This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 5, 2016. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Hello everyone and Happy Labor Day. I'm Juan Williams along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Eric Bolling, Melissa Francis and the man who thinks robots deserve to day off, Greg Gutfeld. Its 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."
It's September 5th, and you know what that means, the first of three presidential debates between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton just three weeks away. It's going to be great TV, that's for sure. One of the most highly anticipated matchups in political history. What are Clinton and Trump doing to get ready?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
HILLARY CLINTON, DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: You have to prepare, but I watched a lot of his debates during the primaries, and he insulted all of his opponents.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right.
CLINTON: He insulted all of the moderators. He insulted I guess about 80 percent of the American people and the rest of the world. So I want to take it seriously. I want to talk about what I think we can do and how important it is, but you've got to be prepared for like wacky stuff that comes at you.
DONALD TRUMP, REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: I think they are going to be very important. It really looks like three debates. I look very much forward to it. It will be very interesting but especially the first one is going to be very interesting evening.
Well I think it's going to be very important. I don't know that it's make or break, but I've done well in the debates. I had 17 people in the debates and you know I'm the one that survived. I have enjoyed the debating process. I've never debated before professionally or as a politician because I was never a politician before, but we had 11 debates that I participated in and, according to everybody, I did very well.
(END VIDEO CLIPS)
WILLIAMS: Sources say Clinton has at least 25 researchers working on opposition files to help the Secretary find a way to fluster Trump while they're on the stage. Donald Trump has been prepping with advisers but says it can be dangerous to go overboard with preparation for debates because you don't want to sound scripted or phony. So Melissa, you're someone who has been on a professional stage. You know what it's like. Can you be too scripted in a debate?
MELISSA FRANCIS, CO-HOST: I guess you could be. I don't know. It's hard for me to believe that Trump isn't doing a lot of preparation. When you look at even just how much better his prompter reading has gotten for example, I mean, remember just a week or two ago when he first started using the prompter all the time, you could really tell he was reading it. And then all of a sudden he started doing it well. So, I think that he's definitely practicing.
I think for Hillary Clinton, I mean, she's kind of a bit robotic no matter what so I'm sure she's practicing, but she comes off kind of like an elitist robot dictator out there doing her thing. I think you can over practice but probably not in this setting because it's really high pressure and there's going to be about a zillion and a half people watching and neither of them knows what's really coming. So, I would say practice to your heart's content.
WILLIAMS: Well, you know Kimberly, in fact, what we hear is that the Clinton team is talking to Tony Schwartz who wrote "The Art of The Deal" with Donald Trump trying to get inside Trump's head. And they're also consulting with psychologists to see if there's a way they can irritate him, you know, needle him on the stage and get him to act out of character. What do you think?
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: I mean, I'm sure that's a lot of money for consultants, you know, to make. It's one way to stimulate the economy. Figure it out. Trump's not like in hiding all the time. He's not like napping now, shush, like Hillary is probably resting for the debate, you know. I mean, what is there to figure out about him? He's transparent. He tweets. He tells you exactly what's on his mind. He's been available every day for any kind of press conference. He's done how many rallies now.
I mean, the guy is constantly on the move. To be honest, I'm concerned because he's working so much is he going to be prepared for the debate any time even to be able to invest in it because, you know, he's made himself so available to the media and to all these other events.
WILLIAMS: You know, Eric, I've never, ever heard of a candidate who refuses to do a mock debate, but apparently he's -- he doesn't even want to practice. He's having meetings and according to the newspaper reports, they have bacon cheeseburgers, Cokes and sit around and just talk about the debate. But there's no actual practice.
Now, you know, historically, especially among the Democrats, they bring in somebody to pose as the other side, right? And they act like the other candidate. But he doesn't want to do it.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Okay. At least we don't know if he's going to do it.
WILLIAM: Well, that's what they say.
BOLLING: He's in good hands now, he has Kellyanne Conway. He's got Steve Bannon. Look at what he did in the last few days, he flew to Mexico before his big immigration speech and then he went immediately to Ohio, did speech after speech after speech, then went to Detroit and did this big economic thing, reached out to African-American communities.
He is on a serious schedule right now. So, he's being handled very well. I think he'll be more than well prepped. I think they're probably saying, it's genius to say, yeah, we've got cheeseburgers and Cokes and we're not...
BOLLING: ...but I'm sure he's going to be extremely prepped for that debate.
FRANCIS: It's not so good.
BOLLING: Also, the rumor is that Mark Cuban may sit in as Donald Trump on the Democratic side for Hillary so she may debate him with Jennifer Granholme who's been a long time debate prepper who did a lot of debate prep with Barack Obama. She's been very, very good. And on the other side, the rumor is that Laura Ingram is going to sit down and help Donald Trump out Hillary Clinton. I think both these are great people to stand in, if the rumors are true.
WILLIAMS: So, one of the most memorable moments I recall from recent debate history, I came home after a debate and I went to see my mom. And my mom was on the edge of losing it, sort of. And I said, "Mom, boy, that debate," you know, between Al Gore and George Bush, boy, I think Gore really handed it to him. And my mom looked at me and she said, "Oh, no, he was so rude and condescending to Mr. Bush.
I think Mr. Bush is such a nice man and I just can't believe that that's what you think." I was like, "Whoa! What debate did I watch?" So, one of the dangers Greg for Hillary Clinton in this is she might be well prepared, she might have more knowledge, but she comes across to the audience as somewhat arrogant, elitist. I think you said elitist.
FRANCIS: Elitist robotic.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, what do you think Greg?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, you know, it's interesting. Right now, these candidates are on two separate train tracks. They keep going past each other. What a debate does is it puts them on the same track and they're coming right at them and I think it's going to be -- I think the first debate is going to be extremely ugly. I think each candidate can learn from the other one.
For example, Trump could learn to be more policy driven. She could learn to be funnier. I don't know if that's going to happen. But the thing we're not talking about is the real debate. Pence versus Kaine. I mean, we're talking about Trump versus Hillary, but by far more interesting than that, more exciting, it's Pence versus Kaine. Do you know which one is Pence or which one is Kaine? There they are. This is like a tennis match between kitchen appliances.
FRANCIS: Which one's Greg?
GUTFELD: This will have the excitement of watching your phone recharge. I'm not sure we need a V.P. debate.
WILLIAM: What did Admiral Stockdale say? Who am I and why am I here?
GUTFELD: He was a great...
WILLIAMS: Don't you like that? All right.
GUTFELD: It's an interesting like its so milquetoast that...
WILLIAMS: Yeah, but okay. But the other side -- the other side Gregory is...
GUILFOYLE: You'll be sent to cover that one.
WILLIAMS: Trump comes off as not knowing what he's talking about. He gets embarrassed up on the stage.
GUTFELD: The challenge for him and the reason why he succeed was he was up against 17 people or 16 -- was it 17 total? So that means that you can insult and move on to the next person. That takes up most of the time. But you're one on one now. So, that means you can't just lob little grenades over and over again.
Sooner or later you got to add some facts, some substance when you're one on one or perhaps one and two if Johnson is there but I don't think he will be. Not the way it's going.
WILLIAM: All right, Trumps campaign manager says the Republican nominee is taking a very different approach to his opponent as he preps for their debate.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KELLYANNE CONWAY, TRUMP CAMPAINGN MANAGER: He's an unconventional candidate, and he's not going to prepare the way Hillary does. The Donald Trump, the authentic Donald Trump who's been taking his case directly to the voters is the one that you will see on the debate stage with Hillary Clinton and I think they're nervous over in Clinton camp because he is the -- he's the unpredictable X factor. She is has scripted status, Hillary Clinton, that you know, that basically needs to memorize lines.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Wow. So, this is what we're saying, that she's scripted, he's not scripted, but there is an amazing, interesting, historical fact here. This is the first time we're going to see a woman on the debate stage. OK and you've got a candidate, Donald Trump, who is known to have a little difficulty with women. What do you think? Is this a danger that he could do something that especially women voters would interpret as offensive?
BOLLING: Leading question.
GUILFOYLE: Leading question.
WILLIAMS: Objection, your honor.
GUILFOYTLE: Objection sustained.
GUTFELD: Juan, we never do that here on "The Five."
WILLIAMS: Oh, we never ever.
GUTFELD: We never say, was that a great speech by Trump or a really great speech?
WILLIAMS: We would never say that.
BOLLING: Or his best speech.
GUILFOYLE: Or best speech ever.
GUTFELD: Best speech ever and will ever be.
GUILFOYLE: Or wasn't it huge?
WILLIAMS: Huge, huge. It was a huge speech. So what do you think?
GUILFOYLE: So, anything is possible, right? Of course, he's going to speak his mind. He's not a scripted person. But that's why he's done so well, you know, thus far. But Hillary Clinton is somebody who is battle tested. She's going to be able -- I think she's going to be prepared. She'll be able to hold her own. I do not think that he can be intimidated by facing her on the debate.
WILLIAM: As a woman?
GUILFOYLE: As a candidate running for president regardless of gender.
WILLIAM: But he's got to deal with the fact that she's a woman.
GUILFOYLE: I understand that, but what is there to deal with? He should debate her as if she is anyone else on the stage just like he did when Carly Fiorina was on the stage.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no, no, no, that didn't work so well.
GUILFOYLE: No, no, no, listen. No, what I'm saying is Carly Fiorina was treated like an equal on the stage as she should be with all the other male candidates up there running for the Republican nomination, right? So I think you have to kind of like play your game focus that way. Do not go and say...
FRANCIS: I disagree.
GUILFOYLE: ...I see a female. I see a male. Debate her on the issues.
FRANCIS: He should, but unfortunately I think everybody's going to be watching with a magnifying glass and he does have to be careful about his tone and he can't attack her too much. I think both are completely sandbagging and lying about the preparation. I mean, she's saying he's so wild and crazy, I don't know where it's going to coming from. I mean, who is she kidding? She's as tough as nails. He's saying I'm eating cheeseburgers and drinking Coke and, you know, playing field hockey or not even practicing over here.
Everyone is lying. Everyone is practicing. They're going to get out there. It's going to be, I would bet, the highest rated, biggest night for a debate ever. Everyone is going to be watching especially that first one and I bet that they're both going to come out swinging. You're forgetting though there were a couple of debates where Trump was really subdued. I mean, remember that? So, I think that's one of the fears that maybe he backs off a little too much...
GUILFOYLE: (Inaudible) to himself.
FRANCIS: Because he doesn't want to look like he's attacking a woman. I agree with you on that premise that he does need to be careful.
WILLIAM: Right, let me ask Mr. Masculine. You know that once...
FRANCIS: Which one of these two?
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, which one?
GUTFELD: Come on.
GUILFOYLE: So alpha.
WILLIAMS: So, when Hillary had her first senate debate here in New York, right, her opponent actually walked over to her, and that was seen as too aggressive, invading her space.
BOLLING: That's not -- there's nothing that's -- look at it this way. Here is UFC, Donald Trump, versus championship boxing...
WILLIAMS: Hillary Clinton.
BOLLING: The old school, the typical politician. She knows how to box. She knows how to fight in the ring. But you put a UFC boxer in a regular boxing ring, that person wins every time because the boxers use the rules. Rules go out the window when you put UFC and a boxer together.
BOLLING: And Donald Trump is not -- you can't prepare for Donald Trump, no matter how hard you try. You just don't know where it's coming. You don't know what you're going to get.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, she gets snippy, too, so she has to be careful because he's going to be able to build up her case.
BLOLLING: And what? Because she doesn't prepare or she can't prepare for it, he'll come at her with some things that will frustrate her, and she may get frustrated and mad and angry and that will come off poorly, too. I think this is going to be a very, very important moment for Donald Trump.
WILLIAMS: So Greg, if you are now advising the two of them going into this, what do you say?
GUTFELD: Well, I think back to this thing about gender, I think Bernie McGuirk says this a lot. He says that the compliment to Trump is also the consequence of Trump. He doesn't see gender so he will insult a woman's looks the way he insults a man's looks, like he'll make fun of Carly Fiorina's face.
GUTFELD: But because he doesn't think that that's any different than making fun of a man's face. So that is truly being gender blind. He doesn't see male or female, and, therefore, that comes off as sexist, ironically. I guess -- I think you have to maintain composure. You cannot...
WILLIAMS: What about humor?
GUTFELD: If either side loses their cool, then they lose.
WILLIAMS: What about like trying -- when someone said can Hillary be funny? Can she be relaxed?
GUTFELD: She's got to have a few things, you know, up her sleeve and they usually do. You know, there are always somebody has a couple of jokes and she's going to try to draw him out with a couple little shots to get him mad because they've been looking at his psyche. And all he has to do is try to get her just angry enough to raise her voice so that she sounds like she's incredibly defensive and shrill. That's what I would do. I would try to get her...
FRANCIS: That high-pitched laugh that she does like with the wipe the server thing.
GUTFELD: Yeah, she's got to get him to look mean and he's got to make her look shrill.
WILLIAMS: Well, as Ronald Reagan once said, "I'm not going to take advantage of my opponent's youth and inexperience." Pretty good for an old guy. Much more to come on "The Five" Labor Day Special. Is a big surprise in store for Trump or Clinton coming very soon? That would be an October surprise perhaps? We've got some predictions. Stay with us.
BOLLING: It's September. October is just around the corner. It's a dreaded month for presidential candidates in a lot of past elections. It's a month when some kind of surprising information gets leaked on one or both of the candidates deliberately timed to influence the outcome of the vote, hence, nicknamed the "October Surprise." WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange is threatening to dump damaging new information at some point on Hillary Clinton. Listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MEGUN KELLY, FOX NEWS THE KELLY FILE SHOW HOST: Are we going to see it before the November 8th election?
JULIAN ASSANGE, WIKILEAKS FOUNDER: Yes, absolutely. People have a right to understand who it is that they're nominating and it's a variety of different types of documents from different types of institutions that are associated with the election campaign, some quite unexpected angles that are quite interesting, some even entertaining.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Okay. Greg, you like -- you think this is going to happen? You think he's got (ph) some stuff?
GUTFELD: See, I always thought "October Surprise" was something you have to look up in the urban dictionary. It's like that will cost you double if you want an "October Surprise" and triple if your friend watches. So, I don't know.
GUTFELD: Or it could be like a really cool holiday dessert. Like an "October Surprise" would be like a pumpkin but inside the pumpkin is another pumpkin. I sometime think the "October Surprise" is maybe a kind of magical thinking, like if you're in debt you go, well, I'll just win the lottery. So people are hoping, maybe there will be an "October Surprise." I don't know.
GUTFELD: Well, follow that.
GUILFOYLE: Why are you coming to me here?
FRANCIS: That's what I was going to say.
BOLLING: That's what those "October Surprise" are all about. Your thoughts on...
GUILFOYLE: Oh my, pumpkin.
BOLLING: ...Julian Assange or anything else?
GUILFOYLE: Look, I think if he's saying that he's going to deliver something that is going to be quite significant. When I interviewed Trump he said it was going to be earth shattering with respect to Hillary Clinton, I think you should expect it to happen. It just depends and Julian Assange, she told Megyn Kelly that well, it depends if media is going to cover it. If they're actually going to, you know, put it out there and like, you know, drive the story. But he knows what he's got and I'm just curious, you know, when?
GUTFELD: You trust Julian Assange?
GUILFOYLE: I don't trust him at all. But when he had said that he has stuff and he's going to leak it...
FRANCIS: He has it.
GUILFOYLE: He has.
BOLLING: Yeah, he has.
GUTFELD: Some of it isn't as earth shattering as he claims ever.
BOLLING: And sometimes the "October Surprise" doesn't even hurt the person they're going after.
FRANCIS: No, no, that could be the surprise part. It doesn't hurt who it is supposed to. So, I would think its Julian Assange, but I want to come up with my own answer. So, I went with that I think that they'll try to do something with the Clinton Foundation like shutter it or of shutter it. The Clinton Global Initiative is this big liberal lovefest where they show up weeping about the environment and hugging rainbows and unicorns run through the street that happens in September 19th through the 21st here in New York. It's crazy.
So, they're having their big meeting and I think that in conjunction with that, they're going to say something about we're going to mothball, you know, part of the foundation. They already said they're going to leave Chelsea in charge which showed kind of how tone deaf they are and they love hobnobbing with rich people and lining their pockets. So I don't think it really goes away, but there'll be something around that. That's my bet.
BOLLING: Juan, did you think it's really...
GUILFOYLE: Chelsea in charge.
BOLLING: ...a Trump targeted "October Surprise?"
WILLIAMS: I don't have any idea of what -- apparently KG says -- what he told her that he does have something, but I don't know...
BOLLING: No, no, add (ph) him.
GUILFOYLE: No, Julian Assange told Megyn Kelly...
WILLIAMS: No, I thought you said Trump said to you.
GUILFOYLE: Trump said to me...
WILLIAMS: That's what I thought I heard.
GUILFOYLE: ...that on air...
GUILFOYLE: ...that it was something earth shattering.
WILLIAMS: So, that's what I'm saying.
BOLLING: I meant do you think there's anything targeted at Trump, trumping the target?
WILLIAMS: Well no, it's like a different kind of thing. I think there are two big issues out there. One is Trump's tax returns. So, if somebody had something on Trump's tax returns and released it in October, that would be like whoa because I think a lot of people have questions why he hasn't released it and I've seen in recent polls that most people don't know that he hasn't released it so, that's a potential story.
On the Clinton side, I think it's the Foundation and the e-mails that we've discussed here earlier. But if you look back historically, it's kind of funny. Remember a lot of people were concerned five days before, I think that was the 2000 race, there was a drunk driving report put out on George W. Bush...
WILIAMS: ...and then we have his...
BOLLING: He still won, though.
WILLIAMS: Well, I don't know about that.
BOLLING: His 2000.
WILLIAM: Yeah, 2000, that was a disputed race that actually Gore got more votes, remember?
BOLLING: Yeah, but he...
WILLIAMS: But the thought was that if that drunk driving thing hadn't come out.
BOLLING: Did I miss something? Was George Bush not the president?
GUILFOYLE: We're on another planet.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, yeah. But no, the thought was that if that had not come out, Bush would have in fact won more votes.
BOLLING: Won by a bigger margin.
WILLIAMS: Well, he didn't win by any margin, he lost, actually.
GUTFELD: My prediction is that you'll find out...
GUILFOYLE: You're right, Bush wasn't president.
WILLIAMS: No, he was president but he lost the vote.
GUTFELD: My prediction is that you'll find that Hillary is a space shifting lizard and that Donald Trump is a space alien who is polluting the atmosphere with chem trails.
WILLIAMS: That was good.
GUTFELD: And Alex Jones will break it.
BOLLING: I think he has already broken it...
GUTFELD: I think he might come actually. He's going to break it again.
BOLLING: IN fact, I think half the people on network television are this, what they call them shape-shifting lizards.
GUTFELD: Shape-shifting lizards.
BOLLING: All right. Let's go.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness.
BOLLING: We should all work less and live more. Some companies are giving their employees an opportunity to do exactly that. Will it help their businesses in the end? Next.
GUILFOYLE: That's a good one, right? It's Labor Day and many of you are enjoying a well deserved three-day weekend. Should employers give us a break and actually let us have a three-day weekend every week?
GUILFOYLE: Why not? And the study says yes, Melissa. Some companies are already trying it out like the clothing retailer Uniqlo and also Amazon, launching a program to experiment with a 30-hour work week for select employees. I sense a lawsuit already. All right, so is this fair or not. I'm a little bit worried about the Amazon because as an Amazon Prime customer, what does this mean for not getting stuff?
BOLLING: Obamacare. They're trying to cut down on hours so they don't have to provide health care because the genius idea that President Obama had, require 40 -- if you work 40 hours you've got to give healthcare to everyone. Everyone is trying to get under the 40-hour work week, trying to get under the 30-hour week. The middle class is getting a bit (ph) screwed because of this.
GUTFELD: Do you remember that we did this topic, this exact topic and thi is exactly how it would happen. We're talking about the three-day work week and you said this has to do with Obamacare. I swear we did this last year on Labor Day?
GUILFOYLE: Deja. vu.
GUTFELD: It's amazing.
BOLLING: By the way, wait until all the other companies start to say once Amazon and Uniqlo do it and is working for them, "hey, I don't have to provide healthcare anymore. Let's do this three-day work week."
GUILFOYLE: So we can keep this and run it next Labor Day to be perfect. OK, so Bolling has managed to, in groundhog fashion, blame it on Obama again within the first 15 seconds of the segment.
GUILFOYLE: There you go. Juan, it's your turn.
WILLIAM: Yeah, oh, I didn't know you were -- I thought you were just making a statement of fact.
GUILFOYLE: He was on the three-day work week.
WILLIAMS: You know, we can't get that, can we? I mean, because we've got to do a show.
GUILFOYLE: I thought about it, too. But then someone would take your job.
GUILFOYLE: Do you think people should have a three-day weekend every Monday?
WILLIAMS: Well, I mean obviously, I think there are lots of people who would prefer time with their family and friends and hanging out and going to a ball game, whatever they want to do, going to the gym.
GUTFELD: Not me.
WILLIAMS: Not you? What would you do?
GUTFELD: No. The curse of the three-day weekend is that it makes that day coming back to work harder than a typical day. You know when you do drugs and you get really, really high...
GUTFELD: And you wake up, and you're really, really low?
GUTFELD: That's like a three-day weekend. Tuesday is brutal. It's like it's so hard to go to work when you have one extra day. Or going back -- coming back from vacation. I prefer just to work till I die.
WILLIAMS: Well, I know a guy in Hollywood. And he used to tell me that he worked basically four or five hours a day and never worked Fridays. And he said if you can't get done what you need to get done in four or five hours, what are you doing?
GUILFOYLE: Melissa. Take us down...
FRANCIS; He managed to make the awesome long weekend into a total bummer.
GUILFOYLE: That's what he does.
FRANCIS: I think that this is a genius idea. I think there are a lot of people who would like to work fewer hours, even if it means less pay, which is what it means in the case of Amazon. But there are a lot of people on Wall Street who do job share with another individual. And they do, you know, half the week, and the other person does the other half of the week. And they, you know, go and enjoy their family the rest of the time.
And it's a good way to, you know, still have your toehold in your career. And maybe you do that -- you work less when your kids are small. And then when they get big, you go back to work full-time.
WILLIAMS: Is this for women or men, too?
FRANCIS: It is mostly women who do it, but they do both. And actually, now at my son's school, there's more dads doing drop-offs and more moms who are the bread winners, because of our last recession. But...
FRANCIS: Yes, absolutely.
GUILFOYLE: I see a lot of dads at the school. They all are...
FRANCIS: They're the ones that got laid off.
GUTFELD: They claim they're dads.
Job share -- job share doesn't work.
BOLLING: It's like the tandem bicycle. The guy in front is pedaling and steering. The guy on the back -- the girl in the back, my wife, has got her feet up.
GUTFELD: It's never even.
GUILFOYLE: Why do you have to hate on the wives?
WILLIAMS: Hey, we want you -- we want you to be happy.
GUTFELD: Never even. It's never even.
WILLIAMS: But I say to the contrary that, according to these reports, people who get Fridays off, it's usually during the summer.
WILLIAMS: A lot of people in the publishing industry do this.
GUTFELD: I hate that.
WILLIAMS: Man, but they love it. They love it, Greg.
GUTFELD: Of course they do. But if you're trying to get somebody on the line on a Friday...
GUILFOYLE: Forget it.
GUTFELD: And you know what's great? The worst thing in the world is the out-of-office e-mail. So you get it every Friday. You want to talk to anybody in publishing, they just bounce back at you like tennis balls.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, that's like...
FRANCIS: They're rubbing it in.
GUILFOYLE: ... super annoying.
GUILFOYLE: And also in Italy, they take the whole month of August. You just -- I don't like when people...
WILLIAMS: Germans, too.
FRANCIS: France, too.
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes. Europeans have a while.
GUTFELD: You take the night off every night. You come home, you've got the night off. So who needs time off?
WILLIAMS: Are you a boss? You are a boss, man.
GUILFOYLE: Now I would like to refer back to the time when you would take the day off on Monday. It was very upsetting to me, because...
GUTFELD: Because I worked on Saturdays.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, I don't like that. Didn't like it. Now I'm happy, because you're during the week. OK.
GUILFOYLE: Ahead, an annual Labor Day tradition here on "The Five," we pick our favorite songs of the summer. Let me ask you something. Is this one of them?
GUILFOYLE: I feel like this is crazy.
GUTFELD: Something we've done in the past years on Labor Day is to pick the top song of the summer. According to Twitter -- what do they know? It was "Cold Water," Major Lazer, a collaboration with some freak named Justin Bieber.
(MUSIC: "COLD WATER" BY MAJOR LAZER, FEATURING JUSTIN BIEBER)
FRANCIS: Oh, horrible, horrible!
GUTFELD: They have the words there so you can follow along. Anyway...
GUILFOYLE: Great. Karaoke.
GUTFELD: ... none of us agree with that pick, so we're going to go around the table...
GUTFELD: ... beginning with K.G.
GUILFOYLE: OK. I picked Calvin Harris, "This is What You Came For."
(MUSIC: "THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR" BY CALVIN HARRIS FEATURING RIHANNA)
GUILFOYLE: You missed it. What a great camera shot that would have been.
So I liked this song, obviously, because it's amazing. It sounds great. It works well in the hot tub. It works well in the shower. He's shaking his head.
WILLIAMS: I like -- I like this song.
GUILFOYLE: You like it.
WILLIAMS: Let me tell you something. I like the song so much, I picked it, and they told me.
FRANCIS: I did, too.
GUILFOYLE: No way.
FRANCIS: And they told me K.G. had it.
GUILFOYLE: This should have been the best song. Bolling, how come you didn't pick it?
BOLLING: I have a better one.
GUILFOYLE: This is an amazing song, and I love Rihanna, too.
FRANCIS: Yes, I love Rihanna.
GUILFOYLE: Boom. Drop the mike, sister.
GUTFELD: Drop the mike. I banned that, you know.
GUILFOYLE: I couldn't care less. I don't listen to your rules.
WILLIAMS: I picked "Can't Stop the Feeling," Justin Timberlake.
(MUSIC: "CAN'T STOP THE FEELING" BY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE)
GUTFELD: 'N Sync, right?
WILLIAMS: So, you know, the thing -- the thing about me, Melissa said too cheerful. But I like cheerful music. It pumps me up. So I like things like "Happy" by Pharrell.
FRANCIS: Me, too.
WILLIAMS: Or Louis Armstrong.
FRANCIS: I love "Happy."
GUILFOYLE: And when you're in the mood...
GUTFELD: "Love Will Tears Us Apart" by Joy Division?
WILLIAMS: I missed that one.
GUILFOYLE: ... when you're in the mood, you like Lionel Richie?
WILLIAMS: Yes, I do. I do like that a lot.
The other song I liked was "I Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd.
FRANCIS: Oh, I like that one, too.
WILLIAMS: But I think this one feels -- feels like the summer.
GUTFELD: He's like the Paul McCartney of 'N Sync.
WILLIAMS: Is that what he is?
BOLLING: Juan is...
GUTFELD: Was he in New Kids or 'N Sync? I can't remember.
FRANCIS: Who, Justin?
FRANCIS: The Beastie Boys.
FRANCIS: I'm kidding. I'm kidding, gosh, please.
GUILFOYLE: Go ahead.
GUTFELD: Yes, you.
BOLLING: OK. "Cake by the Ocean," DNCE. Listen.
FRANCIS: I also picked that one.
(MUSIC: "CAKE BY THE OCEAN," DNCE)
BOLLING: I believe that's one of the Jonas Brothers right there. Look, it's a happy, upbeat, beach song. Have a beer on the beach, listen to that. You cannot...
WILLIAMS: Yes, I'm with you.
BOLLING: You cannot not be happy.
GUTFELD: But drink responsibly. Exactly.
BOLLING: Yes, many, many, many. You have a responsibility to do that, have many beers on the beach.
GUILFOYLE: Do you drink pinot noir on the beach, too?
GUILFOYLE: Or do you switch it up?
GUTFELD: No, I'll have some rose.
GUILFOYLE: You do -- you've been, like, dipping in the rose lately.
WILLIAMS: So Eric...
WILLIAMS: ... for your older friend here, interpret. Was that man having cake smeared on him on the beach?
FRANCIS: That's the name of the song.
BOLLING: By the ocean.
WILLIAMS: I see.
FRANCIS: You don't even like that song.
WILLIAMS: I was just not sure. You know what I mean? I was like...
GUTFELD: He got arrested for assault and batter!
GUILFOYLE: Battery, it was good. A good one, actually.
FRANCIS: I'm obviously the guest on the show, because I picked your song, and I picked your song. And they said, "No, you can't have any of those. They've already picked those." So I went with Chainsmokers, "Don't Let Me Down," also fabulous.
(MUSIC: "DON'T LET ME DOWN," CHAINSMOKERS FEATURING DAYA)
FRANCIS: OK, so I have to admit I actually thought this song was by Rihanna. Doesn't it sound like Rihanna? I love everything by Rihanna. And in fact, like three of the other songs that I picked were by Rihanna, but they were old, not from this summer. So I was just showing that I really know nothing about music.
But I do drive in my car listening to this song at full blast, singing it as loud as I possibly can. And my kids either love that or are really horrified depending on their mood and how they feel about me at the moment.
GUILFOYLE: They must like this, though. Ro-dog likes this song. I go through the toll booth. Don't let me down, hope my EZ Pass works.
FRANCIS: Yes, I love it. I love the hook on that song, and it's a great song to dance to.
GUTFELD: It really is.
FRANCIS: It is. I can imagine you dancing to that song.
GUTFELD: All right. I picked the Avalanches, "Subways."
(MUSIC: "SUBWAYS" BY THE AVALANCHES)
GUTFELD: So what's interesting about this band, this is their second album in 17 years. They released "Since I Left You" in 2001 or 2000.
GUILFOYLE: Real overachievers.
GUTFELD: It's one of the greatest albums ever. This new album is called...
FRANCIS: They're working three days a week.
GUTFELD: This album is called "Wide" -- "Wildflowers." The song is "Subway." What they did was they sampled a song by a 12-year-old girl named Chandra which came out in the 1980s. This is an amazing video done by...
BOLLING: The 12-year-old girl.
GUTFELD: Yes. No, they're French animators, Mrzyk and Moriseau. This is great album. It's called "Wildflower." It's way ahead of its time, as they always are.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you, Greg.
BOLLING: I'm going to say something that probably is going to earn me a lot of ire of the fans. And you don't like Red Hot Chili Peppers.
GUTFELD: This band -- this band makes Red Hot Chili Peppers look like poop.
BOLLING: I mean, "Californication," "Under the Bridge." I mean, these are good songs. And I have to look at -- that was like -- that was like a "Simpsons" episode.
GUTFELD: No, here's -- no, Red Hot Chili Peppers is dad rock. These are guys who are, like, approaching their 60s, and they're still shirtless.
WILLIAMS: What was that about? I liked the video.
GUTFELD: It's great. It's about being on a subway. Being on a subway.
GUILFOYLE: Is this about our time together on the subway?
FRANCIS: I thought it was a stand-in (ph) for something else.
GUILFOYLE: Do you remember when we went together?
GUTFELD: I remember it well. I remember it well.
We can tease, they say.
GUTFELD: Ahead, flashbacks. Don't we all have them?
BOLLING: I thought you were.
GUTFELD: From the summer of 2016. Our favorite moments, next.
FRANCIS: Oh, sadly, today summer unofficially comes to an end, but we still have a few more weeks, but we wanted to look back at some of the highlights of our summer. In Greg's case, it's the low lights, but we're going to save that to the end.
Let's start with K.G.
GUILFOYLE: OK. I had a really great summer if you're into livestock and farmers, which I am. OK. So this is me and the baby goat. Very cute.
GUILFOYLE: Remember this during our road trip? This is me kissing a pig.
FRANCIS: That's cute. Cute picture.
GUILFOYLE: It was tougher to nail down. Me milking a -- that's actually a goat. OK. Remember that? That's one of Greg's favorites.
And then this is me walking a warthog.
GUILFOYLE: Then this is me with a cheetah, which was kind of exciting and daring. And then this is me drinking the milkshake after I made it, because my milkshake is better than yours. OK, go ahead.
FRANCIS: I like that. Very nice.
All right, Juan, what do you have for us?
WILLIAMS: Well, it was a big -- a big summer for my family, because my son, Tony, 36, got married!
WILLIAMS: So here I am at the reception holding one of the twins. Pepper, I think. And there's Tony and Dr. Erica, as the little girls call her, dancing. And there's Eli. Eli was in the -- he was the ring bearer at the wedding.
And there are the flower girls, Miss Wesley and Miss Pepper.
WILLIAMS: And there's the whole family. Thanks to all the cab drivers on Michigan Avenue who were honking their horns, shouting out "Go, Five."
GUILFOYLE: That was nice.
WILLIAMS: We had a great time. That's under the arches at Fourth Presbyterian Church in Chicago.
GUILFOYLE: What a lovely family.
FRANCIS: How nice.
GUILFOYLE: And Tony is so fantastic and also so dreamy.
BOLLING: Michigan Avenue. The Miracle Mile.
WILLIAMS: It is. That's why all the cabbies were there.
FRANCIS: Very nice. All right, Eric, tell us about your fabulous summer?
BOLLING: OK. Really super-busy summer. Actually, at the end, chronologically backwards, here's Eric Chase when we dropped him off at college this year. It was a big, momentous -- that's Adrienne and Eric.
Next picture is his room, his college room. We spent three days fixing that room up.
BOLLING: If you look over on the left, there's a FOX News pillow over there.
WILLIAMS: All right.
There's "The View." I spent some time on "The View." Had a great time with Whoopi, Joy and Jedidiah is over there on the right.
FRANCIS: You cheated on these people
BOLLING: So much fun.
And then here's the picture of the convention, the RNC. It was packed. It was jammed. We had a lot of fun there.
And this is really special. I -- that's The Villages. If you -- the book signings at the Villages are just...
GUILFOYLE: Are amazing.
BOLLING: ... amazing. They -- they're just great people who absolutely love FOX.
GUILFOYLE: They love "The Five."
BOLLING: They talked about Greg and Dana and Kimberly and Juan.
GUTFELD: They are...
BOLLING: Because I guess you guys have done book signings down there.
GUILFOYLE: They're so fun.
BOLLING: It was a great, great summer.
GUILFOYLE: I can't wait to live there.
GUTFELD: They're wild.
BOLLING: Oh, my gosh.
GUTFELD: They are wild.
BOLLING: You heard about that.
GUTFELD: And you know what? All the men there can't wait either.
GUILFOYLE: They're ready, believe me.
BOLLING: It's like a 4-1 women-to-men ratio. And the guys are just like, "Hey, we're having a good time."
GUTFELD: The bars are fun. I went drinking at The Villages.
GUILFOYLE: Of course you found out.
BOLLING: The bars? Did you go?
BOLLING: You did?
GUTFELD: I went drinking at The Villages.
BOLLING: Oh, I didn't have a drink.
GUTFELD: That's a good article, by the way, to do. Drinking at the Villages.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my God.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know what else.
BOLLING: You don't live there, you can just go to The Villages and have a drink?
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. It's just like any community.
GUILFOYLE: Well, he was there for his thing.
FRANCIS: Let me share some cute pictures of my children on the back of all this drinking and all this work talk. My summer, so we went to the Bahamas. That is I unwisely let my oldest son jump off the roof of our friend's boat into the water, and then the little guy followed right after him, Greyson. Yes, first one was Thompson. That's Greyson. Luckily, he did clear the railing, even though it didn't look like he was going to make it.
That's the whole family in Brooklyn.
FRANCIS: Yes. In "Dumbo," just showing you who all the players are. My daughter Jemma (ph) there up front.
That was back in the Bahamas. Look, I'm on that horse way out deep in the water with my son Thompson. Isn't that cool? Have you ever gone trail riding deep in the ocean?
GUTFELD: They're horses.
FRANCIS: Yes, I know. They loved it.
And then finally, my beautiful daughter, Jemma (ph), so cute, also in the Bahamas.
So mine was all vacation and no work photos, Eric. There you go.
And your summer?
GUTFELD: I would put this as one of the worst summers I think I ever had.
GUTFELD: So get this. After spending six months, my wife and I renovating an apartment, I'm like sitting there enjoying myself. That's my view, watching the TV. It's above. Everything is great. The apartment looks awesome. This is the apartment. My wife did a great job.
The next day -- the next, I wake up, this is after we're done renovating. Some jack (EXPLETIVE DELETED) did not clear his drains in his terrace and destroyed my apartment.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my.
GUTFELD: It was water everywhere. So now I no longer live in this apartment. I had to move, and I had to move into another apartment that also has a leak. So I've done nothing but watch something that I care about deeply get slowly destroyed.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, it's sad. And it's hard for you.
GUTFELD: ... we started the demolition and the rebuilding. But what a horrible summer.
GUILFOYLE: You should have stayed in Hell's Kitchen.
FRANCIS: There you go. "One More Thing" is next.
GUTFELD: You asked!
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh.
WILLIAMS: It's time to pack up our Labor Day picnic. So we have "One More Thing," beginning with Eric Bolling.
BOLLING: OK. So it's Labor Day. And you know who works the hardest in the whole country?
BOLLING: Besides Greg. Police officers. Here are three officers, recent stories of officers going beyond the call of duty. The first one is Clinton County Police Officer H. James in Georgia buying families school supplies and booster seats for a family who could not afford them. That's No. 1.
No. 2, Birmingham, Alabama, Police Officer Michelle Burton, comforting a baby whose parents had just overdosed.
And three, Franklin, Ohio, Police Officer Steve Dunham who bought a meal for a little boy who was selling his stuffed animal for food.
Just remember, Labor Day, blue lives matter. Buy a cop a cup of coffee or a meal.
WILLIAMS: All right. Gregory.
GUTFELD: You know, it's time for this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: "Greg's Robot News."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: All right. Lowe's, which is the fantastic home improvement store. I go there all the time and do nothing and just stare at the wood. They're introducing lo-bots that help shoppers navigate the huge stores. I get lost there, on purpose sometimes.
And as robots start taking over retail, we have to start asking ourselves a question: will they get days off? Like the next Labor Day, should a robot take a break? Because they're going to start developing personalities. They're going to have souls. They're going to have a conscience and a memory. And at a certain point, we're going to have to decide do these -- do these creatures that help us deserve a day off?
GUILFOYLE: Or Obamacare.
GUTFELD: And robot care.
WILLIAMS: Kimberly, it's on you.
GUILFOYLE: All right. So I'm going to be incredibly helpful, besides the fact that you should apparently go to Lowe's for dates to meet people. "Kimberly's Dating Tips."
Kind of a little slow-jam feel to it, didn't it, Juan?
WILLIAMS: It did.
GUILFOYLE: All righty. So there's a study out. We'll see if it's any good or not, but the world's largest dating network, which is Badu, apparently, examined the dating habits of their 318 million users from all over the world.
Now, here are the four most attractive traits in men and women that they discovered in people, what they're looking for. OK, look at this.
For men seeking women, they want you to be not too tall and not too short. OK? So between, like, 5'3" and 5'7". That's -- so far so good.
They have brown hair. Thirty-four percent want that. So far so good. They have an average body. Big, big problem here. Don't understand that.
They have brown eyes. All right.
And then for women seeking men, they want you to be tall, apparently. Sorry, Greg. They have dark hair. They have an average body, and brown eyes.
Isn't this interesting? It almost parallels the two, but I think the study might be inaccurate, except Sean, my producer, says...
WILLIAMS: Ms. Francis.
GUILFOYLE: ... the body.
FRANCIS: It is Labor Day, so I was looking at this study about how to make the staff of "After the Bell," my show on FOX Business, more productive. Duke University, they said is it compliments? Is it money? No, it is food.
I have to tell you, the experiment worked. We fed them pizza. So everybody out there, remember: Do you want to motivate people to work hard and be happy? Don't give them money. Don't give them compliments. Feed them.
GUILFOYLE: But that's true.
WILLIAMS: All right. So listen, you know, I'm going to pick up on something Eric was talking about. Dexter Fowler, who plays for the Chicago Cubs. Guess what? Dexter Fowler surprised parents at a K-mart in Chicago by paying off their layaway tabs with a $5,000 donation. His mom was a teacher, so he says that he's -- you know, really appreciates school and getting ready for school and remembers when he had to put stuff on layaway to start school.
WILLIAMS: Dexter Fowler, you're a good hero.
GUILFOYLE: God bless him.
WILLIAMS: That was cool.
BOLLING: Good guy, good guy.
WILLIAMS: That's it for us. We hope you enjoy the rest of your Labor Day holiday. And we're going to see you right back here tomorrow. "Special Report" up next.
GUILFOYLE: Good one.
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