This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 27, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I'm Greg Gutfeld with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and she flies first class on a paper airplane, Dana Perino -- "The Five."
Yesterday, Nancy Pelosi, a true champion of women, defended John Conyers over claims of sexual harassment. She was awful:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI, D-CALIF.: John Conyers is an icon in our country. He's done a great deal to protect women. The Violence Against Women Act, which the right wing is now quoting me as praising him on his work on that. He did great work on that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Ah yes, the "icon clause" -- in which public service excuses private behavior. I call it the pig pass: The more progressive you are the more disgusting you could be. Champion publicly, harass privately, or if you're Ted Kennedy, Harvey Weinstein or Bill Clinton, not so privately. Apparently, Conyers would show up to a meeting in his underwear. Strange, but maybe it was casual Friday.
But while Nancy wants due process for Conyers, she's not behind it for private citizens. She supported Title IX which allows schools, not the law, to handle rape cases. We've never expect a college to settle a murder rap -- it makes no sense.
Anyway, it's not like defending bad behavior is new for Nancy:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TIM RUSSERT, NBC NEWS: Why the silence when there have been -- these allegations, serious ones, about President Clinton?
PELOSI: Well, I like to say that I think that the women of America are speaking out about what they think about this whole situation. And the women of America are just like other Americans and that they value fairness, they value privacy, and do not want to see a person with uncontrolled power, uncontrolled time, uncontrolled -- unlimited money investigating the president of the United States.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I'll say this, at least she's consistent in her hypocrisy for whom she defends is always based on politics. If the harasser is on your team, you soften your stance. It happens on the left, and now it is on the right. But the left made it an art form. No wonder Alabamans ignore media about Roy Moore.
But the real scandal, let's call that "Congregate." That's where your money is being used to settle cases involving politicians' misconduct. "Congregate." How is this OK? And how did the media miss "Congregate," 234 incidences in Congress covered up by $17 million in taxpayer money could be one of the biggest stories in decades, and it flew right under our radar, but not anymore. No wonder Nancy looks so nervous or excited. I mean, I can never tell.
Oh, geez, where to start, so much here. Is this a big deal, "Congregate"?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I like "Congregate." I think that everyone should hashtag right now and give you full credit.
GUTFELD: I know. Even thought, maybe, I might have stolen it from a celebrity friend of mine.
PERINO: When I saw the Nancy Pelosi interview on "Meet the Press," I thought it was communications malpractice because when your boss is going to go on a Sunday show, you get together and you prep.
PERINO: . and you think about what are all the possible questions that are going to be -- that we're going to get. This is obviously going to be one of them. So I have to ask, was this planned?
PERINO: When she is practicing the answer, does it not occur to anybody that this sounds really bad?
GUTFELD: Yeah. Kimberly, how do you think she did there? I mean, she's done it before. At least she's consistent.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Yeah. Maybe the older clip was more compelling. But, you know, it's a double standard hypocrisy. Why did she even go out and say that? If they can make excuses and say, oh, their champion of women's rights before. The iconic figure. That doesn't give you a pass for inappropriate behavior, or sexual assault, or misconduct or sexual harassment. So You see people making excuses saying, well, he's older. He didn't know what he was really doing, or it's not that sexy because he's older. I mean, that also makes no sense.
GUTFELD: Jesse, it's a problem, especially showing up for work in your underwear.
WATTERS: I don't know anything about that, so maybe somebody else here at the table do, Gutfeld. I think the Democrats have lost their moral authority on sexual harassment, not that they every had any to begin with. I think that Pelosi played herself because she put power over principle. She's either too afraid of the congressional black caucus, or she knows there are a ton of shoes that are about to drop on some of the other members of the Democratic Party, so she doesn't want zero-tolerance because she's trying to retake back the house. The icon excuse.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe both.
WATTERS: Probably. The icon excuse, I think she's using icon a little too loosely there. The guy is a congressman. He's not Muhammad Ali. And there are actual icon recently that have been taken down by sexual harassment that are a lot more iconic than John Conyers, and that excuse did not work for them either.
GUTFELD: We won't mention their names.
WATTERS: She's also using the Harvey Weinstein and Bill Clinton excuse.
WATTERS: . which is undermining the credibility of the women and say because this guy has fought for progressive causes, and they're going to take on the NRA then you have to side with them. Just because you vote with Nancy doesn't give you a license to get handsy. And then you have the -- Conyers now is being denied due process. Who's denying John Conyers due process? It's not like he's the victim here.
(CROSSTALK) PERINO: He already had a settlement in his office.
PERINO: He handled the -- that's how he decided to do the due process.
WATTERS: That was the due process.
GUTFELD: I want to get Juan in here. This congregate, it will be bigger than Watergate.
GUILFOYLE: I like it.
GUTFELD: It's a big deal. I mean, should they make all of this transparent and let everybody know what these cases were? Is it going to be a nightmare?
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: I think that would be a nightmare. I think there is some need for confidentiality. The thing is, there's got to be a publicly established process so everybody knows there is some way that you can come to the table and say there's a problem with your employee or colleague and make it -- and get some sense of resolution to the problem. But I just think -- I listening to you and I'm just like, wow. So this is how you're handling Roy Moore? You're going to accuse the Democrats of hypocrisy. When I heard Nancy Pelosi yesterday, I think Dana is not right, she didn't look great, but here's what she said. No matter about the legacy. There is no license for bad behavior in terms of sexual harassment and zero-tolerance. That's from Nancy Pelosi. I don't hear that from you guys. Instead, you're busy trying to make the case that Nancy Pelosi is making an excuse for him.
GUTFELD: She did.
WILLIAMS: She didn't. I'll weaken my own argument. The worse that she said was I don't know who these women are, when in fact part of the deal was that the women would not be public with their allegations.
GUTFELD: Yeah. I mean, you did weaken your argument strongly.
WILLIAMS: Because I want everything on the table. But I must say that she did not say what you say she says zero-tolerance. And by the way, Jesse.
WATTERS: What does zero-tolerance mean, Juan?
WILLIAMS: Jesse, let me just tell you something. That guy is an icon. John Conyers, not only in terms of what he did as a member of congress on title IX, other issues that she was talking about.
WATTERS: What exactly?
WILLIAMS: . but establishing the congressional black caucus.
WATTERS: I'm not putting John Conyers down. I'm just saying if you go out on the street and ask anybody who John Conyers is, no one knows who he is. That is not iconic.
WILLIAMS: I'm sorry. Maybe it's your age, but John Conyers is pretty well-known in Washington and in Michigan. I don't think there's any question.
WATTERS: Just because people know him in Washington, doesn't mean the rest of the country knows him.
WILLIAMS: I agree. You know what, more people wouldn't know who Nancy Pelosi is if you ask -- here's a picture, who's this?
GUTFELD: I consider myself an icon. As you are my icon as well. Can we roll this? So Al Franken spoke today against this wonderful black background. It was like he was floating in space. Anyway, let's take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. AL FRANKEN, D-MINN.: If you had asked me two weeks ago, would any woman come forward with an allegation like this, I would have said no. And so, I cannot speculate. This has been a shock and it's been extremely humbling. I am embarrassed. I feel ashamed. What I'm going to do is I'm going to start my job. I'm going to go back to work.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, as much as I want to make fun of him and stuff, I have to say I saw somebody that is overwhelmed by circumstance. What he said, if you had asked me two weeks that this would happen, I never would have seen this coming, which means he saw this blanket of offensive behavior, grabbing people, as part of a stick. And he's like completely overwhelm. I kind of sense contrition.
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: Congregate.
GUTFELD: I'm good with something, bad with others. We'll be right back.
PERINO: So I've talked to a couple staffers that are watching, and they said they were young women and they said they found it to be totally insincere. Now, I think that for him, he probably wasn't mustering up as much sincerity as he could because he never thought this was a problem.
PERINO: So like, two weeks ago, he never would have thought that he would be in the same category as Harvey Weinstein, or Roy Moore, or whoever else it might be. But different for me, especially watching him is that he says I'm sorry, I'm embarrassed, and I'm ashamed and I'm going back to work. The difference with the private sector is that if you say I'm sorry, I'm ashamed, and they're like, OK, you're still fired.
PERINO: And then you go.
WATTERS: That's what the difference is. Now the Democrats have set something up where if you're Conyers' and you say I deny it, they believe you. Or if you're this guy in Minnesota you say I apologize then you're forgiven. So the Democrats can have it either way, both ways, and they're still absolve.
WILLIAMS: Jesse, this is news to me. I believe that Conyers is now subject to an ethics investigation.
WATTERS: Oh, no. I bet Conyers is shaking in his shoes.
WILLIAMS: He's denied the allegations. This is like you guys are trying to set Democrats up as strongmen who -- whenever it's a Democrat they excuse sexual harassment.
WATTERS: Juan, I'm just holding you guys to the same standards that you guys set. You said zero-tolerance.
WILLIAMS: Zero tolerance.
WATTERS: You said you believe every single woman that comes forward. And now, they've settled multiple harassment lawsuits. There's photographic evidence, and now all of a sudden, oh, ethics investigation.
WILLIAMS: Jesse, stop. Hold on. But Jesse, if you look at Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill Cosby, I can go on, I don't see Democrats defending these folks. I see Democrats saying there's a problem here. And yet, when you come to Roy Moore.
WATTERS: And all those guys.
WILLIAMS: Roy Moore, oh, no problem, Roy Moore.
GUTFELD: Let me draw a distinction here with Kimberly. I see it differently than Juan between the Republicans and the Democrats. Roy Moore is actually running against Mitch McConnell, and Franken and Conyers are actually backed by their party. So it's the Republicans who are actually being noble about this, right? They want Moore to step aside. But the Democrats.
WILLIAMS: Is that what President Trump said?
WILLIAMS: The governor.
GUTFELD: There is no lockstep in the Republican Party. As you can tell here they're lock step in boxers.
PERINO: But not with younger women in the Democratic Party. They don't like it.
GUTFELD: They're mad at Nancy. Go ahead.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, no, I agree with you. That's why to me it's perplexing because the biggest in was the first problem with Bill Clinton where you saw Democrats and they're still not even really that willing to call him out on his behavior despite those women being brave, coming forward, telling their stories repeatedly, making fresh complaints at the time, physical evidence, etcetera, of injury like with Juanita Broderick. And now you see the Democrat -- oh, wait a second. Conyers is iconic. So therefore get your fruit of the loom on. Sit in your underwear. It's all good. Geraldo tried this with me the other night. He said.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my goodness.
GUILFOYLE: Wait a minute, I mean on the air, on Hannity. And he said, well, Conyers, come on, he's the older guy, he's not that sexy sitting there. I said, but that's not the standard you say it's Beckham or not. That is not the point. That is not the point. He said, well, it's an old guy, I don't think it was meant to be that way. I was like, yeah, I don't think so.
GUTFELD: If you use that excuse it has do to with mental faculties, saying like he wasn't aware that his robe was open.
WATTERS: Well, that was something the New York Times has reported, and they said that he actually showed up in his robe on a number of occasions at public events.
GUTFELD: So maybe it's something that isn't -- maybe it's more sad than it is.
WILLIAMS: He's 88.
PERINO: But this has been going on for years. He's been in congress for 50 years.
WILLIAMS: He's the longest serving member right now. He's an older person.
PERINO: It's about this issue on the NDA's, whether they should all be reveal and we should have total transparency. Sometimes NDA's are there to protect the victim. And I don't that we should be out calling for all of them to name public, writ large, and just say rip the banner up because it's tax payer dollars and we want to know. I think victims deserve a say on whether.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, honestly, to honor the law and the contract and protect both sides.
GUTFELD: But do you think that NDA's prolong the problem by silencing it?
GUTFELD: Maybe there's part of it that will come out earlier.
PERINO: No. We know that. That is actually true. That doesn't mean that there couldn't be a victim who would say I don't want my name out there.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe they don't want that.
PERINO: . because they fine.
GUILFOYLE: I think more than anybody they don't want it out there. It's not comfortable to come forward or make a claim.
GUTFELD: But then you have serial abusers who continue because of these NDA's. You know, you can have 5 or 6 NDA's under one guy.
PERINO: Yes, we know that.
WATTERS: And they didn't want to sign the NDA's either. They were force into it.
GUTFELD: These are important questions that we will continue covering for the next 15 years. Trump's person of the year tweet got a lot of pushback, but was he right? Did he pulled back the curb Times effort to land him, next.
PERINO: President Trump's Time Magazine feud and his Pocahontas correct, two controversies getting a lot of attention today. First stop, Time Magazine. Next week the publication will announce its pick for person of the year. The president creating a frenzy over the holiday weekend with one of his tweets. This one claiming he pulled himself out of contention for the title saying, Time Magazine called to say that I was probably going to be name man, person, of the year like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass, thanks anyway. The publication disputed it, dangle and offered to him, writing that the president is incorrect about how we choose person of the year. Time does not comment on our choice until publication which is December 6. And I might show that they have -- Time Magazine does a poll, an online poll, which is not scientific poll, and they ask people who should be Time person of the year. Right now, at 4:00 today, Mohammed Bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, he's going to be the king there, at 16 percent. And then you see all sorts of other people. The dreamers, Kaepernick.
WILLIAMS: I was going to say that you see Kaepernick -- Kaepernick is like number five.
GUILFOYLE: Number five.
WILLIAMS: Guess where Donald Trump is at that poll?
PERINO: Oh, no, it's like way down. I know.
GUTFELD: We know that that's a garbage poll if you have Mohammed Bin Salman there. It's a garbage -- America doesn't even know who he is.
PERINO: Is it like bot?
PERINO: You mean like Saudi bots.
GUTFELD: Saudi bots.
PERINO: . voting for him over and over again. You were in the magazine (INAUDIBLE).
GUTFELD: Time is lying. They wanted Trump, they contacted him. They wanted a fresh suit -- a fresh photo shoot. He said OK. Am I going to be man of the year? They said probably. This is what Maxim used to do for their hot 100. They'd work with publicists to make deals. You want Christina Aguilera, I'm talking about early 2000, you want a cover because of that new photo because that sells copies. So you promise her number one, and you often also offer gifts. Do you think Blake Shelton won sexiest man of the year on People because he was sexy? No.
GUTFELD: No, no, no. They traded for exclusivity for him and Gwen to talk about the relationship because in gossip world that opium. So what they did -- Trump realized that Time needed him more than he needed Time. It was a negotiation and a deal. Again, you pulled back the curtain. He said this is how magazines work. They were negotiating for a fresh photo shoot because they know he sells copies, and he said I don't really need you, and then everybody gets upset about it. They're upset about it because they can't believe that a guy can operate with such lack of humility, the kind of insecurities that they have. They just sit there and they go like, this is -- how could he do this? Because he can.
WILLIAMS: Let me ask you something, who do you trust? Do you trust Trump and not the editor if Time Magazine.
WILLIAMS: . who had bluntly said this is not.
GUILFOYLE: Why would he make that up?
GUTFELD: Fifteen years in magazine, I know how you do cover deals.
WILLIAMS: Right. And I know as a journalist that Donald Trump has a loose relationship with the facts and the truth. He's obsessed with this Time Magazine stuff to the point.
GUTFELD: You say this conversation never happened? This conversation, I'll bet you a steak dinner this conversation happened.
WILLIAMS: Well, you won the last bet.
PERINO: Before we get to the other topic, Kimberly, any thoughts on the Time Magazine?
GUILFOYLE: You know, I believe him. I think it's exactly what happened. I know, like Greg does, where people are trying to get exclusives or do magazine covers. They asked you for this. OK, will you give us a sit down, can we talk about this? Yeah, OK. Then you make a deal with them. I think they got humiliated because he went out and outed them essentially, and went out with it first. So now they're trying to back track and say, no, no, no. That's what happens all the time.
PERINO: I just remember from when I was at the White House that these calls -- you will get them, but we never actually thought that President Bush was actually going to be given the Time Magazine cover, so we would not -- I don't know how many times he did.
GUTFELD: This is what makes him different. He's like, am I going to be man of the year or not? Tell me.
GUILFOYLE: But he's right. So just say, OK, are you giving it to me or not?
PERINO: All right, Jesse, on Time Magazine, what do you think?
WATTERS: Sure. I mean, Ari Fleischer, your colleague, when he was press secretary, said in defense of Trump about Time Magazine, in 2001 Time told us Bush might be man of the year. They wanted a photo shoot and an interview. I don't remember if we did it, and they went with Mayor Rudy Giuliani.
PERINO: They make several calls.
WATTERS: Yeah, they call around. But, I mean, Trump thinks he should be man of the year every year, so whenever he's not man of the year, he believes he was robbed. But that's fine. I mean, Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize on his first year. He's just being competitive.
WILLIAMS: I don't even think Time Magazine -- but Trump thinks it's being defining.
WATTERS: Yeah, it's an old school publication deal.
PERINO: All right. But can we talk about our other subject? This happened earlier today. So the president was giving an event, well, for the Navajo code talkers. There's 13 of them left living, and these are really great Americans. And they got to come to the oval office and have a meeting with the president. So that was the purpose of the event. He also talked about tax reform. And then he had a little bit of this to say.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: You were here long before any of us were here. Although, we have a representative in congress who -- they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas. But you know what? I like you because you are special.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: As soon as I heard it, I thought OK, we're not going to be talking about tax reform.
GUILFOYLE: Why would you.
PERINO: And then, Sarah Huckabee Sanders when she was asked if it was offensive, she said I think what most people find offensive is Senator Warren lying about her heritage to advance her career. And Senator Warren.
GUILFOYLE: Good come back, by the way.
PERINO: Well, what do you think?
GUTFELD: I think what he was saying is you are real native Americans, and I appreciate real native Americans. Not like this lady over here, Pocahontas. You have to understand while we're watching this, we were all laughing because it's funny. It takes a very little part of your day. Those guys were actually smiling. It was kind of funny.
WILLIAMS: I think they were older men, and I don't think they didn't understand what was going on. And I think Trump.
GUILFOYLE: Once again, the older defense again.
WILLIAMS: No, no, I don't think those guys were in touch with the kind of current political climate.
GUTFELD: He might be right
WILLIAMS: Where Trump goes after his political rivals in this event with this kind of racist comments.
WATTERS: Come on, Juan.
GUTFELD: Anti-racist. He was saying you're native American. She wasn't. That's anti-racist?
WILLIAMS: When you start calling out people and say, oh, she's Pocahontas.
GUTFELD: It is because she lied.
WILLIAMS: That's a joke, OK. That is your argument, it's a joke. I think to lots of people, it's not a joke.
GUTFELD: If they can't find it funny, they've got to find their funny bone because you've got four more years of this.
WILLIAMS: Is that the fact that we've got four more years.
PERINO: It's so interesting because we defend these things by saying, oh, come on, he's funny. And he's like, don't be so thin-skinned. But when the shoe is on the other foot, it's like a different situation. I don't know. Kimberly, your last thought.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, I don't know. So I thought also which was cute, that was getting left behind. He's like (INAUDIBLE).
PERINO: They are true American heroes.
GUILFOYLE: They are.
PERINO: We're glad that the Navajo code talkers got their moment in the Oval Office.
GUILFOYLE: God bless them.
PERINO: All right. A fastest setting coming your way. But first, Kimberly breaks out the crown for some very big royal news, next.
GUILFOYLE: Always a nice day for a wedding. Time now for a very special installment of "Kimberly's Royal News." Indeed, yes. Stop the presses, people. Prince Harry is officially off the market. Sorry, ladies. The 33-year-old heartthrob is now engaged to American actress Meghan Markle.
The fifth in line to the throne popped the question earlier this month with the blessing of Grandma, of course, the queen.
GUILFOYLE: They will marry sometime this spring. The happy couple appeared before cameras today at Kensington Palace, and then they give an interview to the BBC.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Was it an instant yes from you?
MEGAN MARKLE, ENGAGED TO PRINCE HARRY: Yes, as a matter of fact, I could barely let you finish proposing. I was, like, "Can I say yes now?"
PRINCE HARRY, UNITED KINGDOM: She wouldn't even let me finish. It was -- then it was hugs, and I had the ring on my finger. And I was like, "Can I give you the ring?"
She was, "Oh, yes, the ring."
So no, it was a really nice moment. It was just the two of us. And I think I managed to catch her by surprise, as well.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Aww. They're very sweet. Even Greg likes it.
So what about the ring, right? Royal officials say the prince designed the sparkler for Markle himself. So he is creative, as well. It includes a large center diamond from Botswana where the couple have traveled together. The two smaller outside stones are from his late mother Diana's personal collection. So very sweet to have that special meaning. Something from his mother and also something that's meaningful for them, from a trip that they traveled together to Botswana.
Not you. No, Greg, we shall not call on you yet. Dana.
PERINO: I think it's very exciting. I think they're obviously in love, and they have been given some -- I think they've been given some good treatment by the press so far during their dating.
And also, I think it's really neat for America and the U.K., because we have a very special relationship going back as political allies, but now I think this is just even more fun for both countries.
GUILFOYLE: I love it. Jesse, do you like it? They're a very sweet couple.
WATTERS: I think they're very sweet. I have so much to say about this. Not really.
PERINO: Fake it, like you always do.
WATTERS: No, it's beautiful. They look like they're in love.
PERINO: Wow, you're a real romantic.
WATTERS: I love the special relationship that America has with Great Britain. I think this is going to really forge the alliance even stronger now. And they look great together. She's very beautiful. And he fought the Taliban over there in Afghanistan very bravely. So my hat's off to him there.
GUILFOYLE: And the Invictus Games.
WATTERS: And that is all I can come up with right now.
PERINO: Well done. Well done.
GUILFOYLE: And he served his country in the military.
Juan, you're into food. So I don't know if you'd like this little tidbit. But the royal couple said they were roasting a chicken on a cozy night at Kensington Palace when this happens.
WATTERS: They're just like us.
GUILFOYLE: They're just like us. I mean, can you roast a chicken well?
GUILFOYLE: I was impressed by that, just so you know.
WILLIAMS: But do you think they were personally roasting the chicken or having a chicken roasted?
GUILFOYLE: No, I think they were personally roasting it. That's what I think is very sweet.
WILLIAMS: I'm all for it.
WILLIAMS: So I thought the most interesting thing that I read about this was that Prince Harry said that he had gone to his brother and just expressed how many years, I think he said it had been 20 years, since his mom, Princess Diana, died when he was 12. That he was emotionally locked up and conflicted, and he wasn't really able to really love or to speak to people or even to do his best work work, and that he went into therapy, and for three years of therapy. It's helped him a lot. And I think he credits that, in part, with being him -- allowing him to be emotionally open to falling in love. And so that's great.
And the second thing that interests me as a black American is that he says he thinks the press has been treating his fiancee with racial overtones, because she is half white, half black. And that some of it's just insensitive, he said, and sexism. So I don't think he thinks the press has been very fair to her. She's three years older than he has. I'm surprised they're not picking on that.
PERINO: They make -- they make a point to say it in every interview.
WATTERS: She's robbing the cradle? Is that...
WILLIAMS: That's what my wife did.
GUILFOYLE: Greg, just so you know, Juan's comments were really thoughtful and very good analysis.
WATTERS: I didn't know Juan took such a liking to royal news.
GUILFOYLE: Greg, we've left not much time for you. But go ahead.
GUTFELD: I think I can speak for most Americans when I can say, "Shoot me in the face." No. 1. Let's get through this quickly, OK? Because I know we only have 30 seconds.
She's a traitor. Does the Revolutionary War mean nothing to you?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: Never forget. Never forget.
WATTERS: Isn't your wife from another...
GUTFELD: Yes, but we didn't break free from Russia. And by the way...
GUILFOYLE: We still haven't. We still have not.
WATTERS: You're married to a Russian.
GUTFELD: Stop it. What bugs me about this story is the assumption that because someone cares, we all must care. I don't care. I don't care. Royalty news is artificial nonsense. It's the Monday reflex to cover a story the way we cover Groundhog Day. Except this is more tedious than Groundhog Day.
By the way, there are other royalty stories we could cover. What about the Saudi new king? There's royalty. What about the prince...
PERINO: I mentioned him in the "B" block.
GUTFELD: What about Prince Alawi (ph)? Didn't he own FOX News? He's shackled somewhere in a...
GUILFOYLE: Come on! How are you are ruining my segment.
WATTERS: You're not getting invited to the royal wedding.
GUTFELD: And finally -- no, finally, royalty is a reminder to everyone that life is a crapshoot. That you do not pick your parents. That one day some guy wakes up, he's a prince, and in another area somebody is a pauper. It's unfair.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe you should take Prince Harry's advice and go to counseling.
GUTFELD: Last time we did this segment, I got in so much trouble. Just remember, when I said that we were going to interview the baby's umbilical cord. And second floor called me, because that was like the royal -- I was insulting the royal baby. No, I wasn't.
GUILFOYLE: And you're terrible.
GUTFELD: The royal baby doesn't even watch "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: That's why Martha MacCallum will come back on.
Oh, my gosh. They're hard wrapping you now, crazy one. Stay right there. "The Fastest Seven" is up next.
WATTERS: Welcome back. There's some more football controversies. But this time it has nothing to do with the anthem protests.
First up, the Raiders clobbered the Broncos yesterday, 21-15 after a different kind of fight broke out on the field in the first quarter.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We have a fight on the other side. Look at this. After Crabtree. Helmets being thrown. Talib grabbed it off. Referee is down and look, holding onto his ribs.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: An old, bitter rivalry renewed between Oakland's Michael Crabtree and Denver's Aqib Talib. Both players got ejected from the game. Team members from both sides got involved. And things took a while to settle down.
Raiders guard Gabe Jackson also was ejected for making contact with the ref.
I know you know everything about the back story to this, Dana.
PERINO: Well, I do remember growing up when Elway was the quarterback, that Denver hated the Oakland Raiders.
WATTERS: They did?
PERINO: Yes, right.
WATTERS: And that is all you know. Kind of like me in the last segment on the royals.
Gutfeld, what did you think?
GUTFELD: You know, I always find it weird that you get ejected from a game as punishment. Because that would seem like a reward to me to go back and get out and shower early, get to the bar. And I always keep thinking, is there any -- is there any way for me to get ejected early from "The Five"?
WATTERS: Kimberly almost ejected you last segment.
GUILFOYLE: I did. Yes, kick you out.
GUTFELD: It would be great, to be sent out. And I'd be already home.
PERINO: And not be upset about it? I would be mortified. I would never get over it.
WATTERS: As long as we get paid.
GUTFELD: That would never happen to you.
GUTFELD: Getting suspended from school was great. Did you ever get suspended from school?
GUILFOYLE: Obviously no.
WATTERS: No, never, Gutfeld.
GUILFOYLE: We got awards, OK?
GUTFELD: The fight of the month.
WILLIAMS: You had your pay docked?
WILLIAMS: That's what happens to them.
GUILFOYLE: I did want to ask what you did to get suspended, because it's probably...
GUTFELD: Firecrackers in a locker.
WATTERS: All right, next. Wouldn't you like to know what set off this scene on a field in Tennessee? A Maryland high school cheerleader caught on tape grabbing the quarterback by his mask to give him a piece of her mind. Was it a quarrel? The young woman seen in the video says no.
Grace Levinsky (ph) posted on Twitter, "For everybody who saw that video of me and Dylan Hopkins, we're very good friends, and it's not what it looks like."
Kimberly, you've never done that to any player that you've been dating, right?
WATTERS: "You're not going out with your friends after the game!"
GUILFOYLE: I mean...
WATTERS: "You're coming home with me."
GUILFOYLE: Obviously, I wouldn't even have to persuade in this fashion, let's be honest. But I don't think it's actually a good idea to, like, pull someone by their face mask. I'd throw a flag on that play.
WATTERS: It's a 15-yard penalty.
GUILFOYLE: It is. It's 15 yards. So I don't know. I don't think that looks so charming or consensual.
WATTERS: Juan -- Juan, what do you think was happening there?
WILLIAMS: So this is interesting, because the previous segment, I see people throwing punches at people who have helmets on their head. And now she's grabbing the face mask, which as Kimberly points out. Penalty, penalty, penalty. But you know, so it turns out that they are -- have some relationship. She says they're friends. Or maybe they're even boyfriend- girlfriend. That's one way to get your man's attention. I'll tell you, he's not going to forget that one.
WATTERS: No, that was highly embarrassing. I don't think they're going to be dating much longer.
GUILFOYLE: She seems mad at him.
PERINO: I don't know. I love -- you know you have caption contests? That's pretty fun.
I wish, if she's going to tweet about it, I wish she would tell us more, what she told him.
WATTERS: Yes, we want the gossip.
GUILFOYLE: It probably involved another cheerleader.
WATTERS: Yes, definitely.
GUTFELD: Doesn't it always, Kimberly? Every problem in life involves another cheerleader.
Anyway, I want a movie about this, about everything that led to that moment, reconstructed three ways from three different directors.
GUILFOYLE: It's called "Love, Actually."
GUTFELD: Each -- don't ever say that word -- those words in front of me. You know when when you say "Love, Actually," I get very angry.
GUILFOYLE: He freaks out.
GUTFELD: I can't finish my thought now.
PERINO: The three different directors, talking about the movie, reconstructed.
GUTFELD: It's over now for me, because she said, "Love, Actually."
WATTERS: All right.
GUILFOYLE: His most hated...
WATTERS: There isn't a thing this White House can do without the liberal media crying foul. Not even bake pie. True story. Next.
WILLIAMS: This Thanksgiving, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders decided to do some baking. Why is that news? Well, she posted a picture of her chocolate pecan pie online, and it looked picture-perfect. So almost immediately, critics questioned its authenticity. Urban Radio Networks reporter April Ryan was among the skeptics. She tweeted, quote, "Show it to us on a table."
Sanders fired back at the piegate conspiracy: "Don't worry, April Ryan, because I'm nice, I'll bake one for you next week. #RealPie #FakeNews."
Oh, my gosh.
PERINO: I think they were joking. I mean, I can't imagine -- First of all, it's ridiculous for anyone to suggest that Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn't know how to bake, because...
GUTFELD: She's a woman?
PERINO: No. I'm just...
GUTFELD: I guess all women know how to make pies, Dana.
PERINO: I'm not saying that.
GUTFELD: Maybe -- you know what I'm going to say? I'm with April on this. This pie looks too perfect. It's like when Bill Hemmer posts Instagram pictures of his quads and his pecs. And I'm going, "That's not you, Bill." I want to see the real thing.
I'm just surprised a liberal, typical liberal just doesn't believe anybody could make their own pie.
PERINO: OK, that's not what I'm saying. I think that people got carried away. I think -- I think April was probably joking.
WILLIAMS: Well, let's hope. I don't know. I mean, if you take it to a serious level, Jesse.
WATTERS: Yes, I'm serious about this.
WILLIAMS: And if you want -- I am with Dana. But if you want to be serious, this has to do with, you could say, oh, this has to do with we were talking about the TIME magazine thing or the biggest inauguration ever. Is this about the credibility? That April Ryan is saying she doesn't believe anything that comes out of the mouth of this administration.
WATTERS: Yes, let's get to the crust of the matter. I mean the crux of the matter, Juan. Piegate shows how the relationship between the press and White House has crumbled. Trust is a very important ingredient. And without it, it's a recipe for disaster. And the public just doesn't have the appetite for these types of petty skirmishes. I'm glad Sanders took the pie road, I mean the high road. And she handled it tastefully.
WILLIAMS: This was excellent. That was excellent.
WATTERS: That was for Gutfeld.
GUILFOYLE: Peter would do something like that.
PERINO: But better.
GUILFOYLE: Better, yes. I left that part out. She gave you a little bit of mincemeat pie there.
WATTERS: Yes, she did.
WILLIAMS: So Kimberly.
PERINO: Is it pe-cahn or pe-can?
WILLIAMS: Pe-can. Kimberly, let me ask you...
WATTERS: He's an authority on this.
GUTFELD: Sounds like a drug advertised at FOX News.
WILLIAMS: I understand -- I understand where April Ryan says show us people eating. But why "Show it to me on the table?
GUILFOYLE: Show me the pie. I don't know, because she wants to see it in person. Like proof, like up close and personal. Like serve it up to me, show it to me. I don't know. Come on, like "covfefe." People are obsessing about the pe-cahn pie thing, or pe-can -- I don't know, potato, po-tah-toe.
But no, I think that Sarah Sanders baked the pie.
PERINO: So do we.
GUILFOYLE: So I don't understand why everyone is so up in arms about it.
WILLIAMS: And here's the thing...
GUILFOYLE: I would've just gone to a bakery and bought it, but you know.
WILLIAMS: Yes, I've got to tell you, but people are upset because she's from Arkansas. And a southern woman should not be questioned, I'm told, on her cooking.
Anyway, "One More Thing" up next.
GUTFELD: Time for "One More Thing" -- Dana.
PERINO: So if you saw the Thanksgiving show, you might have seen that Greg said that the best gift he ever got was the encyclopedia, a set of encyclopedias.
PERINO: So guess what? You can still get them.
PERINO: It's not just all online. The World Book Encyclopedia is celebrating its 100th year. It used to employ an international sales force of 40,000 people. Today there's about 100, one of which is a guy named Kerry Kirren (ph) in Ontario. And he calls himself the lonely salesman. You can still get -- you can get digital subscriptions, but teachers and librarians have been telling parents that it's good for children to have the actual book. And this year, the world encyclopedia 2017 edition is only $899. It's usually $1,099. What a deal.
GUTFELD: That's great, but I didn't say Encyclopedia Britannica. I said the People's Almanac. Whoever sent you that information is a liar and should be fired -- Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, I had a fantastic time with my friend Kat McPhee. Dana knows her and is friends with her, as well.
GUTFELD: I'm friends with her.
GUILFOYLE: No, you're not, Greg.
She performed at the Carlisle this weekend. Fabulous shows. And it was packed, totally sold out. Very exciting. And it was to celebrate her new album that you can get now called "I Fall in Love Too Easily." And it's available everywhere. That's us after, having fun and went out for a couple burgers.
She was accompanied by some acclaimed musicians during the performances. Frederic Yanni (ph) on harmonica and Chris Bhodi (ph) on trumpet and special guest David Foster. Take a listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Very nice.
GUILFOYLE: Absolutely beautiful. You remember her as an alum from "American Idol." She's a big fan of the show. She should come watch sometime. And she's on the show "Scorpio" now.
GUTFELD: All right. Time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I hate these pimples!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. So I'm over 50, which means I can see the end. You know, before 50, your 40s. You're going up a hill. You have fun. You party and doing all these awful things. And then all of a sudden, you're at the top of the hill. You can see the end. You know it's coming. Because there's less time ahead of you than there is behind, and it speeds up. And it's really bad. There's no upside to that downside. So why do I have a zit? Zits are not for old people. I have a giant zit on my neck. If I'm going to be dying of old age, and I'm getting wrinkles, there has to be a trade. Nobody over 50 should be getting zits. I don't know why I'm getting pimples.
WATTERS: Maybe that means you're going to live to 110.
GUTFELD: No, it's just...
GUILFOYLE: It's because you're so juvenile. That's why.
GUTFELD: I can't have wrinkles and zits at the same time. It doesn't make sense. I don't want to be in a coffin with Clearisil.
PERINO: You need some Proactiv.
GUILFOYLE: I can't relate to that.
GUTFELD: Of course, Juan. Because you're beautiful.
WILLIAMS: Thank you. Thanksgiving kicked off the holiday season. Of course, that's family time for everybody. Here are a few pictures of how my family spent this past holiday weekend. First of all, well, that's my grandson out chopping a Christmas tree. That's my brother, Roger, you know, cutting the turkey. And there, we have two couples who are getting married next June and July. That's Rafi and Morgan. And Nick and Marissa. Marissa is my niece.
And here are the -- here's Reagan and Patrick with the kids, out Christmas tree chopping out in Maryland. I think Maryland. That's -- they're getting directions there.
PERINO: That's a riveting photo right there.
WILLIAMS: There you go.
PERINO: That's pretty cute.
WILLIAMS: We -- then we went to the mall so the grandkids could get pictures with Santa. And there they are on Santa's lap out at Pentagon City. And then the whole group got in. That's the whole family. Everybody showed up this year for the 2017 Christmas picture.
GUTFELD: That's it? No more pictures?
GUILFOYLE: Your family is, like, so perfect.
GUTFELD: I know.
WATTERS: All right. The Philadelphia Eagles still rolling this year, 10-1 now on the season. And they just crushed the Chicago Bears. Alshon Jeffery caught a nice touchdown pass from Carson Wentz. Had a great little celebration in the end zone afterwards. Check this out.
There's the ball, and there's the strike. And down they go. Getting a little creative there. And I'll see you guys at the Super Bowl. Sorry, Juan.
PERINO: You like these planned end zone events that all the teams are having.
WATTERS: I'm fully supportive. Just having a little fun.
PERINO: I like it. It's pretty -- they're pretty creative. You think the team did, like, the Thanksgiving dinner?
WATTERS: Yes, they all passed around the stuffing.
GUILFOYLE: I think you might have an ingrown hair, actually.
GUTFELD: It's a pimple.
GUILFOYLE: I don't think so.
GUTFELD: Either way, it's starting to talk to me.
GUILFOYLE: Let's call Dr. Siegel.
WILLIAMS: Maybe Kimberly would squeeze it for you.
GUTFELD: Let's go. DVR and don't miss an episode of "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: So disgusting.
GUTFELD: I waited. Bret -- Bret, sorry about that.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God!
BAIER: Ending on a pimple? OK. Thank you, Greg.
Content and Programming Copyright 2017 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2017 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.