This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 20, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Eric Bolling along with Andrea Tantaros, Julie Roginski, Katie Pavlich, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."
Is President Obama naive to think we can negotiate with the mullahs in Iran? He just sent a warm message to President Rouhani, the Grand Ayatollah Khomeini, and the people of Iran.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: I want to take this opportunity once again to speak directly to the people and leaders of Iran. Our negotiations have made progress but gaps remain. And there are people in both our countries and beyond who oppose a diplomatic resolution. My message to you, the people of Iran, is that together we have to speak up for the future we seek. Now, it is up to all of us, Iranians and Americans, to seize this moment and the possibilities that can bloom in this new season. Thank you. (END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Oh, boy. Does he truly understand the dangers of making a deal with a country that's called for the death to America? This is a president who once called ISIS Jayvee. Now, he thinks we can play let's make a deal with Iran which I and others believe is a far greater threat to the world and the United States than is.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Admiral Mullen, do you fear Iran long term more than ISIS?
MICHAEL MULLEN, FORMER CHAIRMAN JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF: I do. Actually, I think Iran is a much more difficult challenge and incredibly complex country that we don't understand very well.
LINDSEY GRAHAM, SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR: They are the root cause of this problem in the mideast as much as ISIL.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right.
GRAHAM: I fear them more than ISIL.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You fear Iran more than ISIS?
GRAHAM: Absolutely. It's not even close.
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, ISRAEL PRIME MINISTER: ISIS is armed with butcher knives, captured weapons, and YouTube (ph). Whereas Iran could soon be armed with intercontinental ballistic missiles and nuclear bombs.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right. Even General David Petraeus who has been advising the White House on ISIS just told the Washington Post, quote, "I would argue the foremost threat to Iraq's long term stability and the broader regional equilibrium is not Islamic state rather it is Shiite militias many backed by and some guided by Iran. The current Iranian regime is not our ally in the Middle East. It is ultimately part of the problem, not the solution." We will bring it in but for a long time at this table we severe talked about the dangers to Iran. Yet, now locked arm and arm with the Iraqis in the Middle East. Good idea, bad idea obviously.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Well, it is a bad idea for President Obama to think that he can trust the Iranians. If you read Henry Kissinger's boon, World Order, he talks specifically about how traditionally the Iranians do not believe in any kind of treaty with non- Muslims because they consider us to be infidels.
So if they need a treaty to delay or you know for timing purposes, historically, this goes back hundreds of years. Kings have done this. They would embark on the treaty, but they feel that they can break any treaty with the infidel because they consider them to be inferior. It's not a binding contract. So the president is negotiating from a position of profound naivety.
Also the video he taped, Eric, to the Iranian people, I mean if I'm a young person in Iran -- and they have a very large population of young people -- I'm saying, "Really? I know the regime that I'm living under. Where were you, Mr. President in 2009 when the green revolution was happening? Why didn't you stand up and support us then?" At that time, Eric, remember the White House said, "Oh, we don't really want to get meddle. We don't want to get involved in things." He doesn't want to meddle now? Of course, he does.
BOLLING: So Andrea brings a great point out, Julie. Women need men's permission to appear in public in Iran. Gays sometimes are hanged for being gay. Yet, we are sitting at the negotiating table with these people. And why are liberals backing a deal with Iran? If nothing else, how about the human rights violation?
JULIE ROGINSKI, GUEST CO-HOST: First of all, I don't think liberals are backing a deal. I think they want to see what the deal is first. But I will say this. Look, we have negotiated throughout our history with horrible people. Nothing was a bigger threat. Nothing, I would argue, in the 20th Century after World War II was a bigger threat to our nation than the Soviet Union. We negotiated with them. Reagan sat down in Reykjavik with Mikhail Gorbachev. We negotiated with them in the 70s. We negotiated with them during the -- during the -- I mean we continue to negotiate with horrible people. Listen, I was born in that country. I was born under the most repressed and horrible regime and I will tell you, nevertheless, we cannot continue the way we are with Iran because the only answer if we don't negotiate with them is war. There is no other answer. We should at least attempt to see if we can get a deal. Let's wait for the deal to come forward before we say -- whether it is a bad deal or good deal.
BOLLING: What do you think, Katie? How about the other one where that was working fantastic, those financial sanctions that were on their economy? It was collapsing from within. They had to (inaudible) to us to say stop.
KATIE PAVLICH, GUEST CO-HOST: The president is now saying he's going to veto any new sanctions that Republicans in Congress bring to him about Iran. But I think Andrea makes a really good point when she talks about where was the president in 2009. And moving forward in the message the president did give to the Iranian people, he says this is an opportunity for us to have a different relationship moving forward. Well, what does that relationship look like? Does that mean that the Iranians will release Americans that they are holding before we make a deal? Does that mean the Iranians are finally going to uncouple themselves and get rid of the partnership between them?
And Hezbollah, one thing that we're ignoring here is that Iran has been at war with the United States for a long time through Hezbollah. Before 9/11, Hezbollah was responsible for more American deaths than any other terrorist organization in the world. They have far more reach than ISIS or Al-Qaeda. They're in South America, you know, with countries like Venezuela and Argentina and they are also working with Mexican cartels in Mexico. And so for us to say that we're not at war with Iran I think is not necessarily true considering they have taken a lot of American lives over the past couple of decades.
BOLLING: Why the video? What was with that video?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, I mean you could argue that the Republicans did an open letter so he can do a video. I wish he would do a persuasive video to America and articulate why it's important to make a deal with Iran. Iran has his number. This is the problem. I wouldn't mind - - I think you are right, Julie. I think you have to negotiate even with people you don't like. But we know who President Obama is and we know Iran has his number. He is a tourist that you can sell a rat to and tell him it is a rare dog.
Remember, he is taking Bibi's win personally. He is in this I'll show them mode. And so he is like the angry teenager mad at his parents. He's going to go smoke pot with the gang just to get back at them. In this case, that gang is Iran. He's saying, "Dad, you can't stop me. You just made it possible for me to even go any harder."
But whenever you see him do these videos or talks, you always get the sense that he is saying, "Forgive my country because they are not as smart as I am. They're kind of bozos." It is the standard refrain of the modern left that the worst part of America are the Americans because we are so ignorant and we don't see what he sees. All he has to do is be just as persuasive to them as he is to us. That would be nice.
TANTAROS: It is arrogance and it's the same thing that fuelled his speech in Cairo in 2009. He thought that he could apologize for the west for being boorish or whatever he called it.
BOLLING: Yes. And then things were going to change.
TANTAROS: And things were going to change. His healing words from the lips of Barack Obama could only have come out sooner then we could finally have peace in the Middle East.
JULIE ROGINSKI: But you talked about these sanctions that were on Iran and that things were going great. No, they weren't. Centrifuges were continuing to spin. It's not like they put their.
PAVLICH: But that's the point, right?
BOLLING: They were collapsing.
ROGINSKI: They weren't collapsing. Collapsing with the nuclear arms or even.
BOLLING: No. No. (Inaudible) collapsing from within.
ROGINSKI: So what?
BOLLING: They were in hyperinflation. The people were going to have to say we are done with this. We -- they had to turn to the mullahs and say, "Look. We can't do this anymore."
ROGINSKI: Eric, North Korea has had collapsed economy for 50 years and they're not -- and they have nuclear weapons.
PAVLICH: But does not prove the ideology. That proves that they are so dedicated to their anti-American, anti-west ideology that they are willing to have people suffer under harsh economic sanctions in order to have the weapons that they want to do ultimate destruction to people (inaudible).
ROGINSKI: Katie, you may be right. You may be right, but we don't know. So why don't we make.
PAVLICH: But you know they say it all the time.
BOLLING: (Inaudible) and enabling them to get a bomb. It's too late. We may be wrong in that respect, we're screwed.
ROGINSKI: No. We're not screwed.
BOLLING: They don't want to survive (ph).
ROGINSKI: No. We're not -- we're not screwed.
GUTFELD: It wouldn't be a problem if we had the sense that we are all in this together. But the sense is that this is about Obama, that legacy is more important to him than security. He's got - I'll go back. He has got to persuade us. If you are in a tiff with your wife, you don't go talk to a co-worker she hates. You go and you talk with the people you need to apologize to and persuade. And every time he goes to Iran, it gives you the sense like what about us? You've to talk to us about this. But it is about his legacy. We know that. He needs one foreign policy success. I mean he -- Bin Laden was pretty good but, you know, that was.
ROGINSKI: Would you guys have told Reagan not to go to Ryekjavik because the Soviets of 50 years prior to that were so horrible had broken every treaty had been horrible negotiators and they were living in totalitarian regime and pushing that regime forward? Would you have told Reagan not to go to (inaudible)?
BOLLING: No. OK. So Gorbachev is different.
GUTFELD: Negotiate with them.
ROGINSKI: How do you know these guys?
TANTAROS: It's the same argument you make about Cuba too. They said, "Oh, what about Cuba?" Cuba was not on the path of pursuing a nuclear weapon. And also, Cuba doesn't have the Islamic belief that you don't have to honor contract with infidels.
TANTAROS: Julie, this piece of paper or whatever President Obama does they are not -- they do not religiously believe that they have to honor it. So they can rip it up and break it. And then what? Are we going to stumble into a nuclear war? President Obama is going to stumble into a nuclear war?
ROGINSKI: Andrea, were the Soviet people who honored contracts or the soviets people whose words you can take to the bank? Of course not. Somebody needs to make an attempt. It may fail. It may not fail.
PAVLICH: The difference is that President Ronald Reagan was not in Russia or in Reyjavik or anywhere else around the world apologizing for Americans.
TANTAROS: And neither has Obama.
PAVLICH: He was embracing the strength of America and like America was the problem and saying we were the shining sitting on the hill that Russians should be looking to and the rest of the world should be modeling their systems after. Instead, the president we have now is blaming us first, making us look weak, and the world is (inaudible).
ROGINSKI: Where is he blaming us first?
BOLLING: We got to move on to this. Oh, I'll tell you where he - what he -- very obvious thing that he's done in the last couple of days. They pulled Iran and Hezbollah off of terror watch list. They were on it. They took them.
ROGINSKI: Hezbollah off the terror watch list (inaudible).
BOLLING: Yes. Iran, Hezbollah and Muslim brotherhood, all three, off the terror watch list.
ROGINSKI: I have a hard time believing Hezbollah is off the terror list.
BOLLING: Ed Henry asked the White House an important question today about the president's message to Iran.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ED HENRY, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: He addressed the Iranian people about the deal and why doesn't he addressed the American people and talked about the states and talk about details and being transparent about what is on the table?
JOSH ERNEST, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: The president has talked quite a bit about what our priorities are in terms of trying to resolve diplomatically the international communities' concerns with Iran's nuclear program. But what's also true is that there isn't a deal. And if we are able to reach one by the deadline at the end of this month I am confident that there will be ample opportunity for the president to speak publicly.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Along the lines of what he said.
GUTFELD: He just said what I said. You don't send a community organizer to negotiate with mullahs. It's like sending me to get something off a high shelf. I mean he is born and bred from the leafy campus. He believes that if we have enemies all we have to do us talk to enemies and they will like us. They'll like him because he is so damn charming. It doesn't work that way.
BOLLING: Katie, we sent John Kerry to do the negotiation. Rouhani was the nuclear - the top nuclear advisor to Khomeini and now he's the president of Iran. They are deadest. They want this bomb. They want to make a bomb and we are going, "OK. We're going to turn it over."
PAVLICH: We're in denial about what is happening. I mean the Iranians have been clear about what their intentions are in terms of the region, in terms of Israel, in terms of us being the great state. Everything that they have said has been laid on the table and President Obama, I'm not so sure, necessarily wants to get a deal that stops Iran from getting nuclear weapons despite what they say in the briefing room and in his speech because none of the actions back it up.
If they wanted to negotiate like Ronald Reagan did during the Soviet Union, the end goal would be Iran not having a nuclear weapon just like the end goal with ending communism. You know, that was the end goal. And there was no end goal here to stop them. It's kind of a half way let's continue to talk about this because it is not about getting a deal. It's about President Obama's legacy in a promising way before he was left (inaudible).
BOLLING: Can I add one thing to that? Once they come up with something, pass it by Congress.
ROGINSKI: I'm all for it. I'm all for it.
BOLLING: But then he's not.
ROGINSKI: I'd like to say he (inaudible). I'm for it. What do you have to say to that?
BOLLING: I love that.
BOLLING: You are sounding more and more conservative as we get (inaudible).
TANTAROS: He is not for it. He is more for the U.N. which yesterday as AP reported is allowing Iran to pursue 600 or keep 600 -- 6,000 centrifuges which is enough to make a bomb. Also that terror report you mentioned where they were whitewashing Hezbollah and the Iranians off of that threat list and the threat that tells me why are they down playing the threat? I mean are they sort of positioning themselves to start to lessen sanctions as you mentioned, Eric?
And also, when you look back historically, the difference between Russians and Iranians is communism is very different from Islamism. The goals and the end game is very different, Stalin and Lenin, they were pursuing very different things than radical Islamists are. One is based on a religion and one is far more dangerous. That's why Vladimir Putin may be a threat but he is a regional threat. He wants to restore power to the Soviet Union. That is what he is focused on. The difference is Iran is a global threat and they are about conquering and converting. It is completely different. Putin is not trying to convert.
ROGINSKI: You have forgotten, my friend, Nikita Khrushchev standing at the U.N. pounding his shoe and saying, "We will bury you, the Americans." Give me a break.
TANTAROS: Fundamentally and historically, it is a completely different threat.
BOLLING: We got to leave right there. Got to go. Susan is yelling. Coming up, three horsemen, the left and the apocalypse. Greg explains when we return.
GUTFELD: Gender, race and climate, behold, the three horsemen of the liberal apocalypse designed not to start a national conversation, but to stop a real one. They're meant to convert the greatest country ever.
With race, if you don't agree that we are a racist country then you are a bigot, and therefore, you are evil.
With gender, if you don't see the patriarchal victimization of all women, you are a sexist and likely evil.
If you question faulty climate models, you are a denier, a smear that puts you on par with holocaust denial.
This crud persists due to an endless supply of enablers churning out tripe from their purchase in the media, teachers' lounges and soundstages.
The good news: The evil arts of division are imploding into parity as America mocks campus shirkers and race-baiting charlatans. The joke is on the left when all that is left is identity politics.
So how do you kill off horsemen once and for all? A call for unity might work. When race comes up, point out that a scab won't heal if you keep picking at it. And isn't it sexist to expect women to care only about gender? And what about foreign policy, unemployment, immigration -- or is that just man stuff? And yes, climate does change, but the climate pause should give us all pause.
So hopefully, years from now, we will look back at this time as if we are in a bad dream where a sense of self and country were turned inside out to gin up strife. We used to be one country. We can be one again. Let's hope it's not Greece.
That wasn't a jab at you, Andrea.
TANTAROS: I was going to say.
GUTFELD: No. That was about it.
TANTAROS: No offense taken.
GUTFELD: Contemporary Greece which is going through a living hell as a revolt against their austerity program.
GUTFELD: But I want to go -- Julie, I want to talk to you about this division. I want to play a clip from Camille Paglia. She was talking with Reese (ph) about race, class and gender. She's kind of a genius. This is what she had to say.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CAMILLE PAGLIA, CULTURE CRITIC: Our problem now is that this monomania, the identity politics of the 1970s where people see everything through the lens of race or gender or social class. This is madness -- an absolute madness, and in fact, it's a distortion (ph) of the 60s.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Is it a madness? It seems like a madness.
ROGINSKI: Yes. I think you're actually right about this to some extent. Not the global warming stuff, but this stuff. Look. I am a little tired of the whole identity politics. I agree with you on that. I think all of us who are women here would agree that's one element of who we are.
BOLLING: Get used to a bunch more coming your way.
ROGINSKI: But there are things - but there are things -- well -- but there are things that I agree that I think it has gotten to the point where you can't just run for something because you are a woman or you're a man or you're a minority or you got a red hair or whatever it is. You now, I think people are a lot more into the sum total of every one element.
GUTFELD: Yes. You're part of a country. Your political mind, Andrea, do you think identity politics are sincere ideology or it is done just to destroy?
TANTAROS: I think it is a little bit of both. And I used to say that women weren't one issue voters until I was shocked this last presidential election where college educated women, suburban women, turned out in droves to vote for Barack Obama and made the entire campaign based on the war on women and contraception -- I mean birth control. These are women who did not need the government to subsidize their birth control but they basically said, "Yes. I need you to subsidize my sex life." And that to me was one of the biggest surprises. I do think that young people probably less see things through prism of race and gender, but your monologue was so good because it is the people who claim we should be healing these rifts. They're the same ones that are attacking females like myself, like Katie. I'm sure you get it a lot, Julie, too even for being on the left.
GUTFELD: It's different for me.
TANTAROS: Like we shouldn't -- violence against women you should respect women. They send some of the most disgusting, despicable tweets and it's the people calling for racial equality and gender equality and then just talk both - I should say type out of both sides of their body.
GUTFELD: Katie, could you imagine Hillary Clinton talking to a woman and saying, "So let's talk about terror?" Could you see that happening?
GUTFELD: No. It would always be about - it has to be a gender.
PAVLICH: I'm a woman.
GUTFELD: I'm a woman.
PAVLICH: Let's talk about womany things like whatever. But when you talk about womany things like hair and whatever then you are also sexist. You can't win. But to what you just said, militant feminism, which is the feminism that she was talking about, which is ridiculous to see everything through. Militant feminism is the Al Sharpton of gender. I mean they have to continue to play up this false victimhood in order to keep their jobs because they are -- if they solve the problem and make sure women have the same opportunities as men and if they, you know, embrace women to be empowered to pay for their own things and pay for their own bills and to succeed on their own two feet not by -- I don't know -- marrying and staying married to someone like Bill Clinton despite all the horrible things he does to you to embarrass and humiliate you, they have to continue their narrative or they're out of their job.
PAVLICH: That's who they are. They're the Al Sharpton of the gender movement.
BOLLING: Don't fix the problem that is your product.
PAVLICH: Right exactly.
BOLLING: Don't create the cure for your medicine.
ROGINSKI: It's actually very timely because Monica Lewinski did a pep talk about bullying. He sort of think about what she went through 20, 30 years - - 20 years ago. And I remember -- my party is probably more to blame this than the other side of the aisle but certainly not much to blame -- going after her as a stalker, as a slut, you know, anything to take down this 22 -- 24-year-old girl who, yes, made a mistake, but I mean - you know, the rhetoric was so appalling to me. I think that's what's so abhorrent to me. I think you made this point, Andrea, and it's a good one. You can't be defending women and you can't be defending and saying women are equal and treat women like they're slut or treat women -- or call them horrible names.
TANTAROS: It's the first thing they say on Twitter. They're like write equal rights for women. We should treat women well. And they're like Andrea Tantaros, you're a whore. You're a -- I'm just like, "Really? OK. Wow."
BOLLING: So very quickly, Rand Paul this afternoon said he's going to call on the Clinton Foundation to return the $10 to $15 million that the Saudis donated to the Clinton Foundation because of the issues they have -- how they treat women in Saudi Arabia. Very interesting at the same time Hillary Clinton is tweeting out these gender issues like that is going to be a big portion of her platform. She is going to run into a lot of headwind with that.
ROGINSKI: I agree. It's a political mistake for taking that money.
GUTFELD: All right. Next on "The Five," the most forgettable "Saturday Night Live" star ever thinks the show leans too much to the right. I bet you don't know his name. You got it right. And someone let Sean Pen out of his pen again, who he blames for the rise of ISIS, coming up.
TANTAROS: A former cast member of Saturday Night Live isn't happy with how the show covers politics. Here is Horatio Sanz.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HORATIO SANZ, FORMER SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE CAST MEMBER: I love the show. I love watching it. And I love being there, but I just thought there were things they could have done differently politically at the time. Like for instance, when Pelosi took over, the sketch that we did was Pelosi because she's from San Francisco she's wearing S and M outfit. And I was like, what?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's what you get out of that story.
SANZ: Is everybody in San Francisco is so weird that they are wearing leather and whipping each other?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right.
SANZ: It was that kind of like conservative (inaudible) that I was against, and I figured, "What the hell. Let's put it in print."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: Horatio may have been on the show but he apparently didn't pay attention because it is conservatives who are usually the target of SNL's political punch lines.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILL FERRELL, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE CAST MEMBER: I, George W. Bush, endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with my heart. John was there for me.
AMY POEHLER, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE CAST MEMBER: I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy.
TINA FEY, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE CAST MEMBER: And I can see Russia from my house.
(MUSIC PLAYING) WILL FERRELL, FORMER CAST MEMBER, NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": I, George W. Bush, endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with my heart. John was there for me.
AMY POEHLER, FORMER CAST MEMBER, NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy.
TINA FEY, FORMER CAST MEMBER, NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": And I can see Russia from my house.
PAVLICH (singing): We don't care, because we're going to shut it all down now, no government around now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: Even last year creator Lorne Michaels admitted Republicans are easier for the show to mock, because Democrats tend to take the jokes personally, whereas Republicans can take the joke.
What planet is Horatio Sanz living on?
GUTFELD: Before I comment on him, can we roll the tape of Horatio's funniest bits on "Saturday Night Live"?
OK. That was it.
It is kind of adorable. It reveals how fragile his beliefs are, in that any kind of diversity of thought is threatening him and he actually believes that anti-establishment thought is liberal thought, which in the media and also with six and a half years on President Obama is not the case. If he thinks liberalism is antiestablishment his stupidity is legendary. He should go back to his original job, you know, going to children's parties pretending to be John Belushi.
John Belushi now.
TANTAROS: Anybody who watches "Saturday Night Live" knows that they rip on conservatives proportionally more than they rip on liberals. And even when they are supposedly ripping on liberals they're not really even ripping on them.
BOLLING: And they're so good at the parody. I enjoy their parodies, and you're right. Their targets are 80, 90 percent conservatives. Once in a while they'll do a Barack Obama. That's about it, though.
Colbert made a career out of ripping on conservatives, tongue-in-cheek parody. My problem with this whole thing is Bill Simmons, who I really liked for standing up to ESPN when he had that thing a couple of months ago. Just let Horatio Sanz get away with it, like saying, "Wait a minute. It can be funny to rip on liberals, too." Why is it not funny to rip on liberals? I think it's just as funny. You decide.
ROGINSKY: They're just ripping on Hillary in that -- look at that little sketch. That was them ripping on Hillary.
BOLLING: Remember I was shocked that they went there?
ROGINSKY: Well, listen, I haven't watched "Saturday Night Live" in 20 years because I go to bed at 8 p.m. at night. But -- but when I used to stay up past my bedtime during the Clinton administration, come on. They ripped Clinton 24/7 eating cheeseburgers and smoking pot and hitting on women. And that was -- I can't tell you...
GUTFELD: But that's fun. You have to understand that the way they rip on Republicans is based on their lack of intelligence. They're stupid. But when it comes to the left, it's more about their kind of wacky -- their crazy behavior, having sex. That's not really ripping.
BOLLING: That was mean spirited what they did with Boehner, as well. That was a little gross.
TANTAROS: They made -- and they made Clinton seem like a really fun guy.
TANTAROS: Greg's right. It was all in jest and everyone thought he was humorous and a good time, whereas Sarah Palin was a fool and every Republican is just an idiot. George Bush is a fool.
PAVLICH: But as much as they made fun of Sarah Palin she still has the sense of humor to go on "Saturday Night Live" and do a skit. Right? Was that on "Saturday Night"? I'm pretty sure.
TANTAROS: She was at the reunion recently.
PAVLICH: The thing that's funny to me is that Republicans can take it and laugh about it, whereas liberals get their feelings hurt. And I think Sarah Palin proved that.
TANTAROS: We're so used to it by now. We just...
BOLLING: We have more experienced.
TANTAROS: We can take it, yes. We have experienced it.
ROGINSKY: If "SNL" does a skit of us and they want to hurt my feelings, I'm happy to have them hurt. I will not be hurt. I will -- I will...
TANTAROS: That's why we like you.
ROGINSKY: That's right.
TANTAROS: All right. Now on to Sean Penn, notorious for spending time hanging out with bad guys, notably Hugo Chavez in Venezuela. And he also did some, quote, "reporting" in Iran. Remember that?
His take on the rise of ISIS.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEAN PENN, ACTOR/ACTIVIST: I saw backstage in your opening monologue that you mentioned Dick Cheney.
I wanted to give him the credit, since you mentioned him. I mean, these are the guys -- he and President Bush and some others -- who invented DAISH or ISIS. I mean, they really are about -- they created it. So I wanted to give him a shout out. Thanks for that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: I don't even, Eric -- I don't even know where to go.
BOLLING: They invented ISIS/DAISH?
TANTAROS: Giving a shout out.
BOLLING: We -- in other words, al Qaeda got mad, and so they decided to splinter off into ISIS. Is that how -- is that what he -- How about President Obama invented DAISH or ISIS by leaving Iraq before the job was finished? I'd go with that.
PAVLICH: I'd just say, you know, Sean Penn, I'm surprised is not celebrating the rise of ISIS, because ISIS is anti-American. And Sean Penn is an anti-American punk. And we all know that. He corroborates [SIC] with our enemies, spends lots of time with them. He is anti-American, and the only reason he has the right to say that is because he lives in this country, but I'm surprised he's not celebrating it.
TANTAROS: He's an idiot, Greg. I mean, what is wrong with Charlie Saran? And also, he doesn't seem to know history. If you go back, it's like he's like talking like ISIS is some new phenomenon. Their belief just formed because, you know, George Bush made them...
GUTFELD: Theoretically, then, Bush created Boko Haram, which is just like ISIS, but they didn't.
Look, he -- you've got to feel bad for him. He's had a really bad, bad run of movies. I've seen better film on a soap dish. If you see the reviews for "The Gunman," it's absolute -- it's a mid-life crisis. He's running around without a shirt on at 53. And he -- it's just so sad. He thinks he's Liam Neeson, but he's not Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson is great.
Blaming Bush for him is his meditation. He has to do that or else he's going to break down. He should blame Bush for his movies, because if Kerry or if Gore had won, he could have actually concentrated on his career and actually read the scripts before he took the job.
TANTAROS: You know, we haven't seen BDS in a while, Bush Derangement Syndrome, but apparently Sean Penn still suffers from it.
Are you embarrassed that he votes Democrat?
ROGINSKY: I don't know how he votes. How do you know how he votes? For all I know...
TANTAROS: You really think this is a big mystery?
ROGINSKY: Listen, every time I listen to Sean Penn, I picture Spicoli. I can't -- he sounds like Spicoli. Look, he's in "Milk," which is a great movie.
I don't know what to say. I mean, why do we care what people in Hollywood say about politics? I don't understand. Great, good for him for expressing...
TANTAROS: Because they go on shows, and then we have to watch them.
ROGINSKY: We don't have to watch them.
TANTAROS: And people laugh.
PAVLICH: And they visit our enemies. They visit our enemies.
BOLLING: Because young people look up to them. If you have an opinion, they say, "Oh, Sean Penn, I love him." Right.
TANTAROS: They influence the culture.
PAVLICH: They are friends with our enemies, and they make it very public that they're friends with enemies.
GUTFELD: It's always -- it's an old standing tradition that in Hollywood, they usually cozy up to revolutionaries and radicals. This has happened for 100 years, and it will happen forever. And it's because they're feeling in need of insecurity; that because they're liked for superficial things, for being good looking or for being an actor, they have to prove that they're deep. And this is how they do it, by -- by falling in love with Chavez, which Sean Penn has done. And it's old. It goes back to Jane Fonda. It goes back to what's her name? Lillian Hellman. You can go back years.
ROGINSKY: I will say Sean Penn -- I can't believe I'm defending him, but in his defense, from what I understand, has done amazing stuff in Haiti.
GUTFELD: That is true. That is true.
BOLLING: You keep saying that. But there's literally no results or proof of that. But whatever. You're right. Let's go with that. You're right.
TANTAROS: A lot of adults go back to school but usually for higher education, not nursery school. Have any desire to finger paint again? Some adults apparently do and are paying big bucks to relive their preschool years. That's up next on "The Five."
PAVLICH: Well, the woman who wants to be president of the United States thinks grown-ups in America need to have more fun, so they should go to camp.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE: I have decided we really need camps for adults.
I think we have a huge fun deficit in America. And we need to figure out how to fill that fun deficit.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PAVLICH: And guess what? We found a place that might sort of fit the bill. It's not a camp, per se, but an adult preschool here in New York City where some stressed-out adults are paying thousands of dollars to reconnect with their inner child.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Here at Preschool Mastermind, we do all sorts of activities, from show and tell every day to finger painting, and we play with Play Doh, and we do dress up and snack time and nap time.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's amazing. We say it's stack time, and everyone's, "Yay, snack time!" And they get really into the snack time. And then it's nap time, and everybody curls up together into a ball and just totally get into it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PAVLICH: All right. So Greg, I'm not really sure where to start on this, but I think I'm going to start with adults sleeping under blankets on an alphabet carpet together.
GUTFELD: I've got to tell you, radical Islam has a point. The West is done. I am now converting to Islam.
I'm -- you know what this is? This is why those great men fought two world wars and we've executed a war on terror for a decade, so self-involved hipsters can indulge their lonely and homey hobbies in their apartments.
The good news is ten of these losers in a room means ten fewer losers on the streets, bothering me in bars and in restaurants. Get them together and keep them there with their glitter.
PAVLICH: Eric, do you think this is the best use of money in a dark (ph) time?
BOLLING: I'm blown -- remember that thing a couple months ago, flur [SIC] -- furries?
BOLLING: We are screwed up. We are...
GUTFELD: No, furries are cooler than this.
BOLLING: I don't know. I'm not sure.
GUTFELD: Furries are great.
BOLLING: Anyway, can you imagine that we're -- that people are spending their money on this? Fifteen percent poverty in America.
PAVLICH: A thousand dollars.
BOLLING: And they're spending a grand to go, Play Doh, snack time and nap time.
PAVLICH: And be more confident.
BOLLING: And dress up. And put diapers on.
GUTFELD: It's like 6 or 7 but dammit, it's still wrong.
TANTAROS: Am I the only one that kind of likes this? I mean, No. 1, I like playing dress-up. I like naps. I like nap time. And who doesn't love snacks?
TANTAROS: And so there are some days, Eric, I get so stressed out that I want to come home and put some finger paint and some Cheerios and push me on a swing and tell me to take a nap?
GUTFELD: Go on Craigslist! You can get a guy and a girl.
BOLLING: And a reality show on top of it.
TANTAROS: I don't want the guy and the girl. I just...
PAVLICH: Andrea, they're having Parents Day.
TANTAROS: I like naps and snacks. OK? Sue me.
ROGINSKY: You know what my ideal -- my ideal situation in that scenario? Is go home, get the snack and take a nap. Like, I don't want people around me. I just want to go home and be by myself and take a nap and have a snack and play with glitter all on my own.
TANTAROS: You have a little boy, Julie, and sometimes when he's on the swing and he's playing, don't you ever go, like, "I want to be him"? Like, "I want to be pushed in a stroller. I want to eat Cheerios"?
ROGINSKY: No. I'm like...
TANTAROS: You don't want to take a nap?
ROGINSKY: Because all he does is yell at me about giving him junk food, and I'm like, "You can't have it." But meanwhile, I know that I, as an adult, can go have it anytime I want. So actually, my life is much, much better that his at this point.
PAVLICH: The concept of adult preschool makes my head hurt. I don't really know what to think about where we're going.
But we're going ahead. And attention, ladies, actress Eva Mendez has some advice on how to keep your man. And her tip, when we come back.
ROGINSKY: Actress Eva Mendez, girlfriend of Hollywood heartthrob Ryan Gosling, has some advice for all the ladies out there. Listen up.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How would you describe your sense of style?
EVA MENDEZ, ACTRESS: I guess maybe feminine. I don't like being in...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You don't like pants?
MENDEZ: I don't really like pants. I mean, I will wear them.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not like sweatpants at home, big shirt?
MENDEZ: No, no, no. Sweatpants, no, no, no, no.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Never?
MENDEZ: No, no. Can't do sweatpants.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Interesting.
MENDEZ: No. Ladies, the No. 1 cause of divorce in America is sweatpants.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ROGINSKY: She took a lot of heat for that and apologized on Twitter, but Dolly Parton actually thinks it's a good idea.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do you wear sweatpants?
DOLLY PARTON, SINGER/ACTRESS: Well, actually, I don't. I don't think I'll be getting a divorce any time soon, because I don't wear sweatpants. I either wear tight pants or no pants. My husband likes that part pretty good.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ROGINSKY: This may explain why I'm single, because I've worn sweatpants to the studio five days in a row.
But does she have a point? Do you get grossed out by women wearing sweatpants?
GUTFELD: A couple of points. One, I don't know why they're called sweatpants when people who wear them are never sweating.
ROGINSKY: I can guarantee that's true.
GUTFELD: They should be called s'more (ph) pants.
The cause of -- No. 1 cause of divorce are not sweats; it's face masks. Once they go on -- once those go on, nothing comes off. But the most important part of the story is that she apologized. What is she apologizing for? What is this country turning into? "I'm sorry I offended people in sweatpants?" I am joining -- I am joining -- I'm leaving. I'm converting to Islam. That's it. I'm leaving. I'm done.
ROGINSKY: Eric, you are a married man. If your wife showed up in sweatpants, would that be the end?
BOLLING: She wears sweatpants. I love it. It's fantastic.
ROGINSKY: Are they yoga pants or are they sweatpants?
ROGINSKY: No, sweatpants -- yoga pants.
TANTAROS: Your wife does not wear sweatpants. No, she probably wears the cute adorable sweatpants. She's got a great body. She probably wears really cute ones.
BOLLING: Is there a distinction?
ROGINSKY: I will show you -- I will show you what I wore to the studio today. That's not what a cute, like, yoga pant looks like.
PAVLICH: Sweatpants are like the $5 ones that you get at Wal-Mart.
BOLLING: I rather see her in sweatpants and a T-shirt than all decked out. That's just me.
PAVLICH: Aw, that's sweat.
ROGINSKY: You're just saying -- every guy says that. They don't really mean it.
What do you think?
PAVLICH: No. I always have this conversation with young ladies that tights are not pants. That's a little different than sweatpants. But I don't know. I guess Dolly Parton kind of has the right thing going on, no pants or tight pants. That's a good strategy, I think.
TANTAROS: That's my life motto. Words to live by. Sweatpants -- I mean, tight pants or no pants. Yes, I'm going to have that on my tombstone.
I -- I agree with Eva a little bit. And I think she was just kidding, like me in the adult camp about snacks and naps. She was just trying to have a fun moment. She was saying, "Girls, keep it hot," right? Like, your man comes home; don't be looking like a slob just like you don't want him to look like a slob. You know, do your hair, brush your hair. You know, wear something nice.
GUTFELD: ... an apology-free day? Can somebody start an apology-free day and then everybody walks around and says the most offensive thing you can think of? Anything and then if anybody asks you to apologize, it's apology-free day and punch him in the face!
ROGINSKY: Let me ask you, two married men, a very important question. At what point in a marriage, how many years, can you start slacking off and stop having to dress up for your husband? I need to know this information.
GUTFELD: Me, I put on, like, 25 pounds right after I got married like that, and then I took it off when I realized I'm a loser.
ROGINSKY: All right. Eric.
BOLLING: From -- I'm not kidding. I swear to the Lord God above, I would rather go out with my wife in jeans and a T-shirt and a ponytail than dress up. It's just me.
ROGINSKY: From the first time you met her?
BOLLING: To this day, yes.
TANTAROS: She always looks great.
ROGINSKY: All right.
PAVLICH: She does.
ROGINSKY: I don't believe that. All right. "One More" -- I believe she looks great but not that you think that. "One More Thing" is up next.
BOLLING: "One More Thing." Ands is up first.
TANTAROS: OK. This story is kind of crazy. So a man in Seattle got an e- mail about a bachelor party, and the bachelor party sounded great. He got e-mail after e-mail after e-mail. He didn't know anyone on the e-mail chain. This bachelor party was happening in Philadelphia.
As it turns out, the man whose bachelor party it was, the guy right here, let's see -- Jeff Minetti, the guy that he's never met in the blue tie decides, "You know what? Come to my bachelor party."
So the guy on the left says, "You know what? I've been on this e-mail chain for weeks. It sounds like a good time. I don't know you guys, but I'm going to get on a plane, and I'm going to come to that bachelor party, because it sounds like fun."
Not only that, America. He's going to the wedding. Yes, we've all lost our minds, but at least we can still get along and have some fun. Right?
BOLLING: Absolutely. Good story.
GUTFELD: This is an uplifting story. All right. I'm going to be on "O'Reilly" tonight with McGuirk, talking stuff.
When Dana is off, a lot of people ask me, "What is Dana up to?" They're always curious, "What does she do? Does she, like, run or whatever?"
And I've gotten some tape of her just enjoying herself. Roll it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(DOG WEARING CLOTHES AND A BACKPACK, WALKING ON HIND LEGS)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: There she is. I think she's down in South Carolina. She's doing a little window shopping. But she often likes to do it in disguise, because she hates people. And she doesn't like it when "Five" fans come up to her, so she always dresses kind of in an unusual outfit.
BOLLING: You know what the tell is? That skirt.
GUTFELD: I'm kidding, Dana. I just thought you might like a dog video.
BOLLING: All right. OK, so America is a great country: free market system, provides opportunity, doesn't matter what -- where you come from, what your background is. That's why this is really crazy.
Young rapper named Azealia Banks had this to say. Pull it up full-screen. The quote says, "I hate everything about this country, like I hate fat white Americans, racist conservative white people who live on their farms, those little teenaged girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma. That's really America."
So all I can say is she's made millions upon millions of dollars. And if you really hate America, Azealia, leave. How's that?
TANTAROS: She said she's going to after she makes a ton of money. She makes enough money, then she's going to leave.
PAVLICH: Cuba. Cuba's open now.
BOLLING: All right. Julie.
ROGINSKY: All right. Greg Gutfeld, don't worry just because Dana is not here. I have your dog fix for you, because today is the tenth birthday of Grimace Roginsky, my favorite, favorite puppy of all time. There he is.
PAVLICH: Aw, he's so cute.
ROGINSKY: He's the sweetest little Chihuahua in the world. I love him.
GUTFELD: That's a Chihuahua?
ROGINSKY: Shut up. It is the cutest dog ever. He is adorable. Greg, stow it.
GUTFELD: I know.
ROGINSKY: I have to say happy birthday. I love you.
BOLLING: Very, very sweet.
GUTFELD: That must have been a wild night.
BOLLING: What's his name? I didn't catch it. What's his name?
BOLLING: All right, Katie, you're up.
PAVLICH: I know that they say that sweatpants are the No. 1 reason for divorce now, but I think that this new perfume/cologne coming out from Burger King, which smells like meat and grease, will now be the No. 1 reason for divorce.
Burger King actually released a press release, saying that this is going to be coming out soon on April Fool's Day. So this might be an April Fool's joke. But all I have to say is if you have a dog or you're going to a dog park don't wear this, because you're going to get mauled.
TANTAROS: Or your parents own a restaurant and this could be your childhood. Because every time I'd get off work and I had to go to, like, a football game or a party, I smelled like meat and grease. And I think that's why...
ROGINSKY: Or every time you walk in a Burger King, you love the way it smells, you want to douse yourself with it. Or just me.
GUTFELD: Or maybe it's not a story, because it is an April Fool's joke.
PAVLICH: Or that.
BOLLING: It could be that. Could be that.
PAVLICH: Don't kill their dreams.
BOLLING: All right. That's it for us. Have a great weekend. "Special Report," Baier on deck, coming up.
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