Sign in to comment!

The Five

Trump, Clinton ads trade shots over foreign policy

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 18, 2016. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: A Fox News alert, breaking news. Overseas, a key suspect in November's Paris attack was captured alive today in Brussels. A total of five detained in raid. Salah Abdeslam has been at-large for four months. In a news conference following his capture, Paris' President said to expect more arrests to come, as the Paris attack investigation goes on.

Also today, terror developments at home, the FBI now says the teenage suspect accused of stabbing four people at the University of California last year planned the attack and may have been inspired by ISIS and other Jihadist group. He had visited ISIS-related websites in the weeks before.

So Kimberly, just when people started thinking that Paris, San Bernardino, California, and others, these investigations had gone away. Today, you finally have a break in the case in Paris.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Really fantastic that they were able to chase him down like this, and get some justice in such an important case. It really brought international communities together to be strong for Paris and support what had happened there for the people, the victims, the families. And it goes to show you that if you stay on it in terms of the intelligence community, you can have these kinds of successes you know in the fight against terror. And I want to stress this is why I felt it is very important to be able to give the intelligence community the tools that they need to be able to succeed, to track these people down, so that they didn't do something else.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: And now he's -- hopefully, he is providing more information.

GUILFOYLE: A wealth of information. I'm sure he is getting it handed to him right now. Put it that way.

PERINO: His four months, Eboni, this means that somebody was complicit in hiding him.

EBONI WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Absolutely.

PERINO: But somebody also maybe tipped off the authorities.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, certainly. Four months, and they said they were close to getting him when this went down. There was some arcane law that said they couldn't have police raids at home after 9:00 p.m.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: And they just flipped through the fingers there. Yeah, absolutely. And hopefully, you're right. Hopefully, someone said you know, enough is enough to Kimberly's point, being diligent, not giving up. It was back in November. Our news cycle is so rapid that it kind of goes in one ear, and out the other. I'm glad that that didn't happen here. And that we stuck through this. It is very important.

PERINO: Eric, we also have news about the University of California Tech, but it didn't make me wonder. Whatever happened to the investigation in San Bernardino? It is as if we hear nothing.

(CROSSTALK)

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: We all knew they came from Brussels. They caught him, this guy, in Brussels. Europe has open borders. He could have gone anywhere almost freely. Just get in a car and drive to wherever you want in Europe for the most part. But decided to stay right where everyone thought he would be and they caught him. Hey listen, dumb terrorists. That's all I have to say.

PERINO: Maybe he didn't even want to go to Syria.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: You know what is also dumb? Belgium. I mean, Mozambique is the Jihadi Capital of Europe. I think they've had 100 ISIS fighters come from that city or a village of about 80,000 people. Also, they had this guy and they let him go. Remember, Europeans give us grief over Gitmo. Go to your point, in Belgium, they are not allowed to conduct raids between 9 p.m. and 5 p.m.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: They're treating like it's a party, not a terror planning. So you only raid in the daytime. Terrorists are running errands in the daytime. They're not home during the daytime. So this is the problem with Europe. They fight terror from a civilized perspective. They're dealing with the uncivilized as if they're you know some rather rude individuals. That is going to be our downfall. We can't let this happen. We can't -- we can't fight these people with our hands, our arms, our legs tied behind our backs. It's crazy.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I'm the newest person. At some point, the rules are so stringent, the rules of engagement.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Belgium is dropping waffle on this.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: That will put the Navy SEALs out of business.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: Sorry, canceled. Canceled.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: The French changed their laws by executive order. President Hollande, Kimberly, said initially said OK, we're going to -- not martial law but basically, we're going to suspend this and the state of emergency. We're going to be able to end this.

BOLLING: Or extending until 10:00 p.m.?

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: This is in France.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: Right. I mean, this just makes the point of why you should do it. You're either serious about it about getting the bad guys and tracking down and nailing down the terrorists or you're not. I mean, really. You have to have a little bit of inconvenience, maybe to the populous as a whole to keep them alive, right. I mean, the guy is flourishing in Belgium before and stayed right there, under the noses in the aftermath, 126 days?

GUTFELD: They knew he was there forever.

BOLLING: Yeah.

PERINO: Maybe they were getting Intel about him and his little cohorts.

BOLLING: That could be.

PERINO: That could be. That could be. Because national security is one of the most important issues in the election, usually in the top three of all the exit polls, we have ads now to look at both from Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on foreign policy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(BARKING)

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Who are you consulting with consistently so that you're ready on day one?

DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I'm speaking with myself, number one. Because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things.

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: It is going to be a fun election year when you can make ads like that.

GUTFELD: Yeah, I'm worried about all the nominees frankly and their response to terror. Because I've been talking about the merge of technology to terror, what is going to happen? Remember, they took a box cutter and they turned a jet into a missile. And what they're going to be doing now is they will be taking any modern technology that we have, whether it is the drones that you can buy at Radio Shack, combined with bio-terror or any kind of substance you can order online. You put that together, I don't think any of these nominees have actually thought about this. And this is something, it is all of our faults. We only think about terror until after it happens. It is just something then it floats away until it happens again. We need to have a leader who is thinking about this, and thinking about it everyday. Because this is an apocalyptic threat.

BOLLING: True.

GUTFELD: It only has to happen once for it to be devastating.

PERINO: I think when you're in the Oval Office, I think that realization does hit home. Because you get the briefing every morning. And then, Kimberly, then you think OK, this is all on my shoulders now. You have to focus on it.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I agree. Can I say something about that Hillary ad? Was she laughing about ISIS?

BOLLING: She's barking.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: I guess.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I'm beginning to feel sorry for her. She is really not a good candidate.

WILLIAMS: It is surprising to your point though, Kimberly. Because Hillary Clinton has been in the public eye for 20-plus years. And so, you kind of think she learned a lesson about the sound bites at this point. What difference does it make or these kind of sloppy imprecise moments.

GUILFOYLE: She needs to be more polished than that.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, yeah.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: The dog barking thing might have been the staffer should have.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That was my favorite part.

PERINO: Probably a staffer's idea.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Did they practice it?

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I think they practiced everything.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: You love Jasper and you don't bark like that.

GUTFELD: Bill was like, why don't she ever did that with me?

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Oh, God, you got it so bad.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: She wants to be Obama 3.0. The reason why this is important is if you're going to be Obama 3.0, you're going to have the same immigration policies as President Obama, are you going to take Syrian refugees that President Obama suggests he might want to take. And if you do and if you are, you're prepared to take the consequences of domestic care.

WILLIAMS: You know, Eric, I actually think she doesn't really want to preside as Obama 3.0. I think she wants to run as Obama 3.0. Because she wants access to this Obama coalition. I think we all know, or at least I certainly suspect her to be much more -- I don't think she will govern anything like Barack Obama. I think this is an inconsistency on her part to the American people. Look, I want that for the electorate. I think she'll throw his blue print out as soon as she gets in.

PERINO: There was also this other story today, Greg, about the National Security Agency being very mad at Hillary Clinton. Going all the way back to 2009 when she was demanding.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Different types of technology like the Blackberry President Obama had. And when they said no to her, she got frustrated and then basically, we have the whole situation of e-mailgate.

GUTFELD: Well, this is -- this is the challenge that the Republicans have if Trump is the nominee. Here you have Hillary who has bad foreign policy experience. And we have a presumptive nominee that has none. That's an issue. Because this should be a real strong point for Republicans to go after her. This is someone who basically treated national security issues as though they were like e-mails from your aunts or uncles. It's crazy. But we can't really go after that because we kind of forfeited that.

PERINO: That's right. Anybody else on this one? All right. That's it. Next on The Five, will this summer's Republican convention end up a contested one? The Speaker of the House thinks it's likely. And later, it is Facebook Friday. So post your questions, facebook.com/thefivefnc. We're back in a minute.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: Well, this summer, for the first time in 40 years, Republicans could arrive at their National Convention without a nominee. The Speaker of the House thinks it is a strong possibility, the convention will be contested. Here's Paul Ryan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PAUL RYAN, U.S. SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE: Nothing has changed other than the perception that this is more likely to be an open convention than we thought before. So we're getting our minds around the idea that this could be a reality. And therefore, those of us who are involved need to respect that.

I'm going to speak my mind. I'm going to defend conservatism as I understand it. I'm going to defend our ideas as a Republican Party. But we're going to have to work with who have the nominee is.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: The Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has a warning for those in the GOP trying to stop Trump from winning the nomination. He thinks it would result in a complete loss for the Republicans.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

NEWT GINGRICH, FORMER HOUSE SPEAKER: You're either for the Republican nominee, whether it's Trump or Cruz, or you're for the election of Hillary Clinton. There is no middle ground here. Functionally, anybody who doesn't vote for the Republican nominee is helping elect Hillary Clinton and establishing a very radical Supreme Court.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Marco Rubio hope there's still a chance to stop Trump. There are rumors he may be willing to endorse his formal rival, Ted Cruz, to help do so. The Republican plot thickens. Days Of Our Lives, yeah. Days of our politicians. All right. So what do you think? You have 17 pages of notes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I have a metaphor? Why is the right mad at the right? OK. The metaphor is that of a hacker. Donald Trump is a hacker, in the sense that all the substance already existed. And the substance was talk radio and cable TV shows like The Five. Donald Trump hacked us. He took what we had been talking about for years and he ran with it. I think it kind of upsets a lot of people who are saying like I could have done that. It's not fair. He took the content overhang of shows like The Five, The O'Reilly Factor, and Hannity, and talk radio, and he put it together with some -- with some strong memorable phrases. Because remember, we were talking about building a wall for ages on this show. He is a political hacker who succeeded like no other person. Imagine, if you were a company, you had all this intellectual party that you've been working on for years. Then all of a sudden, this young hacker from the basement came in and took it. That's why everybody on talk radio and TV is mad.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: That's like Lindsey Graham. Last night, I said on O'Reilly, the GOP establishment is going through the five stages of grief, anger, depression, et cetera.

PERINO: Denial.

BOLLING: Denial. And then it ends with acceptance. And O'Reilly said no, you're wrong about that. They'll never accept it. This morning, I'm listening to another network and Lindsey Graham is on there talking about the five stages of grief. He hacked me.

(LAUGHTER)

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God. All right. All original thoughts come from this table. I got it. I got it.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You get ripped off more than anybody. Honestly, call a lawyer.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: You're explaining about the content, because just for fun the other day I wrote a pro-trade speech in Trump's voice. And it was brilliant. I have to say.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: You can actually take the way that he communicates in a way that is speaking to people with a tone of voice that they like to hear. You can actually take almost all of the policy issues that are frustrating to some Republicans, like the trade message. And you can actually write it in his voice that would sound absolutely plausible and persuasive, if it was coming from him.

WILLIAMS: Well, there you go. I'm going to sign myself today saying something I never say in life, I agree with you, Newt Gingrich. OK.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: And I agree with Newt Gingrich. Here's why. Because I think -- you know, first of all, there are 19 more in contests. This thing is actually not done. There's still ways to go for Trump to close this without going to a July convention. It was a more compelling, stronger argument that he's very close to the threshold. I saw on Facebook, and you know a lot of my friends are more progressive and much more left leaning, I saw a Democrat who was pro-Bernie saying look, I am not a Trump person.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah.

WILLIAMS: But if the GOP tries to take this thing from him, I'm on his side about this. Because it is not dissimilar from the delegate thing on the left, right. It is not about Trump. It is that the will of the people. The merited at least being overrated.

GUILFOYLE: Right.

BOLLING: Do you realize tens of millions of dollars who are fighting Donald Trump on that exact thing? They're trying to make the case that's it's the law, it's the rule, so he doesn't have the right.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Let me say, again, I'm a rules person. But we got to remember, as Kimberly said, this is not 1976. This is 2016 and social media and the perception, and the way that this is being viewed from people that are not political, they don't know the nuance of the rule and what is required in the threshold and why we have it. They just see votes, and winning. And if it is denied, it looks sketchy. That's for some people.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: There you go. Check it out on Facebook.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: The presidential race next week moves to Utah and also Arizona where Trump picked up an endorsement from hard-line anti-immigration Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE ARPAIO, ANTI-IMMIGRATION SHERIFF: It is not just illegal immigration on why I like Mr. Trump. He has the courage to speak out. He has some great ideas. And right from the beginning, I knew this was a person that was special. He's tapped into the anger of this country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: There you go. And Ted Cruz relates his first campaign ad that plays on the fear of illegal immigration.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My son grand was killed working at an overnight shift. He was out. He should have been deported. My son's death was completely preventable. I trust Ted Cruz. He believes in our constitution. He believes in the rule of law. It is time we put someone in office who puts the American people first.

TED CRUZ, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I'm Ted Cruz and I approve this message.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Effective ad, Greg?

GUTFELD: Yeah, very effective. I have to touch on what Hillary said. Was it yesterday or today? Where she said the border is secure. She said everything was fine. The reason why there's less illegal immigration is because of a terrible economy. It is not because they stopped illegal immigration. It's because the decline happened, because it wasn't worth it anymore. There was not enough stuff going on for these people to come over. It's like saying that the locks on your house worked when your house is a condemned shack.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: It made no sense.

WILLIAMS: No incentive.

GUILFOYLE: Do you like the ad, Bolling?

BOLLING: I like the ad. I think Ted Cruz has -- he has to do well in Arizona. It's another one of those states. He is not going to. The problem being, look along the Arizona border, the southern border of Arizona, the ranchers and farmers. They are so pro-Trump because he says I'm going to build the wall and keep the Mexican illegals out. That's what they're there for. They are getting invaded with illegals coming across the border, crime, drugs, bad things going on the property. And they want the wall. And Trump is polling around 17, or 18 percent higher in Arizona right now. It's a different story in Utah where you know Ted Cruz is doing better. And even Kasich is doing better. They're ant-Trump in Utah. For the next couple days, Arizona looks like it's a very stronghold for Trump.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Eboni, what do you think?

WILLIAMS: Yeah, I think it is a very strong, compelling ad. I think it works very well. I think it works very well for this issue. But I also think, to Eric's point, Ted Cruz is a little late. Look, Ted Cruz came to this a little late because Donald Trump is who he is, he is the frontrunner because of this marquee issue.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah.

WILLIAMS: He talked about this law, and people got onboard with it early on. So as compelling as the ad is, I just think it is hard to kind of override that at this point.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I mean, I would say the two of them are the strongest, you know, toughest on immigration. There are too many juxtapositions as it relates to Kasich's current positioning on that and on amnesty. And you saw what happened with Marco Rubio on it. So we shall see. Lots more to discuss. And you know one of your favorites, Facebook.

WILLIAMS: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: We'll have Facebook Friday, but first, an American captured after fighting with ISIS has a shocking revelation. It was a bad idea to join the terror network. You'll hear from him up next in the Fastest Seven.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: Welcome back. The fastest seven minutes on television. Three bizarre stories, seven brisk minutes, one bonafide host. First up, it's not you, it's me. After joining ISIS, the American man quickly decided to break up with the terror group. Apparently, terror was not his thing.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I didn't really support their ideology. And at that point, that's when I decided I needed to escape. I found it hard. It's not like the Western countries.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: We used to call the criminals (inaudible) felony stupid. He's terror stupid. Like honestly, how did he even escape? He is so clueless. Hey, buddy, what did you think? You were going to Mall of America, you're going to hang out, and go to the drive-through and hang out? No, it's no fun over there. Like I don't even know how they let him leave.

BOLLING: Well, he probably took off.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: He doesn't seem so smart.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: They don't want him either.

WILLIAMS: They used to call it hustling backwards. What did you think it was going to be? I couldn't smoke when I was with ISIS. Like what? Really? OK.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: It's not you, ISIS, it's me.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: They probably sold it a little better on the internet, too.

PERINO: They did, but there is one common denominator that with this guy and a couple others including the one in San Bernardino. And it's the woman. He meets a woman in Turkey. She convinces him to go. Some women in this conflict are fanning the flames of radicalization and resentment. And I guess the good thing to come out of this is he says on tape, they were not good Muslims. OK. So I would take that. Use it on social media, get it around there, but I will also prosecute him.

BOLLING: And use that comment on social media. And say hey, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

GUTFELD: You know what this reminds me of? Remember when you got suckered into joining the Columbia Record Club?

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: . Records for a penny? And you go, why did I do this? It sounded too good to be true. ISIS is a bug lamp for the sad and dumb. We have other ways to get around this. Maybe you joined a weird cult for a couple years. But this is too much of a commitment. This is not summer camp.

GUILFOYLE: No.

BOLLING: That's true.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: An apology the judge never saw coming.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRIAN TAYLOR, CONVICTED FELON (SINGING): Hello there. I want to say I'm sorry for the things I've done . And I will try to be stronger. And it's like I close but I want you to know that door I closed. And your honor, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

BOLLING: Twenty-one-year-old Brian Taylor channeling his inner Adele to apologize through song. Unfortunately for him, you're screwed. He is still getting 17 years in prison for unlawful imprisonment. Oh!

GUTFELD: While he was singing in court, Adele was armed -- robbing a bank, strangely.

This is an amazing idea. What if you combined -- a new reality show where you combined "Lockup" with "American Idol," sing for your freedom. You could call it -- you could call it "Sing for Your Freedom," or you could call it "Jail Song Birds."

GUILFOYLE: You know, somebody's going to do that now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOLLING: Because everything starts right at this table.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness.

BOLLING: Remember "Divorce Island?"

GUTFELD: Liberty island?

GUILFOYLE: Remember that? That island we stayed at.

PERINO: You look at the public defender, and you think about the judge. This is really public service.

GUILFOYLE: He's like pretending to file the papers and be very busy.

PERINO: Sorry, Judge.

GUILFOYLE: The cutest thing. They had this on "FOX & Friends" this morning, and Ainsley says to me, she goes, "Well, maybe he got a little time off."

I said, "Well, he still got 17. Maybe, like, two weeks off. That wasn't even very good.

WILLIAMS: Judge Guilfoyle would not -- your heart would not be...

GUILFOYLE: No. I'd be, like, drop the gavel down on him. Like enough.

BOLLING: Counselor Williams, would you advise your client?

WILLIAMS: I was going to say, as a former public defender, actually, I'd go for it. Look, at this point, he got 17 years. He was probably looking at about 25.

GUILFOYLE: Twenty-five, right?

WILLIAMS: You know what? Go for it. We have bad facts.

GUILFOYLE: Go for it; bad facts.

GUTFELD: Before he's in prison, did he sing? That usually happens when you're in jail.

GUILFOYLE: All day.

BOLLING: OK. Arizona's game last night at Wichita State, social media was in a frenzy over it. So what do the players do that everyone was talking about? Well, not exactly the game itself but this.

Check out Wildcats coach Sean Miller sweating profusely within minutes of the game. Starting was so bad, he had to change his shirt during halftime.

GUILFOYLE: What's wrong with him?

BOLLING: Instead of leaving the poor guy, the Twitter trolls were in full effect last night. Check out these memes that went viral.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

BOLLING: We should have had them use a little bigger...

GUILFOYLE: Maybe. You can't really see it.

BOLLING: A little bigger.

GUTFELD: It was the...

GUILFOYLE: It was quite a build-up to that, Bolling.

PERINO: I don't like to see anybody ridiculed like that. Besides, he was working hard.

WILLIAMS: I think -- I'm not really mad at that. You know, I'd like to see a little more enthusiasm out of my head coach. Get out there. Yes.

GUTFELD: Shouting at his point guard.

GUILFOYLE: That's like really wet. Right? I mean, it's becoming see- through, his shirt, he's so wet.

BOLLING: It could be a condition. No, there is a condition. It's called hyperhidrosis, I think.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOLING: Hyperhidrosis.

GUILFOYLE: You know what? He can -- I think he needs, like, Botox under his arms.

BOLLING: What?

GUILFOYLE: Or arms or something.

WILLIAMS: Yes. Botox will stop it.

GUTFELD: I feel bad for him, though, because there's something that's essentially a medical thing. Because you don't sweat like that in real life.

BOLLING: We're not...

PERINO: Did they win? God help him. If they won, who cares?

BOLLING: Exactly. Who cares?

GUILFOYLE: Fine.

BOLLING: But you know who didn't win?

WILLIAMS: Michigan.

BOLLING: Michigan State didn't, just a little while ago.

Don't move, because "Facebook Friday" is up next.

GUTFELD: Yay.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's "Facebook Friday." We answer your questions now. All right. This is a good one. All right. We're going to start with you, Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: I knew it.

GUTFELD: From Jan B., Jan Brady, perhaps. "If you were not" -- That's the wrong one. A question from Susan K. I apologize. "I want each you to describe each of your co-hosts in one word."

GUILFOYLE: No!

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: Each of our -- OK. I can't do it in one word.

GUTFELD: Then you are disqualified.

Should I move on.

GUILFOYLE: "G.Q."

GUTFELD: Start with Eboni and go around. Come on.

WILLIAMS: Really? New kid on the block? OK. All right. I'll take it.

GUILFOYLE: OK, Eboni, passionate. But obviously hot. But you only gave me one.

GUTFELD: Only one!

GUILFOYLE: I know, but just...

BOLLING: I'll just take her "hot."

GUILFOYLE: Bolling -- Bolling, I would say, besides tan...

BOLLING: That's what you come up with?

BOLLING: Money. I'll give you money. I see you, I see money. Like "Cashin' In," all of that.

Dana, intellectual.

PERINO: I don't think that's a compliment.

GUTFELD: Aww.

PERINO: Any more.

GUILFOYLE: Cerebral. Is that warmer?

PERINO: Brainer -- brainy?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. But you are.

Sending out all your e-mails and all the little reading lists.

PERINO: Greg.

GUILFOYLE: I know. Stalker, psycho, cranky, bad intestines.

GUTFELD: I'm getting the evil eye from Dana. Let's go to the next question, shall we?

PERINO: You want all of us to do it?

GUTFELD: Eric, go, go, go.

BOLLING: Snark-alicous for you, Greg.

GUTFELD: I like that.

BOLLING: Smart-alicious for Dana.

PERINO: I can sense a pattern.

BOLLING: And attorney-alicous for these two.

GUILFOYLE: We can share it.

GUTFELD: Very good.

GUILFOYLE: Like a little duet.

GUTFELD: Eboni.

WILLIAMS: OK. Wordsmith for you, Greg.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

WILLIAMS: Dana is classy.

PERINO: OK.

WILLIAMS: Eric, I kind of cheated here: all-American.

GUILFOYLE: With a hyphen.

WILLIAMS: It's a hyphen, yes.

Rock star. Total...

GUILFOYLE: One word.

WILLIAMS: Yes. Just rock star.

GUILFOYLE: Thanks, babe.

GUTFELD: Dana.

PERINO: Went with the "A" words. Amazing, accomplished, (UNINTELLIGIBLE)...

BOLLING: Don't use it.

PERINO: ... annoying. It crossed my mind.

BOLLING: They were hovering over the bleep button.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: I gave you witty at the end there.

BOLLING: You, sir?

GUILFOYLE: I do enjoy the monologue.

GUTFELD: You're going to love this. I just -- K.G., terrifying. Because you are.

GUILFOYLE: I really am.

GUTFELD: You are terrifying. Eboni, I have charming.

WILLIAMS: Thank you.

GUTFELD: E.B., I said committed. You are committed. And Dana, I said practical.

Look at this.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, she does. Because she has sensible shoes.

PERINO: So glad I'm going to Denver.

GUILFOYLE: She's a good packer.

GUTFELD: All right. Next question.

GUILFOYLE: She comes prepared. She wears sensible shoes. She's reliable.

GUTFELD: The things you want to say, you can't say, because then you get in trouble.

GUILFOYLE: Like what? Say it.

BOLLING: How dare you?

GUTFELD: You can't say something about how somebody looks, right? Because if you do that, then you go home and somebody yells at you.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, so you want to be paying us some compliments.

GUTFELD: You can't do the compliments. You've got to do the safe compliments. All right. Maybe it was a bad idea. We're back and forth over that question.

Stop looking at me like that.

GUILFOYLE: She's breaking up with you. That's that look.

GUTFELD: Dan B., If you were not a news commentator, what kind of job would you have?" Go this way.

PERINO: You know, one of the things that I thought I would do before "The Five" started was I had this idea to go to Africa and try to help coordinate the NGO response in a better way. And I still have -- I mean, I still think that that would be a great thing to do. Although Jasper is, like, now on the scene so I don't know how that's going to work.

GUTFELD: Yes. How about you, Eric?

PERINO: There's Peter, too. But Peter was on board.

BOLLING: I think I would like to run for office at some point.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

BOLLING: If not that, maybe, if I'm not a news commentator, could I be a sports commentator?

BOLLING: I think you could.

WILLIAMS: Sure.

GUILFOYLE: That's sweet.

WILLIAMS: I'm torn. Make-up artist, college professor.

GUTFELD: Combine them.

WILLIAMS: Right.

I'm going to teach, like, social ethics.

BOLLING: Oh, boy.

WILLIAMS: Obviously.

BOLLING: Obviously!

GUTFELD: K.G.

GUILFOYLE: A lot of things.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: So sure, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: Mayor...

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: ... governor...

GUTFELD: You say that.

GUILFOYLE: ... vice president.

PERINO: Yes, but then would you really do it if we set it up?

GUILFOYLE: Listen, I may need to have a little bit of a funding, if I can get some funding.

GUTFELD: In a New York minute.

PERINO: Won't be a problem.

BOLLING: I could arrange that.

PERINO: That won't be a problem.

GUTFELD: You could be done in a second.

WILLIAMS: You could be written into New York mayor in a heartbeat. You wouldn't even...

GUTFELD: Don't run as a Republican. Run as an independent. You will win.

Run as a Democrat. What the heck?

GUILFOYLE: Right. I think -- you know.

GUTFELD: Am I -- it came to me. I would like to be the guy at the carnival in the drunk [SIC] tank. Because that's what I do here. I'd like to be the dunk tank clown.

GUILFOYLE: I thought you said "drunk tank."

GUTFELD: No, dunk tank.

GUILFOYLE: You said "drunk." You said "drunk tank."

GUTFELD: The dunk tank at a carnival, where I sit there and just love at everybody, and they get to throw stuff at me.

WILLIAMS: The subconscious throwing.

GUILFOYLE: Remember when we had the dunk tank?

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: And Dana came? She was like -- and nailed it.

GUTFELD: We won't go into that, but it was -- the memories are still there.

PERINO: That was classic.

GUTFELD: All right.

GUILFOYLE: You took a beating that day. That's with the chicken wing he took to unseat (ph) you, too.

GUTFELD: All right. This is the last question from Cherry P? Cherry pie? What are we doing here? "What is your favorite all-time Broadway show?" Eboni.

WILLIAMS: "Kinky Boots."

GUTFELD: What about the show? Anyway.

Eric.

BOLLING: Can I be honest? I would say the one -- the favorite that I've seen is "Kinky Boots." I am dying to see "Hamilton." I would love to see it.

WILLIAMS: Who do you have to know in this town to get "Hamilton" tickets?

PERINO: Juan Williams.

GUILFOYLE: Me.

WILLIAMS: K.G. -- hey, K.G.

GUILFOYLE: She doesn't find me terrifying.

GUTFELD: What would you choose? Your favorite Broadway show.

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I did not like "Book of Mormon." I did not like it. I don't like bad things about babies. It bothers me. So I didn't like that.

GUTFELD: That's pretty obvious.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, "Lion King," that was not bad.

BOLLING: "Wicked" was good.

GUILFOYLE: I did not see it. But I think I'm going to choose "Hamilton." Get back for me.

GUTFELD: Yes, Dana, how about you?

PERINO: "Les Mis."

GUTFELD: "Les Mis." What's that about?

GUILFOYLE: You, Greg.

PERINO: How these establishment people get booted out of their offices.

GUILFOYLE: Oh!

PERINO: France has been great ever since.

GUTFELD: They should make book about it.

PERINO: Fraternite.

GUTFELD: Oh, "Avenue Q."

WILLIAMS: Baloney.

GUILFOYLE: I did see that. That was good.

PERINO: What about the Broadway show I paid for you to go to and you left?

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. I left at the half time.

GUILFOYLE: My friend wrote and produced that.

GUTFELD: Really?

GUILFOYLE: Jason Moore (ph). Yes, he's very talented.

GUTFELD: I enjoyed it. I enjoyed "Pee Wee's Play" -- when Pee Wee Herman was on.

PERINO: Your favorite Broadway was Pee Wee Berman?

GUTFELD: He had a great show.

WILLIAMS: Is it true that you were this stand-in?

GUTFELD: Yes, I was.

BOLLING: Can we just ask, Hamilton, we'll pay for the tickets. Just get us tickets, and we'd like to go as a show.

GUTFELD: They'll go, "Are you guys from FOX News?" They'll go, "Are you guys from FOX News? Sorry. We're full until 2040."

GUILFOYLE: FOX News canceled. Eat it.

GUTFELD: Yes. Still to come, a baseball player gives up a $13 million contract after being told to stop bringing his son to work with him every day. Did he make an error? Or did his team? Next on "The Five."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: So how much is too much when it comes to taking your kids to work? Well, there's a lot of talk this week about the resignation of Chicago White Sox player Adam LaRoche after being asked to limit his 14- year-old son's visits to the club house. Well, apparently, he was bringing his son to work with him nearly every day. The team's vice president requested that he cut back a little.

Well, it didn't go over well with the first baseman. LaRoche announced his retirement on Wednesday, walking away from $13 million worth of contract money.

That's a lot of money, to me, to walk away from. Greg, is this being spoiled or is this the right call to be with your family?

GUTFELD: This is an amazing sports story. There are no handguns in a nightclub. There are no strippers on Instagram. There are no anabolic steroids being sold by a shady doctor. I don't even know how to comment, other than I think that maybe there were guys in the clubhouse that had a hard time talking about what went on last -- the night before.

BOLLING: About those things.

GUTFELD: Exactly. That's probably...

WILLIAMS: Yes. I mean, the thing is, is that he was bringing him, I think, every day. At first it was no big deal. Apparently, all accounts, both executives and his teammates, the kid is really great. Great kid. Everybody loves him. Wasn't causing a distraction. There was no issues there. But it was just the everyday thing.

And apparently, he wouldn't even negotiate it. So let me ask your take about this one. To me there's a legal issue.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, so -- well, right.

WILLIAMS: The basement said that before he negotiated his contract, he cleared that it was OK to bring his kid, and they said OK. He relied on that. Now he feels like may be kind of going back.

GUILFOYLE: Right. So was that in writing? Was it some kind of detrimental reliance? But I mean, technically, you know, and legally the club is allowed to issue the rules and say what the specifics are, the clubhouse and their property and who can be in it. Et cetera. And it becomes a distraction or problematic for the other, you know, players, I mean, I think it is very sweet. He obviously wants to be with his son. He values family and time with him over money.

So he's sending a message there and was very defiant about it. The team is not willing to change their mind. Maybe someone else would.

WILLIAMS: They're supposed to have talks about it. But Eric, let me ask you this...

GUILFOYLE: Doesn't he go to school?

WILLIAMS: So here's the thing, this past Wednesday, spring time practice game, the team almost boycotted in a showing of solidarity to their teammate. A good call there? Or is that doing too much?

BOLLING: So like a foreign baseball player and a father. I will tell you that, look, he's had a long career. He's got plenty of money. What that guy just did for his son was show the most respect and love for his little one. That kid will never, ever forget for the rest of his life. It's heartwarming to see someone that dedicated to family to walk away from a $13 million contract because you love your kid. I just -- hats off to LaRoche.

WILLIAMS: Dana, I have to ask you this. Do you think this would be different if it was a woman bringing her kid to her job?

PERINO: A woman? Well, I do think the clubhouse thing is probably the case. And I don't know. there's not really a similar -- there's not a parallel situation for women, I don't think. I mean, I've not...

WILLIAMS: What if there's, like, a woman who worked in a hair salon and she was bringing her daughter to the hair salon every day?

PERINO: But the hair salon.

GUTFELD: You assume it's a hair salon because it's a woman?

BOLLING: A woman. That's sexist.

WILLIAMS: Well, no. You guys are going to feel so bad. I grew up in a hair salon. My mother had a hair salon, and I was there every single day after school.

PERINO: And you have great hair.

WILLIAMS: Thank you.

GUILFOYLE: ... and see social justice issues...

WILLIAMS: That's what made me think of it.

GUTFELD: Why can't men be in hair salons?

WILLIAMS: You guys are ridiculous. "One More Thing" is up next.

GUILFOYLE: Go to Madison Avenue.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: Welcome back. It's time for "One More Thing." Greg, take it.

GUTFELD: First up, tomorrow on my show, I'm going to have Dave Navarro from Jane's Addiction. You remember him? He's awesome. As well as Mark McKinnon, who is doing that great show.

BOLLING: "Circus."

GUTFELD: "Circus." So he'll be on, and it will be fun. But first, this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Greg's Teleportation News.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: This is an absolutely crazy thing that happened. I just disappeared there. Take a look at this clip. It was on Danish TV. Watch as this man is talking, and you see this woman right there? Where did that woman go? She's there. See, this woman's going back there.

This has caused quite a stir. And then that woman just disappeared.

People -- people have no idea where she went. Watch this again.

BOLLING: To her right.

GUTFELD: No. But we don't know that. I prefer to think she teleported off into some fourth multiverse, and she's living a marvelous life.

PERINO: Can I go there?

BOLLING: Yes. And the robots.

GUTFELD: And the robots. All right. I'll shut up now.

PERINO: OK, I have one. It is a book that was sent to me that I just thought was very good and I think it's precious. It's called "52 Weeks of Cookies." And this is how a mom refused to be beaten by her son's deployment. Her name is Maggie McCreath. And for a year, she was so worried about her only son who was off to a war -- war in Iraq for the second time, for a second tour. She made a year's worth of cookies, 52 weeks, and sent them to her son and all of his fellow soldiers. And all the recipes and her stories are in here. So it's called "52 Weeks of Cookies" by Maggie McCreath. She works at the Pentagon. So I like that.

GUTFELD: Not a crummy book.

GUILFOYLE: Not a crummy -- very good.

WILLIAMS: Wordsmith, you.

PERINO: Kimberly, you're next.

GUILFOYLE: So in another edition of...

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Kimberly's Royal News.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, my goodness.

GUILFOYLE: I love it so much for all the right reasons and because it makes Greg crazy. All right. So Prince Harry, who is very sweet and very charming, God bless him. So on the eve of his second Invictus Games, he did an interview with Robin Roberts. It was very warm and open and talked about losing his mother. And we have a little bit of that, and I'd like you to listen to it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRINCE HARRY, UNITED KINGDOM: We're going to doing everything we can to make sure that she's never forgotten and carry on all of the special gifts and she -- that she portrayed while she was alive. I hope that a lot of my mother's talents are shown in a lot of the work that I do.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Anyway, how sweet is that? Having lost a mother at a young age, I understand the impact of that. And I have to say, obviously, she had a tremendous influence on their lives. The boys have turned out very well. You may be fifth in line to the throne, but we keep you here in our hearts, Harry. You're very sweet.

PERINO: And the Invictus Games are going to be great. They take place in May in Orlando. Eboni.

WILLIAMS: OK, like any good Tar Heel, special shout-out to my school, UNC. Good luck tomorrow night. They take on Providence. They have a No. 1 seeded UNC Tar Heels, go!

GUTFELD: That's a very tiny shirt.

GUILFOYLE: I was going to say, you should definitely put that on.

WILLIAMS: Right now?

GUILFOYLE: No. I'm just saying. So cute.

GUTFELD: There you go.

PERINO: Are you going to the game?

WILLIAMS: I can't get "Hamilton" tickets. I can't get Tar Heel tickets. I can't get Super Bowl tickets.

GUTFELD: I can get tickets.

PERINO: Eric.

I thought we were going to get to say who our team was.

WILLIAMS: Yes. Everybody, go around the circle. Who is your pick for the tournament?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

GUILFOYLE: Kentucky.

GUTFELD: I don't know what you're talking about.

PERINO: Never mind. We don't have time. I will try respect your "One More Thing." I'm going to go with the Tar Heels in solidarity with you and Jeannie Momo (ph).

Eric, you're next.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, Jeannie (ph).

BOLLING: Great news, everyone. Tomorrow, "Cashin' In" is back at 11:30 Eastern. I'm going to be addressing the Michelle Fields story so make sure you tune in for that. It's very interesting. And also, you can catch me tonight hosting "The O'Reilly Factor." We're having a big election 2016 special. All your weekend talking points you need in one hour, 8 p.m. Eastern.

PERINO: All right. Set your DVR so you never miss an episode of "The Five." That's it for us. "Special Report" is next. Have a great weekend, everyone. See you next week. Bye.

Content and Programming Copyright 2016 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2016 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.