOYLE: We'll see.

WATTERS: All right. She's going to volunteer for the campaign, I think.

"Facebook Friday" when "The Five" returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(MUSIC: MOUNTAIN DEW JINGLE)

GUTFELD: Mountain Dew. The healthiest drink in the world. "Facebook Friday." Your questions answered now.

Here's an Olympic-themed question. I'm going to start with you, Kimberly. It's from Tammy W.: "If you were an Olympian at the games, what would you be the best that?"

GUILFOYLE: Obvi. Gymnast.

WATTERS: Really?

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

WATTERS: OK.

GUILFOYLE: Because I was a gymnast when I was little. And then --

GUTFELD: I did not know that.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. And I can still do cartwheels and round-offs and headstands, and all kinds of backbends and things of that nature.

GUTFELD: That's fantastic. I had no idea. I learn something new about my co-hosts every day.

GUILFOYLE: Dana is a gymnast, too!

GUTFELD: Yes. Juan, how about you? Any special --

WILLIAMS: So this is the Winter Olympics that's coming up, so I'm thinking about Winter sports, right? And I -- you know, I can't ski. I've never done it. But I think it's fun. It looks like a whole lot of fun. So I think downhill skiing would be a thrill.

On the other hand, I think -- I saw that there's a football player who says that curling is a thrill. And I have no idea. Why would a -- why would a football player be into curling? But apparently, it's a big deal.

GUTFELD: It's quite a delightful sport, Jesse.

WATTERS: Winter Olympics, I'm going to go with skiing. I'm a halfway decent skier. And then Summer Olympics, swimming. Because that was my strongest --

PERINO: Stroke? I can't swim.

WATTERS: You can't swim?

PERINO: I'll stick with winter. I'll say the luge.

GUTFELD: The luge, eh?

PERINO: Because you don't really have to do anything. I mean, forgive me--

GUTFELD: Wow.

WATTERS: Wow, did you hear that?

GUTFELD: The luge audience is going --

WATTERS: Send her an e-mail.

PERINO: I mean, because I don't weigh that much. So then I would just, like, go fast.

GUTFELD: We've already lost the luge sponsorship.

GUILFOYLE: She won our downhill. I was like, "Wait, what are we doing?" And she was already -- she was gone. She was down the hill. Remember this? Very good. She's like a bullet.

WILLIAMS: Do you know why? Because she's highly competitive.

GUTFELD: That is true.

PERINO: Not really.

GUTFELD: So Winter Olympics, I would pick for me shrinking.

All right. Diane --

GUILFOYLE: Wait, what are you talking about?

GUTFELD: We'll go to Dana. "You've been kidnapped."

PERINO: Wow.

GUTFELD: Yes. This is, like, a "Taken" scenario. "The last person you watched on TV is trying to save you. Who is it?"

GUILFOYLE: Queen Elizabeth! From "The Crown."

GUTFELD: She's a tough lady.

PERINO: Yes, well, at least -- when she has guards, too.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: So that would be beneficial.

GUTFELD: Yes. What about you, Jesse?

WATTERS: That would be Jake Tapper. Because we were watching CNN in the green room.

GUTFELD: You know, he has strong arms.

WATTERS: Hey, I'll take it.

GUTFELD: Caring eyes.

WATTERS: Save me, Jake.

GUTFELD: Jake -- "Tapper." Tonight at 9 after "MacGyver."

Jesse -- I mean, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Oh, well, I guess -- I guess it would have to be Jesse.

GUTFELD: Yes?

WILLIAMS: Because I'd be watching this show, and I'd see Jesse, and I'd say, "You know what? Jesse needs someone to set him straight. He needs me in his life."

WATTERS: Wait. I'm not saving you anymore.

WILLIAMS: Oh, you're just going to hurt my feelings?

WATTERS: Yes. Wait, you're the hostage taker, remember? The shutdown.

GUTFELD: Kimberly, last person you saw on TV is going to try to save you you?

GUILFOYLE: Well I mean, I mean, I hope he would save me. But Cavuto?

PERINO: He's all over it.

GUILFOYLE: Anyway, I was a victim of (ph) him. Kidnapping.

GUTFELD: You know what's odd for me, it's very difficult. It's going to be those Kars4Kids band. Because they were just on.

GUTFELD: Good luck with that.

GUTFELD: So they'd have to save me. They'd have to come in their little rescue van.

WATTERS: I thought it was the gold guy.

GUTFELD: It will be just like Scooby Doo, the Kars4Kids.

GUILFOYLE: They can just throw you in the back.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Last question, I guess, right? -- from Patty P.: "Would love to know what all the papers say that are in front of everyone." Jesse.

WATTERS: Mine says "Jesse." That's it. That's all I've got.

GUTFELD: Juan.

WILLIAMS: Well, if you're really serious, they give us research for every segment of the show. So, like, we started off with the argument about the shutdown. And so you could read articles that have been put out by various publications, left and right. And also statistics and consequences. So we are well-informed when we show up when we're talking.

GUTFELD: Dana, what do you have more than that, though?

PERINO: Well, I also have here my "One More Thing," which is going to be fabulous.

GUTFELD: Excellent. A little tease there. A not so deep tease.

GUILFOYLE: I think mine might be -- See?

GUTFELD: What you have in front of you when you're -- what do you?

GUILFOYLE: All right. I have this. Yes. Yes. What? Show them my notes?

PERINO: I wouldn't do that. No.

GUILFOYLE: Worse than Watergate, Republican leaders call for a release of the memo that allegedly reveals Pfizer abuse by senior DOJ.

GUTFELD: I'm always, like, multitasking, so like, I have to do my shopping after -- after this show. So I was just working on my shopping list, if you can see.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

GUTFELD: I'm getting my rubber gloves.

GUILFOYLE: You're American psycho!

WATTERS: There's something else you have down there.

GUTFELD: Oh, my goodness! I forgot I had this. I just pick this up along the way.

WILLIAMS: Wait a minute.

GUTFELD: That's for subway reading on the way home.

GUILFOYLE: Greg, do you think you might, like, be an actual idiot?

PERINO: Very well read.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. "InTouch," who knew it still existed. Anyway --

PERINO: Everybody knows now.

GUTFELD: Yes. "One More Thing" next.

GUILFOYLE: Now you're in trouble. Oh, my God.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: Isn't that enough on the (UNINTELLIGIBLE) side?

PERINO: "One More Thing" in a moment, but don't forget, "The Five" is now on demand. The full show will be available in a few hours, and you can watch it on your computer, on the Fox News app, or on Roku, Apple TV, or at FOXNewsGo.com. Log in with your TV provider, username, password, and click on "The Five."

All right. I'm up first. You could say America is hungry, hungry for hippos. Check it out. There are two hippos to celebrate in America this week. The first is a baby hippo born at Walt Disney's Animal Kingdom in Florida. Very, very cute. First hippo born there in 12 years. And then a newborn hippo weighs between 60 and 110 pounds. So we don't really know what her weight is. It's going to be like that aardvark yesterday that Jesse showed you.

The second celebration --

GUTFELD: I think it's fatter.

PERINO: -- is Fiona, the hippo born premature at the Cincinnati Zoo last year. She's taking the world by storm. She came six weeks early at 29 pounds, but now she's a very happy, healthy hippo.

GUTFELD: I did this hippo two days ago.

PERINO: You did?

GUTFELD: Yes. You weren't here. That's the same hippo!

PERINO: Fiona? It's the same hippo? You know what? We think alike.
It's a beautiful thing.

Juan, go next.

GUTFELD: It's the same hippo from Cincinnati.

WILLIAMS: All right. So you know politics is like team sports these days in America. You pull on your team's jersey and root for your guys, no matter what.

So yesterday, on "The Kennedy Show" on the Fox Business Network, I was asked to change uniforms and play for -- oh, my gosh -- the Republicans. Guy Benson, a GOP stalwart, he was asked to play for the Democrats.

So take a look at me playing a Republican and answering the question, "How healthy, how smart is President Trump?"

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: I want to wow you with science, my friends. Because a doctor came back with some evidence, and the evidence, the scientific evidence said that our Starburst, McDonald's-eating, milkshake-drinking president --

GUY BENSON, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Don't forget Diet Cokes.

WILLIAMS: -- is in great shape!

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's right.

BENSON: No, but you're talking about some White House doctor. I have it on good authority that the president is 508 pounds. And you know why? Because Dr. Sanjay Gupta told me. And that's what matters. That's the truth. That is science.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: Exactly.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, and Guy's the winner.

PERINO: Kimberly, next.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, it's time for "Kimberly's Food Court."

I did it good that time. All right. It's something that our president would love to feast on. And Jesse. Krispy Kreme. OK, for all you doughnut lovers out there, for the first time ever, the popular doughnut chain is letting you, the customer, choose the next glazed doughnut flavor. Your choices are blueberry, lemon, caramel, maple. And you have from now until January 22. I'm actually going to go for caramel, but I'm not sure I see that one here.

WILLIAMS: How do you know which one is which one?

PERINO: I think they're going to make them next.

GUILFOYLE: This is for you, Juan.

PERINO: Greg, while they eat, you go.

GUTFELD: My flavor would be regret.

GUILFOYLE: Go on, then.

GUTFELD: All right. "Greg Gutfeld Show." Saturday, 10 p.m. We've got the great lawyer Alan Dershowitz. We've got the grade Shelby Holiday from Wall Street Journal. We've got Kat Timpf and Tyrus. It's going to be a great show. That's 10 p.m. It's going to be awesome.

And now it is time for this!

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GRAPHIC: Greg's What's This

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: "Greg's What's This?" OK, roll the tape.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(SMALL FURRY ANIMAL IN A KNIT HAT)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: That's not good.

GUTFELD: All right. What is this?

WATTERS: What is this?

GUTFELD: Does anybody know what this is? This came into my inbox today.

PERINO: The flying bat squirrel? Money squirrel did you call it the other day?

GUTFELD: No, it's not one of those.

WATTERS: Gerbil.

GUTFELD: No, I don't think it's a gerbil. And --

WATTERS: Guinea pig.

WATTERS: I don't know.

PERINO: It was a gerbil.

GUILFOYLE: You really don't know?

GUTFELD: I kind of do, but I wonder if anybody else does.

GUILFOYLE: If this was a gerbil and it belonged to Greg, it probably still wouldn't be here on video.

GUTFELD: What are you talking about? I believe it is a baby possum.

WATTERS: OK.

PERINO: Jesse, you're next.

WATTERS: OK, "Watters' World" is live this Saturday night at 8 p.m. Shutdown mania. We've got the Mooch. We've got Lou Dobbs, and we have Diamond and Silk, my favorite ladies, besides you two ladies, of course.

PERINO: Of course.

WATTERS: And I want to show you this harrowing video. Collision on a river.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey! Hey! Hey!

(BOATS COLLIDE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: This is terrible.

WATTERS: Oh!

PERINO: That was awful.

WATTERS: No one died. There's a major lawsuit going on. These guys are just trying to catch some salmon in a river in Oregon.

GUILFOYLE: Didn't we use this already?

WATTERS: Allegedly on his cell phone. Hs says he wasn't on his cell phone, but --

PERINO: Wow.

PERINO: I will tell you what, if Kimberly were the prosecutor, that guy would be out of there.

GUILFOYLE: That's right. I'd put him away and then I'd eat a doughnut.

WILLIAMS: Well, was it a cell phone or alcohol? That's crazy.

PERINO: I don't know. I'm glad everybody's OK.

All right. Have a great weekend, everyone. I'm trying to think of something funny to toss it over to "Special Report." It's up next, and Bret Baier, take it away.

END

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