This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 23, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and she once took a cruise on a gravy boat, Dana Perino. Happy Thanksgiving -- "The Five." Pretty.
Tonight, a Facebook Friday eve extravaganza, your questions for the hour this Thanksgiving. You posted them on our page, facebook.com/thefivefnc. So let's begin. The first question, I shall go to you, Kimberly.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Of course.
GUTFELD: Where are the questions, by the way? Here they are.
GUILFOYLE: Well prepared.
GUTFELD: Well, I've just walk in here. This is from Judy S., what balloon would you be in the Macy's parade? Great question.
GUILFOYLE: I don't think I exist. Snow White.
GUTFELD: Well.
GUILFOYLE: She should have a balloon.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: No, there's a Wonder Woman balloon this year.
GUILFOYLE: Then I should be definitely be the Wonder Woman.
GUTFELD: Very, very good.
GUILFOYLE: For a lot of very good reason.
GUTFELD: Juan, you're full of a lot of hot air.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: I am.
GUTFELD: What balloon would you be?
WILLIAMS: I like Snoopy.
GUTFELD: Snoopy is my favorite. My favorite.
GUILFOYLE: He's really great.
GUTFELD: Excellent. How about you, Jesse?
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: I'm not familiar with the parade situation. Do we have any options?
GUTFELD: Yes, you do.
PERINO: The Grinch?
WATTERS: Fine.
(LAUGHTER)
WATTERS: Thanks, Dana. But fine.
PERINO: Well, I'm just -- you've ask for an option.
WATTERS: OK
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: I'll be the Grinch, unpack that one.
GUTFELD: How about you, Dana?
PERINO: I really like Kermit, Kermit the frog.
GUTFELD: That's good.
PERINO: I always love Kermit.
GUILFOYLE: That's my favorite, too.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: You should be -- I thought you're going to be Elf on a shelf.
GUTFELD: You know that's just not nice. This is supposed to be like giving thanks.
PERINO: I'm going by resemblances.
GUTFELD: All right. I know. I know. OK. Oh, interesting question, this one if from Debbie O. I will go to you, Dana, although we've probably know what the answer is with this, which of the former presidents would you like to have at your thanksgiving dinner and why? Pick one that you haven't already have dinner with.
PERINO: I would say Silent Cal.
GUTFELD: Oh.
PERINO: He didn't say a lot, Calvin Coolidge. A dinner would be over faster.
GUTFELD: That's true.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness.
PERINO: No, but I would like to ask him how he restrained himself because his office is very powerful, and he didn't actually do a lot of things. He was like, let's just let the country be.
GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
PERINO: I admire that.
GUTFELD: He's a businessman. What about you, Juan? You're a historian, or so you claim.
WILLIAMS: I don't claim.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: Very interesting show already.
WILLIAMS: I would say that, obviously, Abe Lincoln would be fabulous. Be awesome to sit and talk to, honestly. But then, when you come forward in time, I think it's so interesting to me that Harry Truman had to make so many key decisions, especially use of a --.
PERINO: Yeah.
WILLIAMS: So I would say, yeah. I would stick with those two.
GUTFELD: What about you, Jesse.
GUILFOYLE: Oh.
GUTFELD: I look at you and I did this.
GUILFOYLE: You were looking at me.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: You did that a lot. You look at me and then you say Jesse. It hurts me.
GUILFOYLE: I don't do that.
WATTERS: I'll go with Lincoln too because he's skinny. That means he's probably not going to eat a lot, which means more for me.
PERINO: OK.
GUTFELD: That is interesting. Wow. All right --
GUILFOYLE: Are you ready for me now?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: I would say JFK.
GUTFELD: Wow.
WATTERS: Why?
GUILFOYLE: Because I think he's very fascinating.
WATTERS: Is that the word.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: No, it's a conversation.
GUILFOYLE: No. I would want to talk to him about -- it was a very interesting time in history, and the time before he was assassinated and the Cuban missile crisis. It's something I'm interested in.
WATTERS: Is -- at the table, too?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, why not. Two for one.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: I don't know. Then you can have Marilyn Monroe at the table.
WATTERS: OK
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Kimberly, Juan wants to go to that one.
GUTFELD: I would choose Ulysses S. Grant.
PERINO: Oh, yes.
GUTFELD: You know why?
PERINO: No.
GUTFELD: You already have a flask with them in case we've ran out of booze.
PERINO: Did you read his memoirs?
GUTFELD: I actually did a book report on him on 8th grade, so I know a lot about him. Or at least I know with the encyclopedia Britannica told me.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: No. But what she asked was a really good question because that's the best autobiography of a president. You know who wrote it?
GUTFELD: Who?
WILLIAMS: Mark Twain.
GUTFELD: Really. See we learn something every day here at The Five, and then we choose to forget it immediately afterwards. All right. Number three, third question, Jennifer B., what is your specialty dish, keep it clean, that you take to someone else's house for Thanksgiving.
PERINO: I've got the one.
GUTFELD: Let's start with Juan.
WILLIAMS: Well, it's not me it's at least my wife. She takes sauerkraut. And this is so interesting because --
PERINO: Mouthwatering.
WILLIAMS: You know for me, I'm not a big fan. But, turns out it's a tradition in her family, right.
WATTERS: You hate your wife's sauerkraut.
WILLIAMS: I didn't say that.
WATTERS: You just did.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: You've said you're not a big fan.
WILLIAMS: I said it's not my favorite.
GUILFOYLE: You've said you're not a big fan.
PERINO: At anybody sauerkraut.
WILLIAMS: No.
GUTFELD: It is pretty -- it's pungent.
WILLIAMS: It's pungent --
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: But what is really interesting to me is when I first became aware of this I would say, how can you guys cook sauerkraut, because it could have other thing like pig feet, you know, sort of black food, right? Ben then they had this sauerkraut -- it turns out that part of her family is a German heritage, and so they make sauerkraut.
GUTFELD: Well.
WATTERS: Does the Germans allowed to celebrate thanksgiving, Juan?
GUTFELD: Why not. What's wrong with German celebrating --
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: I'm just saying. Everybody knows.
WILLIAMS: You know what, Greg complains about identity politics. I think the biggest single ethnic group in America is German.
WATTERS: OK. I was just thinking about German proper, but that's fine. Don't politicize the holiday, Juan.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Dana?
PERINO: Wine.
GUTFELD: Wine. Oh, I was going to say wine. I can't think of anything else.
PERINO: I'm really good at bringing the wine. Nobody wants me to bring anything else, believe me.
WILLIAMS: Come on, kid, you could cook.
GUTFELD: Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: I thought about your Kasam yesterday, by the way.
PERINO: Kimberly thinks that a thanksgiving --
GUILFOYLE: No, no, no --
GUTFELD: Why, because it's not American?
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: Mexican-American --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: You are taking my turn. I would love to bring, and I like to bring to anybody, banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery, and also one of their delicious apple pie and a pumpkin pie for dessert.
PERINO: Nice.
WILLIAMS: Man, that banana pudding from Magnolia is outrageous.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Did I leave anybody else? Is that it?
WATTERS: No. I'm going to K.G. on the dessert. I'll bring a pumpkin cheesecake, combo pumpkin pie cheesecake.
PERINO: Do you make the cheesecake?
WATTERS: Absolutely not.
PERINO: OK.
WILLIAMS: I might say, pumpkin cheesecake is heavy.
WATTERS: Yeah, Juan.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: I like the banana pudding. And of course, if you go across -- you know, and they have that -- what is that? Lemmon cake? That's outrageous.
GUILFOYLE: You like that a lot.
WILLIAMS: I like that a lot.
GUTFELD: I only bring prescription medication and I don't share. That gets me through the evening.
GUILFOYLE: When you mix it with your wine.
GUTFELD: No, I don't.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you do,
GUTFELD: America, don't do that. Michelle C. asks if you could ban one item, Jesse, this goes to you, from the thanksgiving menu, what would it be?
WATTERS: Juan's wife sauerkraut.
(LAUGHTER)
WATTERS: No, let's see. Ban one item? I mean, what's to ban. It's all good. Is it stuffing?
GUTFELD: Giblets are disgusting.
WATTERS: Giblets? What's that?
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Yeah, ban the innards. Get them out.
GUTFELD: Get them out -- they should get them out.
WATTERS: get them out.
GUILFOYLE: They've got to pull that out -- the plastic bag inside.
PERINO: Does it work though? Does it cook it?
GUILFOYLE: I mean it worked. You know, no one left.
GUTFELD: When was the last time you've cook the turkey, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: We'll get into that.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: A turkey quesadilla.
GUTFELD: What would you ban?
GUILFOYLE: I would ban -- first of all, I'm not a big fan of onions, number one. But not -- there was a plate of them anywhere. This is going to be seem weird.
GUTFELD: What?
GUILFOYLE: I don't -- but they love sweet potatoes. I can't take.
WATTERS: That's controversial.
GUILFOYLE: Mashed potatoes. But I wouldn't ban sweet potatoes because so many people I love adore them.
GUTFELD: I think this will end up on all the blogs. They're going to come after you, Kimberly. You might want to issue a statement ahead of time.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Juan?
WILLIAMS: Well, so this is just between the five of us and the millions that watched. Somebody in my family makes cream cauliflower, just like, wow, like I don't know what to say.
GUTFELD: Yeah, I know you. Anything cream -- cream spinach is the only thing I could eat creamed.
WILLIAMS: That's good.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: What do you think about the green bean casserole?
GUTFELD: Oh, don't like that, especially with almond chips on top of it. They've always try to make it creative. If it's not good at its base, it's never going to get good.
PERINO: When you mess with it?
GUTFELD: Yeah. When you're trying -- you can trust that Quasimodo.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Recently, I have become a fan of Brussels sprouts, and you know why? Because they do them in a way that they become crisp on the outside.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you can like fry them a bit.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: It's like an area town you have to drive by really quickly. That's what Brussels sprouts smells like.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: What is that?
GUILFOYLE: Kind of like the smell when you walk by?
GUTFELD: Oh, you kind of got there first with that joke, but it's OK. I would say I would ban turkey. I think turkey is overrated. It's a very dry, boring meat.
WATTERS: Well, you're not cooking it well. It could be very moist and succulent.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: If it was so good, why would they have gravy?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: You don't put gravy on steak because steak doesn't need gravy.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: They put steak sauce on steak sometimes.
GUTFELD: That's strange.
WATTERS: So you're now G. Kaput.
GUILFOYLE: You could deep fry it, and they have all those like --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Do you know how many fires have started by deep frying a turkey? Sixteen million a year.
GUILFOYLE: I'm so sorry.
WATTERS: Where did you get that from?
GUTFELD: By the map on my head.
(CROSSTALK) GUTFELD: Turkeys are ugly and strange and shouldn't be eaten. They should be pets.
WATTERS: This is thanksgiving, Gutfeld. Do you know that?
GUTFELD: I know. I know. How about a big chicken? All right. This is from Dolores, so good of you, Dana, what do you do after thanksgiving dinner? Do you watch football, play a game, take a nap?
PERINO: When I was growing up we started tradition of going to the movies after thanksgiving dinner, but I think we're eating later this year, and we're guess of someone else. I'm going to try again play charades. That is fun.
WATTERS: That is fun.
GUTFELD: I hate charades.
PERINO: I'm not that good, really.
GUILFOYLE: But then, remember when we've played it at your house that time in South Carolina -- you know, when Greg wasn't --
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: I'm so mad about that trip.
GUTFELD: There are a lot of people who can't play charades, so I just find this whole game a little bit oppressive. Juan, what do you do after thanksgiving dinner?
WILLIAMS: I leave.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: That best guest in the planet, Juan Williams.
WILLIAMS: Actually, we go to -- so I have Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's house, and then we have dessert and coffee at my wife's brother house, and then I fall asleep.
GUILFOYLE: But you didn't even like any of the food anywhere it seems.
WILLIAMS: No. I do like food --
GUILFOYLE: Do you like sauerkraut?
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: Yeah, J.W. So I avoid doing any dishes, and then I keep drinking and watch football.
GUTFELD: There you go.
PERINO: Sounds like a great guy to have around.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: I help with the dishes always, very good at doing dishes, and cleaning up, and wrapping up the leftovers. And then I love to watch football. And also, probably, have a glass of wine.
GUTFELD: That's nice. Usually what I do is I just wait for somebody to pick me up. The police are usually pretty nice about it. I usually have my own cell.
GUILFOYLE: In your unicorn sweater. Remember when Dana disinvited you to the Thanksgiving dinner?
GUTFELD: Yes, that was great. Come on over to the Thanksgiving dinner, and then don't --
GUILFOYLE: No. Because I was inviting -- I wasn't hosting, I was going to somebody's house and I don't know the people and it was a nice thing. And I was like, oh, he doesn't have anywhere to go, let's have him come. But then I thought, oh, he's going to hate it --
(CROSSTALK) PERINO: -- he's not going to like it, so I disinvited him, but out of concern for your wellbeing. I want you to be happy.
GUTFELD: Oh, fantastic. Well, so just do you know, I had a great time alone weeping at a closet.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Stabbing my Dana Perino doll that I made out of old socks. All right, last question from Paul K. -- let's go to you, Kimberly, how soon do you start listening to Christmas music?
GUILFOYLE: I would say a safe bet would be December 1. My little Pandora, my SunOS, and then you could put like Christmas station. And I think it's quite cheerful.
GUTFELD: Juan?
WILLIAMS: Well, this is a big complaint for me because I'm a big fan of channel 70 on XM which is love songs. Do you know that November 1st they changed to Christmas music?
GUTFELD: That's wrong.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Of you were Thanksgiving you'll be pretty angry.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: But also, I mean, the crass commercialism, I mean, they just want you to buy -- I mean, even Back Friday now, really is now the Monday before thanksgiving.
GUTFELD: Yes, terrible. They need to rename that as well. Jesse?
WATTERS: Why do they need to rename that?
GUTFELD: I just find the term Friday to be offensive.
(LAUGHTER)
WATTERS: Oh, I wasn't me.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: Monday can get a lawyer.
WATTERS: No, I'm fine. December 1st, bring it on. I'm ready.
GUTFELD: Dana?
PERINO: I only -- I never would actually choose to play it. It just happened to be around everywhere. Like, I went to get a manicure the other day, it's like early November and they're already playing it.
GUTFELD: Womanicure.
PERINO: What?
GUTFELD: Womanicure. Why does it have to be manicure? Womanicure. I'll practice saying that. Interesting fact about Christmas music, it's terrible because, you know, if you think about it -- if Christmas music was so good it would be played year-round.
GUILFOYLE: But it's not Christmas year-round.
GUTFELD: So they poised it on us for one month because they can't -- no one can stand it.
WILLIAMS: That's not true.
GUTFELD: It's terrible.
WILLIAMS: Because I think you know music, right? Phil Spector's Christmas music, outstanding that Wallace sound --
GUTFELD: And where is he now?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: He's serving life for murder.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: He kills your ears, and then your life.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: The holiday celebrating life, and you listen to the one that takes us away.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I think we can all agree here, Christmas music. All right. Much more to come on our Thanksgiving Facebook free-for-all. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: Hello, again. And welcome back to The Five. We have more questions to answer from you this Thanksgiving. I'm going to start with Kimberly. This is from Kristy E. What is your favorite non-news show?
GUILFOYLE: Wow. OK. Well, so I would say, it would have to be -- Greg, your head is on my shot.
GUTFELD: Sorry.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe it's Scandal or Grey's Anatomy.
PERINO: OK.
GUILFOYLE: Is that boring?
PERINO: No, that's good. People like those shows. If you're not watching news you can watch scandal, which is also kind like music.
PERINO: Juan?
WILLIAMS: Well, I mean, I want to watch the NBA, so I watch my favorite team the Wizards or --
PERINO: That's not a show.
WILLIAMS: But it is a show. Believe me. It's like a soap opera, in fact. It follows -- that the way men follow sports, Dana. It's like, oh, imagine this person did this, this decision, or this call was ridiculous, or whatever --
PERINO: Don't you watch anything besides sports?
WILLIAMS: Well, not much. Occasionally, I watch some of those HBO things --
PERINO: Like, The Wire?
WILLIAMS: I love The Wire. I mean, you go back to Boardwalk Empire, The Sopranos, I love those.
PERINO: OK. All right, Jesse?
GUTFELD: Something in this century please.
(LAUGHTER)
WATTERS: It's not on anymore, The Office, was my favorite show.
PERINO: You watched the re-runs?
GUTFELD: You're a lot like Michael Scott.
WATTERS: Thank you. I thought you're going to say Dwight.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I don't watch much TV anymore. I watch podcast. I come home I turn on a podcast. Right now, Norman McDonald's podcast, if you don't watch Norman, those are the best. I do watch BoJack Horsemen. They have a new series for BoJack Horsemen on Netflix, that's pretty good.
PERINO: Well, I like younger, highly recommend that for a girl like Kimberly. I like Madam Secretary, that show does a very good job. I like Better Things.
WATTERS: What does it do?
PERINO: That does a good job like talking about working in foreign policy in the government.
WATTERS: Oh, really?
PERINO: Yes.
WATTERS: Is that what it is?
PERINO: Yes, OK. All right. Jesse, we'll start with you. Melanie K. wants to know, what is something you think everyone should do, at least, once in their lives.
WATTERS: Let's see. Do once in their lives. That's a tough one because I haven't done everything.
PERINO: What would you like to do?
WATTERS: What would I like to do? You know, I don't know.
PERINO: All right. Should I start with somebody older? Juan, what do you think people should do once in their life?
WILLIAMS: I think you have to, sort of, go out in the woods by yourself and --
WATTERS: Vomit.
WILLIAMS: -- get out.
PERINO: Just get out quietly.
WILLIAMS: I mean, it's not that you necessarily are lost, but it's the idea that you go forward and it's a little bit like Walden Pond. You're just searching. It's hard to be by yourself these days.
PERINO: All right. Kimberly, why are you laughing?
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Juan has never been hiking in his entire life.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Be eaten alive, or like kidnap by gypsy or something, or eaten by bugs.
PERINO: You understand the spirit of this question, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: The call of the question calls for a sense of all you have fun, exhilarating --
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: I would like to say go to Ireland -- yes, in particular, the southern part of Ireland, it's quite beautiful. And you go to the cliffs of Morris, which I think is one of the most spectacular thing I've ever seen in my life, and I really enjoyed it a lot. And then, I would just take a little sojourn up to Dublin to Trinity College, where I studied law, and take a look at the book of Cals.
PERINO: All right. How about you? What would you have everyone do?
GUTFELD: Once your life you should be able feel the life of a stranger escape in your hands.
PERINO: Happy Thanksgiving.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: No, I would say have a psychedelic experience.
PERINO: Wow. Oh, no, I'm not doing that.
GUTFELD: I'm not saying how.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: No, you could meditate. You could meditate and have a psychedelic experience. You could listen to music and have a psychedelic experience. You could try certain kinds of natural substances in heaven, psychedelic experience.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: I strongly discourage it.
PERINO: I'm going to say everyone should go see Mt. Rushmore.
GUTFELD: Where is that?
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: South Dakota.
(CROSSTALK)
(LAUGHTER)
WATTERS: That was close.
GUTFELD: You didn't even know.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: What I was thinking about when you say about psychedelic is, that when I was driving at with my answer was like, when I was 19, I was living in Africa for a while, and I went to live with a tribe. So they put me with the boys.
GUTFELD: Right.
WILLIAMS: Well, they have a totally different view of the world. So, really, you're looking through the looking glass, because their view of the world, what's important to them is not important to us. Let me just tell you.
GUTFELD: That's the -- what I was getting at is that we are living in kind of an illusion. We don't really know --
WILLIAMS: The matrix.
GUTFELD: Yes, the matrix. And it's like if you have it out of your brain experience, it will change you for the rest of your life.
WATTERS: Say no to drugs, everybody.
GUTFELD: No, I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about -- if you actually -- if you go on a meditation retreat. I've spent a week in a monastery. It was insane.
GUILFOYLE: Did it help you?
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Can you go back?
GUTFELD: I ran away to a bar.
PERINO: All right. We're out of time. Oh, we have time for one more. OK. So we have to go quickly. If they made a movie of The Five, who would you get to play your part in the film and why? Greg?
GUTFELD: Me? Obviously, Julia Roberts. I am like America's sweetheart. So I would say Julia Roberts would play me.
PERINO: OK, that's good. All right. Juan, do you have an answer?
WILLIAMS: Let see. I don't know.
PERINO: It's a tough one.
GUTFELD: Meg Ryan would be great for Juan Williams.
PERINO: Jesse, yours is easy, right?
WATTERS: Darth Vader.
(LAUGHTER)
PERINO: I thought you're going to say Schwimmer.
WATTERS: Oh, is that a movie or a show.
PERINO: Well, who would you get to play you? I mean, does he have to be an athlete?
WATTERS: Fine, Ross. Well, you've taken a lot of shots today, Dana.
PERINO: No, I'm just trying to explain.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Who would play Dana? I think like Reese Witherspoon or something.
PERINO: I like her.
WATTERS: What was that movie? The little too goody good shoes --
PERINO: Legally blonde?
WATTERS: Is that it?
PERINO: Election.
WATTERS: Election, yeah.
PERINO: How about you Kimberly? You can wrap us up.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I could have taken Julia Roberts, but this weirdo took it.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: The fact that you did. OK. So, in that case, maybe -- I don't know.
WATTERS: Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts or -- oh, listen, she started it.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: No. I was thinking more of like the wholesome Julia Roberts.
PERINO: Like in the Pelican Brief?
GUILFOYLE: Yeah --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: -- or Steel Magnolia, Julia Roberts.
PERINO: I think Julia Roberts is so talented she can play the both of you. OK.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: All right. Stay right there, lots more of your questions straight ahead.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
MIKE EMANUEL, FOX NEWS: I'm Mike Emanuel in Washington. President Trump and the first last served Thanksgiving lunch at a coast guard station near their Florida's home today. The president is thanking American military personnel for their service. He told the troops there winning big under his watch. U.S. and Japanese ships continue their search on this holiday for three missing American sailors. Their transport plane went down in the pacific yesterday, eight crew members were rescued, the navy says it has notified the next of kin that their whereabouts are unknown.
You may be getting ready to head out the door to begin your holiday shopping. Many big stores are open tonight to get a head start on the traditional Black Friday stampede. The National Retail Federation expects sales to grow at least 3.6 percent like last year. Amazon is expected to take half of the holiday season's sales growth.
I'm Mike Emanuel in Washington. Join me for "Special Report" at 6 p.m. Eastern for these stories and more. Now back to "The Five's" Thanksgiving special.
GUILFOYLE: Welcome back. We're having a lot of fun answering your questions.
GUTFELD: No, we aren't.
GUILFOYLE: Guess what? We have a whole lot more. Silencio, Greg. OK. So first question here. From Darlene P.: "If you could invent any holiday, what would you call it and what would it celebrate?" Ooh, this is kind of a tough one. Greg, do you have --?
GUTFELD: Obviously, it would be Greg's Day and would celebrate all the great achievements of men under 5'6." Because oftentimes -- no, you know what? Short men -- if it wasn't for short men, the world would not exist. OK? Tall guys, they get to walk around. They always get the easy drink at the bar. But it's the short guy that builds the bar. It's the short guy that makes the money.
We'll be right back.
GUILFOYLE: OK, that was compelling.
PERINO: Writes the screenplay.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
GUILFOYLE: Napoleon and things like that. All right. Dana.
PERINO: I was going to say something -- I would like to have a day celebrating country music, because I think that that would be very fun; and Jesse might even actually participate.
GUTFELD: What would you call that?
PERINO: Country Day?
GUTFELD: Country Day?
PERINO: Country Day. National Country Day.
WILLIAMS: Sounds like a prep school.
GUILFOYLE: Jesse, what you got?
WATTERS: Monday after the Super Bowl. You all don't have to come in hungover and tired.
PERINO: Why isn't the Super Bowl on Saturday?
GUTFELD: Call it Lazy Hangover Day.
GUILFOYLE: So obviously --
WATTERS: This would be great. And Friday and Thursday.
GUILFOYLE: -- producers, Jesse wants that day off.
OK. Juan.
WILLIAMS: Let's see. I don't know. Maybe we could have a national kneeling day. Right? Yes. And protest. Right? So that everybody -- you know what?
WATTERS: I'm taking it.
WILLIAMS: We understand what America is about. We understand people standing up for their rights in this country. And you know what? We celebrate American democracy and free speech.
GUTFELD: And then the other side could say, "Ah, kneeling. How submissive. Kneel before us."
WILLIAMS: Yes. Really.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
WILLIAMS: That would be a comeback.
GUILFOYLE: I just don't think that Colin Kaepernick is worthy of a national holiday. I believe that a lot of people are shaking their head, agreeing with me out there.
OK. So how about this?
PERINO: What about you?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, yes. I'm working on that.
GUTFELD: Don't rush her.
GUILFOYLE: OK, so I think how about -- OK. How about a holiday honoring all the victims of crime and national disasters that have suffered in, like, earthquakes and hurricanes and just, like, having a moment for everybody?
PERINO: I like it.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Like give back on that day to all those particular causes and remember those people. I like it. I think it's quite good.
OK. From Karyn P., "If you could be a Democrat for a day, who would you be?" Dana.
PERINO: I could be a Democrat for a day. Gee, I never thought about that. So let me think. A living, current Democrat? I don't know. I don't know. This is actually harder for me than the actress one.
GUILFOYLE: I've got one. Dianne Feinstein.
PERINO: You would want to be her for a day?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I like her a lot. I know her from San Francisco. And she's on a lot of important committees. And so that I think her job would be interesting.
PERINO: I like my friend Mary Anne Marsh.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, she's quite nice.
PERINO: Yes, she comes on the show once in a while.
GUTFELD: Well, that's kind of creepy. You want to be your friend. Boy, she's going to call the police on you. You want to be her?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: That's a bit strange.
PERINO: Yes, she should watch out.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Greggins, do you have anything?
GUTFELD: Yes, I'd do Juan Williams. That way I could sit --
GUILFOYLE: Juan Williams.
GUTFELD: I could sit over there on "The Five" and agree with me.
WILLIAMS: That's a good strategy.
GUTFELD: Guess what, Greg? You're right.
WILLIAMS: You're right! You're right.
GUTFELD: Kaboom. Kaboom. I can't believe at this table, everybody's right.
GUTFELD: Guess what?
WILLIAMS: Guess what?
GUILFOYLE: It could have been Jesse. He's got the right initials.
WATTERS: I would be -- I would be Obama, because he's making about a half a million dollars for a speech.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, that's a --
WATTERS: Ka-ching. Guess what? Ka-ching.
WILLIAMS: Ka-ching. You win. You win.
GUILFOYLE: Such a free-market guy. Love that consistency about you, Jesse.
WILLIAMS: All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on.
GUILFOYLE: Well, wouldn't you want to be yourself?
WILLIAMS: No, no, I want to be a Republican. So if I'm a Republican, Kimberly, who do I get to be?
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
WILLIAMS: And do you know what my answer is? The most impressive president I ever met.
GUILFOYLE: Who?
WILLIAMS: George H.W. Bush. And you know why?
GUILFOYLE: That's a very good answer.
WILLIAMS: Not only is he a secret agent, because he ran the CIA.
GUTFELD: Right.
WILLIAMS: He's a good baseball player, right? And guess what? He won the presidency. I mean, come on. How do you beat that guy?
GUILFOYLE: All right. Real quick from Nancy E., "Who has the messiest office here of 'The Five'?"
PERINO: Oh, that's so easy. It's Greg.
WATTERS: Who is it?
GUILFOYLE: Greg.
PERINO: Greg.
GUILFOYLE: He's like little Pig-Pen.
GUTFELD: It's not messy. It's too small for the things that I have.
GUILFOYLE: There's like dust and things coming out of there.
PERINO: That's no excuse.
GUTFELD: What is messy about it? What's in there that is messy?
PERINO: I haven't been in there in a while.
WATTERS: I went in there once, and it was very dark.
GUTFELD: Yes. There's certain things I do in there that must be in the dark. But no.
GUILFOYLE: You're the messy -- you're very neat. You're very neat and organized. Dana and I obviously. Jesse, your like, office is pretty good.
WATTERS: Yes, I know. You're surprised.
GUILFOYLE: I'm totally surprised. Do you know whose office is a little bit crazy that currently is next to me? Brian Kilmeade.
PERINO: I believe that.
GUILFOYLE: Like weird stuff.
WATTERS: He has a stand-up thing, where he doesn't sit down in the chair. A stand-up desk.
GUTFELD: He has a lot of hair care products.
GUILFOYLE: That's you, by the way.
GUTFELD: He has a system. It's not a hairpiece. It's a system. So he's basically got a hair tree. He's got a hair tree so he can pull parts of his hair. He goes, "Today I'll be this," and then he moves it around.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, God. That's totally made up.
GUTFELD: When you pay that much for hair, it better be good.
GUILFOYLE: Salacious lies. Well, it's a Q&A fiesta. All right. A little bit of a slam this Thanksgiving. Stay with us for more answers to your questions, all coming up.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WILLIAMS: Burp, it's Thanksgiving day. You know what time it is. Time to answer more of your questions posted on our Facebook page.
How about this one? "If you could be a fly on the wall," Ms. Guilfoyle --
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
WILLIAMS: " -- what private conversation, past or present, would you want to listen to?"
GUILFOYLE: Fly on the wall. This is kind of a tough one. Past or present conversation in general?
WILLIAMS: Yes. Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Not political?
WILLIAMS: Anything, anybody. Anything.
GUILFOYLE: Uh --
WILLIAMS: Do you want to take a pass, and we go and then come back to you?
GUILFOYLE: Maybe like a --
WILLIAMS: Go ahead.
GUILFOYLE: I know. A conversation -- the last conversation that -- that President Trump had.
WILLIAMS: The last one, why's that?
GUILFOYLE: Because it would be the most current and most relevant.
WILLIAMS: OK. All right. Jesse.
WATTERS: Maybe that Comey-Trump dinner that was very controversial and they have sparked this entire investigation. We might get to the bottom of things with that.
GUILFOYLE: Good one. Good one. Good one.
WILLIAMS: All right. Dana Perino.
PERINO: There was a tape, but there's not a tape.
I think that I would like to have listened in to conversations between Winston Churchill and Roosevelt, leading up to the Americans getting in the war.
WILLIAMS: Because he was suckering him in?
PERINO: Suckering, no.
WILLIAMS: Oh, wait.
PERINO: I think Winston Churchill -- I don't think that was suckering. You think that that was bad for us to get in?
WILLIAMS: No, no, not bad. It was good for us. In fact, I would have favored it, but I'm just noting that there was a lot of nationalistic instinct on the American part --
PERINO: Right.
WILLIAMS: -- not to get involved in a European conflict.
PERINO: Right. And he persuaded them to do the right thing.
WILLIAMS: Correct, that's what I'm saying.
PERINO: I would like to have -- I would like to have heard that.
WILLIAMS: All right. Gregory.
GUTFELD: If I were a fly on the wall, I would like to be overhearing two other flies in my family, just to hear what they were saying about me.
WATTERS: It's not going to be good.
GUTFELD: No. Because then you'd find out if flies could really, you know, communicate. Which is kind of interesting. I always thought about it. They must have some kind of consciousness, flies.
WILLIAMS: They must.
GUILFOYLE: I'm not -- not really that interested.
GUTFELD: They must feel some -- they must feel some sort of pain when you crush them under your heels, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: I do not step on flies.
WATTERS: Someone get a flyswatter.
GUTFELD: I've seen the videos.
WILLIAMS: No. She pulls the wings off.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: No, I don't.
WILLIAMS: I'm teasing, I'm teasing.
GUILFOYLE: My gosh. Entomology 111, Insects and Human Affairs.
PERINO: She remembers everything.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. And I wrote my paper on --
GUTFELD: She does too many drugs.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, and I wrote my paper on "Entomophobia and Delusionary Parasitosis."
WILLIAMS: Your memory is great.
WATTERS: Yes, too.
GUILFOYLE: Got an "A" plus in that class, an "A" plus. The highest grade in the class.
WILLIAMS: But I think you got "A" pluses in a lot of classes.
GUILFOYLE: Well, that one in particular I remember.
GUTFELD: Was that at Davis?
GUILFOYLE: U.C. Davis.
GUTFELD: Yes. Aggie.
WILLIAMS: I would go to -- I would listen as the fly on the wall to that conversation between Biden and Obama, where Obama counsels him against running against Hillary Clinton.
GUTFELD: That'd be good.
WILLIAMS: Or how about --
GUTFELD: You know what he'd say?
WILLIAMS: What?
GUTFELD: "You swim in the nude. Don't run."
WILLIAMS: Don't run. Or how about when -- when the Trump guys with that Russian, where the meeting was supposedly about adoption, remember that one?
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
WILLIAMS: Turned out to be more than one Russian, and it wasn't about adoption. Hmm. That would be interesting.
All right. Here's another question: "What's your favorite birthday gift that you received as a child and who gave it to you? And do you still have it?"
Greg, you want to start?
GUTFELD: You know, that's a good question. I would have to say, and this would surprise all of you, "The People's Almanac." Do you remember that big fat book?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: They gave it -- I remember how angry I was when I got it. Because you know you sneak -- you know where they hide the presents.
GUILFOYLE: That's a great one.
GUTFELD: I opened up the closet, because I knew where they hid the key, and there was this box that was so heavy it could been a human head.
GUILFOYLE: Eww.
GUTFELD: And I'm thinking -- I'm hoping it's a human head. But no. So I'm thinking it could be anything. It's a book, and it's The People's Almanac. And I'm going -- and it was amazing.
And then they did "The Book of Lists." Do you remember "The Book of Lists"?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: These were amazing. That's what got me to read.
WILLIAMS: That's cool.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WILLIAMS: Dana.
PERINO: Well, I don't have it anymore, because my godmother, Donna Nelson used to send me an angel food cake that she made.
GUTFELD: Thank God you don't have it anymore.
PERINO: Yes, it would be hard to have it anymore. And it was a really special gift that I got every year.
WILLIAMS: How nice. And that's memorable.
Jesse.
WATTERS: I know the gift that I didn't get, which I'm still upset about. I asked for the Michael Jackson leather jacket with all the zippers. My parents said it was too expensive. It only cost 30 bucks at the time. They gave me the glove instead where it was, like, you make your own glove. You put glue and sparkles.
GUTFELD: That's hilarious.
WATTERS: Not the same. That would been worth a lot of money.
GUILFOYLE: This is like the Nintendo. Like, you're upset about the --
GUTFELD: Now somebody's going to send you the jacket.
WATTERS: I'm very happy about it. Andrea Streaker (ph), thank you very much.
GUILFOYLE: Send you the Michael Jackson jacket.
WATTERS: Yes.
PERINO: Next week, can we have the "Mom Texts" after this show.
WATTERS: Yes. We're dialing it up. She's already sending something now.
WILLIAMS: Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: What -- what gifts do I want?
WILLIAMS: Yes, birthday gift. Favorite birthday gift you ever got and who gave it to you?
GUILFOYLE: I can't be answering these questions.
GUTFELD: Which car?
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
PERINO: It says as a kid.
GUTFELD: Which car?
PERINO: It says as a child. As a child.
GUILFOYLE: As a child, as a child. Thank you, Dana. Good save.
As a child, well, can I be honest? I really did -- but you know the answer. I loved my Winnie the Pooh. Because that was, like, a special order when it came. And that was the one that my mom got me. But then it got given away to poor children, and I was very sad. And then somebody sent me one, which is very sweet.
WILLIAMS: Well, my folks weren't into gifts. So I don't remember any particular gifts.
GUTFELD: That's sad.
WILLIAMS: All right. But I will just say -- let's just say, there's one more question here about your favorite actor or actress. So just really quickly. Your favorite actor, actress?
GUTFELD: I would have to say Lee Marvin.
WILLIAMS: Because --?
GUTFELD: Lee Marvin. One of the greatest actors of all time.
WILLIAMS: Dana, we've got to go.
PERINO: I think that time you were done.
WILLIAMS: You want to answer?
PERINO: They're going to cut us off.
WILLIAMS: Anybody have one?
GUILFOYLE: No.
WATTERS: Julia Roberts, "Pretty Woman."
WILLIAMS: All right, all right, all right. I like -- I like Angela Bassett. But you know.
PERINO: They're going to cut this whole thing.
WILLIAMS: Sigourney Weaver.
"The Five" will be back in a flash.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WATTERS: food, family and football AND more Facebook questions to answer this Thanksgiving. From Martha P., "If you could have Thanksgiving at the home of one of "The Five," which one would you choose? Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: Dana.
PERINO: Yes, absolutely.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, isn't that the obvious --
WATTERS: Obvious choice.
GUTFELD: No. Not at all. I would probably be at Juan's.
PERINO: Why, because you like sauerkraut?
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS; I think Juan would have some interesting after-dinner stuff going on.
WILLIAMS: That is true.
WATTERS: Juan, is the answer at your house? You're going to stay at home.
WILLIAMS: No, I think the mom of the show is Dana.
WATTERS: That's a nice compliment. I'm going to agree.
GUILFOYLE: She's a very good entertainer.
WATTERS: Were there this summer. Very a nice spread.
PERINO: Very nice spread.
GUTFELD: When was there?
GUILFOYLE: You were there.
WATTERS: You were there. You just don't remember.
PERINO: Jesse, I'd go to your house, because I really want to meet your girls.
WATTERS: Thank you. And my liberal mother.
PERINO: Yes. Absolutely.
GUTFELD: My liberal mother.
WATTERS: I know.
GUTFELD: That's a book, by the way. You should GET -- write that right away. "My Liberal Mother."
WATTERS: In all my free time.
From Claudia W.: "Do you put up Christmas trees right after Thanksgiving?"
I'm going to go with Gutfeld on this one.
GUTFELD: Yes, I do. Right after.
WATTERS: On Friday you're erecting the tree.
GUTFELD: I've got lights all over the roof.
GUILFOYLE: That is not true.
WATTERS: Santa and everything.
GUTFELD: And I dress up as Santa.
GUILFOYLE: You don't even have a Christmas tree.
GUTFELD: I went to Santa school, I'll have you know, in the '90s. If you want to look it up, for "Good Morning America." I actually went to Santa school to be a Santa.
WATTERS: As an elf?
GUTFELD: No. As Santa Claus.
WATTERS: OK. Dana.
PERINO: No, but I would buy a poinsettia.
WATTERS: That's nice.
Juan.
WILLIAMS: Goodness.
You know, the problem with it is not only do people put it up early, then they keep it around too long.
GUILFOYLE: It's like a fire hazard.
WILLIAMS: I would say you put it up. You know, my wife's birthday is, like, the 18th. So sometime in that week, I put up the Christmas tree.
WATTERS: Kimberly probably travels out east and chops her own tree down. Isn't that right, Kimberly?
GUTFELD: No, she actually went to Christmas tree class and got an "A" plus.
GUILFOYLE: How did you know?
I am very good, setting up my little Christmas village with little stockings.
GUTFELD: Trains.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, and a train. Of course I do. And a beautiful tree and the whole works.
WATTERS: Very festive.
GUILFOYLE: Gorgeous.
WATTERS: Last question from Steven H.: "Who, in your opinion, is the biggest turkey of the year, thus far" -- Dana?
PERINO: Wow. Wow. Harvey Weinstein.
WATTERS: I would agree with that.
GUILFOYLE: I would agree with it, too.
WILLIAMS: I don't know. So the biggest turkey of the year. You guys have stumped me. I mean, let's get outside politics.
WATTERS: Wouldn't be the first time, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Yes. All right.
GUILFOYLE: Won't be the last.
WATTERS: You agree. Weinstein?
GUTFELD: I'm just going to say Hollywood.
WATTERS: Hollywood, the whole --
GUTFELD: One big giant bird. We should give them the bird.
GUILFOYLE: Bird.
WATTERS: All right. "One More Question," next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE (singing): Have it your way, have it your way. Have it your way, at Burger king.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: May I help you sir?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, you may.
All right. "One More Question" this Thanksgiving, and it's a doozy. It's from Daniel K. He took hours to think of this one on Thanksgiving. Nice one, Daniel. You win a special award. Kimberly --
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
GUTFELD: -- "What are you thankful for and why?"
GUILFOYLE: I'm very thankful and grateful and blessed to have my little boy Ronan in my life. He's absolutely wonderful. He's a sweetheart, and he treats other people so well and makes me very proud.
GUTFELD: Aww, that's nice.
GUILFOYLE: And I love my brother, too.
GUTFELD: That's good. Juan.
WILLIAMS: So it's family. I mean, there's just no question. Especially, you know, this time of year, my son just moved into a new house with his bride to be. So it's going to be a wedding next year. My other son, you know, got married a year ago. And they're thinking about babies.
And then, of course, I get to go hang out with granddaughters, identical twins who are five now, and a 7-year-old grandson. It's a lot of fun.
GUTFELD: So they're moving in before they get married, Juan?
WILLIAMS: Yes, indeed. Indeed.
GUTFELD: Good to know. Going to hell.
WATTERS: Oh, wow.
GUTFELD: Jesse.
WATTERS: Friends and family, obviously. We're spending time together on this holiday. And my beautiful twin daughters. And also the men and women in uniform who are --
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
WATTERS: -- serving around the world and protecting us so we can all spend a safe and happy holiday here with our families.
PERINO: I would say freedom and health and I'm -- I was really struck this year when I went back to Mercy Ships in Africa and just seeing how selfless the people are that volunteer there and how important health is, and it really is something to be thankful for and to take care of.
GUTFELD: I'm also going to say -- I'm going to say friends and family. It's a great plan for phone service.
That's a joke from five years ago.
PERINO: Can I get on yours?
GUTFELD: Yes, you can.
I'm -- I'm not going to say. I'm going to say thankful that this show is almost over, because that means I can get home --
GUILFOYLE: Eat more.
GUTFELD: -- put on my pajamas, open up a bottle of wine, and watch, like, "Law and Order" reruns until my eyes bleed.
GUILFOYLE: "SVU" marathon.
GUTFELD: "SVU" marathon.
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
GUTFELD: By the way, they trick you, because just as one ends, another one starts. And if you're mildly inebriated you don't know which one is -- you don't know if you're in the middle.
GUILFOYLE: Where it begins and where it ends.
GUTFELD: And if you don't have a clock in your house, which I don't, it could be -- you could be at any time. You don't know what the table (ph) is doing.
GUILFOYLE: It could suck you in like that.
WILLIAMS: You know what I do? I just go and watch the commercials on FOX.
GUTFELD: Yes?
WILLIAMS: I'm always interested in silver. You know?
GUTFELD: Gold and silver.
WATTERS: Protect yourself against a volatile market.
GUILFOYLE: William Devane.
GUTFELD: What is in your safe?
All right. Thanks for spending Thanksgiving with us. Set your DVR so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you back here tomorrow. Something called "Special Report" is up next.
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