Hillary Clinton arrives in Iowa: Fawning media go wild

Will former secretary of state ever face tough questions?


This is a rush transcript from "The Five," April 14, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Eric Bolling along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Julie Roginsky, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."

Hillary Clinton, woman of the people has been road tripping across America in a Scooby van for a couple of days. Lots of pit stops for the former first lady who hasn't driven since the '90s, she grab a snack at Chipotle but, didn't take time to say hello or take a picture with any of the people, none of the folks. She grabbed the masala chai tea and caramel latte at a coffee shop, and this afternoon her limo, I mean, Scooby van finally rolled into Iowa, and the press is really, really excited.


ALEX SEITZ-WALD, POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: And the Scooby van is coming up right here, right behind our camera, here it is. There she goes and secret service following behind her. OK, they're going around to the back, so we're not going to -- you can see the media running behind me here to chase the Scooby van.


WALD: She's going around to the back.

ROBERTS: Wow. They're --

WALS: All right, we'll see -- we'll see her very soon.

ROBERTS: Guy in the orange pants is pretty quick. Alex, I mean, I'm looking at these people -- wow. All right now, orange pants, he's really outnumbered now.


BOLLING: So why does Hillary actually want to be president? Here's why.


HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER UNITED STATES SECRETARY OF STATE: I'm running for president because I think that Americans and their families need a champion. I want to be the champion who goes to bat (ph) for Americans in four big areas, four big fights that I think we have to take on, because there are those who don't agree with what I think we should be doing and they're pretty powerful forces. We need to build the economy of tomorrow, not yesterday. We need to strengthen families and communities, because that's where it all starts. We need to fix our dysfunctional political system and get unaccountable money out of it once and for all, even if that takes a constitutional amendment. And we need to protect our country from the threats that we see and the ones that are on the horizon.


BOLLING: We apologize for that, for that extended sound on tape. Greg, you want to take the media following your comments (ph)?

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yeah, yeah. OK. There's so many interesting elements here, first of all, going into Chipotle that strikes me as a bit selfish, who decides to order a bean dish on a bus tour?


GUTFELD: That is a spying night space. The rule on any bus tour, the gas remains in the tank.

(LAUGHTER) GUTFELD: I knew she wanted to run. But I didn't know she wanted to get the runs. But afterwards --

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: So glad, you're into this.

GUTFELD: Afterward, she did go to get ice cream. It was self serving.


GUTFELD: But OK, enough of the bad jokes. You're right. Watching those reporters chase her, it was like little, they were little kids going after the ice cream truck. They're treating Hillary Clinton like a sighting a big foot, or Elvis in a pantsuit. It's like, oh my God, there she is. Because, because she's organized it that way. She has organize herself as a recluse and, and like everyone when you see her, she pops up out of nowhere. It's like oh my God, it's the Obamanable (ph) snowman.


GUTFELD: It's a yeti.

BOLLING: And then she chose an auto mechanic shop for her first announcement. For her first moment --

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It was a garage.

BOLLING: In the garage -- but she --

PERINO: The cleanest garage ever.

BOLLING: Hasn't driven in 20 years.

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. Everybody needs a little jiffy lube every once in a while to get this campaign off to the right start. But I mean this makes no sense to me, I thought I was watching one of the (inaudible) cartoon, like the Scooby van. Does the Scooby van come with Scooby snacks too? Because they are delicious. I don't get it. What is she doing? Because we're all laughing and then the reporters are running and there's a guy like the orange pants making a jailbreak. Is this a real presidential campaign, or is this Saturday Night Live?

BOLLING: I don't know -- honestly --

PERINO: I feel bad for the reporters, OK? Because it's not their fault. The editors and the producers that are sending them after her, it is their fault. These reporters have worked really hard. They are excited to be on the presidential campaign.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. God bless them.

PERINO: They probably were told if you don't get a picture of her in the Scooby van, you're going to get fired. I think that producers and editors should take a moment and realize -- do you want to have your people chasing her around like this, because she bought a burrito? Or, make her come to you.

BOLLING: So Julie --

GUILFOYLE: Where was campaign Carl? Was he in that throng?

BOLLING: He was like no, I'm not --


BOLLING: Are you kidding me?

GUTFELD: I'm not doing any of that stuff.

BOLLING: So Julie, the Scooby van that looks more like a limo, honestly does. The announcement going --

JULIE ROGINSKY, CO-HOST: Well, well, I'm sorry --

BOLLING: Going in the mechanic stuff --

ROGINSKY: Do this (inaudible).

BOLLING: No, I wouldn't call it a Scooby -- she's the one who chose Scooby van.

ROGINSKY: Why just chose like neon, like (inaudible) and Volkswagen van.


BOLLING: Look at it. She just said -- this is my bus ride or my van ride across -- the Scooby van -- and then the masala -- the masala chai tea and the caramel latte. Is there anything authentic about this woman at all?

ROGINSKY: What's wrong with that masala chai tea?

BOLLING: I just -- because that's --

GUILFOYLE: No, I heard Oprah's fact (ph). Oprah said it was delicious.

BOLLING: She claims to be one of the people.

GUILFOYLE: Chai tea.

BOLLING: She claims to be one of the regular folks. What about what she unrolled today, was like the regular folks?

ROGINSKY: Well, you can't blame her because she had a burrito and a masala chai tea, expect for the fact that those don't go really well together.

PERINO: That's a bad combo.

ROGINSKY: That is a bad combo. But what's wrong with her having a tea.

BOLLING: If you go out to the audience in out of the -- let's say the audience is a pie, what slice of the pie had a burrito and a masala chai tea today?

ROGINSKY: A burrito probably 90 --

BOLLING: I said both. I said both (inaudible)


BOLLING: All right. So day one was all about Hillary Clinton burrito poll - -

GUILFOYLE: That was a powerful question.




BOLLING: Or we could, we could roll the Marco Rubio sound, sound on tape. Do we have the Hillary burrito sot? Go ahead. Roll it.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right boys. Let's stop in here for a second. I'm a little parched from the jog.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sir, we've only been jogging for three blocks.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Besides, Mrs. Clinton asked us not to let you get anymore fast food places.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, I just want to mingle with the American people. Talk to some real folks. Maybe get a diet coke or something.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right, fine. But please, don't tell Mrs. Clinton.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Jim, let me tell you something. There's going to be a whole bunch of things we don't tell Mrs. Clinton.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fast food is the least of our worries. OK, buddy.


BOLLING: Well, completely -- that wasn't today --

GUILFOYLE: That was awesome.

BOLLING: Or last night. But this was --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: She was wearing sunglasses and no one recognized her. Clinton is on a two-day stealth (ph) road trip traveling in this black van. Security camera video of her ordering a chicken bowl of guacamole at a Chipotle outside Toledo tantalizing hints of a seemingly, carefree jaunt from the Clinton state in Chappaqua across key battleground states.

MARK HALPERIN, SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST FOR TIME MAGAZINE: Part of why yesterday was successful is, she looks like she's having fun and she's doing for her new stuff. We've never seen her get a burrito before.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That exactly what --

HALPERIN: Fun and new.



BOLLING: All right, Julie.

ROGINSKY: I can't. I can't. GUILFOYLE: Oh my, God.

PERINO: It was -- it was Mark Halperin just kidding?

ROGINSKY: I can't.



ROGINSKY: Wait, no.


ROGINSKY: I can't. I can't.

GUILFOYLE: It's not.

ROGINSKY: She was doing new stuff. We have never seen her get a burrito before. Therefore, she's clearly never had a burrito, because her entire life, she it lives in the Mark Halperin fishbowl where he watches what she eats on a daily basis. Since he has never seen her have a burrito, clearly she's doing new stuff for herself. She has never had a burrito. What is that?

BOLLING: That's news to the MSNBC.

ROGINSKY: That is -- he works for Bloomberg. He works for a respected news organization. That is amazing to me that comment was made. It's just incredible.

GUTFELD: It's interesting. Hillary had a burrito bowl and Marco has a bowl cut.

BOLLING: We'll get to that.

ROGINSKY: You are obsessed with Marco Rubio's hair.

GUILFOYLE: Stop with Marco's hair.



BOLLING: Do I say -- all right, OK. So look, it's all about health. Michelle Obama is all about health. This Chipotle chicken burrito bowl --


BOLLING: At Chipotle with the guacamole -- with the salsa and the -- I believe it was black beans. I don't think it was pinto beans.


BOLLING: And some chips. It's approaching 2,000 calories.

GUILFOYLE: I don't know.

ROGINSKY: That's -- that's --

PERINO: It's ridiculous in Mark Halperin.

GUILFOYLE: I'm the wrong person to ask about that.

BOLLING: That simply saying --

GUILFOYLE: Because I call that, Tuesday.


BOLLING: Michelle would say, wouldn't she say keep the calorie content down? It supposedly to have 2000 calories a day.

ROGINSKY: If she were a guy, if she were a guy, she ordered that. Would you be saying that?



BOLLING: I think I would.

ROGINSKY: No. You would.

BOLLING: Because I wouldn't. I would never --

PERINO: Yes, because you are not El Gordo y la Flaca (ph).


GUTFELD: I was going to say that.

BOLLING: OK. I see how this going to go.

PERINO: You can't make fun of what she's eating calorie wise. I mean, just like cut that out like your whole like thing.

ROGINSKY: Take it (ph).

BOLLING: I wasn't making fun. I was simply stating fact.

GUILFOYLE: The point is that's healthy.

BOLLING: How about some of these numbers.

GUILFOYLE: With beans and rice (inaudible) her or meals. Let's do it.

BOLLING: How about some of these numbers?


BOLLING: $2.5 million -- $2.5 billion she's going to spend on this campaign, which comes to more than double what Obama -- the prior record spending on a presidential campaign was.

PERINO: Right.

BOLLING: It's like $37 dollars probably.

PERINO: Because she's got this much money to spend and she doesn't even have any primary opponent to spend it against. So, I mean, the reporters that are assign to cover the Hillary Clinton campaign are going to probably have to do a lot of this, chasing her down to where she's going to talk to every day Americans. Because there is really -- what else does Hillary Clinton need to do? She doesn't have to convince here the Democrats, so she can just sit in the backseat. That's one of a reason I was surprised that she jumped in as early as she did. They must be so worried about her poll numbers slipping in those -- in those states like Florida, Virginia, Colorado and Iowa that they felt they needed to get her out there but I don't -- look, this is just her first day. They're having --

GUILFOYLE: But Dana --

PERINO: They are having fun.

GUILFOYLE: What she should have picked up the bill for everybody at Chipotle. That's what I would have done.

PERINO: Well, also --

GUILFOYLE: Put your bills on me.

PERINO: If your whole point is to go out and see every day America, why do you go into Chipotle looking like Kim Kardashian with your aid behind dark glasses so that no one will recognize you? Isn't the whole point to get there and say --

BOLLING: What would --

PERINO: Hi. And if they don't know who you are say, I'm Hillary Clinton. I'm running for president. I would love your vote.



GUILFOYLE: She like Darth Vader.

BOLLING: Breakout the saxophone and then --

GUILFOYLE: I don't know.

BOLLING: Do a number with --

GUTFELD: Is that what he calls it?


ROGINSKY: Well, but two, two point about something. One is (inaudible) reference.


ROGINSKY: Kimberly Guilfoyle deserves all the credit.

GUILFOYLE: Then he got back.

ROGINSKY: Then he got back.

GUILFOYLE: Deal with it.

ROGINSKY: Secondly, to Dana's point look, I think she does have to convince Democrats. There's --

PERINO: Really?

ROGINSKY: Yes. Because --


ROGINSKY: We had a poll out the other day saying the vast majority of Democrats want her to have a primary. Democrats are not sold on a coronation of Hillary Clinton as their nominee. They're going to get --

PERINO: But what is their option?

ROGINSKY: There is no option. They're going to get behind her --

PERINO: Why does she have to do anything?


PERINO: To go to the convention. Even if it's lackluster support, she still gets the nomination.

ROGINSKY: Because she needs the enthusiasm gap to be diminished. She needs Democrats to come out.

BOLLING: I want to turn to Rubio in a second, but all his supple, it was almost comical circus like atmosphere in Iowa, does it overshadow Rubio's announcement?

GUTFELD: No, I don't think so, because we have so much time to fill. That's why this is happening.


GUTFELD: We will run anything. We -- if she gets a burrito, we're going to talk about it. If Rubio gets a haircut, we're going to talk about it. If Joe Biden gets a prostate exam, we'll be right there up close.


GUTFELD: Yes, live.

ROGINSKY: If Rubio gets a haircut, you'll be talking about it. This is like your fetish.

PERINO: I think Rush Limbaugh had a good point today. He said that maybe we should just ignore Hillary Clinton.

GUILFOYLE: And then he also said do they have a thing in a tip jar.

PERINO: Right. That's true.

BOLLING: Did she?

GUILFOYLE: Well there's a tip jar.

PERINO: Do they have a tip jar at Chipotle?


BOLLING: I don't know if they do, they might not.


BOLLING: All right. Turning to another --

GUTFELD: So far removed.

BOLLING: Throwing his ad in the 2016 ring --

GUILFOYLE: I've never had --

BOLLING: Senator Marco Rubio delivered a passionate speech announcing his candidacy last night. A well received message. Here's a clip.


SEN. MARCO RUBIO (R), FLORIDA: Too many of our leaders and their ideas are stuck in the 20th century. They are busy looking backwards. Our country has always been about the future. That is why tonight, grounded by the lessons of our history, but inspired by the promise of our future, I announce my candidacy for president of the United States.


RUBIO: But I have a debt to America, must try to repay. This isn't just the country where I was born. America is literally the place that changed my family's history. To succeed on this journey, I will need your prayers and your support and ultimately your vote.


BOLLING: And a few moments later, the senator sat down with Sean Hannity for a chat. Sean asked about his relationship with fellow Floridian and likely presidential hopeful, Jeb Bush.


SEAN HANNITY, THE HANNITY SHOW HOST: I noticed the media has been trying to pit you against Jeb Bush. Some recent headlines petting locals to pick what sides, they are forcing locals to pick sides at odds with his mentor.

RUBIO: I consider him a friend. That he's someone I admire and respect. I'm not running against Jeb Bush if he decides to run. I'm running because I believe I'm the right person at the right time for this country.


BOLLING: Dana -- good answer.

PERINO: Yeah, so he is just some Marco Rubio exceeded expectations that were already high for him. And he had a great rollout. He liked like he was comfortable and having fun. I love the picture with his family and that really was the contrast you know. Last week, when people said oh no, Hillary Clinton is going to step all over Marco Rubio's announcement on Monday and, I thought the opposite. That he would be able show something different, new, exciting brush and I thought he had an excellent first day.

BOLLING: How did he do?

ROGINSKY: I thought he did well. But you know Marco Rubio has got a problem, which is that he's got a Jeb Bush problem and that's not to see if one is going to want to talk about it. He and Jeb Bush are over Florida which is a huge state and a big state in the Republican primary. And so whenever I hear his comparisons to Barack Obama and how he's the new Obama, he's not willing astern. Well to some extent, but Obama wasn't offending (ph) with anybody over Illinois. Obama also consolidated African-American community behind him. Marco Rubio has a long way to go before he consolidates the Latino community behind him and a primary -- primary or a general election. That's the problem with that.

PERINO: It shows something about Hillary Clinton's candidacy that being from Illinois, she actually -- he actually didn't have any competition in Illinois when he ran against Hillary Clinton --

GUTFELD: Yeah, and -- wait. There is a parallel. You know, Obama, they chose Obama over Hillary.

ROGINSKY: In Illinois?

GUTFELD: Which the -- which was the dynasty -- correct. I mean, the party did.

ROGINSKY: In Illinois.

GUTFELD: The party overall.


GUTFELD: She was expecting to get that and they gave it to Obama instead.


GUTFELD: What's kind of what's happening?

BOLLING: K.G. your thoughts. He did well.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I thought he did fantastic. It was a great when I -- when I saw him and I listened to him speak and you saw the crowd and the rhetoric and the emotion of his delivery, he was presidential to me. And I like the juxtaposition with Hillary, because he brought it and she was scooping (ph) around, I don't know. It's just didn't seem, she just -- it fell short. It was bizarre. The glasses, reporters chasing, one seems ready for primetime and the other one was just was not.

PERINO: Yeah, why then - this is one of the things about Hillary Clinton's campaign. So, they do this very safe structured video on Sunday, and instead of letting that be the only thing that reporters had to use.


PERINO: On a day like today, we actually now have video of the silly Chipotle thing, the chasing of the Scooby van and again, as the contrast -- I think that, in some ways her campaign is over thinking things, but they're also under thinking things because, they are just not being very specific.

BOLLING: The best money can buy?


GUTFELD: She doesn't need a lot.

PERINO: Right.

GUTFELD: Look, she's like -- she's like a one hit wonder. She's going to play, I am woman, until your ears bleed. Because the fact is, if you look at the response from the celebrities on Twitter, that's all they really want.

PERINO: That's true.

GUTFELD: That's all they are saying is that, I'm voting you because you are a woman, which is amazing.

GUILFOYLE: She doesn't care.

GUTFELD: Yeah. But that's what --

GUILFOYLE: I like it.

GUTFELD: That all she's got right now.

ROGINSKY: But I disagree. If she had state home after that video and done nothing? People would have said oh, she's too good to be going out. They're meeting the voters --


ROGINSKY: She had to (inaudible) voters.

BOLLING: She could have done this --

PERINO: Well, they could have done better.

BOLLING: They could have done it any time.

GUTFELD: But we are not talking about e-mails.

ROGINSKY: She could have done it after the kick off.

BOLLING: That's a good point.

GUILFOYLE: It just seems cartoonist.

PERINO: We are now.

GUILFOYLE: With Marco Rubio.


GUILFOYLE: That's my point.


BOLLING: OK. Let's leave it right there. Senate committee votes to advance a bill that will give Congress a say before making a final deal with Iran. But will the president sign that? Next.


PERINO: Senate Foreign Relations Committee reached a bipartisan compromise this morning on a bill that would give Congress a say on a deal on with Iran. In this afternoon, the panel voted unanimously to advance. The White House said the president is not thrilled with the measure, but indicated he would be willing to sign it.


JOSH EARNEST, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: We've gone from a peace legislation that the president would veto to a peace legislation that's undergone -- that's undergone substantial revision, such that it is now in a form of a compromise that the president would be willing to sign. That would certainly be an improvement.

(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: So based on my experience, Eric, when a situation like this happens, where the president says you -- I will not sign it. And then the Congress tweaks a little something and the president says, I'm not happy about it, but I'm signing it, then the president is pretty happy that he got what he needed.

BOLLING: He got what he wants. The question is what is, what is the president going to see? What is Congress going to see if? Because the deal that they - that they presented us is far different from the deal at the Ayatollah has told the Iranian people they have. Specifically, what I am saying since when the sanctions start, but more importantly on inspection. The biggest difference between the two is, the Ayatollah has told his people that Americans or international inspectors will not inspect any of the enrichment facilities that are military run.

PERINO: Right.

BOLLING: Now we said all of them. They told us every single facility that's under -- in this deal will be inspected on a regular basis and whenever we want to inspect it. He carved out the military use, very, very different, for me that would be a deal breaker. So what they going to say? Congress is going to get a deal. I think we going to see the deal that we saw the five- page thing that we saw? Because that's not what the other side thinks they have. I would -- seriously push back on any deal with them.

PERINO: All right. I think -- but I do think that both -- and this also gives Congress the ability to say to their constituents, we were concerned, we passed a bill. The president signed it and we get to have a say. That's what on at Thom Friedman, he was at.


PERINO: Morning Joe. And he was talking about how the president has a different perspective than anybody else and therefore is superior.


THOMAS FRIEDMAN, NEW YORK TIMES: Obama is someone who lived broad, maybe more than any president a long time. And because of that, he actually knows what America looks like from the outside-in. And he can actually see America, even to some point from the Iranian perspective. Obama can actually walk in another man's shoes.


PERINO: What do you think of that, Greg?

GUTFELD: Yeah -- oh my goodness. He's not the outside are looking in, it's the people that he hung around with. When he hears death to America, all he hears is oh, yeah, Reverend Wright. He used to say that all the time. It has nothing to do with him being outside the United States and that's what the education that he had within. So that's a bunch of baloney.

PERINO: OK. Do you want to add anything else?

GUTFELD: Shall I talk about the missiles?

PERINO: Yes. Well, let me set it up for you. So --

GUTFELD: Thank you.

PERINO: So, and I want to get to K.G. and Julie. What -- yesterday --


PERINO: Russia announced that it is going to be selling a surface to air missile system to Iran.


GUILFOYLE: Charming.

GUTFELD: These are basically the guard dogs for the nukes, right?


GUTFELD: So now (inaudible) it makes it harder for you to go in and bomb them. So basically, the reset button just hopped on a jet, put on a burka and flew to Iran. This was not supposed to happen. And this is another thing that's going to come up for Hilary in the debate.

PERINO: So Remember, one of the first and this is adding onto that, Kimberly.


PERINO: One of the first things President Obama did is cancel the European defense -- missile defense shield. Remember, he called up in the middle -- they have to call the Polish ambassador in the middle of the night. Say -- the president is about to basically cancel the missile defense shield. That was their -- their concern was about Iran and possibly Russia. Now you have Russia and Iran working together to protect Iran.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I mean look, it's getting very complicated but it is very clear for someone like Putin, right? He knows exactly where he stands and loves poking the cage with Obama and to say OK, let's have some fun now. This situation has gone from bad to worse. I don't know who can say that at this point, but you've got like Obama and Kerry driving the bus like blindfolded backwards and there's this like crashing and burning and seeming to laugh all the way, like they're on laughing gas. This isn't diplomacy. This isn't smart foreign policy. This does not benefit the United States national security.

PERINO: Julie, here's the question if I were going to be moderating in the debate, and I will not be, that's why I will do it here.


PERINO: I would ask Hillary Clinton this. In the past six years, have you been better off if you were a friend to America or a friend to Russia?

ROGINSKY: What is your question?

PERINO: She would answer.

ROGINSKY: Well, if you're a friend to Russia, you're probably not getting as much foreign aid as you would have in the past, to the fact that --

PERINO: For military support.

ROGINSKY: We have sanctioned them and we have -- thanks to oil prices going down. But I will also say this, look, on this whole Iran deal, I kind of want to take a wait and see approach. You're right. That the Ayatollah said one thing and we're hearing something different, but it's going to be in writing eventually, it could happens at all, right? But June 30th or somewhere around that time, we'll have something potentially in writing. And either they abide by it or they don't abide by it, if they abide by it, great. If they don't abide by it, slap sanctions on them and look at all options including military options. But I -- you know, this whole rush to judgment until we actually see what is going on right now, to me is troubling to me, because we have to --

BOLLING: But what do you see it, Julie.

ROGINSKY: We don't.

BOLLING: I mean we saw a five page coming out saying that every single enrichment facility will be inspected. On our terms not on Iran's terms, and the Iranians have told us specifically, they're carving out some for military purpose and, and some of them will be inspected on their terms.

ROGINSKY: As I said, let's look and see what the final agreement is like. And then if we don't like it, look its three months right? Two months, not even three months. Let's see what it's like, and if we don't like it, we go back to the drawing board.


ROGINSKY: It's one way to avoid work. That's the only option we've got.

PERINO: I think a lot --

GUTFELD: No, it's not. It's not. The rush to judgment is a natural response to a rush to negotiation. He seems to be -- President Obama seems to be the massive hurry to help, help shore up his legacy. Why can't we be in a rush to judge? He's -- like a dumb husband who comes home from a casino, telling his wife that he did well because they only lost half their savings.



GUTFELD: I mean, everything that -- we're not getting anything out of this.

ROGINSKY: We're not?


ROGINSKY: We're not? Hopefully we're going to get.

PERINO: They got a plan.

ROGINSKY: Where there are not going to have a military capability --

PERINO: If I were -- if I were in the White House speech office, I would read Brett Stevens today, in the Wall Street Journal in his column. He suggests that language that President Obama could give about this deal that will be intellectually honest and at least tell us what we're really getting. OK. Ahead, instead of standing in solidarity with the victims of the Charlie Hebdo terror attack, the creator of a comic strip, Doonesbury blames them for it. That's next.


GUTFELD: "Doonesbury" creator Gary Trudeau accepted a lifetime achievement award for drawing terrible cartoons embraced by fans of kale. But at the George Polk Journalism Awards on Friday, he said that the cartoons by the "Charlie Hebdo" staff, who were murdered by radical Muslims, quote, "wandered into the realm of hate speech."

He added that free speech has become its own fanaticism. Need I remind you, this was actually at a journalism function.

But I guess it's easy for him to say. When was the last time Gary ever upset anyone? This twerp has been a beneficiary of left-wing welfare forever, cultivating his career by parroting every progressive trope. He's as safe as milk.

What a contrast to the dead cartoonists. The fact is, "Doonesbury" was as funny as head lice. But it never had to be, as long as self-conscious liberals got their assumptions coddled.

Here are three comic strips funnier than "Doonesbury": "Cathy"...


GUTFELD: Yes. "Family Circus."

PERINO: Indeed.

GUTFELD: And, of course, "Mary Worth."

GUILFOYLE: Not true.

GUTFELD: Trudeau said the French cartoons bordered on hate speech. Thanks to the creation of that phrase, "hate speech," so-called defenders of free speech now have a way out of defending free speech. Because now, ripping Islam is like yelling fire in a crowded theater. Funny how Gary never felt that way about anti-Christian smears.

Trudeau is a true Islamophobe, for he holds Islam to a lower standard than the rest of us do. To him, his French peers asked for their murders. Maybe they should have just bravely mocked Republicans instead.

Dana, I remember many years ago, you were the suggest of a weeklong "Doonesbury" attack.

PERINO: Something like that.

GUTFELD: That's brave. I think it was brave that he went after you.

PERINO: I'm a...

GUTFELD: You're not going to cut his head off.

PERINO: I'm a soft target, that's for sure.


PERINO: I can't remember -- I think he was -- I think he was pretty much making fun of me, but I don't remember it being terrible. And I considered it an honor that I must be irritating them on some level.

GUTFELD: But I think it's incredibly fearless of him to go after you.

PERINO: Go after me.

GUTFELD: Yes. That is amazing.

PERINO: It's not like I'm running and chopping anyone's head off.


BOLLING: What was he going after you for?

PERINO: Who knows? I worked for the Bush administration. He didn't need an excuse.

GUTFELD: Yes. Eric, is this -- it's hypocritical. Not surprising?

BOLLING: I think you nailed it. How many years has he been doing it? For ever long he's been doing it.

GUTFELD: Way too long.

BOLLING: Who syndicates him? It's been a boring cartoon for 20 years, as long as I've known. I don't even read it anymore. But I would think that every cartoonist, every political cartoonist, especially, would get behind the "Charlie Hebdo" people, whether you believe in their ideology or not. No matter where you are on Islam. It's not even about that. It's about free speech; First Amendment, free speech; and the stifling of that should just drive anyone crazy.


BOLLING: He didn't have the guts to do it.

GUTFELD: Here's his defense, Julie. That you should punch up and not punch down, and he felt that criticizing radical Islam is punching down. But I would think punching up is going after somebody who could kill you.

ROGINSKY: Punching up is Dana Perino, I guess. Is that it?


PERINO: It's not bigotry. It's punching down.


ROGINSKY: Look, I agree with you, and I think -- I'm very concerned about this whole hate speech thing, because I think it prevents free speech. And one person's hate speech is not another person's hate speech. It's a subjective term.

And to me, the whole issue of "hate speech," quote/unquote -- and there are certain things that people say that we all find offensive, but you're allowed to say it. You should always be allowed to say it. The Ku Klux Klan should be allowed to march down the street, although it offends everybody. The -- you know, you should...

BOLLING: Westborough Baptist Church.

ROGINSKY: Westborough Baptist Church, on public property -- I hate to say this -- should be allowed to protest. They should be -- anybody should be able to do what they want to do as part of free speech. And when you start getting...

GUILFOYLE: Well, there's limits. Constitutional and otherwise.

ROGINSKY: Correct. But not this. This is not a limit. Right?

GUILFOYLE: You're not allowed to threaten people's lives or threaten to kill them or, you know, terrorist threats and whatnot.


GUTFELD: Which they didn't do.

ROGINSKY: But -- right, but saying something that somebody finds offensive is your right to do as part of the First Amendment. They're French, obviously. I don't know what their amendments are. Or whether they have the same rights (ph) we do.


ROGINSKY: But -- yes. But I think in this country, at least, you should be able to say whatever you want and not get in trouble for it.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I agree. I don't think this was an, you know, award- winning moment for him. He had an opportunity to say something courageous and make a positive impact. And instead he looked small and cowardly.

PERINO: He probably thought it was a good idea when the administration made up that lie about the Benghazi video.


PERINO: And arrested the guy in the middle of the night.


PERINO: No one in Hollywood stepped up.

GUTFELD: It's the same kind of thinking.

OK. Coming up on "The Five," breaking news on the world's highest paid supermodel. That's me. Oh, no, it's Gisele. She's making big changes to her career. She's moving out. Kimberly will fill us in ahead.


GUILFOYLE: Well, it's been exactly one year since Boko Haram terrorists kidnapped nearly 300 schoolgirls in Nigeria. After the schoolgirls were abducted, a social media campaign erupted, with people like Michelle Obama, Rihanna, and Ellen DeGeneres holding up signs with the hash tag #BringBackOurGirls. But 365 days later, more than 200 of those young women remain missing.

Nothing like follow-through, is there, Dana?

PERINO: It's very disturbing to me that there are so many major atrocities that happen in Africa that do not get the kind of coverage that they deserve. So for example, we were wall-to-wall coverage in America, not just at this channel, but everywhere, after the "Charlie Hebdo" attacks.

The Nigerian situation with the girls, 200 girls; the Kenyan situation, which was over 150 Christians that were murdered at a university; and in Sudan, the atrocities that continue. We haven't even mentioned Congo. It goes on and on. And I think part of that is that it is so overwhelming it is hard to describe it. And we also don't have that many reporters there like we used to. The reporters that are there are stretched very thin, and we could use more of them to help us tell these stories.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. I mean, it's very troubling. I'm sure as a woman, thinking about this, these young girls and who's looking for them, who's trying to help them, Eric.

BOLLING: So the hashtag foreign policy or hashtag diplomacy apparently doesn't work. The theory was that, if you put it out there from the White House, and the hashtag got retweeted and seen by enough people, there would be a social push to make change. But that's not happening. It doesn't even happen here, let alone in Africa or anywhere else.

People read -- play on Twitter, and they talk. And they talk a big game, and they very rarely engage. They very rarely get off the couch and actually do something about it. They can throw a lot of tweets up there. They can get involved and be all, you know, vehement about their outrage. But to actually get up and do something is rare.

PERINO: Can I just say we have sent Special Forces to Nigeria work with Nigerian officials against Boko Haram and had some success. But limited enough that it's not really worth talking about yet. But they're trying. But they still don't have a read on where these girls are.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, well, I mean, hopefully, we can do something else, you know, to help them. You know, I'm a mother. You're a mother. This is heart-wrenching when you think about the families with their young girls out there. God knows the atrocities that are being committed against them.

ROGINSKY: It is absolutely heart-wrenching. And Dana, I know you've spent time in Africa. I have too. And I don't know if anybody else her has. But when you see how little some of these families have to do -- have to have, and how very little they have to get by, but they're so family focused. I mean, these kids walk literally miles and miles and miles to either get to a school or to get to a water source or anywhere else, under brutal conditions in open fields and God only knows. You're ripe for the picking by anybody.

When you think about how protective we are about our own kids here and how open they are as a society and welcoming and kind and generous and warm, and that people just take advantage of that. And it's horrific. It's horrible.

GUILFOYLE: Well, now activists are using the new slogan "never to be forgotten."

GUTFELD: This -- the real issue here, aside from the atrocity of it all, it reflects the destructive consequences of symbolic action.


GUTFELD: Symbolic action, which is a hashtag tweet, actually feels as though you are doing something, so that you can actually walk away without ever doing something. Symbolism replaces actual action.

This is why, when people are doing charities on Twitter, people will retweet your charity without ever contributing, and it actually hurts your charity, because people feel, "Hey, I just did this." That is what you're seeing right now. Because whenever it does "Oh, this is terrible. This is terrible." Tweet. That's an achievement. That actually means nothing.

But then that leads to the bigger question. If I as a person condemn or reject symbolic action, then I must be for real action, in which America should actually go there and erase Boko Haram from the planet without apology, risk American lives and then reject the idea that conflating moral action with expansionism. Because that to me is a grave cop-out. We are not expanding. We are going to rid the world of evil, or else we are just guilty of ocean privilege. That we're far away, so who cares?

PERINO: In this particular case, however, I do think there is a United States national securities imperative. And that is because Boko Haram and ISIS have tried to link up...


PERINO: ... make a partnership and an alliance. And so I think that there is a -- you could actually make a case for having more U.S. involvement...


PERINO: ... to try to help them to ward off that possible connection.


GUILFOYLE: She's right. And now there's no excuse to not get involved and do something and be very proactive. I mean, it definitely is in our national security interests.

GUTFELD: We live in a world now where we cannot look away from things. The world is now literally a phone book. I mean, not literally. But it's a phone booth. We can see everything. We can't escape atrocity. It's in our face.

ROGINSKY: I agree. But I mean, and it's horrible. But atrocity is everywhere, and that's the problem. There's so many atrocious acts taking place on every continent in this world that at which point do you just stop and say, "Oh, my goodness"? Not any -- no nation, nobody on its own could ever do anything to fix it.

GUTFELD: However, we focus so much on marginal things.

PERINO: But you know, climate change...

GUTFELD: We spend days talking about a conflict between Christian bakers and gay couples. Nobody's getting killed in that. There are no children are being raped. But we spend a lot of time talking about that stuff.

ROGINSKY: Well, we spend a lot of time talking about Kim Kardashian.


ROGINSKY: More importantly, and no children except for her own are getting hurt in that. But you know, yes.

GUTFELD: She's doing some good work.


GUILFOYLE: OK. Coming up, a mother who admits she has a favorite child, and she doesn't feel guilty about it, next.


ROGINSKY: Is it OK for a parent to have a favorite child? I do, and he's a little 10-year-old Chihuahua. His mother of two from...

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

ROGINSKY: I'm just kidding. A mother from Oregon readily admits she does: her 3-year-old daughter.


LAUREN HARTMANN, BLOGGER/WARDROBE STYLIST: There's something so special about your first child. We really had a strong bond. It feels awful to think, oh, could I have a favorite? It doesn't mean that I don't love my son just as much. I love them both.

But I have had more time to get to know her, and to develop that bond, and my bond with my son is going to grow.

During the teenage years when my daughter is maybe really challenging and emotional, I might find myself gravitating towards my son. Relationships just are ever changing. And I feel like children are no exception to that.


ROGINSKY: Woo. Someone is going to be saving up for therapy bills for her son one day soon.

GUILFOYLE: It's so rude, right? That's then going to be on the Internet forever. I mean, friends are going to make fun of the kid. It's like, what's wrong with you?


BOLLING: What happened to little Timmy? Let's look back.

ROGINSKY: Exactly.

BOLLING: Here he is on ABC.

ROGINSKY: I am an only child, and I only have one child, and he probably will be an only child. So clearly, my parents created me and felt no need to ever go any further for a variety of reasons. But Kimberly, you've got a brother.


ROGINSKY: And does your mom, did you ever feel like somebody played favorites? Or what was going on there?

GUILFOYLE: I -- I think I was the favorite. I mean, right?

PERINO: Of course.

ROGINSKY: I guess. Why not?

GUILFOYLE: OK, I will say this, my mother was super close with my brother...


GUILFOYLE: ... I would say, for sure. Because he was, like, the little one, the munchkin. And I -- because I'm self-contained, take care of myself, do my thing. But I was probably, for sure, daddy's girl.

But I mean, look, I have one child, Ronan. I picked him, not my dog Bella. Note, Julie. You picked the Chihuahua.

ROGINSKY: My dog Grimace is awesome, but I do love my son a little more. But OK.

GUILFOYLE: But I would never say. I mean, how can you pick and choose, and why would you ever put it on tape and memorialize it? Imaging, lawsuit.

ROGINSKY: So all of us are totally unqualified to talk about this, because we only have only children. Right? You've only got one son.

BOLLING: Only child.

ROGINSKY: But you had a sister, right?

BOLLING: Right. Right, right. But I'm Italian. My mom was Italian, so I was the favorite.

PERINO: Wow. This explains a lot.

ROGINSKY: And Greg, you have three older sisters. So I feel like your parents probably kept trying until they got the boy they wanted. Right?

GUTFELD: Perhaps. You know, I don't have real children. But I have seven life-sized dolls that I have suspended in any game room. And I do have a favorite. It looks like Brian Kilmeade, because it is Brian Kilmeade.

This article is a symbol of the modern selfish jerk. The woman's desire to publish a provocative piece exceeded the decency of her not hurting her other child. So I hope the article is worth it for her. She got a week of Twitter and Facebook, and she's on shows. That's what it's about.

PERINO: Yes. I have to tell you, like...

BOLLING: Can I just add this? Lou Dobbs just e-mailed. He's like, "What about me?"

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. Lou, see you tonight, hot tub.

GUILFOYLE: You know, poor Lou Dobbs. He's a sensible man, and you just disparaged him. Although Lou...

BOLLING: Hot tub.

GUTFELD: That's his nickname.

GUILFOYLE: ... controlled water is the way to go, Lou. Bubbles on low. Lights. Champagne on ice.

BOLLING: Controlled water.

ROGINSKY: Dana, I feel like -- you raise a good point, Dana, because here you've got -- there goes the hot tub Lou Dobbs thing that's going on in my head right now, while I try to focus on the subject.

GUILFOYLE: FiveFanPhotoshop.

ROGINSKY: Which is I do feel that people are getting a little out of control. What is with the oversharing? Why would you do this to your child?

PERINO: Also, like, bring back our journalism. This is...

GUILFOYLE: That's a different show, Dana.

PERINO: It seems to me like it was a producer in search of a story. Like I think that you could have just easily gone past this and said, "Let's do a story about Nigerian kidnappings."

ROGINSKY: Are you talking about our producers picking this topic?

PERINO: No. Absolutely not.


GUILFOYLE: Dana's a little more highbrow.

PERINO: I always felt like my parents thought my sister was the favorite, but she was my favorite, too. But then I asked my mom that today, and she said, "No, you were both my favorites. "

GUTFELD: But see, you're more famous than your sister, so you can -- you can call her and go, "Ha, ha, ha, you were mom's favorite, but look at me. I'm on TV" and then hang up.

PERINO: She -- one time we were at my mom's party, her 60th party, birthday, and my sister live in Denver, and I walked in afterwards. And she and I heard this older lady say, "Oh," about my sister. She said, "Oh, she's the other sister."

ROGINSKY: All right.

PERINO: That's what we call Angie.

ROGINSKY: "One More Thing" is up next.

GUILFOYLE: Call her after the show, please.


BOLLING: Time for "One More Thing," and Greg kick it off.

GUTFELD: It is time for...


GUTFELD: Greg's Secret to Happiness.


GUTFELD: All right. Big secret to happiness, if -- even if you think you're going to win, assume you're going to lose, because if you don't, you might just lose.

Take -- I can't say this guy's name.

PERINO: Tom. Say "this guy."

GUTFELD: This guy. They can't hear me now.

BOLLING: He almost won.

GUTFELD: See what happened was he started celebrating. He thought he was going to win. The other guy said "ha" and ran past him and beat him.

The great thing is they're now living together in Vermont. I'm joking. I don't really know who these people are. They're University of Colorado steeplechase or something. I'm not into sports.

ROGINSKY: Steeplechase?

BOLLING: Steeplechase. All right, good.

GUTFELD: It's a steeplechase runner. It's right here, people.

ROGINSKY: Where's the steeple?

BOLLING: And where are the horses?

GUILFOYLE: Open it up, and see all the people.

BOLLING: Dana, can you...

PERINO: Yes, I can. I had a great night last night. I got invited to an amazing dinner...

GUILFOYLE: All right!

PERINO: ... by -- no, this is Dana Perino's kind of good night.

GUILFOYLE: Not that good.

PERINO: I got invited by "Glamour" magazine to where they were honoring their top ten college women. They are amazing. Here they are at the event last night.

If you go to -- pick up this month's issue of "Glamour" or go to and read about these top ten college women. They have achieved so much. They're very young, bright, exciting people that are doing things like bringing CFL light bulbs to a nonprofit called Brighter Today in the Philippines, in India. They are doing things that most people -- they're doing things by 20 that most people never do in their lifetimes. It was so inspiring, and I really appreciated the invitation.

BOLLING: Awesome stuff, D.P. All right, K.G., you're up.

GUILFOYLE: "Glamour's" great about women's issues.


GUILFOYLE: And about young girls.

OK. So tonight I'm going to be in for Greta, "On the Record." And Greta traveled to Michigan on Sunday and Monday and interviewed the parents of our Marine held in Iran. And it's a very compelling story. The father has brain cancer and wants to see his son before he dies. So hopefully, we can help make that happen. And we're going to take you inside the 2016 race.

And in other news, we have some news from Brazilian supermodel -- Eric, you've been really following this closely, Gisele Bundchen, who is retiring from the catwalk next week. She is not leaving Tom Brady, as you were hoping. Two decade-long career, very successful businesswoman and supermodel. And I'm sure many will be sorry to see her go. She will just be performing for Tom Brady now.

BOLLING: She's not leaving, though. Right? She's not leaving the country?


GUTFELD: She's waiting in my car.


BOLLING: With Dobbs. In a hot tub.

OK. Can we do this very quickly?

ROGINSKY: With Dobbs in a hot tub? Is that what you said?

BOLLING: Yes, Greg's hot tub with Dobbs and whatever. found out that 22 states have colleges where illegals get instate tuition. Watch what happens when they talk to kids who are paying full tuition out of state. Watch.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You could save $80,000 on your education.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, my gosh. Really?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That would be amazing.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So in order to do that, you would have to give up your U.S. citizenship to be an undocumented student, and then you'd be eligible to pay in-state tuition in Maryland. Is that something you'd be willing to consider?


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We have Social Security cards. Would you be willing to sign your name on it? And then...



BOLLING: OK, Jules, you're up.

ROGINSKY: All right. So have you ever gone to a website, and the link is really bad? Hillary Clinton obviously is planning for that for her website. Look at You go to that website and there's a bad link, look what pops up. A picture of her, Donald Duck, little Chelsea and Bill Clinton in his Bubba days at Arkansas.

PERINO: I bet that that was planned.

ROGINSKY: I'm sure it was planned, but it's still pretty funny. Come on.

BOLLING: All right. We're got to go. That's it. "Special Report" next.

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