This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 25, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, and this is the Fox News alert. Eric Holder is out. In a joint appearance at the White House, President Obama announced that after six years, the attorney general will be stepping down. He praised Mr. Holder moments ago.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: This is bittersweet, but with his typical dedication, Eric has agreed to stay on as attorney general until I nominate a successor and that successor is confirmed by the senate. He shows them a deep and abiding fidelity for our most cherish ideals as a people, and that is equal justice under the law. That is why I made him America's lawyer, the people's lawyer. Eric's proudest achievement thought might be reinvigorating and restoring the core mission to what he calls the conscience of the building and that is the civil rights division. So I just want to say thank you, Eric.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: But he has been a controversial figure. From his handling of fast & furious race relations and his prosecution of reporters, here are some of his most memorable moments.
(BEGIN VIDEO TAPE)
ERIC HOLDER, FMR ATTORNEY GENERAL: In things racial, we have always been, and we -- I believe continue to be, in too many way, essentially, a nation of cowards.
HOLDER: Any instance of so-called gun-walking is simply unacceptable. Regrettably, this tactic was used as part of Fast and Furious.
HOLDER: Let me be very clear, this Department of Justice does not enforce the laws in a race-conscious way.
HOLDER: With regard to the potential prosecution of the press, for the disclosure of material that is not something that I have ever been involved with --
HOLDER: There is a certain level of vehemence that seems to me that's directed at me, directed at the president, for some there is a -- there is a racial animus.
(END VIDEO TAPE)
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, there you go. That was just a little sampling that we came up with.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: You know, it's great because I love how he picked all the positive things. That was incredible. I think those were the highlights.
GUILFOYLE: Very positive and then...
GUTFELD: I am very depressed. It is like what am I going to do? He was like -- it's like a Bond film losing your Bond villain. He was our Doctor No, our Goldfinger, our Jaws, our Oddjob. You know, without a Bond villain, you don't have a Bond film. He arrived -- he arrived at his job with a chip on his shoulder and he left the country in pieces because he was so obsessed with division and separation and righting the wrongs of a bad America. The upside though, the positive part about this is that Al Sharpton says that he is going to help pick the next attorney general. I have the feeling the candidate's name will rhyme with Al Sharpton, but he already released a statement. He released a statement before he resigned. Al Sharpton chases spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls. It is impressive.
GUILFOYLE: Wow, you thought a lot of people...
GUTFELD: I'm not done.
GUILFOYLE: I know. We are just getting started. Mr. Bolling, you thoughts and reflection on the man who has been...
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Controversial, yes. I mean, we ran a couple of clips of obviously fast & furious. There is a big problem there because he denied any involvement in, and if you go back, you can find some links directed to the Department of Justice. And some of the stuff that we've talked about was far as race, I mean he went to Ferguson. Some people said he should have not done that. He weighed in on Trayvon Martin. Some people said he should not have done that. Look, OK, so that's water under the bridge (ph), going forward. I hope the next attorney general is a constitutional attorney general, who abides by the rules of the constitution. No more snooping on Americans without a court order. No more snooping on reporters when there is no reason to do that. And crack down on this IRS scandal. The IRS falls under the Department of Justice. You have to find out what happened and put an end to that. By the way, is there -- the timing of this, does that coincide with the IRS thing getting a little bit bigger, maybe opening up a little bit. I don't know, obviously, the conspiracy theorists say maybe and maybe he doesn't want to be there when the thing blows wide open.
GUILFOYLE: Dana, your thought, because you have -- had the pleasure to serve with attorney general in the past. Dana, what do you think about the position, his legacy and going forward.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Most attorneys general are considered controversial figures. They are very powerful figures, and I would think that from the left's point of view, they think that Eric Holder has been a great success for them and if the president has an affection for him and loyalty and that has gone both ways, and that is not unusual at a president and their attorney general. If you think about President Clinton and Janet Reno, President Bush and Al Gonzales, who was under a lot of fire for a long time, the last six years in the job as attorney general was also kind of unheard of in recent times just because the job is so difficult and time-consuming, all of that. A controversial figure though from the beginning, there are many senators, including Senator Mitch McConnell who voted no on his nomination early on. So he didn't all -- he never really had a great reception in congress. One of the earliest attempts was to try to bring enemy combatants from Gitmo to Manhattan, where he wanted to try them, and that -- there was a bipartisan opposition to that, to sort of stumbled out of the gate. I think that the IRS prosecution and the delay of that is probably consider -- I think that is probably the most egregious political decision that he has made. But I'll tell you, I kind of predicted this. And I think that I was right. The last week of August, remember President Obama took a 24-hour trip back to Washington because he said he had official business, but nobody would tell you what it was. That was right in the middle of the Ferguson situation and the riots. I think that President Obama knew that Eric Holder was wanting to leave. I think they were going to make that announcement before Labor Day weekend because this has been in the works for a while, that they have to wait close from it. This is a very important time though, the attorney general because the president has decided to prosecute the war on terror from a legal perspective this next -- this position is very important, which is why I think that he is not stepping down immediately, he is not going to leave until December 3rd, so there can be a smoother transition. Because whoever hands -- who takes over, is going to have our lives at stake. So that is -- it is going to be important. But I think they will be able to confirm somebody before the end of the year.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, a very important position indeed overseeing justice in this great country and hopefully, we'll have someone that will be a uniter, not a divider to remind us of our strengths.
GUTFELD: George Clooney.
GUILFOYLE: So sorry, and not Leo DiCaprio. They're not attorneys. But let's what we can have by going forward, and Bob, you were mentioning in the green room earlier, talking about the legacy about six years serving the country and the amount of time as, Dana, mentioned that he served.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, yeah. First of all, I want to say that I have been warned not to attack my own show. And so, I try to take that to heart. But this montage...
PERINO: You sound like attacking your own show.
BECKEL: Yeah. This montage of openings about Eric Holder and suggesting this is his only accomplishment is really, really editing at its best. The fact of the matter is, Eric Holder has prosecuted a number of drug groups. He has done a lot of work in hate crimes. He has got a lot of prosecution on terrorists. There is a lot of things he has done that nobody gives him any credit for, certainly not here. And yes, some of these things have been extremely controversial. I think he made mistakes on fast & furious and certainly on the -- bringing Gitmo, people appeared to be tried. But overall, I think he has been a good attorney general and I think that he's been very close to Obama and I think he probably reflects Obama's thinking and I think that is what attorney generals need to do. But I really wish we would at some point give some credit to some people who served six years, where they could have been serving and making a million dollars a year in the law firm.
GUTFELD: But that is the point though, people serve knowing that that pay out is going to happen. Look at the Clintons, you know, they have complained about being broke but they're going to be worth billions and so will President Obama. You go into this pretending that you're not going to make any money and then you make tons of it. By the way, I do think he is - - I think he is successful because if you measure success by the ability to enrage your adversaries, which what an attorney general does, he is the lightning rod, then he was the best attorney general ever, because he tipped off a lot of people, but he has two key failures. One is, he started off taking about race and I think we're worse off than we were before. I think in six years, he came, and he said that we were cowards about race. He was going to try to fix that, it's been worse. The polls show it is worse. And number two, Gitmo out lived his tenure. He was supposed to get rid of Gitmo, but Gitmo is still here, and that proved that he have a fundamental incompetence in understanding what evil is. He preferred his evil to have an American face and go after American criminals but not the external.
BECKEL: But generally, Gitmo, a lot of people tried to close down Gitmo. It was a bipartisan effort to get it to close down. It's very difficult to do that.
BOLLING: But he promised.
BOLLING: You know, Bob, he put a date certain on it. If I'm not mistaken, he said we'll have Gitmo closed within a year, reiterating what President Obama had promised, as well. But can I throw one other thing here, were kind of -- I don't know it we're ignoring it, but Fort Hood shooter become...
BOLLING: You said he was -- he has been excellent in so many things on terror, Bob, I'm trying to figure out what he has done. How is he strong on terror when you have a perfect example of terror -- homegrown terror and Islam stands up and says Allah is great, and kills 13 or 14, depending on if you count the unborn child and say that is terrorism.
BECKEL: When history is recorded he will have prosecuted lots and lots and lots of terrorists.
BOLLING: Yeah, but you can't just say, don't worry, Sunday we'll find out about it. How do we...
GUILFOYLE: Well, we would know about how many terrorists that he has prosecuted.
GUTFELD: There's never been a legitimate explanation for that -- for calling it worthless.
BOLLING: Easy. Don't tick off the Muslims.
GUILFOYLE: The point -- and we're not trying to disparage anyone. We're not, Bob. And this is an opinion show, everybody here at this table's entitled to their opinion. The facts are what they are.
BECKEL: I agree with you.
GUILFOYLE: And it is record that Eric Holder has created (ph) and he left to standby. He'll go on to make a lot of money. Don't worry about your friend. And it's like to see prior to entering the office of attorney general was defending enemy combatants. That's where he's comfortable, perhaps, he'll go back there. But, Bob, to make you happy, just to tickle you...
GUILFOYLE: Just listen, yes, to Chuck Todd.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHUCK TODD, AMERICAN JOURNALIST: What is interesting about him, he is a very non-political person. And I think people used to mistakenly think that this guy was this long-time political operative who happened to be n attorney general. That's not him at all. He just ended up being the point person to attract a lot of attacks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOULE: Fair enough, Mr. Beckel.
BECKEL: OK. That's fine.
GUILFOYLE: Are you happy now, or is there anything else?
BECKEL: I mean, it's not happy -- I expect, you have your opinions about him. I have mine. And I think that, you know...
GUILFOYLE: I mean, I have my opinions as a former prosecutor, so, yeah.
GUTFELD: If you think Eric Holder is going to retire just to a candle store in Vermont. You're crazy. He is going to be doing other things. And, Dana, you mentioned it before. It is probably going to be a Supreme Court thing. I think that is what it is.
BECKEL: That's a possibility. He was a judge. He left the bench to -- Clinton asked him to leave it to come into the justice department, so, no reason for him not to be considered.
PERINO: I think there will be many people in Washington who do not miss him. But there will be some people who think that the department will be better served under somebody else.
PERINO: And the question now, who's that going to be? And I don't believe that when the White House says the president has started to think about who it will be, I actually think that the responsibility and I'm sure they all ready a list. You have to have a list because in case something happens...
GUILFOYLE: Well, why wouldn't you say that? It doesn't seem to be so well prepared to say that you're going go start...
PERINO: Well, I think -- because my -- I think our experience with this administration is that they float names out there, so you will start to see and just to see like which one would probably stick. And maybe they want more of a controversy with the senate, but hopefully they won't. In 2006, when President Bush nominated Mike Mukasey to the attorney general, that actually was a smooth process. It was a tough hearing, but he got confirmed, and it was fine.
BECKEL: My guess is they'll dominate somebody in -- somebody who'd be safe and get through. Eric Holder would never get through -- not going to happen.
BECKEL: ...it`s not worth the fight as a political capitol to do it. So, they will probably get somebody who will be considered, you know...
BECEKL: Not controversial. That would be my guess.
GUTFELD: The lady from The Good Wife, she would be good.
GUILFOYLE: Julianna Margulies?
GUILFOYLE: All right. Coming up, Obama knocks the USA on the world stage once again. The president brought up Ferguson in his big U.N. speech yesterday. Did it help the country? That debate next.
GUTFELD: As we keep bombing ISIS, let's remember it's us not them. In an effort to justify to bombing to the U.N., the president threw America underneath that bus he always has parked nearby. Yes, he blamed all of us with Ferguson. And while the rest of the media prefers to focus on our response to this appeasement, rather than the appeasement itself, we get it. By saying were not so different, he diminished the actions of tyrant in played martyr to places like Qatar.
But by doing so, he only placated the world's most corrupt leaders because it's only the corrupt who say, look to your own backyard first, because they're corrupt. President Obama's like a husband teasing his wife in front of his drunk single friends. A sad attempt to relate, that leaves his better half humiliated. We are that better half. The one he dreads, as he truly prefers his mistress, the U.N., instead.
I mean, he did go to the U.N. for approval, not to congress, that's kind of like cheating. Obama aired our dirty laundry, hoping that it would attract alliances, but appeasement never works. The real world listens to us because we're strong, not weak. And belittling your home in front of others is weak. The world knows that without America's military and moral force, that exceptional innovation, precision and sacrifice, the world would not exist. So, I ask you, Mr. President, can you please, please stop ragging on us for one day, or just not in front of strangers, because it s hard to get behind a president when he won't get behind you. So, Dana, you were out yesterday, God knows doing what, gallivanting across the fruited plain.
GUTFELD: What were your thoughts on the speech? Are we nit-picking? I notice when the media ignores this, and then when talk about it, they'll go after us. It was just like a cat the latte thing.
PERINO: Yeah. It's like catnip to them. You know how in English class you learn that when you're writing, if there is a phrase between two commas that could be taken out and the sentence still holds together, you should probably take out that sentence.
PERINO: I think that that is the case with this speech. Because -- the speech, actually, from a conservative standpoint, if you read the editorial pages of The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, for example, they thought the speech was actually pretty good. They liked it.
PERINO: There's a reason for that, because it sounded like what they wanted to hear. The liberal papers didn't like it as much. I think in this case, the president's team and maybe his own instincts, constantly putting just a little bit in there, like in his prime time address two weeks ago when the president at the end had the little -- the paragraph at the end that talked about the economy and everything or sort of like it's tapped on, like all those kitchen sink speeches, and he should actually clean out the kitchen sinks. I think he would have been better off just to leave it out, because I would not have included this, no.
GUTFELD: Bob, in the green room, you said were saying to me, you haven't seen enough Krauthammer or Cheney. So, we have sought for you.
GUILFOYLE: OK. I'm so excited.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: It surely was not taken out of context, and he intended a moral equivalence. This is the continuation of the apology tour, or the confession tour.
DICK CHENEY, FORMER U.S. VICE PRESIDENT: I was stunned. There is no comparison to that with what ISIS is doing to thousand of people throughout the Middle East with bloody beheadings of anybody they come in contact. To compare the two as, though, somehow there is moral equivalence there is outrageous.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I knew you would that part.
BECKEL: I thank you very much. I think now we have enough footage of both Mr. Cheney and Charles Krauthammer to do a documentary.
GUILFOYLE: We just need some more Rush Limbaugh.
GUTFELD: That's next.
BECKEL: We couldn't have a show without these. I mean, I think that the -- that was a small part of the speech he said yesterday. He should not have said Ferguson, but I don't agree about weakness. I think for politicians to show where there have made -- where there have been past weaknesses is strength. I've always tried to convince candidates to that. They never been able to understand the importance of people saying, yeah, OK, we accept the fact you may have made some mistakes. As a country, the idea that we have been pure and that we have not made mistakes is silly.
GUTFELD: Yeah, but family is like -- it's your family, I'm not going to go out to some -- to my neighbor and, say, complain about my family, that's weird.
PERINO: Staged sponsored torture and beheadings versus an unresolved crime in Missouri.
BECKEL: You know, Dwight Eisenhower said right after the war to our allies that, you know, we had made some serious mistakes. And we had not -- we should not have done what we had done in France, a lot of things. A lot of people have done that. And I don't see the problem with it. And we also did not focus on what probably was way more of a strong statement about terrorism than Obama has ever given. But that fell on the cutting room floor.
GUTFELD: That was -- that is incorrect, that was the first six minutes of the show.
BOLLING: So, can I just tell you what we yesterday right after that speech? Remember, the speech was midday, and so there wasn't a lot of talking about that speech, we were one of the first to talk about it. We're putting this together and, Bob, we -- it was the first...
BECKEL: I understand that.
BOLLING: I even said, hey, that sounded really tough for a president, really good to hear. We took it a run.
GUILFOYLE: Just a minute.
BOLLING: But there are three other sound bites that we wanted to get to. And as we're going through to that, you know, this sounds like an apology and appeasement tour type of thing, but -- is this too cheap that to, kind of, compare to that. Let's just go with it. Then there was the thing about Ferguson. Does this -- are we nit-picking? So, let's just go with that, we talked about that. And then there was that radical cleric, and we're like, I'm not really sure, yeah, OK, let's just go with this, too. But what -- the interesting part is, and then throughout the evening, it's so good to hear Dick Cheney, and Charles Krauthammer, talking about the same type of things, backing up exactly what we were talking about. So, Bob, I think...
GUILFOYLE: They love The Five.
BOLLING: Well, not that they love The Five, I think we -- when you're one of the first two and you have to talk about it, you want to know what works, it's tough being the first one out there and laying it out. And it's nice to have other people...
BECKEL: Yeah. I mean, I think I agree with you. And I think it's tough to do that, but I also I think there probably were other people who were saying things, positive about that speech.
BECKEL: They're not quite make it into our package. But that's, you know, that's -- I accept that.
GUTFELD: OK. All right, let's shift over. The State Department, Kimberly, is tweeting photos of dead jihadist to discourage other people from joining -- I happen to think it's an awesome idea. But three years ago on 60 minutes, the president felt that this kind of imagery might insight violence or be used as propaganda. Let's roll it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: It is important for us to make sure that very graphic photos of somebody who was shot in the head are not floating around as an incitement to additional violence, as a propaganda tool.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, now, what was once a propaganda tool is now our propaganda tool? Is that hypocritical or just evolved thinking?
GUILFOYLE: That is a tough choice to make.
GUTFELD: And I'm glad...
GUILFOYLE: I'm glad that he is doing it. I mean, let's step up to the plate. You know, if you're going to play against professionals, you got to put in your best starting squad. And that means, match them every second of the way when it comes to propaganda. They have been extremely effective utilizing social media to be able to encourage other jihadist to join them, to be able to get -- like financing for their campaign of terror, all of that has worked very successfully for them. So, the United States cannot be afraid to engage in this wholeheartedly convincingly to be able to effectuate the outcome that everybody desires.
BECKEL: I think that's -- I think it's exactly right, and it's good thing to do. Also, ISIS had a terrible week, they lost grounds...
PERINO: That's actually -- did you read that today, Bob? Because that's actually not what was reported to me.
BECKEL: Well, I have read it today. And -- they lost some of their leadership, some of their field, what would you call them? Generals, whatever you want to call them. The bombing has hurt their oil structure. There have been a lot of things that happened to them this week that have been very, very positive for us and negative for them. And I still get back to the point, I think, they'll be an insignificant group by the end of the...
GUTFELD: We haven't seen a lot of bodies, which...
BOLLING: Did they pull it down? I mean, I was walking down to the show and somebody -- I heard someone in news said the State Department took those pictures down. I hope they didn't, because I think it is one of the smartest things they have done.
GUTFELD: Yeah. I know.
GUILFOYLE: Wait, you hope they did not take it down.
BOLLING: I hope they did not take it down.
BOLLING: Did I say that wrong?
PERINO: Again, it's like we are way behind, I mean, the Saudi governments - - the Sunni government have been telling the United States for 14 months or so, this is a problem, it's a growing problem. Do something. I'm all for the efforts now, but I don't think we can lose sight of the fact that we are way behind for a lot of reasons. And I think that they should ask for Silicon Valley to do some, sort of, a surge piece.
PERINO: And on the social media side of things, that I don't think that the government can do that well. And they should ask their friends in Silicon Valley to help them.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah, why can't we cyber hack them like it was like -- do what the Chinese do so effectively.
GUTFELD: Or create awesome propaganda that scares the crap out of them.
GUILFOYLE: I think we should do it all and do it very aggressively.
GUTFELD: All right, I hear you, but I got to move on. When we come back, is there a connection between the mid-term elections and the fight against ISIS? Rush Limbaugh thinks so. That is a surprise. Lucky for you, Bob, he is next.
BOLLING: Welcome back. Time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Fastest 7
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: ... the fastest seven minutes on television. Three smoking stories, seven swift minutes, one sultry host.
First up, remember when we went into Iraq and all the liberals claimed it was for the oil? Well, Rush Limbaugh pointed out that, if Iraq was about oil, then maybe ISIS was about elections. Rush, I love where you're headed with this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: So George Bush supposedly went to Iraq for oil. Right? So I guess we can say that Barack Obama went to war with ISIS for the Senate. It's all about winning the Senate, or holding the Senate, and it's all about positioning Obama politically. Pure and simple.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right. K.G., you're up first on Rush.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, because two Americans were beheaded, and he had to do something very serious about it and strike back with a vengeance or suffer it at the polls.
BOLLING: Greg, your thoughts on the...
GUTFELD: I think -- I think -- he made a different -- I don't think it's about election, because I'm not convinced it wins elections. I was talking about that with Bob. I don't believe that war is going to help the Democrats. However...
GUILFOYLE: What about bad polling numbers that translate to the party across the board and have them lose seats?
GUTFELD: Yes. That sounds -- I don't know, whatever. Look, let me finish my thought.
I believe what he said about the fact that the media rushed to announce its success, that it is true, but that's because of their inherent bias, not to win elections. It's just that -- it's not a bug in the system. It's the system. When Obama bombs so does the media, because they see themselves in him. So they inherently root for him when he bombs.
BOLLING: Dana, a lot of people pointed fingers at Bush and Cheney for going into Iraq and blamed it on the need or want for cheap oil in America, rather than humanitarian efforts. Meanwhile, Obama says this is all about humanitarian efforts.
PERINO: So Rush's soundbite, I would say -- I believe he's saying it a little tongue in cheek. And payback is heck, because it points out the absurdity of the original degrading of President Bush and Dick Cheney, just shows how ridiculous they are.
And I think, though, politically, they would have been better off doing this in August. If they were really thinking about politics, I think it would have been better for President Obama to make a move in June or July, because over the summer is when he saw his poll numbers really start to decline, especially in the world of foreign policy.
BECKEL: I think it's -- of all the cynical statements that Rush made, this is the most cynical. George Bush did not go into Iraq for oil, and Barack Obama did not go after bombing ISIS for Senate seats. It is true what Greg said: if Barack Obama's favorability comes up, it may save one Senate seat, probably not any House seats. But I think the idea of that kind of comment is approaching on Americanism.
PERINO: But he's showing how ridiculous the Democrats were for eight years saying that about President Bush. I mean, that was what he...
GUTFELD: It's theater.
PERINO: He's showing a little sarcasm.
GUILFOYLE: And just the juxtaposition of what the two viewpoints.
BOLLING: Next up, ESPN has a very popular host named Bill Simmons. Recently, Simmons went on a rant trashing Roger Goodell. Listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL SIMMONS, ESPN: Goodell, if he didn't know what was on that tape, he's a liar. I'm just saying it. He is lying. I think that dude is lying. If you put him up on a lie detector test, that guy would fail. And saying they didn't know is such (EXPLETIVE DELETED), it really is. It's such (EXPLETIVE DELETED). I really hope somebody calls me and e-mails me and says I'm in trouble for anything I say about Roger Goodell. Because if one person said that to me, I'm going public. You leave me alone. The commissioner's a liar, and I get to talk about that on my podcast.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Well, after that rant, ESPN promptly suspended Simmons for three weeks. Couple of notes, though: Simmons didn't deliver those remarks on ESPN television. He did them on a podcast. And Simmons, by the way, is an opinion guy.
Dana, should that matter?
PERINO: I don't think so. I think if you have an opinion, you can express it. If you're on a podcast, you can say any sort of word that you want.
BOLLING: What words were those, Dana?
PERINO: They were bad words.
GUTFELD: They were bad words. You don't know that.
BOLLING: So should he be -- suspended three and a half weeks...
GUTFELD: No, you know what? ESPN has suspended so many employees. They've grounded more people than a funeral home. It's weird. I believe...
GUILFOYLE: Are they saving money? I thought...
GUTFELD: No, I think...
PERINO: They're like Putin fired people that are, like, state-sponsored.
GUTFELD: Yes. But they're like a skittish deer. They jump at every pile of rustling leaves, based on these -- this carousel of temporary outrages that seem to never stop spinning by online whiners and whatnot. And they just don't -- you should just back off a little bit, but three weeks, that's crazy.
BOLLING: And for a podcast, too. It wasn't even on television.
GUILFOYLE: He would have got less time if he hit his wife or girlfriend.
BOLLING: In fact, there was a commentary on domestic violence that got Steven A. Smith banned for a shorter period of time -- Bob.
BECKEL: I think what he said was absolutely true and I believe it. And if he said a few swear words, I know exactly what that's like, and more power to you.
BOLLING: OK. Stick around for the end of the show.
How about this one? Finally, some of the best political and cultural commentary can be found in the long-running animated series "South Park." And no one is off limits. In their Season 18 premiere last night, the Redskins on the docket.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My name is Dan Snyder. I'm the president and owner of the Washington Redskins. We ask that you please stop using the name Washington Redskins for your organization.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Stop, but why?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Because we are the Washington Redskins, and we are a football team. You have no right to use our name to get attention.
You have to do something, Commissioner Goodell. What are you going to do about this?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I will get it right and do whatever is necessary to accomplish that.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This thing is broken!
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We can and we will do more, do more, do more.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: We've got to go very quickly. Greg, your thoughts. They nail it, don't they?
GUTFELD: Yes. But I mean, so now can we agree that everybody has finally commented on this story? Will "Two Broke Girls" do an episode? Will the cast of "Glee" comment? Will Springsteen write a song about it? The amount of media interest is inversely proportional to the actual impact on the world.
BOLLING: And they get it because they pick out the hypocrisies in culture and politics.
GUILFOYLE: They do. That's why it's so popular. And that's why they are going to outlive all these scandals. The carousel of scandals.
BECKEL: I just don't know how -- I don't know how the Washington organization continues to put up with this. I'm sorry they do it; it's been going on for years.
They want to call them -- you know, I said if you want to get out (UNINTELLIGIBLE), you've got to go along with it. But in the end it's a football team, and they have the right to do what they want to do. And Snyder owns the team.
BOLLING: Last final thought?
PERINO: I love "South Park," because -- because they nail it. It's like with -- what's the other one that I like?
BOLLING: How much time we got now?
PERINO: "The Simpsons"! That sort of thing. "Family Guy" is one I haven't watched yet, but I...
GUILFOYLE: Oh, really?
GUTFELD: I think it's past your bedtime.
GUILFOYLE: It actually is. She's already asleep by then.
BOLLING: Isn't there a crossover of "The Family Guy"/"Simpsons" episode coming up? Or it just happened? You've got to watch that one.
All right, we've got to go. Next on "The Five," e-mail is making some people's lives hell. If you're one of those people drowning in your in- box, help is on the way. We have it for you.
PERINO: All right, the average worker gets almost 100 e-mails a day and spends nearly a third of their work responding to them or reading them. Google executive Eric Schmidt says many of us are still doing it wrong, and he's sharing his advice on how to e-mail like a professional. His top tips are be quick and crisp. Keep your in-box clean and be smart about sending and replying.
Bob, this is not a problem for you, really, because you don't do your e- mails or respond.
BECKEL: I haven't -- I've got 6,800 unread e-mails in my personal account, and FOX is probably over 15,000. Now, I'm going to go delete all those, not because I'm sure some people had some really interesting things to say.
PERINO: You want to start over?
GUILFOYLE: E-mail bankruptcy.
BECKEL: What drives me crazy is people who write e-mails that go on for two or three pages or, as you once did to me, which is right, and then they do all caps when they're mad at you. You know, it's -- come on.
PERINO: Did I send an all-caps e-mail?
BECKEL: No, I did. And...
GUILFOYLE: Oh, I thought you screamed at me.
BECKEL: And most e-mail I get starts off with "You fat commie son of a" - - and goes from there. So why should I answer it?
GUTFELD: That's your brother.
PERINO: Bob, you've had -- in this you had -- you said you had some theories on this?
GUTFELD: I do have theories. Well, first off, the thing that drives me crazy is the forwarded e-mail. Somebody will "Oh, this is funny. I'm going to forward it to you" from somebody who forwarded to them, from somebody who forwarded it to them...
GUILFOYLE: You have to delete that.
GUTFELD: ... from somebody who forwarded it, and they never delete it. So it's about 30 miles long. And then when you get there, it's just a unicorn jumping over a rainbow, and frankly, that's not funny.
PERINO: No wonder they thought you'd like it.
GUTFELD: But you know what I like, which is weird, besides candy? I enjoy going -- I enjoy the junk e-mail. I like -- I will, like -- I have regular e-mail and then I have the junk thing where all the spam goes. I like to go through there, kind of like going to a thrift shop. You ever do that, you go through the junk mail: "Oh, look what I found here, some pills from Canada that I could get."
BECKEL: You know what those pills are actually, don't you?
GUTFELD: I know. I know, I know. They don't work (ph).
PERINO: You came back from...
BOLLING: I have no idea. What are they?
PERINO: Didn't you come back from a vacation one time or something, and you basically deleted all your...
BOLLING: You told me that was the greatest idea ever. You said, you know, you just once in a while, you just have to declare...
BOLLING: ... and delete it. It's so refreshing. Like all -- because when you have unopened e-mails, it just sits back there somewhere, like I got to get to it.
GUILFOYLE: I don't like it at all. It makes me uncomfortable.
BOLLING: I don't either. I hate that.
GUILFOYLE: I have to, like, go through it. That's why I never sleep. As you know -- at 2 in the morning.
BECKEL: Think about that, driving you nuts like that. Just get rid of it all.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I wake up. And then it's there. And I feel like if I just get to it now, it will be more efficient. And I can start the day, like, clean and...
PERINO: I have a friend that banned -- she's in an office, and she banned "reply to all." This is no more allowed. You are not allowed to reply to all anymore. What do you think of that?
GUTFELD: That's pretty interesting. I -- my big mistake...
PERINO: That would be more work for us when we're getting ready for the show.
GUTFELD: You do this a lot.
GUTFELD: When you come home and you read e-mail at night while you're drinking wine, and then the next day you have no memory of reading them.
PERINO: I do that?
GUTFELD: Yes, all the time.
BOLLING: All reply?
GUILFOYLE: Whoa, you just outed her.
GUTFELD: Yes, replying to all.
PERINO: You have evidence of that?
GUTFELD: I do.
BECKEL: Greg, I'd be a little careful saying that if I were you.
You particularly, I'd be careful saying that.
PERINO: No, I didn't.
GUTFELD: Yes. But I do it, too. I do it, too. All the time.
GUILFOYLE: Everybody at this table sends weird stuff.
GUTFELD: Stuff at night.
GUILFOYLE: I read it. And I get it when I wake up in the morning.
GUTFELD: This is how I really feel. Send.
PERINO: I'm a little disturbed and nervous now.
OK. Up next, mid-terms are only 40 days away. And "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart is ripping Senate Democratic candidates for a change. You'll hear what has him so upset. And we'll look at the November races when we get back.
BECKEL: Countdown is on with only 40 days left to go till election day. It looks like Democrats might be scared. Jon Stewart took a look at some Democratic Senate ads and noticed they looked a lot like Republicans'.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mitch, that's not how you hold a gun.
JON STEWART, HOST, COMEDY CENTRAL'S "THE DAILY SHOW": That's the Democrat.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sooner or later, Washington will figure out that I don't take no for an answer.
STEWART: Again, that's the -- that's the Democrat. I don't even want to know what Louisiana Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu is doing...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Senator Mary Landrieu joined the party outside of Tiger Stadium.
STEWART: If aliens came down to earth and watched our political ads, they would think the Senate was an adult summer camp competition.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: You know, it's a sort of interesting shtick by Stewart, but the truth of the matter is that, given whatever the issues of the day are, they seem -- both sides gravitate to -- I remember back in -- there was early in the '80s there was a big deal on the superfund and the environment. A lot of Republicans began to run clean up these superfund sites. So I'm not so sure it's a fair criticism. You're going to take advantage of -- what's Mary Landrieu going to do? Is she going to go out there and start talking about big government? I mean, come on. What do you think, Mr. Big Government (ph)?
BOLLING: Well, I think what happens is when the presidential approval rating goes to 39, 38, 37, all these at-risk Democrats say, "I'm going to distance myself from all these policies." And then we've seen people, you know, pro-gun. We saw a pro-gun ad, remember that one? We saw pro-coal ad. And Stewart points out a couple more, so it's not -- I mean, it's good politics, I guess.
BECKEL: Sure it's good politics.
PERINO: I think they're responding to their constituents, and there are reasons that these ads run in their local districts, or in their -- statewide, because they actually have an impact on the people who are actually going to vote. They're not trying to please people in the media.
But I agree that some ads are a little egregious, but I think that they're -- they wouldn't run them if they didn't think they were effective.
BECKEL: Exactly right. You don't spend the kind of money you have to spend on statewide on these state ads and do it for...
GUILFOYLE: You see the grimace over there?
GUTFELD: No. It's just didn't I say this to you? Remember three weeks ago, I said if a liberal wants to be elected, they have to act like a conservative, especially when you have a liberal president because you see the consequences of their ideology as clear as day, so all of a sudden they're -- they're all acting like right-wingers. To my point, then, if you're going to act like a right-winger to win an election, act like one all the time.
GUILFOYLE: Or just switch parties.
BECKEL: I remember you said that, but I mean, the idea that somehow you're going to follow their commercials into the legislation, just...
GUILFOYLE: I tell you what's going on. Duh, they figured out the Republicans have more fun: shooting things, keg stands, parties, tailgates.
BECKEL: When you -- when you were running for first lady...
BECKEL: ... in San Francisco, did you run liberal ads?
BOLLING: When you were running for...
GUILFOYLE: I didn't run for first lady.
BECKEL: I'm sorry.
GUILFOYLE: He didn't run for first lady, either. He ran for mayor. It is San Francisco, so you kind of have to run for first lady, too. But yes, my name wasn't on the ballot.
BECKEL: Did you march in the gay pride parade in San Francisco?
GUILFOYLE: I did. Yes, I was first lady of San Francisco.
BECKEL: So let's see, five marriages.
GUILFOYLE: What are the five...
BECKEL: You had a lot of strange things.
Eric, if you look at these things...
GUILFOYLE: And had a box at the -- at the San Francisco Giants and at the 49ers. Perks.
BECKEL: There you go.
GUILFOYLE: This is far more interesting. You realize that?
GUILFOYLE: Keep going.
BECKEL: I didn't want to get on beyond that, because she did a lot of things she doesn't want to talk about. And I don't...
PERINO: I think you should talk about the Quinnipiac poll today.
BECKEL: Well, let's talk just for a second about the Senate races. Ed Gillespie has moved up. I don't think he's going to win. And the one person I do think has got a shot of hanging on, believe it or not, is Hagen in North Carolina, which should be a shock to a lot of people. The other thing is I think, of the Republicans who are vulnerable, which is only three seats, one of those is going to go down, which means that the magic number for Republicans has to be seven.
"One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: Time now for "One More Thing." Mr. Bolling.
BOLLING: OK. For my "One More Thing" tonight, I want to go back to yesterday. About this time, I made a joke. When I got home, I got the look and realized some people didn't think it was funny at all. I said sorry to my wife. I apologize to all of you, as well. I want to make that very clear.
BECKEL: That's it.
GUILFOYLE: And you love women and have respect for them.
BOLLING: And I do.
GUILFOYLE: All right. So Dana, you're next. Try to follow that.
PERINO: My "One More Thing" is fabulous today. Just everybody hold your horses for this.
OK. Remember these giant Buddha statues? They were in Afghanistan, and the Taliban blew them up, because even though they were on the world heritage site and they were part of just history, the Taliban thought that people were worshipping the Buddha. So they blew them up.
GUTFELD: That's not wonderful.
PERINO: No, this is the wonderful thing. A lot of people thought that, you know, Afghanistan is a lost cause. There's actually a movement now of people there and around the world to consider rebuilding these Buddhas, which costs about $20 million. And I'm thinking -- if they can get private funding for this, I really think this would be a great response to the Taliban. I'm going to tweet the article, and then you can let me know what you think, too.
GUILFOYLE: Always interesting and provocative. And we thank you for that.
PERINO: Thank you.
GUILFOYLE: All right. OK. Bob, you're next. What have you got?
BECKEL: I want to say, as one American citizen who, I want to say to Eric Holder, I think you've done a magnificent job. I think your critics have been legion, and some of the things you've done have caused that. But by and large, I think you've been a terrific attorney general, and I salute you for your service to the public and to the government. And I think history will do you well.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you. Bob? Greg?
GUTFELD: All right. It's time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Greg's Sports Corner.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. Yes. Yes, I have the latest highlights from the professional cat tag league. This is amazing. It was a tight match, both players playing extremely sneaky, sneaky well, toying with each other as though they were balls of yarn. Captain Whiskers on the left, he looked like he was going to bin, but then Corporal Furball tricked him and then made it up to the top, and he is the victory. He reached the top, claims victory. His prize is a night at Andy Levy's house.
BECKEL: Greg, where do you find these...
GUTFELD: I have a lot of free, lonely time.
BECKEL: I guess.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, you're not kidding.
OK. In another episode of animals, this is actually a sad story about the "Groundhog Day" Chuck. Not only is it not a Chuck, it's a -- what is it, Charlotte? Something like that.
So poor Chuck was dropped, and unfortunately, died a week later after internal injuries. This was a cover-up, apparently, it seems...
GUTFELD: By the mayor.
GUILFOYLE: ... by the mayor and the zoo. They said it was, like, sudden trauma in the cage. We're not believing that. Time for an investigation. Eric Holder, before you leave. Never miss an episode of "The Five." That's it for us. "Special Report"
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