This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 6, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone, I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."
Opening day on Capitol Hill for the 114th Congress, Republicans are now in full control for the first time in eight years. John Boehner easily won a third term as Speaker of the House today, despite some defections and challenges from members of his party.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOHN BOEHNER, SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES: Friends, colleagues, countrymen, and especially the people of Ohio's eighth congressional district, thank you for sending me here. As speaker, all I ask and frankly expect is that we disagree without being disagreeable. In return, I pledge to help each of you carry out your duties.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: And in the senate, Mitch McConnell was sworn into a sixth term by Joe Biden and delivered his first remarks as majority leader.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MITCH MCCONNELL, SENATE MAJORITY LEADER: Many senators took the oath this afternoon, 13 for the first time, and a new Republican majority accepted its new responsibilities. We recognize the enormity of the task before us. We know a lot of hard work awaits. We know many important opportunities await as well. I'm really optimistic about what we can accomplish.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: President Obama knows he's going to face much stronger opposition from this Congress, but he offers these words about Boehner and McConnell earlier.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: I'm very much looking forward to working with them. I'm confident that there are going to be areas where we disagree and there will be some pitch battles and we just have to make sure that we focus on those areas where we can make significant progress together.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: All right, so what do you think about those common points? You're laughing already.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: You're right, he's probably as happy as Boehner back there. Boehner was so confident he didn't even show up for the vote. I'm watching the vote, and one of the first names is John Boehner, John Boehner. He didn't show up so he knew he didn't need the vote. That's what we're talking about yesterday. It was probably going to be a slam dunk for him. However, there was a group that said they wanted to push back. One of the -- one of the congressmen got 13 votes. Louie Gohmert got three votes. A couple other people got one. A senator even got a vote. It was kind of interesting to watch. I think the message is though to John Boehner is there is a group that wants to be heard and they want to push back on some of the stuff. Can I jump to the Senate very quickly? Those 300 or so Senate bills that have sat on Harry Reid's desk that he refuses to bring to a vote will likely now start to get to a vote and that's good news.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Greg, your take?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, I think we have -- we shouldn't buy this media created conflict between the right and the far right because they only do that to take these spotlights off the left. So they always like, whenever there was any kind of disagreement within the Republicans, that's a huge deal. The conflict isn't about the right and the far right. It's between the persuasive and the unlikely. The leadership that must compel not repel. So you're looking for not differences in degrees of ideology but skills in seducing the public. So it's never been about whether or not Louie Gohmert is more of a right winger than John Boehner. It's who is more persuasive to the public, who can take your ideas and formulate them and make sense out of them and seduce the public. So you know, voting against Boehner is a fruitless mission. It's like a dog chasing another dog on a TV. You're not going to catch it. So instead, you should devote those energies to wheel things that you can win. Know your reality. Know where you can win things and stop chasing things that don't actually exist.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: And then the second, one of the Republicans said that now John Boehner is free of that group of people that could stymie him in negotiations and they're right. He's got to have votes now. He doesn't have to worry about the 13 or 14 Louie Gohmerts in the world. He can actually begin to be a politician and a legislator. I think both he and McConnell were very gracious today in accepting those and I think Obama in his own way was trying to anyway. And in fact, I don't think Obama feels badly about not having Democrats on the hill in the majority.
BECKEL: I think he feels more comfortable in a way having now him versus the whole world.
BOLLING: Now he can be the victim. Now, he's the victim.
GUTFELD: One thing I learned though before I didn't know that like you could like actually vote for somebody who's not a member of the body. So you could have voted for the Rock. It would have been awesome.
BOLLING: Or Lou Dobbs?
GUTFELD: Or Lou Dobbs.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: (Inaudible) candidate for the Congress.
GUTFELD: Yes. Next time.
GUILFOYLE: Lou Dobbs probably would have gotten some votes. You should have put the word out.
GUTFELD: He's a sexy man.
GUILFOYLE: In so many ways. Dana, comment on that?
PERINO: Well, I don't think that Boehner is a vengeful person. So when there's a suggestion that now he's free of these rabble-rousers that want to vote against him, he's just not like that. One of the things he said today is growing up in a house with 11 children. You're one of 11 was very good training to be speaker of the House.
PERINO: Both McConnell and -- actually McConnell, Reid, Pelosi and Boehner, the four members of leadership, have dedicated their -- the bulk of their adult lives to public service. They know how to run a railroad. I do think that the most divisive era of late -- of recent history has been -- was under Harry Reid. That is the going to change, perhaps, with Mitch McConnell and it starts this is week, where believe it or not, you're going to get to actually have a vote on a piece of legislation and there will be amendments and this should not be a novel concept, but that's not how it's been the last six years. That will be different and that actually might help President Obama get some things worked out.
BECKEL: You know, just to clarify that. I wasn't suggesting Boehner was going to be tough on these guys. Well, I guess -- I mean now that he has the luxury of having enough votes out of his caucus to go where before he had to stop when the very conservative people said no. Now, he can go and negotiate. And I think he's a very god negotiator.
GUILFOYLE: All right. And on that note, let's listen to Charles Krauthammer, one of Bob's favorite but Dana (inaudible).
BECKEL: I told you (ph) this for so long.
GUILFOYLE: . on what the GOP -- what GOP control means. Take a look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: Republicans are going to have a chance to show how retroactively for the last six years everything has stopped at the Senate. Democrats stopped it. Harry Reid stopped it. And they effectively acted as a shield to make Obama look as if he wasn't the one stopping stuff. Well, now, he's going to be exposed. The day of hiding under Harry Reid's desk are over.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Who wants to be under Harry Reid's desk?
BECKEL: (Inaudible), isn't it?
GUTFELD: Don't answer that question.
BECKEL: (Inaudible) -- oh, I have read (ph) the rest of Charles' interview.
GUTFELD: I'm going to miss Harry Reid. He is one of those few people that looks like his name but -- anyway.
PERINO: OK. Thanks for that.
BECKEL: Where was that going?
GUILFOYLE: Dana, you.
GUTFELD: He looks like a Harry Reid.
GUILFOYLE: He looks like sheriff (ph).
BOLLING: That's acknowledgeable.
GUILFOYLE: Poor guy. All right. Dana?
GUTFELD: He got a black eye?
BOLLING: Oh, he had a black -- an exercise.
GUTFELD: Oh, I didn't know that.
PERINO: No. He was exercising and a piece of equipment broke and then -- and he actually really hurt himself.
GUTFELD: That's what I tell the guy at the E.R. every weekend. I fell on my exercise equipment.
PERINO: If you said it, I would not believe it. But because it was Harry Reid, I do.
BECKEL: Give me some Ferguson. It fell -- and show him.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, you've tried that one before, Bob.
BECKEL: I did.
GUTFELD: What happened?
GUILFOYLE: OK. What do you think, Bobby, about this -- about GOP control? What can we expect to see?
BECKEL: Well, I think -- I think -- you want something on the Keystone Pipeline on that or do you want to weigh on that?
BECKEL: I thought it was a very interesting turn of words that the press secretary used. He said this piece of legislation, referring to what was passed in the last -- what came out of the House the last time. The president said he would veto it. If the bill is like that, he will not sign it, is what he said. Now, there's a big difference between those. There is a way the law -- a bill becomes law without a president's signature. It can either become a pocket veto or it can become a pocket law. And I'm not so sure that if the amendment Chuck Schumer talked about in the end I still contend that there will be a Keystone Pipeline.
BOLLING: OK. But it was interesting that Josh Ernest did come out and say the president wouldn't sign this legislation. It's almost the same legislation as that -- the senate legislation that they tried to get to him, which never got to him thanks to Harry Reid. OK. So you're saying that the amendments being the American steel and you can't export (inaudible).
BECKEL: If you say -- you said they should.
BOLLING: Oh, there is one more time -- listen, make that deal because once you bring a barrel of oil into -- from Canada to here, you put it in a tank, you can't distinguish a Canadian oil from another barrel of oil. You can drop it. Go strip (ph) with other oil away, you know, but then prove it's Canadian oil.
BECKEL: (Inaudible) ever said it was a silly amendment. He went -- if he decided what you do, but.
BOLLING: No. No. That's not what he said.
BECKEL: We have a surplus in this country. We don't charge (ph). We still import 48 percent of our oil.
BOLLING: But the point -- the point -- I'm not putting into Charles' mouth. He said it was a silly argument probably because of what I'm saying. It's almost impossible to distinguish between the Canadian oil.
BECKEL: I understand that. I understand that.
BOLLING: . and American barrel of oil. As long as you don't say -- separate them, this is the greatest deal you could ever deal. Get Democrats on board. I think they have.
GUILFOYLE: Guess what? The problem is the president is not on board, right? Let's take a listen to it because Josh Ernest says it's a no go. President is not having it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOSH ERNEST, WHITE HOUSE SECRETARY: This piece of legislation is not all together different than legislation that was introduced in the last Congress. And you will recall that we put out a statement of administration position indicating that the president would have vetoed had that bill passed the previous Congress. And I can confirm for you that if this bill passes in this Congress the president wouldn't sign it either.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: Let me just make one point about this. This is the bill without the Schumer amendments on it. That still has to be brought to the floor and there will be a vote on it. And I do not think that Republicans are going to vote against U.S. steel being used in the project. It looks like -- they're parting (ph) words here.
BOLLING: That's not even the question. If it will pass the Senate, will President Obama sign it?
GUILFOYLE: That's the question.
BECKEL: If it passes with the Schumer amendments on, I think he will, is the answer.
PERINO: The White House press secretary just said he would not.
BOLLING: But he's not talking about that bill.
PERINO: Well, we'll see if they decide to change. It is different. He used to say that he would veto, now he's saying he wouldn't sign. But the thing is to me that's like voting the president, which is something that President Obama did a lot when he was a state senator in Illinois.
GUILFOYLE:. In Canada (ph).
PERINO: It's like just take stand, and if you're gonna vote again - if you're gonna veto it, go ahead and do that.
GUILFOYLE: Make a decision.
PERINO: And just - and make a distinction.
GUILFOYLE: Put it on - and put it on record.
PERINO: It's interesting to me to watch out the Democrats become all of a sudden economic isolationists. You know, on the one hand, they wanna give President Obama authority fast track authority to do more trade. on the other hand, they wanna pass the keystone pipeline though that would help American jobs but then just try to establish some sort of protectionist - protectionism on that road (ph).
Now maybe that - maybe that law passes and maybe that's fine because I agree with you, you can't distinguish between Canadian and American oil, and you saw the barrel and it's just basically a political move by the Democrats, might be one worth taking.
GUILFOYLE: OK. I sure make that.
BECKEL: Well that's - it's just protection. When you say, protecting, it's their political behind. It's that what they're doing.
BECKEL: The Democrats.
BOLLING: You know, it's because they wanna vote for this, just looking for a - throw some action.
BECKEL: Actually, you got to know. Eric, I tell you you're getting better and better just.
BOLLING: thanks, Bob. Nothing has changed though. It's still the same keystone pipeline.
BECKEL That's probably right.
GUTFELD: Well, this is an - this is actually a - kind of a small issue in -- in the greater scheme of things, right? We're talking about a pipeline.
GUTFELD: . we got millions and millions of pipelines. This is all to appease the greens. That's all it is. This is what Obama is doing.
PERINO: It is.
GUTFELD: It has not - there is no logic behind it. It's indefensible. There's no reason - there's no - there's no problem with the pipeline. You've got millions of miles of it.
GUTFELD: But it may - it leads to my advice for the incoming - the incoming Republican freshman. You realize that you have to live in a world that is dictated by an establishment liberal media in which some people will be targets and some people won't.
So the keystone will be a target but other things won't. Michael Grimm will have to resign, but Charlie Wrangle won't. That means as incoming freshman, you will always be a target. So, your first job when you come in as a Republican is to minimize the bull's-eye and that just means to work sideways. Do your job and avoid awkward issues that waste time, social commentary that embarrasses you and symbolic gestures and only work for things that you can win on, think like your adversary, how do they wanna destroy you?
BECKEL: You know, we got some the possibility (ph) here too to not keep the same vision not gonna work out. Let's talk about the things that can possibly work out here. I think there can be a trade in the tax deal. I think Eric's idea about getting this - the progress report from the American companies overseas back here, will fly with the Democrats, it's a good idea, and I think there'll be a trade bill.
BOLLING: If President Obama signs it.
BECKEL: That's right.
BOLLING: But I think these things will probably get through House or the Senate.
BOLLING: . and get towards that.
BECKEL: I think he will sign that.
GUILFOYLE: They're gonna get to his desk and the pressure is gonna be on it. They need to make a decision and put a position on it. Like Dana is saying, instead of just like present.
Coming up, it's happened again. There's been another attack on NYPD officers. Eric has the details and new developments on the latest shooting in New York City. Next.
BOLLING: Just 2-1/2 weeks after two NYPD officers were assassinated, two more have been shot. Officers Andrew Dossi and Aliro Pellerano are thankfully OK and in stable condition at the last night shooting in the Bronx. The pair were dressed in plain clothes, heard of a call of an armed robbery and were fired upon when they responded.
NYPD says three people were taken into custody and two have been charged. This surveillance video of one of the suspects, they were looking for that's what you're looking at right there. Mayor Bill de Blasio has been blamed for inciting tensions against his own police force. Today, he addressed the shooting using a much different tone.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL DE BLASIO, NEW YORK CITY, MAYOR: These officers did something that was extraordinarily brave this evening and they did it as part of their commitment. This is another indicator of the dangers that our officers face in the line of duty. We depend on them to keep this whole city safe.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Yes, I think you (ph) saw yesterday, we heard de Blasio and Frank de Bratton (ph) pointing the finger to some cops who wanted to turn their back on de Blasio at the funeral.
BOLLING . of officer - officer Liu.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, and that looks today.
BOLLING: He got shot and now he's.
BOLLING: . evident (ph).
GUILFOYLE: Two cops working in plain clothes detail to help patrol and keep safe a minority neighborhood, high crime area, shot, thank God they did not lose their life but once again putting it on the line for the community not caring about whether it's what color anybody is that lives in the neighborhood just trying to keep the streets safe.
Another fine example of them doing their job and now, you know, look at the circumstances here, and these are bad guys. Kent (ph) has 10 has to priors and he's currently on parole for robbery. The other guy is looking at five counts of attempted murder plus robbery plus felony, carjacking and weapons enhancements. That guy has gone for like.
BOLLING: So Bo, all right, the officers identified themselves as officers.
BOLLING: . having granted they're in plain clothes, yet they got shot on again. The environment in New York, it seems like the bad guys have absolutely lost respect for the cops completely and on the heels of de Blasio and in their police chief.
BECKEL: But - kind of point the finger there. But first of all, I - I don't think I could - would connect the two of those things together, but I will say this, I don't think you'll ever hear another bad comment about cops out of de Blasio. They made something.
BOLLING: We heard one yesterday.
BECKEL: That's what I mean, what I'm saying is.
BOLLING: This is going to be the last one.
BECKEL: Then this on me. Every time there's an attack on a police as you watch, he'll be there. This is a politician trying to cover up for a terrible mistake which started with I told my kid not be feel safe around police.
GUILFOYLE: Right. But he made it worse yesterday.
BECKEL: Well, but still.
GUILFOYLE: He made promise.
BECKEL: . what I'm saying is that was.
GUILFOYLE: . I'll put that.
BECKEL: . that was one that he needs to cover back up, and I think he's gonna do the best he possibly can to do that.
BOLLING: Dana, do you think the environment is ripe for more of these - these cops getting targeted?
PERINO: Well, I hope not like -- but listening to the FBI director, Jim Comey, yesterday, when Kimberly talked about his statement at the funeral, in which he said, there has been an increase, they don't know why, and they're concerned about it. One thing that they could do, and in fact Mayor de Blasio could do this is, they could increase the penalty for crimes against cops and whether it be attempt -- any sort of attempt, attempted murder or actual murder then I think that you have to increase the penalty to try to deter the behavior.
And like - and like James Comey, I can't explain it either. It's - it's.
GUTFELD: I can.
PERINO: OK, go ahead.
GUTFELD: Well for - just to Bob's point how you shouldn't connect these - these incidents on cops together but the media has been doing that with cops for the past two years. Every time there's an isolated incident in one local place and they connect it to another one over here.
PERINO: It's all cops.
GUTFELD: So it's all cops. So we're just doing what they're doing. There's 75 percent fewer stop and frisk going on and you have a 30 percent rise in shootings, that's what an idiot would call a coincidence. Why are liberals OK with the end of the stop and frisk? Because the 13 percent rise in shootings are not in their white neighborhoods. They don't live where the people are getting shot. So overall crime is down in New York City by 4 percent, but shootings are up 13 percent. What does that mean? That means the 4 percent drop is meaningless.
GUTFELD: Is it possible that milder crimes have gone down as thugs have moved on to greater crimes because of no stop and frisk. It is now easy to use a gun.
BECKEL: That's the connection to make.
GUILFOYLE: What he's saying is he's created an environment where these criminals are encouraged to be.
BECKEL: Take it easy.
GUILFOYLE: No, to act out and they're not worried about this.
GUTFELD: I just explained why crime should go down in one area, and crime go up in another because this is easier.
BECKEL: There is one thing that some people who don't like stop and frisk whether you're in a white neighborhood or not, it has to do with being stopped and frisked.
BECKEL: Well, I don't like. Would you like it?
GUTFELD: I enjoy it actually.
GUTFELD: I pay for it actually.
GUILFOYLE: I don't have anything bad in my pocket.
BOLLING: Can we turn our attention to one -- I am not going to say reverend, but one Al Sharpton who has decided that now is the time, now that Officer Ramos and Lu are buried, now is the time to start his protest, anti-cop protest again. We are going back around to K.G. Your thoughts on - - can you give it a rest?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. Can you take a long vacation to another planet? Maybe that's like -- the sooner he's out of the public area, the better because he really has just served to exacerbate this situation, to really increase racial tensions across this country. He's a disservice to the civil rights movement.
BOLLING: Is De Blasio Sharpton's race puppet?
GUTFELD: Well, everybody is terrified of Sharpton because he can call you a racist, he can pick at you. I have an idea. There should be an exchange program. Have reverend Al ride with the police in neighborhoods where police do the most work. And conversely, let cops hang out with Obama and not pay taxes.
PERINO: Fair trade.
BOLLING: How is he walking around like this? How is he having access to the mayor's office? To the president's office?
GUILFOYLE: To the White House.
BOLLING: To the White House, owing the American people 4.5 million bucks.
PERINO: I don't understand that. I don't understand the White House's willingness to have him there under those pretenses. I would not have allowed it.
PERINO: That would have been my recommendations.
BOLLING: Can we talk a little bit about what has been going on. Sharpton's national action network has these meetings, these conferences. Corporations sponsored these conferences. They get the big picture up there.
GUILFOYLE: They're not targeted.
BOLLING: They're not targeted. Bingo.
PERINO: Who perfected that? It was Jesse Jackson in the rainbow coalition.
BECKEL: Listen, I've been subject to that kind of extortion myself. But I tell you, one thing we can do here, first of all, you know, why don't we give Sharpton a break?
BECKEL: Why are we talking about him? He's not going to change.
GUTFELD: He deserves to be ousted.
BOLLING: You're talking about on the left.
BOLLING: Joe Scarborough took apart, this whole issue about what's going on in New York, what's going on with De Blasio, and failed. He didn't have the guts and say one of your own hosts on your own network is perpetrating a lot of the racism that's going on. Scarborough didn't have the guts to say Sharpton is part of the problem.
BECKEL: I'm going to take Sharpton on vacation myself.
GUTFELD: Like Benghazi?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, please. You don't -- right? I mean bob doesn't want to talk about it, I get it, we don't want to put him in a greater position, but it's important, nobody else is willing to do it because they're all afraid because they'll be targeted by him if they speak badly about him or tell the truth.
BECKEL: All right.
BOLLING: We are going to leave it right there. Ahead, this one is rich. Some of the geniuses in Harvard who have forced Obamacare on you are upset about how it is affecting them, next.
GUTFELD: Harvard professors have their cardigans in a clump over increase in their health premiums, all due to Obamacare, the same monstrosity these jackasses foisted on America. The added costs are due to new coverage that offers mammograms for men, stuff these hacks were happy with when they were exempt from such nonsense. Like Michelle Obama mandating come (ph) squats for high schoolers while she enjoys a plate of fries, the greater good never includes them because the greater good sucks. So now we see the idiots that Jonathan Gruber has been referring to all along. They were his fellow freaks on the faculty.
Enjoy this. It really happens when an elitist enjoys the stinking bed they made. Usually their harmful decisions only affect us, but never them. Their outrage reveals their hypocrisy. If a program they extol is so good, how come they don't want it? It's like saying that paying taxing is patriotic unless you're Al Sharpton. Here's why the professors are ticked. Their average salary is almost $200,000 and they're stuck with the $250 deductible. Think about what that means. That the singular marking of a modern academic is greed, that paying their fair share means not paying at all. As liberals, they accrue luxuries they happily deny others. No wonder they're so upset. Sunlight burns a vampire.
So D.P., the professor has called their new plan deplorable and deeply regressive. Isn't that awesome?
PERINO: It sounds like something that we said about Obamacare.
PERINO: They -- I don't know if they thought that they were above the fray. But I think -- I suppose what is going on, is that what they really want is a special carve-out...
PERINO: ... for the professors, where everybody else would be under single payer plan, which is what they probably really wanted. But they would have the special care that only Harvard professors would want.
GUTFELD: Yes. They're smart.
PERINO: So they thought that they were separate but more equal than everybody wants.
GUTFELD: Yes. Eric, so gets this. The average American's annual deductible is 1,200 bucks. Theirs is 250. It shows you how far removed they are...
BOLLING: It's still a supreme plan. They're still doing -- making out way better than the average American.
Wrote a couple lines. Karma, meet Harvard elitist bastards. Harvard elitist bastards, meet karma. Lay down with dogs, wake up with Obamacare. Harvard found a way to be smart and supremely stupid at the same time.
Why didn't they read it before they had such a huge opinion on it?
PERINO: Because they had to pass it before you could know what was in it.
GUILFOYLE: Remember that? Ba-dum-dum.
So also because they thought they were going to get taken care of, right? They thought their guy had, you know, good tensions. Was going to look after him. Like he did for the unions, but aha! You've been duped, too, Hah-vard.
GUTFELD: Let me ask you, Bob.
GUTFELD: Can you defend their outrage at all? They're basically eating the crap sandwich they made for America.
BECKEL: I think it's wonderful. First of all, I think anybody who's complaining about this, because they're paying a bigger deductible and making that kind of money ought to shut up and recognize that people can't afford this (UNINTELLIGIBLE) and they need it. So those Harvard professors have got to pay to support people who can't get insurance? Good.
BOLLING: There's more. They're getting nailed with the Cadillac tax, which we told them about.
BECKEL: Good. Let them.
BOLLING: None of this is for free.
But they passed this. They pushed it to get passed, right?
BECKEL: And now they shouldn't be complaining about it.
BOLLING: They pushed back on all the things that we warned on FOX.
BECKEL: We warned, oh, my.
BOLLING: Oh, yes, Bob. Oh, yes, we talked about Obamacare quite a bit, all the things, the promises that they were making.
GUILFOYLE: Did you take a sleeping pill during that segment?
BECKEL: Everybody's taking credit for finding out first.
GUTFELD: Bob, it's not taking credit. It's the fact that when you were mocked by the establishment media for pointing out something that was horribly wrong, and then that establishment suddenly realizes, holy crap, there's something horribly wrong when it affects them. That's what they did.
BECKEL: No, I understand that part, but I find it to be -- I think it is good. I think it is working. I think people ought to pay more who can afford to pay more. Simple as that. If it were up to me, it would be a single payer plan.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, yes, yes. Well, we pulled the fire alarm, and they stayed in the building.
BECKEL: Yes, we did it all for ourselves.
GUTFELD: My God. Kimberly, this is another example of progressives heralding a program they never want implemented on themselves.
GUILFOYLE: Absolutely, they don't, it's hypocritical, the problem is, you know who's paying this? The middle class is the one that's suffering because there's people that are going to doctors across America and ask, "Oh, no, don't put that extra test or something else in, because they don't want to be forced to pay for something that they can't afford. That's the real downside. I worry about people who weren't going to be able to get tests and examinations done that could be life-saving, because this is a real financial impact.
GUTFELD: That's why I'm going door-to-door, doing my own checkups.
Dana, I have to commend -- you must commend, as well -- the New York Times for actually writing this piece, because it must have been incredibly hard for them to out their comrades.
PERINO: Although, in some ways I think it's just so delicious that any -- any good journalist would want to report on it. And Bob's making fun of them, too. That doesn't mean, necessarily, that they wouldn't want to go back to pre-Obamacare days.
PERINO: What they really want is to go even further, to a single payer.
GUILFOYLE: To a single payer.
GUTFELD: Can you stretch your answer out to 15 more seconds?
PERINO: Sure. I will talk about -- there's a story in the USA Today, actually, that has to deal with this, which was the other real impact. More businesses talking about hiring part-time workers to soften the impact.
PERINO: So a part-time worker is not like a Harvard professor.
PERINO: Obviously. They're not making $200,000 a year, but they're being cut in hours so that they don't have to get the Obamacare piece. They're being forced into Medicaid, which we all know is a sub-par system.
GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. Forty-three seconds.
PERINO: Not half bad.
GUTFELD: All right, coming up: Does marriage make you happy or miserable? Why not both? Our answers next.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILL FERRELL, ACTOR/COMEDIAN: Thanks. I want to thank you guys one last time for being here. This is the best day ever.
VINCE VAUGHN, ACTOR: You can stop thanking me. You need to walk away from this ASAP.
You need to get out of here while you're still single.
FERRELL: I'm not single.
VAUGHN: She's several yards away from you. You're still single right now.
FERRELL: Come on. Marissa is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
VAUGHN: Why don't you give that six months. You don't think that'll change? I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Well, Vince Vaughn warned Will Ferrell not to get hitched in "Old School," but is marriage really that bad? A new study shows those who are wed are generally happier and more satisfied than singles. And if your spouse is your best friend, you have twice as many benefits when it comes to satisfaction.
GUILFOYLE: Whoa, did you write that?
PERINO: I didn't write that. The study wrote that. Kimberly...
PERINO: ... you're not married at the moment.
PERINO: But you're not opposed to being married...
PERINO: ... in the future?
PERINO: Are we working on that?
GUILFOYLE: I'm very good at being married. Of course, of course. Look, I love being married. I think it's important to be part of a team. And I like that, you know, connection that you have, right, that no matter what, you're all in for the other person. So the important thing is to get the right match. So I don't know. But I'm also happy single.
PERINO: Right. And you figured out a way to make it work...
PERINO: ... with your ex-husband and taking care of Ronan.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, absolutely.
PERINO: And Bob, one of the things in the study, it says that being married can actually help you get through a midlife crisis. What do you think about that?
BECKEL: Well, I was married during my crisis.
PERINO: You already had your midlife crisis?
BECKEL: Oh, yes.
GUILFOYLE: Are you sure you're not still going through it?
BECKEL: No, I'll always go through it. But that's not the point. Look, some people are meant to be married and are happy with it. And all the more power to them.
Some of us are not meant to be married. I'm one of them, and I'm delighted not to be. I think it's great if you find a mate like that, he's a good friend. They still move your crap around. They still ask you where you've been. They still get on your back, and I don't need it.
PERINO: Well, OK, that's what -- Eric, we know you're happily married, so we don't have to go over that again, unless you want to.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
BOLLING: That's good.
GUILFOYLE: You're in trouble.
PERINO: Like, we already know that your marriage is so good. That's why I felt like we should move on to this question. They say that marriage in America, which is way down, and just the economic issues surrounding it are -- there are facts about your wellbeing, your health and income inequality when it comes to people who are married and people who aren't.
BOLLING: Yes. There are benefits, and there should be more benefits. You want to really kind of solve some of the social problems in America, and give them more tax benefits to being married, you'd probably keep people together longer, maybe for the wrong reasons. They say money shouldn't be a reason, but it certainly would help, I think, some of the social problems we've got going on around here.
We have a governor in New York that's not married and has been with this girl for a long time. Isn't it time for him to maybe put a ring, make that -- put a ring on that woman's finger?
PERINO: I don't know.
BOLLING: I wonder what Greg's going to say about this?
PERINO: I know. I was saving the best for last.
PERINO: You haven't gone through your midlife crisis yet, have you?
GUTFELD: No. Well, I don't know. It depends on how long I'll live. That's the whole point: how do you know when your midlife crisis is until you're dead? You're got to start there and work backwards.
PERINO: Figure it out.
GUTFELD: Marriage is -- marriage is a self-imposed prison that frees you from other destructive pursuits. In fact, your life really doesn't begin until you get married, because it allows you to start thinking about other things in your life that were previously preoccupied or put aside by the chase. Once you get the chase over with, then you can start concentrating on these greater themes in this world.
But there is a tension between the familiarity of monogamy and the novelty of variety. That's what creates the malaise for men, this constant conflict. Both sides feel it. Married men pine for the youthful indiscretions. And single men seek comfort in real love.
So no matter what side you're on, you're always going to be upset. I always said, as I've said before, the key to a happy marriage is to seek beauty in the person you love and ugliness in the people you lust.
BECKEL: You know something? I'm still for the chase part. I like the chase part.
One thing I will say about Eric is he's persistent about his wife. But here's the bottom line: She could have done a lot better than you, you know? So keep that in mind.
BOLLING: I agree.
PERINO: The chase part?
GUILFOYLE: You like the chase part.
BECKEL: I like that. I like the chase part.
BOLLING: You're going to tell me if you met the right girl tomorrow you wouldn't -- you wouldn't get married again?
BECKEL: I wouldn't know what that meant. All I know is I don't want to have my stuff moved around. I don't want to be asked where I've been.
GUILFOYLE: He's set in his ways. He's set in his ways.
BOLLING: What if you met the right woman? Maybe the right woman says, "You know, I'm not going to touch your stuff. I don't want to touch your stuff."
PERINO: That actually is a good point.
Can I ask you...
GUILFOYLE: Bob gets mad when I move his mug like this.
BECKEL: That's right.
GUILFOYLE: OK? And then he touches all my things.
PERINO: I just want to ask Kimberly one last thing, which is the Census Bureau has been asking people about marriage and divorce even since there's been a census, but there's a movement, apparently, that they are thinking about scrapping those questions. And they've received about 800 written comments about this proposal.
I think it's a bad idea. People on the right and the left think this is a bad idea. Why can't we just ask the question and find out if you've been married or divorced in the last ten years?
GUILFOYLE: I don't see any problem with it. God knows I've filled out enough forms a million times. I'm like, "Which spot should we check?"
PERINO: I think that that should probably go...
GUILFOYLE: I think it's important information, though, to get.
PERINO: They dare to hang it on the Tea Party and say that they were -- people from the Tea Party were complaining about privacy -- invasion of privacy?
BECKEL: Absolutely. They're responsible for my divorce.
PERINO: I think that you are responsible for your divorce.
GUTFELD: He's responsible for a number of divorces.
BECKEL: That's true.
PERINO: Speaking of marriage, we want to wish a very happy anniversary to a very special couple. Former President George H.W. Bush and his wife, Barbara, are celebrating their -- get this -- 70th anniversary today.
PERINO: They married in 1945...
PERINO: ... and went on to have six children, 21 grandchildren, four great-grandchildren, and one more great-child is on the way. The Bushes are spending a quiet day at home alone together, which seems perfect to me.
Happy anniversary from -- to them from all of us at "The Five." We're back in a moment.
BECKEL: You have to excuse me. I keep my finger in my ear, because my earpiece is too small.
Are fairytales like "The Lion King" or "Bambi" too grim for kids?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're the king.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No!
Dad? Dad? Come on. Get up.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: Now who would perpetrate something like that on kids? We're right back to Walt Disney. You guys are not old enough to remember "Old Yeller" when they killed off Old Yeller. They keep killing off these animals and stuff. "Bambi," I mean, it's ridiculous. And kids have to watch this stuff. Why don't you put something positive on? Look at that poor little lion having to go and see if his daddy was awake or not. What a jerk (ph) would put something like that together, even though it's made a billion dollars?
GUILFOYLE: You must have been reading the prompt for this, rolling (ph).
BOLLING: Yes, (UNINTELLIGIBLE).
BECKEL: I'm sorry.
BOLLING: So, look, these -- they're cartoons, but they tell a story. I think they tell a life lesson, actually, if you listen to them. And that's what they're supposed to do.
You just put some things up on the screen, nonsensical stuff. Then I get it. But these are how to deal with adversity, how to deal with losing things that you care about, and it's a nice way to start to teach a kid how to do that.
GUILFOYLE: So by the way, the purpose of this segment is the study done.
BECKEL: Oh, sorry. Forgot about that.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, yes, yes. So that was the best part of it. OK, there was a study done out of Britain and Canada, saying that fairytales are too bleak for kids, but is it a good learning tool?
BECKEL: Thank you for bailing me out on that. Is it a good learning tool? Dana, do you agree with this?
PERINO: Of course.
PERINO: I think that children -- do I agree with the study? No. I agree with Eric, because I think that cautionary tales are good ones, right? It teaches kids that there is going to be times in your life, and you will experience someone that dies and that you will be lonely. And there will be bullies, and there is sadness. And it's the myth and the fantasy that helps you deal with it in your life in reality later on.
GUILFOYLE: But is that true, though, because I've watched so much of this, right? And it is so sad. I mean, I have met -- it's awful. It's so many of the main characters, not exclusively like parents -- But the study pointed this out -- that die in it. It's very sad.
And Ronan said, "So, Mom, are you going to die? Or will your mom die?" It's very traumatic. I'm not kidding. When you sit there with a child, and they see the parents and it makes you feel, like, a sense of anxiety about worried about being abandoned. I mean, I'm all for a little bit of like happy ending fairytales.
PERINO: But it helps you, like, be aware of strangers. Like in Hansel and Gretel. Don't want to get around the witch.
BECKEL: Yes, but my daughter had the exact same reaction. My daughter had the same reaction with -- when the lion died. I mean, she said, "Are you going to die like that, Daddy?"
PERINO: Not like that.
GUTFELD: Yes, you're going to die in the wild.
You know that they are remaking "Old Yeller." At the end, he's not going to die. He's going to get gender reassignment surgery and run for Congress.
BECKEL: That ought to be good (ph) in the Republican Caucus.
GUTFELD: This study says that these fairytales are bleak. Has anybody read the Bible? I mean, when I was a kid, I was terrified by that book. For years I thought I was going to go to hell. And there's more gore in the Good Book than in any Toby Hooper movie.
PERINO: I thought I was going to get swallowed by a whale.
GUTFELD: Yes. I thought there was going to be a big flood. The Bible's got some scary stuff.
BECKEL: Yes, it's the Old Testament, though. The New Testament's all right.
BOLLING: If you have small kids, if you have kids, I don't know, maybe 4 to 7 or 8 years old, there's a book. It's called "The Spider and The Fly." It's one of the best books you can read to a young kid that teaches exactly that lesson. Don't trust...
PERINO: Stranger danger?
BOLLING: Stranger danger.
BOLLING: Phenomenal story.
BECKEL: What you're saying is that...
GUTFELD: But it's not the stranger. It's never the stranger. I'm tired of strangers getting a bad rap. It's people you know!
PERINO: Your neighbor.
BECKEL: I'm telling you, that's exactly right. When you sit with your kid in front of this thing when they're real little and they see this happening, it's traumatic for them. And the chance of that happening in life for them...
BOLLING: But it's a...
GUILFOYLE: No, but it's not -- I know, but guess what?
BOLLING: ... for a 4-year-old?
GUILFOYLE: It's two and a half times more likely to be in the children's movie or story than it is even in, like, an adult movie. So the point is this, Nemo's parents eaten by the barracuda. Tarzan's parents killed. Everyone's dead. Dead, dead, dead. It's kind of too much.
BECKEL: That's what I think. All right, Kimberly and I win this argument.
"One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: We win.
GUILFOYLE: It's time now for "One More Thing." Greg, do you have anything decent?
GUTFELD: Yes. This is always an exciting thing for me when I unearth some unusual footage, and I actually found some tape of Dana Perino enjoying a winter walk over the holidays.
GUILFOYLE: How cool.
GUTFELD: Oh, my God!
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(VIDEO OF LITTLE GIRL IN PINK SNOW SUIT STOMPING ON ICE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: That's an awesome outfit.
PERINO: So cute.
GUILFOYLE: So cute. Oh, no. That was a close one. Oh, no.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(LITTLE GIRL FALLS DOWN ON THE ICE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Did anybody help you up after that, Dana, were you OK?
PERINO: My forehead froze to the ground. I was out there for hours.
GUILFOYLE: So that's where you were last week.
PERINO: This is terrible.
GUTFELD: Oh, my God.
You can lick it with your tongue.
GUTFELD: Enough with that Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: Sorry. I'm so sorry. You're right. Bob.
BECKEL: Well, you know, take a look at this footage of Bao Bao, who's our panda down in Washington. Look, she's rolling around in the snow.
GUILFOYLE: Looks like Dana's video.
BECKEL: She was -- her first birthday was last August, and my daughter hauled me down to watch that thing. And I think it's nice, it's fine. And I'm always jumping on the Chinese. I want to say one thing. I want to thank China for doing that. They provided us with the pandas, so that panda has given a lot of people a lot of good will.
GUTFELD: That panda hacked into our computers.
BECKEL: Well, no, they've taken that from four years -- she's four years old.
GUTFELD: Oh, really?
BECKEL: But at least it gives some people some pleasure. Not me, necessarily, but a lot of people. So there you go. Thank you, China.
GUTFELD: Thank you, China.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know what to say.
GUILFOYLE: That's a weird situation. OK.
GUTFELD: That's bizarre.
BOLLING: So Vice President Joe Biden had a tough afternoon on the Hill today. Here we see Joe -- take it, roll it, video. Joe. I guess he's going to go for kids on Senator Chris Coons's daughter. Whatever. She rebuffed him, said, "Get away from me, Joe."
And then 40 minutes later.
GUILFOYLE: He does it again.
BOLLING: No. Forty minutes later, outside.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Gail!
JONI ERNST: Vice President, Joni.
BIDEN: Joni, Gail!
ERNST: My husband's Gail. Yes, right here.
BIDEN: It's getting late, man.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: So I'll read that again. That was Biden, "Oh, Gail."
Joni Ernst says, "Vice President, my name is Joni. My husband's Gail."
And the vice president says, "It's been a long day."
PERINO: It is kind of a long day. Poor guy.
GUTFELD: Gail is an unusual male name.
BECKEL: It is.
GUILFOYLE: OK. All right. So speaking of marriage.
GUTFELD: Oh, boy.
BECKEL: Must we?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, we must, actually, because Cameron Diaz, who's an all-around awesome gal, she finally got married to Benji Madden, the rocker from Good Charlotte. We want to wish her a lot of happiness and good health and financial stability. Right? Marriage.
BECKEL: Better finances. I never noticed that.
PERINO: It does help you -- it does help you with your household wealth.
GUILFOYLE: Right, there you go.
BECKEL: Has anybody ever noticed you financially get better off when you get married? I mean, I didn't notice that, because I gave my black -- my wife a black American Express card, which is really a mistake.
GUILFOYLE: How did you get one of those, by the way?
BECKEL: I don't know.
PERINO: But then you -- and when you got divorced, like you had -- it was like a negative cash flow situation for you.
BECKEL: Yes, correct.
PERINO: OK. Here's my thing. You know it's great when there's new technology like iPhones that are created. But some ways to make a lot of money is to have an invention that goes with iPhones or an accessory, like a fashion item or something like this. These are selling out all across America. The selfie stick. OK. So you buy that little thing.
GUTFELD: What are you doing?
PERINO: I'm showing you...
GUTFELD: Why are you talking about this? That's evil.
PERINO: No. They're everywhere. Everybody in Central Park is using them. There's tourists from all over the world.
GUTFELD: If you see them break them. Break them.
GUILFOYLE: We did, actually, from Vero Beach (ph).
PERINO: The family is struggling to get a picture of themselves, and I said, "Can I get take one for you?"
And they said, "If you show it on the set of 'The Five' (ph)."
GUTFELD: Break them.
GUILFOYLE: That's it for us. "Special Report" is next.
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