This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 31, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone! Happy New Year's Eve.
I'm Eric Bolling along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. This is "The Five."
The New Year 2016 is now just hours away, and we hope you'll be ringing it in with us right here tonight on the Fox News channel. Kimberly and I are co-hosting the all-American New Year's Eve extravaganza in Times Square later, and we couldn't be more excited. Please join us at 10 PM Eastern Time until the ball drops and beyond.
Helping us get the party started at 9 p.m. Eastern will be Kennedy, Jesse Watters, and Katherine Timpf on the countdown to 2016, so make sure you catch that too. KG, how pumped are you tonight?
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: I'm super pumped for tonight. I'm really excited that we're going to be co-hosting, so maybe this will be the many of more to come -- the first of many to come. I'm excited about being down there. There's nothing like the feeling in Times Square when the ball drops.
BOLLING: I'm a rookie at this. You've done this before. Show me how it works.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, and I think you might have brought the good weather, because it's much warmer tonight than it has been in years past so I'm ready to bring (ph) the heat.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Are you guys going to kiss -- are you guys going to kiss right on the lips? That's why I'm watching. I want to see an awkward kiss.
BOLLING: You're going to have to tune in to find out.
GUTFELD: I'm going to be there.
BOLLING: Can we borrow those glasses?
GUTFELD: No, these are mine.
BOLLING: Can you see out of those?
GUTFELD: Barely, barely
GUILFOYLE: Would you let him past security? Look at him, it's New Year's.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: He could go right under security.
GUTFELD: You better make sure you have security. Last time I did this, the barrier broke and I got trampled by about 1,000 people who couldn't speak English.
BOLLING: Well we plan on being 50 stories over Times Square looking down onto the ball drop.
GUILFOYLE: If only we had a fence.
BOLLING: Yes. All right, so it's been another big year for "The Five," a great year, so let's take a look back now at some of the fun we had in 2015, starting with Greg.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I'm Greg Gutfeld with, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling. And she pole dances on a candy cane. And a marshmallow is her flight pillow. And she eats ladybugs on toast. And a feather is her hammock. And she suntans on a saltine. She dead lifts a dandelion. She hang glides on a Dorito. And a glass of alka seltzer is her Jacuzzi.
And a traffic cone is her tipi. And she roller skates in a hub cap. And she almost drowned in a dewdrop. Plays handball against a matchbox. And she oars with a Q-tip. And she pole vaults with a chopstick. She uses an eyelash as a back-scratcher. And her prom date was an electron. She uses as tongue depressor as a surfboard. Rode to work on a cricket. It's Dana Perino of "The Five."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: My God.
BOLLING: No end to the fun.
GUTFELD: Two points. A lot of those are sent in from viewers. And when I go on Butcher's (ph) they send me -- but the other thing is it's great watching my face get fat and then skinny, and get fat, and get skinny because my diet is so terrible that I put on like five pounds in a week and then --
GUILFOYLE: Well it could be bloating from drinking as well the night before, depending on how you were frolicking around on your unicorn.
BOLLING: Did you clear any of those with Ms. Perino before?
GUTFELD: No, I want her to be surprised, except for the pole dancing one I ran by her, because I wasn't sure if that was tasteful for a family show.
PERINO: I mean but no one would believe it, that I pole dance on a candy cane anyway
GUTFELD: You pole danced through the `90s to pay your way through school.
GUILFOYLE: Can I tell you how handsome you look in your little Santa going for a ride on the unicorn?
GUTFELD: Isn't that great?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I'm so happy -
BOLLING: We need a long shot.
GUTFELD: There you go. Very good, everybody.
GUILFOYLE: You liked your Christmas present.
JUAN WILLIAMS, , CO-HOST: Dana, have you ever been -- Dana, have you ever been offended?
PERINO: No. I mean like surfing on a cheddar -- on a cheese nip, I mean that's not bad.
GUILFOYLE: You can't be best friends with Greg otherwise you'd be in a perpetual state of being offended, it would be very exhausting.
BOLLING: She gets him back too, she gets him back quite a bit actually.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, she does.
GUTFELD: Yes, she's insulted me many times.
PERINO: I have to say what I noticed in that clip is that my hair looks fabulous.
GUTFELD: It does. Good to point that out.
BOLLING: All right, we'll stay on you. Next up, DP. She invited some special guests to join her this year for one more thing, both under three feet tall, both wearing bow ties.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: It only happens once a year but America's dog Jasper is joining us, much to Greg's disappointment, although I do think he actually kind of likes him. Jasper, say hello to your fans.
BOLLING: Happy birthday, Jasper.
GUTFELD: You know he looks a lot like Brit Hume.
BOLLING: Did you see how he looked right in the camera? Did you see him look right in the camera? GUTFELD: Thank you, Dana. Now on to other news.
GUTFELD: One more thing, tell them Dana, you've got a guest?
PERINO: I have a little guest, and his name is Ryan Fish, and he is joining the show today. He made me this beautiful picture of butterflies, which is nice, so he's going to join us for one more thing. People are going to Amazon to buy the book, or wherever they were getting it, they were buying the wrong book, and there's 300 reviews on Amazon saying oh wait, this is not the book I thought it was, this is not the international bestseller, but the young woman in England has made a ton of money.
GUTFELD: You know, nobody cares about your story.
PERINO: Because look how cute Ryan is. Do you like my story?
RYAN FISH: Yes.
PERINO: Do you like my book?
GUTFELD: Do you like Dana?
GUTFELD: Almost the same height.
(END VIDEO CLIP) GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh.
PERINO: That was one of my favorite moments of "The Five" this year because it was a -- it was a total surprise, he was a family friend of somebody that worked here.
GUTFELD: You're 27, that's the weird thing.
BOLLING: Boy was he in love though, wow.
PERINO: I mean the thing is that you really, if you're going to go for the demo, you got to start really young. Like I plan ahead, you know, I'm looking 15 to 20 years ahead.
GUTFELD: You're like -- you're like a Florida high school teacher.
PERINO: Oh God. Oh my gosh. Here we go.
BOLLING: Oh my God. But he was -- he was -- he was frozen. I was -- I was taken by the --
PERINO: Well, it's not natural to be on television.
WILLIAMS: It's not natural to be on television. I think it's not natural to be next to Dana Perino on television. That's the problem.
BOLLING: Yeah exactly, I think that's what it was.
WILLIAMS: I think that's the problem.
BOLLING: It wasn't the cameras that got his attention.
PERINO: It was fine, and thank you for indulging Jasper.
WILLIAMS: By the way, I thought the idea that both of her people were in bo ties is, I don't know, I don't know why, (inaudible).
PERINO: Well now I have a third.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, thank you. Very nice. OK, stay right there, she won a chicken-eating contest on "The Five." She's a resident foodie. One week this year, all Kimberly did was eat on One More Thing. If you missed that, check this out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: My milkshake is better than yours. You know it! Yeah, this is Chick-Fil-A's delicious vanilla milkshake, and feast your eyes and your mouth on this. Go to Chick-Fil-A.
PERINO: OK, that was Kimberly (inaudible) the best One More Thing.
GUTFELD: It's a bite of cheeseburger.
BOLLING: I'm Snapchatting this too, by the way.
GUTFELD: That's a good point.
GUILFOYLE: Now I can have it all the time, because you can get this right now at your local McDonald's, is the sausage burrito.
BOLLING: Oh, look at that, yeah.
GUILFOYLE: I have some bacon in honor of Susanna Mushatt Jones right here. Now the most delicious dessert in the world, it is the yellow cake from Del Frisco's, and I'm telling you haven't lived until you've had a slice of this. I hope you enjoyed the food week like I've enjoyed it, and --
GUTFELD: That's icing on the cake.
GUILFOYLE: You know, we'll do more stuff.
PERINO: Thank you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh, isn't that the best? I love it.
BOLLING: Can I point out I was Snapchatting all of those. I never got more Snapchat followers and people looking for that video, than that week, in my entire life.
GUILFOYLE: I'm telling you, I'm really craving again food week. I hope it's back by popular demand. I mean how great was that? Remember the pierogis? Remember those?
GUTFELD: Oh my -- can you believe it?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my god.
BOLLING: Nothing is like -- nothing (inaudible) --
GUILFOYLE: I keep it in as long as I can.
BOLLING: Nothing was like when you just went to work on those chicken wings that one time. Remember that Fourth of July?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, that was a power move, yes.
PERINO: That was four-and-a-half years ago.
GUILFOYLE: Dana was like any team I'm on, I want you on, KG, because you're a true competitor. I was like two at a time, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and the West Point Band was marching, and I didn't stop, I just kept eating, and then I sat up on the bench and did a dance. It was the whole deal. I came to play.
BOLLING: We should put that up on our Facebook page.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I came to play, I had the hair pinned back. I wiped off the lip gloss, and I kicked off my heels, that's how you do it (ph).
WILLIAMS: You know, I love food, but I tell you, that lemon cake -- that lemon cake from Del Frisco's I think is the best dessert I've ever had.
GUILFOYLE: It's fantastic. Next time I get married I'm for sure going to have it.
BOLLING: Next time -- OK, well next up is my man Juan who has a lot of Juan-isms that you've noticed probably this year. Listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Guess what happened. Guess what. Because guess what. But guess what. And guess what. But guess what, (inaudible) the game, guess what happens.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Well guess what, that's not all. He never seemed to believe what he was hearing at this table.
WILLIAMS: Oh here we go, here we go.
BOLLING: No, I just want to point out that --
WILLIAMS: It's futile for me, folks, you know, talking to you guys, I don't have -- I don't know why I bother.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: I think the legitimate argument at this table -- is what I'm hearing at this table -- the problem at this table -- normally here at this table --
BOLLING: -- that sound byte we're all like really? But President Obama came out --
PERINO: Except for Juan, who was wondering what's happening at this table.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: I agree. I agree. Dana got it.
GUTFELD: What is your problem with this table?
BOLLING: Yeah, what's wrong with this table?
WILLIAMS: Well you know, it's kind of tilted. Oh, I'm going to fall off. Now, I'm the only balanced at this table, that's the problem.
BOLLING: Oh, come on, we're all fair and balanced.
GUILFOYLE: Maybe tilted to the right, not the left, but there you go.
GUTFELD: You'd never do this on Brett's show.
WILLIAMS: Oh no, you would be surprised.
GUTFELD: You never say I can't believe what's happening here.
WILLIAMS: I do say that, I do.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, I can't believe what I'm hearing at this table.
PERINO: Everyone on TV has something that they say all the time. And for years I've noticed that you've got it down to guess what. That is your thing.
WILLIAMS: So when I was a kid it used to be check it out. And my parents -- everybody would be like, check it out, it's Juan.
GUILFOYLE: You do that too, though.
WILLIAMS: I do check it out?
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, you do.
WILLIAMS: See? All right.
BOLLING: All right, finally, this segment is of your favorite, the fastest seven, I quarterbacked that one, three stories, seven minutes, one host with some interesting vocabulary.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Welcome back. Time for the fastest seven minutes on television. Three saucy stories, seven swift minutes, one sanguine host. First up, three intoxicating stories, three entertaining stories. Seven impetuous minutes, seven frolicsome minutes. One vatic host. One dexterous host. One rad host. Rad? One exegetic host. First up - sorry? Are you cool?
GUILFOYLE: I may want to get a thesaurus, e-mail (inaudible) to me later.
BOLLING: OK, one snazzy host?
WILLIAMS: Yeah, there you go.
BOLLING: All right, one affable host? Maybe?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: You remember mercurial, we had that issue --
GUILFOYLE: Yes, mercurial, yeah, we had like a whole big thing on e-mail back and forth over that, that was fun, it was fun.
BOLLING: I always have to make sure you guys are okay though.
PERINO: The thing that I love is that in a show like this that we've now been on air for four and a half years that you can have a show -- we can put together a compilation like this because we have something that you can go to, and people look forward to it, and you branded it the fastest seven a few years ago and it sticks, and it's really good.
BOLLING: The important claims that did it (ph).
GUTFELD: E can think thesaurus.com.
BOLLING: That's where I go. I start with --
PERINO: That's his best friend.
BOLLING: I start with provocative, and I find other synonyms of provocative, and then I start with fast, and I find other synonyms of fast, and then I go to cogent and then I find synonyms of cogent.
PERINO: Oh my gosh.
BOLLING: And that's how -- that's the -- that's the trick behind --
GUILFOYLE: We love that segment though, it's super fun.
BOLLING: We all fun. All right, anyway, ahead on "The Five," our predictions for the New Year, our resolutions and more. But up next, the best comic relief of election 2016. Stick around.
GREGG JARRETT, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Well Fox Urgent, I'm Gregg Jarrett on the Fox News deck. An update on that enormous fire at the luxury hotel and apartment building in Dubai, just steps from New Year's Eve fireworks at the world's tallest building, the Burj Khalifa. Officials say more than a dozen people have been injured after the fire, none of them seriously, and that one person did suffer a heart attack from the smoke and overcrowding.
Firefighters have been working to put out the flames which have scorched a massive section of the 63-story building, 20 stories according to witnesses of fire. But, despite the inferno, officials did go ahead with the New Year's Eve fireworks at the Burj Khalifa about two hours ago.
Some 1 million people from all over the world expected to turn out for that event. The massive fire distracted from the New Year's celebrations with people running from the Address Hotel building as it burned. One witness described to Sky News the moment he realized something was very wrong.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
KENNETH FLYNN, WITNESS: We ordered one drink and my partner noticed something falling from the building and she said what's that? And I said I don't know, but I'll have a look. And by the time I walked out, the whole building was just ablaze. It was unbelievable.
And by the time I came back in, I had lost her because the whole place was in panic and people were crushing each other trying to get out and get down the stairwell. So I managed not to go down the stairwell and wait for her. Found her and took about 15-20 minutes but we managed to escape to the lobby, out the door. It was -- I've never experienced anything like it. It was -- it was surreal.
(END AUDIO CLIP)
JARRETT: Another witness we talked to earlier said she was on the 42nd floor having dinner with friends. She says they were unsure whether to stay put or try to escape until they saw the burning wreckage plummet to earth.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
MAHA ABOUELENEIN, WITNESS: We started seeing debris coming off the building, and then you know, a lot of us were hesitating, should we go, should we not? Should we stay here? Are we safer outside? We tried to like get through, but they closed off all the entrances to the hotel. They wouldn't let anybody go back into the hotel.
They evacuated us through -- they evacuated us to side staircases on the side of the building, leading us down to the platform of where the fountain show takes place, which leads into the Dubai Mall.
They were super organized, the hotel staff were calm, everybody got out. In the beginning it was a little bit chaotic, like should we go -- which way, no, we should go that way. But then once we all decided to move, everyone quickly evacuated and they got us all out very quickly.
(END AUDIO CLIP)
JARRETT: She added she was really impressed with how efficiently first responders got everybody to safety. Officials in Dubai say the flames appear to have started on a terrace on the building's 20th floor. They've not said exactly how the fire began.
We have photos of some of the wounded, again, more than a dozen people injured, one heart attack reported. The Address hotel where all of this happened is roughly 1,000 feet tall and stands just a short distance from the Burj Khalifa, which rockets more than a half a mile into the sky. This is all right under the busy center of downtown Dubai.
We have an image showing what the skyscraper looked like before the fire here on the right. On the left how it looked earlier with flames pouring from the side of the building. We'll have updates on this fire as they come in throughout the night. Now back to "The Five."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Welcome back to "The Five"'s New Year's Eve special. It's certainly been a wild year in politics. The 2016 presidential candidates have provided plenty of fodder for comedians to poke fun at. Which hopeful has been the easiest to mock? Well how about Bernie Sanders?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LARRY DAVID (AS BERNIE SANDERS): Now if you don't mind I'm going to dial it right up to a 10.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Go right ahead.
DAVID: We're doomed! We need a revolution. Millions of people on the streets, and we got to do something, and we got to do it now. Ah, this may not be great politics, but I think the American people are sick and tired about hearing about your damn emails.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (AS HILLARY CLINTON): Thank you. Thank you Bernie. God, it must be fun to scream and cuss in public.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Oh my god.
WILLIAMS: I thought that was an instant classic. I think he nailed it so well.
GUTFELD: He's better than Bernie Sanders.
GUILFOYLE: He's fantastic. I would be very worried if he was running for office, because it's like the entertainment factor is so huge. Yeah he's a very funny guy, and I love him. He makes (inaudible).
WILLIAMS: Don't you think he looks like Bernie Sanders?
BOLLING: He's perfect. The only problem is he only has a few more weeks to play Bernie Sanders. You're in for a shock.
GUILFOYLE: There's always the vice presidential slot. You never know.
WILLIAMS: I want to hear the expert opinion from Dr. Gutfeld. Did you think it was good?
GUTFELD: First Happy Juanzaa (ph). Can I -- can I make a larger point about these parodies?
GUTFELD: OK. The difference between like a conservative and a liberal predicated on a really distinct difference. The left are politically skilled, but inept in real life. The right are politically inept, but they make the trains run on time. So when you watch Saturday Night Live, the candidates are always very politically skilled, but we are the dummies, yet we make everything work.
So it raises the question -- who would you rather be stuck on a deserted island with? A political animal or a useful animal? Bernie Sanders or Ben Carson? Everybody would say Ben Carson. That explains the difference in satire, that you can make fun of the useful people, but it's the useless people, the political people, that you embrace.
WILLIAMS: Be careful about honoring people who make the trains run on time.
GUTFELD: That's what I'm saying.
WILLIAMS: History hasn't been kind to those people.
BOLLING: Let's take a look at another clip.
GUTFELD: Whoah, I take back juanzaa.
WILLIAMS: Here was Donald Trump interviewing himself on the Tonight Show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JIMMY KIMMEL, TONIGHT SHOW HOST (AS DONALD TRUMP): Are you ready for the Republican Debate next week?
DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: You know, the truth is I'm always ready. It's really going to be a big debate, but I'm always ready.
KIMMEL It's not just big, it's huge! Huge, huge, huge, huge!
(END VIDEO CLIP) WILLIAMS: Bolling, I think -- I think Donald Trump with the it's going to be great, so great, we're going to be so successful, you're going to get tired of winning, it's going to be huge. I think, I mean, you got to laugh sometimes when you see Donald Trump do it.
BOLLING: Are you kidding me? How about tonight when he rings in the New Year, what is he going to say?
WILLIAMS: He's going to say it's going to be huge.
WILLIAMS: All right, Hillary Clinton made a cameo on SNL where she met up with a political candidate who sounded a lot like her.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KATE MCKINNON (AS HILLARY CLINTON): I'm Hillary Rodham Clinton.
HILLARY CLINTON, (AS VAL): Great name. I'm Val. So Hillary, what brings you here tonight?
MCKINNON: Well, I needed to blow off some steam. I've had a hard couple of 22 years.
CLINTON: Oh I get it, you're a politician.
MCKINNON: Yes. Yes. And how about you?
CLINTON: Well me? I'm just an ordinary citizen who believes the Keystone pipeline will destroy our environment.
MCKINNON: I agree with you there. It did take me a long time to decide that, but I am against it.
CLINTON: I just realized, I never checked your ID.
MCKINNON: Haha, ID? Come on, please. I have a 1-year-old granddaughter. She calls me Madam President.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: So Dana, I know that oftentimes you think SNL is unfair to Republican women. What do you think they're doing with Hillary Clinton?
PERINO: Helping her out.
WILLIAMS: You do?
PERINO: Absolutely. Because that wasn't -- if you looked at the previous clip that we just had with Fallon where Trump is doing the mirror image of himself. He's in it and he gets the joke about himself. In a way, I think Hillary Clinton was trying to do that here, like she was pointing out the flip-flops, the fact that she was for the Keystone pipeline before she was against it.
But there are so many of those, but it's not sharp, right? It's almost as if once you pass the SNL test, it's all smoothed over so you don't ever have to resist that unpleasantness of your campaign.
WILLIAMS: Well what I heard you say in my ear as that tape was running, is it's not funny.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I don't think it's very funny, like I don't know, what's so funny about crushing the American dream and destroying jobs?
PERINO: Good point, good point.
BOLLING: You know what is interesting about that though, it wasn't funny, we're all looking -- the audience laughed, because there's some sort of automatic response --
GUILFOYLE: Because they're all in -- because they're all in --
BOLLING: Because if the audience laughs, even if it's not funny, it feels -- it lets her off the hook. Am I right?
GUILFOYLE: Look at what we're about to get away with.
WILLIAMS: You know I thought some of it -- I thought some of it was funny, but you know why I thought it was funny? It's because it seemed like such a plastic Hillary talking to another plastic Hillary, and they're both in on the fact that they're all -- there's so much pretense, and that she can't laugh out loud, she can't curse, she can't do anything out loud and she -- all right.
GUTFELD: Didn't they seem like the perfect couple?
BOLLING: Not in my home. Ben Carson is a very even-keeled guy. He's not a yeller as you know. He doesn't scream. This Saturday Night Live's Jay Pharaoh nailed his impersonation.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Doctor, do you, a brain surgeon, have the experience and toughness to deal with world leaders like Vladimir Putin?
JAY PHARAOH, COMEDIAN (AS BEN CARSON): Well that question makes me furious, Wolf (ph). I might go ham up in here right now. Of course I can be tough. As a surgeon, I had to tell people things they didn't want to hear, not that they had to have brain surgery, that it would be performed by me, a man who they believe to be asleep. Well I'm not asleep. I'm amped, I'm jacked, and I'm ready to throw down. (LAUGHTER) What do you think of that, Mr. Putin?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: You know, that made him seem so weak, even effeminate, and that's just not ben Carson. So I just -- I was like, I guess they're mocking him, but I'm not sure it's fair. You know, I like mockery where you can say I get the joke, and in this case I wasn't sure I got the joke.
GUTFELD: Are you looking at me?
WILLIAMS: Yeah, what do you want to say?
GUTFELD: Oh, I thought you were just staring at me.
WILLIAMS: No, you know, well --
GUTFELD: Yeah I think you're right, it went the wrong direction. The criticism for Ben Carson is that he seems kind of sleepy. And he's just very relaxed. In this case they went in a -- in a direction that if were you a conservative humorist, doing it to a liberal, you would be forced to apologize.
GUILFOYLE: Right, like they acted like yes, we are the maybe low energy, but also maybe drinking or effeminate --
GUTFELD: There were gay -- there were gay allusions in there.
WILLIAMS: That's not right.
WILLIAMS: I didn't catch that.
GUILFOYLE: I did.
BOLLING: No, I thought they were going for the low energy, you know, it's quiet, tired.
WILLIAMS: You think they're working for Trump, because that's the label Trump put on him.
PERINO: Watch it again, Bolling, watch it again.
BOLLING: All right.
WILLIAMS: You get the quote here, you're Judge Kennedy, Justice Kennedy here.
PERINO: No, I'm not. OK, I think this is what I was -- what was going through my mind. I guess I've decided that if as a Republican or conservative, if I'm watching Saturday Night Live and they're making fun of one of my people, I'm like that's not funny.
But if you listen to the audience, which is probably mostly people who would vote general crowd (ph) or self-identify as liberals, and they think it's hilarious. And maybe just our -- even our humor has become politicized.
But like if someone like Larry David can make us laugh, so like maybe it's just even the quality of the person who is doing the impersonation. Like Larry David as Bernie Sanders is funny. I hope that even Bernie Sanders thought that was funny.
WILLIAMS: Well you know what, we hope you stay with us on "The Five," because we want to make you laugh. And next, we've got answers to questions you have for us about the New Year. "The Five" returns in a minute.
ED HENRY, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: I'm Ed Henry in Washington with a look at your New Year's Eve headlines. Just breaking, police in Munich are warning of an imminent threat of a terror attack. They've ordered the evacuation of two train stations just in the last few moments. We are monitoring the situation.
Meanwhile remarkable pictures out of Dubai tonight. A massive fire broke out in a 63-story luxury tower near the country's impressive New Year's Eve fireworks display. Fourteen people slightly injured. It was not clear what caused it. The fireworks went ahead though as scheduled.
Meanwhile, the homeland security department today proposed new rules that would allow certain high-skilled foreign workers to remain here in the country and more easily switch jobs while waiting for a green card.
It would affect the H1V temporary visa program, which is touted by many in the tech industry, but criticized by others who is say it's plagued with abuse. I'm Ed Henry in Washington. Please join us at 6 PM Eastern, a live special report. Until then, happy New Year's Eve.
GUTFELD: Hi, you posted questions for us on Facebook about the New Year, and we are going to answer them now. I'm going to start with Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: I knew it.
GUTFELD: This is from Rod D. What non-political story has meant the most to you so far this year? Non-political.
GUILFOYLE: Non-political story. I don't think I can come up with a good one for that, because I feel like all we've done is like politics (inaudible).
GUTFELD: You talk about royalty every single day.
GUILFOYLE: OK, then it's going to be royal babies.
GUTFELD: There you go, royal babies.
GUILFOYLE: I do like to cover that in my One More Thing.
PERINO: And McDonald's 24/7 breakfast.
GUILFOYLE: McDonald's, yes, the new sausage breakfast burrito, the 24/7 breakfast, that was non-political frivolous but delicious story.
GUTFELD: Exactly, there you go.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, and I like doing the royal stories mostly because it pokes your little unicorn cage.
GUTFELD: That's true, it does bother me. I'm not a big fan of royal babies.
GUILFOYLE: I know.
GUTFELD: Unless they belong to George Brett. Juan?
WILLIAMS: I would say -- I would say the pope's visit. It was -- I know some people would say it was political --
GUILFOYLE: That's a great one.
WILLIAMS: -- but I took it as a non-political story, and I was just touched. I mean there were moments where in downtown Washington, he clogged the streets, the streets were -- nobody could -- the police couldn't stop it, and these were people who loved the pope, and people -- a spiritual connection.
And then he went and had lunch with homeless people, and for all the big shots, it was like well why is he not visiting me? But he's -- and then in Philadelphia, he went to a jail and there was a great picture in a lot of papers of him holding hands with a guy with, you know, tattoos and bruises. I tell you, it made me emotional.
GUTFELD: All right. I disagree with you, it was political.
BOLLING: Is Black Lives Matter, the Hands Up Don't Shoot, is that political?
BOLLING: It is? Does it have to be.
GUTFELD: It's social.
BOLLING: How about Hands Up Don't Shoot was -- is named the biggest lie of the year.
GUILFOYLE: False (ph) narrative, yeah.
WILLIAMS: Of course it's political.
BOLLING: Well I just had to bring that up.
WILLIAMS: How about the (inaudible) equivalent would be Eric Garner saying I can't breathe? That's very real.
GUTFELD: We're turning this into a political segment. Non-political.
PERINO: OK, well, OK, I'm going to say the story that kept me up at night was about the Yazidis, in particular the women who are being attacked by ISIS, the young girls and women that are being attacked and are being held as sex slaves, and so much terrible things are happening to them. That kept me up at night. And I guess in a way that that's political as well, because I feel like we've not fulfilled our moral obligation to help them.
GUILFOYLE: What did you think was the most important story non-political?
GUTFELD: All right, the only thing I could think of it was like you, what bothered me is the contrast between progress and regress, the fact that like we have -- we're getting iPhones, computers, and all this great stuff, and meanwhile on the East, there's a terrible wind coming this way of a group of people, who want to destroy all of that.
There's a group that wants to go back in time, while we go forward in time. That's a really weird story. It's like we're at -- maybe we're the anomaly. Maybe we're not supposed to have progress, is what I'm thinking.
WILLIAMS: I hope that's wrong.
GUTFELD: All right, I'll start this way. John R. What do you think the country will look like after New Year 2016 happening? Will it be worse or better? Dana?
PERINO: So like as in tonight, at midnight, what do I think? I'm an optimistic person. I think we've got some good things on the horizon. Election years are exciting. I do think there's some cause for concern about the economy just overall.
Not trying to make this political, but just the stagnation of it. Third quarter gross domestic product was revised downward to 2 percent. That's not good enough in order to have a growing economy to do all the things that we want to do, whether you're on the left or the right. We need more economic growth.
BOLLING: Yes, I think it's going to be better either way no matter who the president is. I would love to see a conservative in there making things a lot better for the middle class. And if you don't have a conservative, you have a Hillary Clinton, it will be better than Barack Obama. It just will be. The economy, as Dana points out, is recovering and the next four or eight years will be a lot better for the middle class.
WILLIAMS: Well I just think the economy is doing - I mean I'm just -- I'm a little bit stunned, because at this table - what I would say, I would say the reason the Fed had to raise the interest rates, because they are worried about the economy.
BOLLING: Had to, Juan, had to.
WILLIAMS: They're saying the economy (inaudible), but I would say overall you know what, I love America. I think the country is doing very well. I don't want the evil wind coming from the east.
GUTFELD: Speaking of evil wind, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: That's you.
GUTFELD: What do you think the country will look like?
GUILFOYLE: What I think -- actually I think it's going to be a great year in 2016. I really do believe this. I think that we're going to make an amazing choice with the new president, get this country back in the right direction. We're going to crush ISIS. The economy is going to improve. I'm very bullish about 2016.
GUTFELD: All right, my prediction is it's going to be an absolutely horrible year and things are going to get worse and worse and worse, and there's nothing we can do about it because that's the way it's going to go. You know those planets that are out there that don't have any life on it? That's going to be us.
GUILFOYLE: Look at -- look at your sweater.
GUTFELD: I know.
GUILFOYLE: There's (inaudible) on there.
GUTFELD: All right, let's start with Eric.
BOLLING: I know exactly what you're going to say.
GUTFELD: Who is the most Grinch-y this year? Answer Jamie N.'s question.
BOLLING: Yes, that is true. Last year and probably this coming year as well.
GUTFELD: I will never be anything less than a Grinch.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, it's you.
GUTFELD: It's me?
GUILFOYLE: For sure, you're like Andy Rooney.
GUTFELD: Without the ear hair and the eyebrows.
GUILFOYLE: Well because you wax.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you, everywhere. Juan, Grinch-y?
WILLIAMS: How about those people -- how about those people jumping over the White House fence?
GUTFELD: That's Grinch-y.
WILLIAMS: That was Grinch-y.
PERINO: I'm going to go with Harry Reid.
WILLIAMS: Harry Reid, ooh.
PERINO: Last year, be ready for some mischief.
GUTFELD: He's the Grinch.
PERINO: The Senate floor.
GUTFELD: Yeah for the Grinch. Do I have one more time -- one more question? No?
GUTFELD: Real quick, best book you read this year? Go, start there.
GUILFOYLE: All The Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Duer (ph).
GUTFELD: Your book, your book and your book.
GUILFOYLE: That one and making the case, that was my two.
WILLIAMS: Faith and Fury, which is about a marriage.
GUTFELD: Don't explain it.
WILLIAMS: I won't.
GUTFELD: All right, my favorite book was The Future of Violence, which has made me the most pessimistic person on the planet. Have a favorite song of the year? You're about to find out ours, coming up.
GUILFOYLE: Security, take him out. Uptown Funk, See You Again, and Thinking Out Loud, those are the top three best-selling songs of 2015 on iTunes according to Apple. So you want to know what were our favorites of the year? Mine of course is this. (playing Hello by Adele)
This is amazing, right? Adele smashed records at the release of her latest single Hello. That was my pick. And let me tell you something, if her song had come out earlier, it would have been number one top by far.
GUTFELD: Don't be dramatic, just say hello. (Inaudible) say it in the woods.
GUILFOYLE: Or just text it. Hi, LOL. OK, Juan, what did you like?
WILLIAMS: I like See You Again, which is Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth, and of course it was made for the film Theory of Seven as a tribute to Paul Walker who died in 2013 in a one car crash in California, so See You Again was not only an American hit, it was an international hit, and the biggest hit that Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth have ever had.
GUILFOYLE: That's amazing, yeah.
BOLLING: Charlie Puth blasted onto the scene, he has a new album coming out. He's a great artist.
WILLIAMS: I was really a fan of him, I know Greg is going to hit me but I love Fast and Furious --
GUILFOYLE: Me too.
WILLIAMS: -- so I thought Paul Walker was the best.
GUILFOYLE: I love it, oh my gosh. OK, carbon unicorn.
BOLLING: You know the story about Uptown Funk, by the way?
WILLIAMS: What's that?
BOLLING: That Bruno Mars had to release that song quickly because X-factor in England, they had someone performing the song, and she killed it, crushed it. So he put -- he had to rush it out.
WILLIAMS: You mean he didn't write it?
GUILFOYLE: You should be like our billboard correspondent, you know all this stuff.
BOLLING: I'll throw mine out there real quick --
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, go
BOLLING: Cheerleader, Omi, now you may think that's kind of weird, I love this, it's just a feel-good summer song.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, this is you.
BOLLING: Oh, it's so much fun.
GUILFOYLE: OK, Dana?
PERINO: Well you know I love to bring country music to all of you so that you can be a little more enlightened (inaudible) culture.
GUTFELD: Oh, that's directed at me.
PERINO: Yes, so Dierks Bentley had one of my favorites, I think had one of the best songs of the year, 2015, Riser, which is a beautiful song. If you haven't already heard it, check it out. Co-written by Travis Meadows and Steve Moakler, who are fabulous songwriters in Nashville, and I love that song.
GUTFELD: What is the song about?
PERINO: Riser, you're a riser, like you know -
GUTFELD: What, like getting up in the morning?
PERINO: Like you can get your you know what done on behalf of your bride.
PERINO: Just please listen to the lyrics.
GUILFOYLE: That's what happens when you listen to country music. See what happens, (inaudible) in your head. Oh my god. OK, crazy, I did love Pete Scovall, Walking on a Wire (ph). Country music can be delicious. OK, go ahead.
GUTFELD: My favorite band of the year is an Australian band called Tame Impala. The song is called Eventually. It's a great song, and you know why it's a great song? It's a song about breaking up with somebody, and dumping them, and saying hey you'll get over it eventually. It's the mockiest (ph) break up song ever made.
GUILFOYLE: OK, cool.
GUTFELD: That's the best one of the year.
GUILFOYLE: Did a lot of people break up with you? Because I can imagine that.
GUTFELD: I did my own breaking up.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my god.
GUTFELD: I broke up with myself, but I never forgave me.
PERINO: Please look up the lyrics.
WILLIAMS: Stop crying.
GUILFOYLE: OK, what a New Year's it is so far. Stay tune, "The Five"'s New Year's resolutions are next.
PERINO: All right, with each New Year, a lot of people shoot for new goals. Last year I vowed to work on my posture, OK. This year I decided my resolution in the election year would be not to let politics strip me of my dignity. I remember 2012. It felt kind of ugly sometimes and I can already feel it happening in 2016.
So my resolution is to not let that happen to myself, and I wrote a column about it. It's actually up on foxnews.com if you want to check that out. You can try to join me. I said the only way I can really do it is by drinking more wine, which was really my resolution from two years ago, was to drink less wine. But now I'm going to forget about that.
GUILFOYLE: Well Unicorn Boy can keep you company.
PERINO: On wine? I could never keep up.
GUTFELD: Unicorn Boy is a great name for a show.
PERINO: We're going to go to Eric next.
BOLLING: I don't remember what my resolution was last year. I have no recollection of that. So I've been working, I lost 15 pounds, I want to keep that off, maybe lose a couple more and stay with that. Also can I bring it out now? Can I talk -- I just signed a book deal. It will be a book that's going to come out probably mid-summer or so, Wake up America, is the name.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, that's good. I predict national bestseller.
BOLLING: We'll see.
PERINO: Congratulations. All right, Juan Williams?
WILLIAMS: So you know, when I -- coming up to New York to be with my pals here on "The Five," I have discovered Broadway in a bigger way than I ever did. I used to come with the family at the end of the year, you know, you'd see a few shows. Now I just wonder in and say oh, I'll buy a ticket. I think I'm going to do more of that, I'm going to make a point of just enjoying great art, because you know what, Broadway is fantastic art, and you just kind of take it for granted. But man, I've really enjoyed it and I want to enjoy more.
GUILFOYLE: Take me with you.
GUTFELD: Is this a roll of quarters or is it an actual play?
GUILFOYLE: I'll go with you, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh, oh my gosh. I don't know what to say. I think I'm on a riser.
GUILFOYLE: My new year's resolution unfortunately has to be to eat a little differently, because apparently, Greg, I'm allergic to eggs.
GUTFELD: Oh, really?
GUILFOYLE: I found out today -- eggs.
GUTFELD: Just eggs?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know --
PERINO: Eggs are in everything.
GUILFOYLE: I didn't get to read the rest of the report. I know, this may be a huge problem, so we're going to have to modify my food week. And you know, I think you jinxed me because you always say I love eggs every time we do these specials. Is that -- is this going to be a problem for you?
GUTFELD: Well, you can still talk to your doctor, because there's still yolks.
GUILFOYLE: Apparently I'm allergic to the yolk and the white. But yeah, I found this out through some food (inaudible). Good thing I'm not allergic to salami.
WILLIAMS: But I think that that means you can't take penicillin.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, I'm allergic to penicillin.
BOLLING: Well that's the reason.
GUILFOYLE: I knew that since I was a baby.
PERINO: Well that's good to know. Well we'll try to help you.
GUTFELD: That would have killed my college years.
GUILFOYLE: All right, you get to go last, resolution.
GUTFELD: Well you know, last year my resolution was to strangle fewer drifters. And I was able to cut it down to three, so that was good.
WILLIAMS: A week.
GUTFELD: Yeah, a week. This year I'm going to try to be less sexy. Last year a lot of my sexiness got me into trouble and I decided you know what, I got to cut back on the sexiness.
GUILFOYLE: What? You're kidding, right?
GUTFELD: No, I'm serious, my sexiness is out of control. So I'm just going to try to -- I'm not going to bathe as much. I'm going to probably wear dirty, soiled clothing. I'm just going to try to cut back. It might not stop the sexiness.
GUILFOYLE: We're allergic to your sexiness. Wait, will Lou Dobbs still come over?
GUTFELD: I go over there. He's got a bigger hot tub.
PERINO: All right, up next our predictions for 2016, plus, did our predictions from last year come to pass? You'll see straight ahead.
BOLLING: Welcome back. Instead of One More Thing today, we're going to do our annual predictions for the New Year. Wondering how our soothsaying turned out from last year? Take a look.
PERINO: In 2015, Senate minority leader Harry Reid will announce that he is not going to seek re-election in 2016.
GUILFOYLE: Kim Kardashian, she will have another baby.
BOLLING: The last three years I've predicted that we were going to be number one in all of cable news. I'm going to do it again.
GUTFELD: My prediction is that there will be some things that will happen, and other things won't. And someone on TV, perhaps a cable show, will say you can't make this stuff up, folks.
BOLLING: Well, look at that. All of those came true. Fox is number one with our fans, right?
GUTFELD: Now Juan, did I gain weight again?
WILLIAMS: No, but you look a little different.
GUILFOYLE: Your hair was like -- kind of like D-Bow (ph) (inaudible).
GUTFELD: I got old.
BOLLING: All right, so Juan (inaudible) New Year's Eve 2016, so let's start with you with a prediction for 2016.
WILLIAMS: Well I think the parlor game of the year is going to be the vice presidential elections, and so let's just look for a second at the Democrats.
PERINO: Oh, good one.
WILLIAMS: So let's say Hillary is the candidate, the nominee, I would guess that Julian Castro, who is in the Obama cabinet, Hispanic, San Antonio's (ph) brother in Congress, I think he is a winner and my bet, he is part of the ticket for the Democrats going in 2016.
PERINO: Can I go with Tim Caine, senator from Virginia?
WILLIAMS: Sure, he's great.
PERINO: Want to bet?
WILLIAMS: Oh, we always bet. What about -- what about Elizabeth Warren, a double-whammy?
PERINO: You can only choose one.
WILLIAMS: OK, why don't we choose them all.
GUTFELD: I'm going to say Fidel Castro.
GUILFOYLE: (Inaudible) Castro is good. OK, my prediction, you know it, in just a matter of hours, it is going to be the most amazing New Year's Eve show ever and I ought to know because I've hosted quite a few. So I think this is going to be the one that outdoes them all. It's going to be awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, stunning, surprising, unbelievable and huge because we have Donald Trump and Melania joining us from Mar-a-Lago. It's going to be fantastic.
BOLLING: I'll say.
GUILFOYLE: OK, you want to double down on that, Bolling.
BOLLING: I'll double down on that, as well. That will -- that will make my prediction as well --
GUILFOYLE: I'm excited.
BOLLING: I'll jump on that one. All right, DP, you're up.
PERINO: OK, so I got last year's right, the year before that I said Kate Middleton would announce she's having a second baby, that was true, so I've done well two years in a row. Here's my prediction of 2016, listen up, this is big, I believe that there will be a vacancy on the Supreme Court before the election in 2016. And that will be huge.
WILLIAMS: Do you have a name?
WILLIAMS: No, I mean who is leaving?
PERINO: No, I do not have a name. But I predict there will be a vacancy, and that will change everything else, and stack the courts.
BOLLING: Gregory? My man, you're up.
GUTFELD: My prediction in who will fill that vacancy?
GUTFELD: Elizabeth Hasselbeck. My prediction is, as we know, Elizabeth Hasselbeck has left Fox and Friends. Who will replace her? My prediction will be Donald Trump. He will make -- he will make the couch great again.
WILLIAMS: What about the new year?
BOLLING: He'll take the middle seat?
GUTFELD: Yes, he's going to take the middle seat.
WILLIAMS: Well he has blonde hair, but it's going to have to be longer, Greg.
GUTFELD: No, it's OK, it's time for a change.
GUILFOYLE: I should cancel my appearances in January. I'm the brunette seat-filler.
BOLLING: Can we move on from this line of discussion? KG, I'm going agree with you that tonight is going to be a fantastic New Year's Eve special.
GUILFOYLE: I think we're going to make some news.
BOLLING: We're going to knock the ball out of the park. You think we're going to make news?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I do.
BOLLING: Oh boy. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Can we just do this before we go. A toast to everyone. A great year, classic year, a good one.
GUTFELD: I can't reach, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: Because you have short, cute little arms.
BOLLING: Happy new year to everyone. Thank you for joining us this year.
GUTFELD: Happy Juanzaa.
BOLLING: Stay with us all of next year as well. "The Five" will see you back here at 2016. Kimberly and I will see you tonight, 10 PM Eastern, to ring in the New Year with you. Happy New Year, everybody. Happy and healthy New Year. Here's to another great year.
PERINO: Happy New Year!
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